Hello,
This story is set as an AU, it begins with a little bit of Emma's past life. Please bare with me as the story develops. I considered it to be a slow burn, but it is definitely SwanQueen. Please leave me a review, a comment or whatever you like, so I can know what you think of the story.
-Gab95Lin
It's been almost ten hours since they had gone into the delivery room. Almost ten hours since she had been by her side, giving her support, holding her hand, telling her sweet words, as she swiped the sweat off of her forehead. Always by her side. They were sharing a moment neither of them would ever forget. The best day of their lives. Not even their wedding could top off this. This moment was one, they never thought they ever could have. But now. Now everything felt so real, as both women await the arrival of their new family member.
"Push," the doctor insisted.
She was holding onto her lover's hand as hard as she could, her heart beating at the speed of light, her forehead sweaty, her face hot and red. The contractions stronger by the minute, it was abundantly clear that the baby was coming out any moment now! She thought back at the day she found out the in-vitro had work. After months of trying and expensive treatments she was finally pregnant. It was maybe moments like those when she wished somehow magic existed in this world and she could just magically have sex with her wife and get pregnant instead of spending thousand and thousand of dollars, buying the sperm of well selected donors and having to get it injected into her, just to see it fail various times before it worked. Who was she kidding? If someone would have told her about this moment, she would have done it a long time ago. Her wife had been pregnant before. They had a teenage boy, a boy who was more hers than her wife's.
Emma had met her wonderful wife when she had barley arrived to Boston, she was seven months pregnant and alone. She was looking for an apartment and a job, and well Angelica just happened to have an opening in her office. She gladly gave the opportunity to Emma and took her in. Little did she know that she would end it up marrying the woman and now sharing this precious moment with her. It had been close to seventeen years since then, and their love was as strong as ever.
"Come on Angelica, give me the biggest push you can! I know you're ready to meet your baby!" the doctor encouraged Angelica, giving her knee a soothing squeeze for comfort. Emma was holding onto Angelica's hand as if the world depended on it. Another baby. Their baby, Emma was still very thrilled to know she would soon be welcoming a new member to her small family, a baby from both of them. As Angelica readied herself for what she hoped would be her last push. Emma gave her a kiss on the forehead "You got this! I love you so much!" Emma said sweetly into her lovers ear and so Angelica blissfully delivered the final push.
Now it's been almost two hours since she had been kick out of the delivery room.
This was the reason Emma was pacing back and forth in such a obsessive manner, outside the delivery room. Almost two hours since she had been separated from two lives she cared the most about. She didn't need to meet the baby to know she already loved and adored the baby like crazy. This was something her and Angelica had been trying to do for months now. And after various really, really expensive treatments it had finally worked.
Emma continued pacing back and forth chewing on her nails. A nervous habit she had developed because of her job. Being a private detective was probably one of the things that made Emma most proud but it also meant she had to have the nerves to see the things she often saw, and the patience to work with people that could make you want to pull your hair out. When she first had started working with Angelica she was just her assistance, she worked her way from the very bottom to where she was now. She was honest, she was humble and didn't take any crap from anyone. Maybe that's why she was the best at what she did.
Flashback
"Someone, please get her out of the room!"
"Why? What's going on? What is happening to her?" She could feel her heart beat quickening by the second, her hands deathly cold, and her breathing heavy. She was sure she could have a heart attack right about now. The beep from the machines drilling into her memory. What was happening? Everything was happening so fast that she couldn't keep up with it. She needed an answer and no one was giving it to her.
"Nurse! Get her out. NOW!" The doctor yelled. She was quickly rushed out of the room. She sat down, waiting for the doctor to come out and tell her she could go see her wife and kid, but that hour became two. And so on.
End of Flashback
Here she was now. Still pacing back and forth, and with no news of her wife or her child. She could see nurses rushing in and out of the room. She begged but no one would answer her questions. How she wished she could have Henry next to her right now, or anyone else. She truly regretted sending them home now. And she hated even more the fact that she couldn't help her wife. She felt hopeless.
After, what she thought was another two hours, the doctor finally came out. He was removing his gloves, looking exhausted, a mix of disappointment, anger and regret plastered all over his face. That couldn't be good, she thought to herself as she studied the guy. She quickly approached him. She stared at him waiting for him to say something and when he didn't immediately speak, she couldn't wait any longer.
