"Jesus Christ!" Beca swore as Kommissar suddenly swerved into another lane. The tiny American's hand clamped down on her arm rest for the eighth time in the past five minutes.
"Entschuldigung, Maus, aber ich muss schnell gehen!" the taller woman chuckled in response to Beca's terrified action. As she said this, she pushed the pedal of her VW even further down, increasing their speed by another 40 kmp.
"You're going to kill us both!" Beca shouted back, gripping the arm rest even tighter than before. Her knuckles were impossibly white.
"Come now!" Kommissar chided playfully. "What happened to my feisty Maus? Where is my kicker of ass?"
"She's still here, and she's gonna kick yours if you don't slow down!" Beca tried to sound intimidating but, being as terrified as she was, her voice came out choked and hushed. Kommissar let out a harsh laugh and swerved by another car.
"We are barely over the average speed, 'fraidy Maus!" Kommissar told her companion.
"Let's keep it that way," Beca mumbled. She sank lower into her seat, wondering how much longer she'd be stuck on this blasted highway…
It had all started only half an hour ago. Kommissar was suggesting that they go out somewhere nice for dinner instead of just stuffing their faces with whatever she kept in her house fridge. Beca had been more than willing to do this, content to eat anything also long as it was with her girlfriend (or if it was her girlfriend). Kommissar finally chose a place that wasn't too fancy but was more than just some cheap family diner. It was about half an hour away, just down part of the Autobahn Highway. Of course, the moment Kommissar had mentioned the infamous German freeway, Beca's eyes widened.
"Do you drive on the Autobahn often?" she asked in wonder. She'd hear countless stories of cars almost flying because of how fast they were going, yet she had never been on the famous road herself. The idea that Kommissar may be taking her to it that night was kind of exciting.
"Whenever I feel the need for speed, as you Americans put it," Kommissar replied with a playful smile.
"Awesome!" Beca cheered. "I can handle fast!"
"Ah, be careful, feisty Maus, for my version of fast and yours are very different," Kommissar warned with a mysterious grin.
"Nonsense!" Beca protested. "I'm sure I can handle it! You're looking at Beca 'effin Mitchell, after all!"
"Well, if you insist," Kommissar replied, that devilish light returning to her gorgeous blue eyes.
A loud horn suddenly blared from Beca's side of the car. She shrieked in surprise and, torn from her thoughts and realization that she really regretted begging Kommissar to go as fast as she dared, jumped straight up. Kommissar laughed at the display. She took a quick glance out Beca's window and her smile grew. She'd recognize that big black car with the ridiculous rainbow stripe down its side anywhere!
"Hallo Kramer!" Kommissar bellowed, rolling down Beca's window while Pieter rolled down his. Of course, he couldn't hear her over the wind, but he still raised his chin in reply. After flashing his turn signal for just a moment, he swerved two lanes over, choosing to take the path that required him to pull directly in front of Beca and Kommissar.
"Jesus Christ!" Beca repeated, jumping back into her seat. Along with seeing Pieter's DSM bumper sticker up way too close for comfort, Beca ended up seeing her pathetic life flash before her eyes.
"Arschloch!" Kommissar cried at the same time. Two shouts echoed the car, but Beca's had been of pure terror while Kommissar's was of amused indignation. Drag races with Pieter, or other DSM members, was commonplace for her. As was almost killing each other with stunts. The two DSM singers continued to move their cars back and forth, cutting each other off and pretending to speed far ahead. Beca was certain this car was going to be her tomb. Oh well, at least dying with Kommissar wasn't such a bad idea… But did it have to be while she was drag racing her guyliner friend down a highway while going almost 250 kph?
After awhile, Pieter slowed down and leveled himself out with Kommissar's car. Understanding what he wanted, Kommissar slowed down even further and rolled down her window as he rolled down his. Beca still felt uncomfortable with the window down, exposing them to the scourging winds, but she had to admit that she was more than grateful that they'd finally slowed down, even if it was only a little. She dared to let go of her armrest and sit up while Kommissar and Pieter began to talk. Of course, the wind was still too loud for them to talk with, but Pieter hadn't rolled down his window to shout. Instead, he held up his phone. Kommissar understood the signal and quickly turned on the car's Bluetooth.
"Hey, Kommy!" Pieter's voice crackled to life from the dashboard.
"What's up, Pieter?" Kommissar replied cheerfully.
"I see you're trying to impress your Maus with your driving skills!" Pieter commented. Beca could hear him laugh through the speakers and she pouted indignantly. Even though the car was still moving impossibly fast, the slight drop in speed had restored some of her confidence.
"I was handling myself just fine!" she defended herself.
"I never said you weren't," Pieter replied, but Beca could hear the gleeful disbelief in his accented voice. "But I wouldn't blame you. Kommissar is a terrible driver!" he added taunting.
"Watch it," Kommissar pretended to growl at him, cutting him off again.
"Ah! Arschloch!" Pieter cursed, slamming on his breaks.
"Who is the bad driver now?" Kommissar taunted.
"Still you," Pieter replied, pulling into the next lane to line up with Kommissar's car again.
