Red Dwarf
Jealousy
Lister stood looking in the mirror. It was obvious to Kryten and the Cat that he was doing it for Kochanski. Before she arrived he barely even brushed his teeth. Rimmer sat next to Holly's screen just staring at her.
"Holly, you're a complete smeg head, I think it's safe to say."
"Guys, something's coming towards us it's a big wobbly wibbly thing"
"Oh god it must be serious" Kryten said running towards the control rooms.
"What the hell is going on?" Kochanski said Shouting.
"I think someone's going to dimension jump"
"Oh great please don't let it be him, I couldn't face it, suicide tools are to a minimum on board." Rimmer said looking pale.
"I hope it is him, hello ace" Lister said as he opened coms.
"Hello there Skipper, long time no see how are those Kippers doing?" Ace said through coms.
"Great, Ace we've got a new member on board by the way"
"Who's this fine bloke?" Ace said.
"It's a woman, It's Miss Kochanski." Kryten said.
"Oh how ironic I've got someone here who might want to see her. I'm coming on board guys." Ace said. Starbug twisted and turned as Ace dimension jumped. Suddenly he appeared a young woman with a strong resemblance to Kochanski stood next to him. She wore a red suit the same sort Kochanski wore when she first boarded red dwarf.
All five ran down to the storage bay. Some less enthusiastic Rimmer hated Ace with a passion even though Ace was himself he couldn't stand his arrogance. Kochanski stood dead as she saw the girl and so did Rimmer, Lister and Cat. Lister recognised her too.
"Oh my god Kate!"
"Kris" the girl said back as she hugged Kochanski.
"Miss Kochanski ma'm is what is going on?"
"This Kryten is my sister, Kate" Kate stood there looking at all five of them. She recognised Lister after all he was Kris's ex boyfriend. She stood in the cargo bay her dark hair tumbling over her shoulders. Lister's mouth dropped.
"Smegging Hell!"
"Ok so what happened?" Kris asked Kate.
"Well after, you died or were supposed to in the radiation leak. The second Jupiter mining ship Red dwarf the second began its mission. The same disaster with the drive plates happened. I died I'm a hard light hologram like Ace. I was most vital to the mission Captain Kate Kochanski!"
"Yes I remember you were always higher up the rank than me" Kris said with a jealous look in her eye sounding unenthusiastic.
"So two officer budbabes? Have I died and gone to heaven?" Cat said in a loud voice.
"Well fellas this is why I brought Kate, That and her being an amazingly beautiful woman." Ace said while Rimmer rolled his eyes.
"Well Miss Kochanski ma'm…." Kryten said confused as now two Kochanski's were aboard.
"I'll take your things to a room and welcome on behalf of the red dwarf crew" Kryten said smiling.
"Hang on condom head we haven't discussed this." Kris said growing angry at the mechonoid.
"It's ok by us!" Lister said smiling at her. Kate smiled at Lister her big sisters boyfriends were obviously out of limits but they weren't a couple anymore.
"Dave!" Kris shouted.
"Come on, Kris it'll be fun, plus I can't stay with Ace your not going to abandon me are you?"
"I suppose not!" Rimmer jumped to Kate and helped her with her bags.
"So Kate, Captain eh?" Rimmer couldn't take his eyes of her. Neither could the Cat for that matter. Kris walked behind all the guys as practically all fell at Kate's feet.
"Hang on Holly can only sustain one hologram!" Rimmer said.
"Oh its ok I have my own light remote." She held it up. She was a hard light with no 'H' on her head.
"So Kate I haven't seen you in years, well since me and Kris broke up. I can't believe this!" Lister said smiling.
"You look great" he said his eyes wandering.
"Miss Kochanski let me take your jacket ma'm" Kryten said taking the jacket off her shoulders.
"Oh thank god another girl, I'm not alone there's three of us now, Welcome aboard Kate. I'm Holly."
"Hi Holly"
"Sorry who are you again?" Holly asked.
"Ignore her she's a gigabyte short of a file!" Lister said to Kate. Kate put her bags in what Lister said was her room.
"My Sister, god I thought three million years into the future I would have got rid of the smegger!"
"You don't like your sister ma'm?"
"She was always the better looking, the smartest, and her pony was better than mine" Kris said throwing a ball marked 'JMC' against the wall and catching it in her hands.
"Oh ma'm why are you so bothered?"
"You know why. You saw how Rimmer, Lister and the Cat dived round her like flies around Smeg, even Hol likes her. You like her too"
"Yes ma'm but I'm a mere mechanoid it's not my place to say how perfect she is, compared to you!"
"Oh thanks Kryten"
"She has iny and outy bits and yet I still like her and she has bigger iny and….." He was interrupted.
"Yes alright Kryten you demented tonka toy" Rimmer came up behind them whistling.
"So you like her then?" Kris said looking at him with her eyes narrowed.
"Who Kate? I think she's fantastic finally a Captain on board and a beautiful women Captain too"
"Oh great. Has Ace left?"
"Yes, thank god, otherwise I think I'd be drowning myself in fluoride water."
"See that's how I feel about Kate"
"Kris two days ago your were moaning that you had no women aboard now we have Kate and your not happy, what's the problem?"