"Well?" She asked raising her eyebrows in question.
"I need you to take a seat, what I'm about to say is not easy to process, or understand"
"Take a seat? You take a damn seat, I want to know what the fuck is happening, how's my wife and how's my kid? Then I can fucking sit!"
The doctor took a deep breath before he spoke, this was the way they always reacted, he told himself, he was used to it by now, "I'm so sorry! We tried everything we could" the man said as he placed a hand over Emma's shoulder, as if that could relieve her pain. The words weighed down her body. The chill she felt cover her body was one she had never felt before, she had entered the twilight zone. This couldn't be happening. This had to be some kind of sick joke. Her eyes got watery, but she didn't allow tears to fall down. There was no need. Angelica was not dead. It was a lie. A sick game. Because Angelica wasn't dead. No! This was suppose to be the happiest day of their lives!
"What do you mean you did everything you could? Where the fuck is Angelica?" As she abruptly pushed his hand away. No this was not happening. Not in a fucking millions years was this happening to her. Not now. Because even without the doctor telling her what had happened deep down her heat she knew. She knew everything was over and she was now alone.
"As she was delivering the baby she had an hemorrhage. At first glance I thought it was only the ruptured membranes, which is normal since it is fluid that comes out slowly and we often mistake it as incontinence, but that wasn't it. She lost so much blood that she went into shock and by the time we stabilized her it was too late. I'm so sorry, we truly did everything that was in our power, but we couldn't save her. Would you like to see your baby?" The doctor offered.
"No. No! You get your fucking ass in there and bring Angelica back to life! She ca— She can't be dead!" She was in denial. He didn't move, he knew better then to leave Emma alone in this moment. How could Angelica be dead when not too long ago they were still arguing over the name for their baby. "I don't understand, how is this possible? Why? Why her?" she asked more to herself, but still expected an answer
"Hemorrhages can be common during delivery, and it's impossible to know when it's going to happen, we did everything we could, but we never found the origin. There were complications to be expected, but never her death. We never planned for this to happen. I'm so sorry Emma"
"You keep saying sorry like that is going to bring my wife back." Emma raised her head. "I'- I'm a widow" Emma said as her lips tremble, suddenly she felt her whole world spinning. Her body became heavy and everything went black.
When Emma opened her eyes she felt the bright white light burn her eyes "Ouch" she said as she tried to sit up. When her eyes adjusted to the light she looked around, her head felt light, "No" she let out almost as a whisper, she thought everything was a dream, a nightmare, but it wasn't. On the same day, her wife was dead and her child was born, when she looked to her left, Henry and her parents were there.
"Oh honey" Mary Margaret said as she opened her arms and welcomed her into a hug. "I'm so sorry Emma, I don't have words to describe what I feel and I can only imagine how you are feeling right now" She held her a little longer. Emma didn't speak, she just stared at her mother, she could see the wrinkles starting to form close to her mouth, and the white hair that fit her so well. Mary Margaret was aging, totally normal, yet something that now terrified Emma. Mary Margaret could feel Emma's warm tears soak through her clothes. Her daughter's heart was broken. And so was hers because no matter how much Angelica and her must have been at each others throats for years, they were family. She cared and loved her just as much as she had since the first time she had met her.
It was a complicated relationship because Mary Margaret always thought she would see her daughter marry a man, not a woman. When Emma brought Angelica home she wasn't ready for it. She was blindsided! Emma had been really secretive about who she was dating after what happen with Henry's father. The thought her daughter dating another woman had never even occurred to her! The first years had defiantly been the hardest ones, but now everything was left behind, soon they became friends, then family, but now all of that was over.
David was next to hug her. "I'm sorry princess" He said as he hugged her and kissed her forehead, he comforted Emma in his arms, as he felt Emma's fingers burrow into the back of his jacket, like she was grabbing onto him for dear life. He felt sorry because out of everything that could happen, he never expected for Angelica to die giving birth. He couldn't even imagine the pain his little girl was going through at the moment. Yes, his little girl because no matter what age Emma would be, to him she would always be his little princess. Maybe it was the fact that him and Mary Margaret never had another child or just the fatherly thought of always having that gut feeling to have to protect Emma. Whatever it was, he knew he would always see Emma as the little toddler she once was, wrapped around his arms. Emma quickly cleared her mind and remembered she wasn't the only one grieving. There was someone else in the room who was hurting just as much or maybe even more than her.