"So, where are you two lovebirds off to anyway?" the large man asked after a brief moment of silence.
"I'm taking Beca out to dinner," Kommissar replied seriously, but she was still grinning. This time, though, a more tender and affectionate note had entered her voice. Beca couldn't help but smile a little at it.
"You are a terrible romantic as well, aren't you?" Pieter teased.
"Watch it," Kommissar warned again. Beca braced herself in case Kommissar tried to cut Pieter off again, but she didn't.
"Well, I was headed out to the movies," Pieter replied calmly. "Since I'm headed in the same direction you are, though, let's have a race."
"A what?!" Beca croaked, already tensing up.
"A race!" Pieter replied. "Kommissar and I do it all the time. Unless you're too scared, little Maus?" Pieter singsonged.
"I am not scared!" Beca defended herself again. "I've drag-raced loads of times before!"
"Sure you have!" Pieter replied. Beca could hear him muffling laughter even through the Bluetooth.
"I have!" Beca repeated forcefully, and it was true!
Several times during her years with the Bellas, Beca had ended up in some kind of road race. The first time was between the Bellas and Trebles. Amy and Bumper were the drivers and the rest of the respective groups had been crammed into the back. The race wasn't even supposed to have happened. It was just fate that the two cars ended up side by side on the highway, kind of like today with Pieter, and the moment Bumper recognized Amy, he and all his Trebles instantly rolled down their windows and began belting a cruel rendition of "Hey Mickey."
"Hey Fatty, you're so fine, you're so fine, come blow to me the sky, hey, hey, Fatty, hey, Fatty!" they had chanted.
"Oh, he wants me to blow him, does he?" Amy had asked, suddenly clutching the steering wheel with enough force to scare all the other Bellas.
"Wait, Amy, no!" the girls tried to stop Amy, but it was too late.
"FOR AUSTRALIA!" Amy had bellowed, leaning on her horn as she started margining into Bumper's lane, sending Bumper squealing higher than a Bella soprano. The two then spent the next 10 minutes chasing each other down the highway until Bumper swerved off an exit at the last second, almost swiping a guardrail while Amy was left to shout profanities as she and the Bellas continued to speed on down the road.
The second race Beca had been in had been more of a race against the clock, but it was still pretty fast. Aubrey had been behind the wheel this time and when she realized that she and her Bellas were about to be late for a performance, she proceeded to drive at speeds double the limit the whole way there. The trip that should've taken 30-40 minutes took less than 10. But nobody had been given any time to get over the fact that Aubrey had nearly killed them all twice because, the moment the car stopped, she unlocked all the doors and started barking orders at them to run because they were 38 seconds behind schedule and come on, ladies! Those 38 seconds could not be wasted if one wanted to have aca-perfection!
The third race was a little more official. Chloe and another one of her lovers had been driving around several back roads and Beca just so happened to be in the car that night.
"You wanna race, sweet cheeks?" Chloe's then-boyfriend, Markus, asked.
"You're on, hottie!" Chloe replied. Beca was pretty certain that Chloe was drunk but, the moment she'd taken off down that little dirt road, going from 20 to 70 before you could blink, Beca wasn't so sure. It didn't help that nearly every turn ended with them nearly crashing just because the stones of the road kept coming loose under Chloe's squealing tires. But Chloe had been far too ecstatic to care, literally screaming with delight as she road over bumps, cracks and potholes, weaving in and out of alleys and dirt and concrete. That had been perhaps the worst car race of Beca's life. At least the ones with Aubrey and Amy had been on flat, smooth road.
So yes, when Beca was telling Pieter that she had been in races before, she hadn't been lying. In addition, every single one of those crazy races had reached speeds up to 120 mph, so what right did Pieter have to claim that she hadn't? Maybe Beca herself preferred to drive like a normal person, but she'd been in some real races before.
"But I'll bet you never went on one on the Autobahn," Pieter shot back and Beca's next protest was ripped from her throat. He had a point there.
"Well, there's a first time for everything!" Kommissar answered for Beca, missing how Beca's confidence had jumped out the window again.
"So is that a yes?" Pieter demanded.
"Of course!" Kommissar replied, then she turned to Beca. She could see genuine fear creeping across Beca's face and she finally allowed a sympathetic look to overtake her own but she hadn't even been able to open her mouth before Beca spoke.
"Yeah. Sure. Whatever, Guyliner, you're on!"
"As you wish, feisty Maus," Pieter replied, smugness radiating through the whole car as he detected Beca's feeble attempts at acting cool. He rolled up his window and ended the phone call.
"Hold on, Maus, and I'll teach you about fast!" Kommissar muttered as the dial tone sounded off. Beca didn't even bother protesting, choosing instead to steel up her nerves and try to look excited instead of terrified.
Pieter had insisted that an American's version of a fast lane had nothing on Germany. Such a remark had wounded Beca's pride at first, but now, while flying down the Autobahn at almost 300 kph, she couldn't help but agree. The fastest she'd ever gone was in Aubrey's race where they managed to hit 120. After a few minutes, Kommissar managed to take them at a speed twice as fast as that. What terrified Beca most of all, though, was that absolutely giddy look on Kommissar's face. It told Beca that, as fast and furious as the race was now, the fun was only starting.