"She's Miss big boobs Captain with her own remote hard light programmer." Kris made a sick looking face.
"Anyway I had Holly, any women just not her, she was always the prettier one with the bigger chest and bigger brain." Rimmer looked down at Kris's chest. The cat came in his suit practically blinding them.
"Where's Captain beautiful?"
"Oh great you too, Lister's showing her, her room"
"Her room, so you mean I'm second most beautiful?" He looked in a hand held mirror.
"Man what was I thinking I'm hot". Kate and Lister walked in Kate smiling. The others walked out.
Kris and Kate sat at the table.
"You don't want me here do you?" Kate said looking down.
"It's not that, it's I don't know. I'm sorry, but I suppose I'm glad you're here you're my sister and I love you." Kate smiled.
"You're not the only woman now."
"I know I just think I'm used to being around smegging men. You should be ok, you've always been a tom boy." Kate went to walk out the door.
"Oh and one more thing?"
"Yes" Kris looked up.
"Is there any curry aboard?" Kris smiled. She knew Kate liked curry but Kate didn't know what she was in for.
Kate had the unfortunate room with the pipes. Kris had the misfortune of having the same room at first it nearly drove her on the brink of insanity. She sat up next to Kryten in the kitchen while Kryten ironed. Her blanket wrapped round her. Lister came down in his silly white slumber suit. He'd found it on a derelict and it was all he had.
"Can't sleep? Kris was the same when she joined us."
"Well thanks to clapped out old pipes and Kris's jealousy I can't sleep a wink!"
"You hungry!"
"Yeah, I'm starving."
"Well what do you want?"
"Chocolate or Curry I suppose you've got none of those."
"Curry did you say Miss Kochanski?" He pulled out two foil containers.
"We've got plenty of that, thanks to me"
"Great!" Kate smiled.
"What about lager?"
"I can see this is going to be a beautiful friendship" he tossed her a cold beer. He sat down next to her with his curry and handed Kate hers.
"I can't believe you and Kris are sisters, you look alike but your complete opposites, you're not as anal as she is and you still made Captain."
"I know, she was always the popular, clever girl. I was always the nerdy girl with all friends that were boys and no boy friends."
"Frankly I find that very hard to believe" he said looking at Kate.
"I'll relight those pipes for you"
"Thank you!" she smiled.
"Sorry about the lack of chocolate; I'll see what I can do!" Lister walked out. Kate was left with Kryten.
"Do you need any help folding anything?"
"Oh Ma'm of course not I'm a service mechanoid. I couldn't possibly."
"Please?" Kryten handed her some sheets.
"Oh ma'm your fantastic at folding sheets. It's hard to believe your Miss Kochanski's sister. It's hard to believe someone as nice as you, could have such a bossy, controlling, trollop of a sister."
"Oh come on she's not that bad" Kate said.
"She has to go, she was up all night last night talking to Kryten I heard her!"
"Come on Kris she couldn't sleep."
"Don't think I didn't hear you talking to her too."
"Kris you told me what you thought of me, and because I so much as spoke to your sister who I think is fantastic, you get jealous!"
"Kris you've got to admit it she is quiet amazing" Rimmer said looking up.
"Are you guy's crazy? Or is it just me that can see she's gorgeous?" The Cat said. Kris growled.
"Miss Kochanski ma'm she helped me fold four piles of sheets. She's great and guess where she puts the salad cream?"
"I don't know Kryten does she put her pants in her pants draw too?"
"Well yes ma'm she does actually" Kryten said completely unaware. Kate walked in. Wearing the same outfit she arrived in. With a red PVC top and skirt.
"Morning" she smiled.
"Kate we were wondering if you could help us with the driving today, we came across a GELF planet a couple of galaxies back and we're scared they've spotted us." Lister said looking into her blue eyes.
"No problem, but why are GELF's after you?"
"Let's not go there!" Rimmer said.
"Why not I think you should tell them Dave?" Kochanski said her eyebrows raised. Lister began to nervously laugh at this point he fully had Kate's attention.
"Just leave it Kris yeah?"
"Yes Miss Kochanski ma'm I'm sure our new guest doesn't want to here about the wedding!"
"Oh thanks a bunch Kryten" Lister said. Kate giggled at the thought of Lister marrying a GELF.
"We were in a bit of trouble we needed an engine part."
Kate put down her coffee at the thought.
"Thanks I don't think I'm going to eat for a week" Kate said pleasantly but in an embarrassed predicament.
Cat came running in spinning around like his usual self.
"Hey Captain hot girl, your looking beautiful, almost better looking than me, but not quiet." Kris rolled her eyes and looked up and down at Cat.
"Hang on why did I come in here, oh yeah Holly says something came up on the scanner a sort of wobbly thing!"
"Guys something's come up on the scanner, I think it's the GELF ship" Holly said.
"No problem Holly"
"Kate you can drive in the front with me and the cat!"
"Ok, fine" Kate smiled. She liked driving the ship she was good at it she passed her test the first time round back on Red Dwarf the second.
Grammar errors and spelling mistakes have been corrected for zombiekitty