"Henry" She said as she opened her arms. Almost running Henry slammed into the embrace. Both fell back into the bed. Neither said anything, they just let their tears come out. Emma hugged Henry a little tighter than usual, aiming to give her son a little more of comfort.
"I- Is she rea-lly dead?" He finally said between sobs.
"Yes" Was all she said before struggling to stand up. Her head was still spinning, she didn't know if it was from shock or from passing out.
The doctor came in then.
"Emma, I'm glad to see you're awake now. But we need to know how you want to deal with Angelica's body and burial procedure, and some legal stuff involving the baby."
"I want to cremate her, she would have liked that" Emma said without hesitating.
"Perfect, we can start the preparation tonight. Would you like to see her for a last good bye?"
"Yes" Emma said drying her face. Slowly, she got out of bed completely, squeezing Henry's right shoulder before following the doctor. Totally not what she had planned she would be doing today.
When she entered the white room, she immediately saw Angelica's body, she looked so peaceful that she hoped that at least her death hadn't been painful. Then she wondered if she had died fast, or if she had suffered, if she had wondered why she wasn't there next to her. She wondered if Angelica was mad that it was her who had died. Because only God knows how much she wished she could trade places. If that meant Angelica got to be alive. It was crazy to think that all of her dreams of a happy family were now over. The only person who she had dared to love and be happy with, now laid dead on a table, covered only by a white sheet. Her lips pale, her body lifeless.
"Baby please, please open your eyes" She said as she caressed Angelica's head. It was crazy to touch her. To feel her body so cold. To see her lips almost blue and her skin so pale. It was crazy because the night before she had been so warm, so alive. And now here she laid. She finally accepted Angelica's death.
"Angelica please don't leave me. I don't know what to do without you. I don't wanna live without you. Please baby, please" She couldn't hold her tears in anymore. She cried over her wife's lifeless body. She begged. She begged that somehow her words would make a difference and Angelica would wake up and hold her. And they would go home the next day with their baby. That they would have a happy life. "I'm bound to you. My heart belongs to you. I can only embrace my fears when I have you by my side, I only know happiness and light when I have you with me. Please Angelica, please don't leave me, I'm terrify to live without you. To take another breath if I know I won't have you with me. My heart, my soul, my everything is bound to you."
It was silly of her to think- to believe that maybe everything was just a dream, a nightmare, and that soon the sun would rise, her alarm would go off and she would find her wife sleeping next to her, she would get up and get ready for another long day of chasing after bad guys.
But no, she knew that was no longer an option, now she would go to bed alone and would wake up the same. Because no matter how much she wanted things this to change, nothing would. So Emma did the last thing she thought she would have the chance to do. She closed the gap between them. She kissed the cold lips and prayed that if there was a god or a higher entity up there this would be the right moment to appear. She lingered a few seconds more, brushing Angelica's hair sweetly, until she bursted with tears. She kissed her again and again and again, but it never worked. And when she parted she was welcomed with nothing. She hugged her one last time, holding onto Angelica's body with her dear life, she cried, she sobbed, and at some point she knew she screamed with pain. Her heart was broken, her life a mess, how would she continue living was a mystery. She kissed Angelica one last time, a goodbye kiss. She knew it would be the last time she would get to see the person that meant the world to her. "I love you."
She said as she exited the room.
As she came back to the room, and let her body sink into the chair, becoming unaware of her surrounding, Emma's mind drifted from everything. From now on she would have to confront the world alone. She would sleep alone. She would raise both kids alone. She would no longer know the meaning of happiness, just sorrow and pain, it was like she was back to square one, when Henry's father had left her many years ago. The difference was that now she had full support of both parents and she had to life's depending on her. This time she couldn't succumb to depression because no matter how heart broken she was, there were two little people who needed her to be strong for them.
So she made a promise. She promised Angelica that their kids would never know of pain, they would live a wonderful life with care, happiness, love. They would grow up to know how incredible their mother was because that was the last thing Emma could do for her wife. Emma would make sure Angelica's presence never went missing in their lives. That was her new goal. And the only goal that could matter now.