"I'm gonna die!" Beca groaned as she got acquainted with this newer, freer, more careless side of her girlfriend and the endless road ahead.
Apparently DSM races on the Autobahn were far from rare. Beca was able to garner this from the confidence and strategy Kommissar radiated while driving. In addition, Pieter seemed to like taking the riskiest route possible. Already, he'd swerved between semis, nearly rear ended a truck, and pulled in front of at least 15 other cars and earned a lot of horns and birds.
"Faster, faster! You'll never win at that American pace!" Pieter bellowed as he suddenly shot past.
"In your dreams, dumpkoff!" Kommissar shouted after him, pushing the pedal down even harder than before.
"You Germans and your cars!" Beca grunted, clinging to the armrest again as Kommissar pushed forward and then pulled to the right lane.
"Well of course! Like I said at the Car Show, we excel at automotive perfection!" Kommissar laughed, blaring the horn for fun. Pieter, who was still ahead but losing distance, honked back.
"That should've been our tour!" Beca reminded the German haughtily.
"Ha! As if anyone would want Americans to do a promotion for a German vehicle!" Kommissar retorted. "If you ask me, giving the tour to DSM was a brilliant move, not just for those in marketing, but for anyone with half a brain!" Beca pouted but could think of nothing else to reply with. Meanwhile, Kommissar continued to mutter disdainfully under her breath. "Honestly! What were they thinking? Of course you'd want a German group to introduce a German car! It's it obvious?"
Suddenly, then, a car zoomed on by with every window opened, blasting a loud and upbeat German tune.
"Auf wiedersehen, verlieres!" someone from the window bellowed. Beca chanced a peek and realized she was looking at the girl Chloe had sung against in the Riff Off.
"What the!? How did Ari get here?" Kommissar fumed as Ari sped on by, flipping them off tauntingly as she passed.
"Word travels fast as the autobahn when DSM is out racing on it!" Pieter said, waving his phone. Beca and Kommissar both realized that he had called Ari in just to add more fuel to the fire.
"So is that how you want to play it?" Kommissar demanded. "Do not forget why I am your leader!" she reminded him sternly, then she yanked the car over. Beca shrieked and Pieter was forced to break. Beca turned to see him shaking his fist while Kommissar sped onward.
At last, the little race came to an end. Kommissar had managed to pull a win with Pieter and Ari tying for second place just five seconds after Kommissar had stopped.
"Thank goodness!" Beca cried as she fell out of the car. It felt strange to be motionless and grounded, but it was definitely a welcome change.
"So what were you saying about being able to handle speed?" Kommissar teased as Beca sank to the ground in relief.
"Hey! At least I didn't vomit!" Beca protested weakly.
"I suppose not," Kommissar agreed. "But it is still sad that you consider something like that be an achievement!" she added, nudging Beca playfully. Beca, unable to come up with a retort, only sighed back. Kommissar laughed at this before helping her girlfriend up.
"Come on, Maus, I still intend to take you out to dinner," she said, gesturing to the restaurant they had parked at.
"As if I'm going to be able to eat now!" Beca despaired.
"If she won't, I will!" Pieter replied. "Bring me home some leftovers!" he requested of Beca.
"As if!" Beca snorted.
"Spoilsport!" Ari smirked at Beca.
"Don't worry, Maus, if you ready don't think that you are ready to eat, we could just sit for awhile. Allow you to catch your breath, yes?" Kommissar asked, that teasing expression still upon her exquisite face.
"Whatever, you German speed-demon," Beca grunted, but she took Kommissar up on that offer and while Pieter and Ari both got back into their cars, still headed towards the movie theater, Beca and Kommissar stayed behind. They ended up taking a seat on a bench just outside the restaurant.
Although Beca's head, heart and stomach were still mush from the impossibly fast drive over, she was finally starting to relax again. It was far more fun to watch the Autobahn than to be on it. But then, sometime during the silence, Kommissar leaned over and kissed Beca's head gently. It was a chaste action but so full of fondness that Beca felt her heart kick-start and she was certain that no car anywhere on the Autobahn could've moved faster than it was at that perfect little moment. Beca had to admit, there was some small thrill in going fast…
AN: This was just something that randomly struck me. I took inspiration from my dad's stories about driving on the Autobahn while on business trips in Germany, my mom's irritation at the fact that they, hypothetically, would've had an American team releasing a German car (something Kommissar notes in-story) and my own speeding habits. All my friends and I have, on numerous occasion, shared stories in which we should've all been locked up for how fast we were going. I just wanted to see such arrogant and immature behavior in the PP world because you can't tell me Kommissar isn't a speed demon or that she and Pieter have never raced down the Autobahn and she would totally take Beca out on one of the races just to show off.
Also, translations:
Entschuldigung, Maus, aber ich muss schnell gehen=Sorry, Mouse, but I have to go fast!
Arschloch: Asshole
Auf wiedersehen, verlieres: Later, losers!
