Chapter One - Rainclouds
Author's Note: This is my very first Fanfic. came up with it as I went along. Feedback is appreciated. Hope you enjoy!
My name is Eli Gunner. I am eighteen years old. Caucasian. Male. I have dark red hair. Green eyes. And I have a light Irish accent. You now know as much about me as my so-called "parents" ever did. They kept a roof over my head sure, they fed me. But they were neglectful and cold. I suppose I still had it better than some kids, they weren't the abusive type. Thank God.
My point is, I grew up mostly by myself. Because one day, after returning from a class trip, I came home to find that my parents had moved out and left me. All I had to remember them by was a note telling me how long I had until the bank foreclosed on the house. Lived in lots of different places after that. Did some things I'm not proud of. But notice how I said I lived mostly by myself, that's because through all the crap, I've always had one person I could stake my life on. One person who wouldn't abandon me. That person is Sayori, my best and only friend in this God-forsaken world since I was a wee lad.
Sayori always had this belief that everything happened for a reason, and all the things I've had to endure would lead to some grand reward later in life. Yeah, well, I call bullsh*t on that. Because hear I am, attending her funeral. She was my age. I'm here with three other girls. Monika, Yuri, and Natsuki. Members of Sayori's Literature Club at school. She (through great effort and the promise of cupcakes) convinced me to join about three days ago. I was reluctant at first, but now I'm so glad she did. I couldn't handle this by myself.
I still can't believe she's really gone. I still can't believe she really killed herself. She was always so happy and ditzy for as far back as I can remember. But as I found out the day before, it was just a front. A brave face to put on so she could get out bed every morning.I'll never, as long as I'm forced to draw breath, forget how she looked when I found her, hanging from the ceiling fan in her apartment. The look of pure sadness frozen on her face. It was horrifying...the worst thing though? Her fingers were bloody. She tried to escape. And that, is what will truly haunt me.
The ceremony is over before I know it, everybody says their goodbyes, gives their support to me and the club members, and then it's just me standing in front of her grave. The sky is as gray and lifeless as she was, as if the world knew it had lost it's last kind soul. The snow around me makes it feel like a part of the world died with her. I'm filled with a cocktail of despair, anger and regret. I couldn't help but feel like it was somehow my fault. Like there was something I could have done to prevent this. But I know life isn't that simple. Sometimes it's not anyone's fault, sometimes the rainclouds just don't go away. Monika walks up behind me and places her hand gently on my shoulder.
Monika:"She would be telling everybody to cheer up right now."
Me:"Yeah...she would. She'd be doing everything in her power to make us smile. She always wanted everybody else to be happy, and never worried about herself." As I say that, a tear streaks down my face.
"Y-yeah, she, uh, she always-" Monika breaks down. Unable to finish whatever she wanted to say. I put my arms around her as I let my tears fall free as well. Sayori wouldn't want me to keep it all bottled in anyways.
Natsuki and Yuri come up behind us and wordlessly join in. After we all finish crying, we go our seperate ways. Natsuki and Yuri take the same car, they live together now. I keep forgetting. Natsuki's dad got arrested for child negligence. Given how he wouldn't feed her. I hope they beat the crap out of him. She's seventeen so she needed to live with somebody, and Yuri lived alone so I guess it just worked out. I get in my car and make my drive home.
When I get home, I go inside, slide down against the wall in my bedroom, and finally let it all go. I sobbed for what felt like hours, before I just passed out from exhaustion.
The next morning I wake up on the floor of my bedroom. I've been awake for a good half-hour. I haven't yet found a real reason to get up. Now I get what Sayori meant, the pain of her loss is what's keeping me in place right now. Knowing that when I go to school, she won't be there. Won't be there to walk with me. Won't be there to make stupid drawings of the teacher while she's not looking. Won't be there to mooch a little money off of me to buy both of us a snack. She won't be there.
And that pain is why I'm still on the floor right now. Yet again sobbing uncontrollably. I realize that staying here isn't going to help, besides, I can't skip the Club, not today of all days. I, through great effort, pick my broken self off the floor and begin my daily routine.
