Brothers
It's strange how in certain moments, you become so focused on what's in front of you that the rest of the world fades away. I didn't register the sound of the stampede below, although by all accounts it must have been deafening. Didn't process the smell or even the look of it; dark and undefined in the distance, flowing more like a liquid than a mass exodus of burly, ungainly creatures.
No, all that I knew was the feeling of paws in mine, and the weight of a shared past bearing down on me.
******
We are teenagers, and I wonder which of us our father loves more. I know that Mufasa is many things that I am not. Strong, confident. Wise, they call him, beyond his years. But I have my own assets. Cunning, ambition. Things that I don't think our father sees. But I will prove to him that I am worthy. I told Mufasa this once. He chuckled, then grew serious, perhaps because of that all-important wisdom. He lectured me about how our father loves us both. He always does tend to lecture.
******
We are adults, and Ahadi proclaims Mufasa as the new king. I don't attend my own brother's coronation. I confronted Ahadi about it the night before. It wasn't about Mufasa receiving the throne. That was Mufasa's birthright. I wanted my birthright, something much more poignant: the approval of a father. But my own father couldn't look me in the eye. He was probably afraid that if he did, he would see what was burgeoning behind them. It was never lost on me that Mufasa shared his fathers' eyes. I was alien, even within my own family.
**********
We are young, and it is night. Myself a mere cub and Mufasa not much older, neither of us yet jaded by the world around us. I hesitate at the edge of the river. A fallen tree trunk, perhaps twenty feet long and a foot wide, connects one side to the other. "C'mon, Taka!" Mufasa urges, already nearly to the other side. I peek down at the river below, but in the dark all I can see is an inky void. I've crossed the trunk two times before to go to our grove, but this is the first night crossing. A stone's throw away, a copse of Acacia trees leans to in the gentle breeze. I edge out onto the trunk, inch by inch, paw by paw. The trunk is round and hard to see by starlight, so I dig my claws into it to keep a grip. "Taka, I'll be king by the time you make it over here!" calls Mufasa from the opposite riverbank. I cringe: I hate disappointing my big brother. I try to hurry up, and my paw reaches out and finds nothing but air, and before I know it I'm slipping, desperately swiping at the log . I manage to sink my forepaws' claws into the side of the log, legs dangling inches above the water. I can feel them losing purchase, and I feel the vibrations as my brother dashes across the log to help me. I stare at his form, a silhouette in the dark, but I can't hold on any longer. I lose my grip just before he can grab me, I can just make out the pure terror in his eyes. The water rushes up to greet me, and crushes the air out of my lungs. It is frigid, and it's all I can do to thrust my head above water before the current drags me back down. I feel helpless, the eddies buffeting against the sandy banks, trying to find my way out until I feel something clamp firmly onto my nape and drag me into the warm air. The next thing I remember is Mufasa's voice, though I don't recall what he was saying. The words aren't important. I know how he feels then, and how I feel. The look on his face when I slipped from the log told the whole story. Told the way Mufasa would help me to grow, the way he would stay by me when the animus inside me grew. Told the way he would treat Nala, and treat his entire kingdom. What did it tell about me?
***********
The same wild, desperate fear was in Mufasa's eyes then. I was sure of it; they were only inches from my own. His fear was not only for himself but for me, and for the parts of me that would die along with him. The embers, beaten and forlorn but still smoldering, that were Taka. "Long Live the King," I breathed, closing my paws around his and pulling him up from the ledge.
