Dead Inside Again





"I'm using you. And it's killing me."





No. Now that I think about it, the fact that I was using him wasn't the thing that was killing me.

It was the fact that I wasn't. The fact that I loved him. That's what was killing me.



You know what? I've figured something out. I died for my friends. Twice. And all the things, people and what not who have tried to kill me...haven't been able to. I've come to the conclusion that to kill me....you have to love me. And I have to love you.



Maybe that's why I broke up with him that morning. Or maybe it was just because I didn't want to go through another heartbreak. Whatever it was, I really did hope I was doing the right thing.



I never saw him after that. I guess he left, cause I went back a week later after he didn't show up at the wedding... and everything was gone. I stayed strong for a week. That's it. And I'm a Slayer, I'm supposed to be strong. I'm supposed to stay strong. So much for that theory.



Just a molecular sunburn. Yeah. Right. I have never felt anything like the way I felt when I was with him. Every other time...I was dead inside. I just wasn't in there. He brought me back to life.



So how am I now?



Well, I thought that was obvious.



I'm dead inside again. It's been a year since I've seen him and I've never stopped dying.



Why did Riley have to come back and show me how wonderful he was doing without me? Why couldn't he have married some tiny little frail chick that couldn't take care of herself?



I dunno. I guess I'm just making up excuses of why my life sucks. But, then again, that's all I've ever done. I really should try and peg some of this on myself. Cause...it is my fault. Most of it, anyway.







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Hey, guys. I know, it's soooo entirely short but I don't care. I just felt like writing random thoughts, which means scattered and random. It's supposed to be this way.