(Later)
The school day day is over before I know it. Though unlike most days where I space out during class, thinking about whatever pops into my head, today only one thing is on my mind. Sayori's empty seat. Well, it's time for me to go to the Literature Club. My friends need me today. And if I'm being honest, I need them too. I make my way into the clubroom.
Absolute solemn silence. Everybody's just reading. Something they haven't done since i've joined. A way for them to take their minds off things while still being in each others company for support. I break the silence as I enter.
Me:"Hey...everybody." My voice is raspy from all the crying I've done the past couple of days.
Yuri:"Ah,hello Eli. How are you feeling today?"
Me:"I'm...here. Can't say I'm any better than yesterday."
Monika:"Well, that's why we're all here today. To help each other heal as a group."
Me:"Yeah...That sounds alright."
Natsuki gets up from her desk and walks up to me. Without hesitation she wraps her arms around me and starts crying into my shoulder. It's the only hug I've ever received from her. Under different circumstances it would be cause for celebration.
Natsuki:" I-Iwas worried you- I thought you had-" I know what she's trying to say. And I understand why she was afraid I might do something like that. But that would be pointless. Sayori would've wanted me to carry on and live a happy life. So that's what I'm gonna try to do. However futile that may be.
Me:"Hey, it's okay, I'm still here. I'm not leavin'." I try to sound comforting while I pet her head to calm her down.
Natsuki*Sniffle* "Yeah, O-okay. Like I care anyway...heh." she says trying to lighten the heavy atmosphere.
Me:"Don't worry, I won't get the wrong idea or anything..."
Natsuki and I had grown alot closer the day before the festival, she and I made cupcakes together. We aren't a couple (yet) but we had fun, flirted a bunch, it got all awkward when I liked icing off her finger. I'd sell my immortal soul to have that day back, everything was great, most importantly, Sayori was still here. The school, to their credit, postponed the festival for a few weeks in Sayori's honor.
Natsuki and I let go of each other. She returns to her seat and I walk over to Monika, she's doing some numbers in a ledger of some sort.
Me:"Awfully quiet around here huh?"
Monika:"Yeah...Y'know I don't even think it's because of grief as much as it's just because Sayori isn't here. She made everyone so happy just by being in the room..."
Me:"She sure did. God, I miss her. It won't be the same without her goofy smile whenever she read our poems. Who's gonna calm Natsuki whenever she and Yuri get into it? Who's gonna bum a coulple bucks outta me every week for a cookie. I don't even have anybody to walk home with anymore..." My voice gets a litttle shaky on that last part, but I will myself to not cry in front of Monika again like I did yesterday.
Monika:"I know Eli, I can't imagine what you're going through. We all loved Sayori, but she's been your best friend all your life. It pains me to know you have to endure that kind of grief. If you ever need somewhere to go to get away. The club is always here. And i'll always be a shoulder to cry on if ya need it tough guy."
Me:"...Thank you Monika. I mean that."
Monika:"Of course!"
I walk over to my desk and sit down. Across from me, Yuri is looking at me with sad eyes...
Yuri:"Eli, uh, I-Im very happy you've joined us today. I was afraid you might've stayed home." Yuri says as she fiddles with her hair.
Me:"I thought about it, but I didn't figure you people could get along without me, so." I say with a weak smile.
Yuri:"We certainly couldn't have..." Yuri knew I was joking right?
Monika*Sigh* "Alright...everyone. Let's go ahead and close up shop for today. I think we all need a few days before we resume our normal club activities."
Me:"Heh...Preach it sister."
Everyone starts to pack up and leave, we all exchange hugs and reassuring goodbyes. As I'm heading out, Natsuki stops me.
Natsuki:"Hey, I'm coming over tomarrow so you'd better hide all your porn mags under your couch or somethin'." Oh good, mean Natsuki's back. Yaaay...
Me:"Aye aye, captain..." And with that I make my way out of the school and onto the lonely, albeit short, walk home. As I approach my house, I take a sorrowful look at Sayori's house.
It'll never be the same again.
(End of chapter one)
