Hello all Warriors Fanfiction readers! My name is LaoevanSVU, and all of the sudden this great Warriors parody came into my head! It's about this kittypet named Chili who joins ThunderClan, and then… you'll see. Here are the ThunderClan allegiances, and then I will start writing. Note that this will be a one-shot unless I get goaded into writing more. So enjoy everyone! I'm sorry if you think that this isn't funny, I'm too much of a serious author for this to be amusing, so I tried my hardest. This is a Warriors parody with incredible OOCness and crazy things. Enjoy, and if you review you get a Plushie!

This story takes place in the book Sign of the Moon, which is in the Omen of the Stars Arc.

It's Only The Beginning

ALLEGIANCES

LEADER: Firestar- ginger tom with a flame-colored pelt

DEPUTY: Brambleclaw- dark brown tabby tom with amber eyes

MEDICINE CAT: Jayfeather- gray tabby tom with blind blue eyes

WARRIORS: Graystripe- long-haired gray tom

Dustpelt- dark brown tabby tom

Sandstorm- pale ginger she-cat with green eyes

Brackenfur- golden brown tabby tom

Sorreltail- tortoiseshell-and-white she-cat with amber eyes

Cloudtail- long-haired white tom with blue eyes

Brightheart- white she-cat with ginger patches

Millie- striped gray tabby she-cat with blue eyes

Thornclaw- golden brown tabby tom

Squirrelflight- dark ginger she-cat with green eyes

Leafpool- light brown tabby she-cat with amber eyes, former medicine cat

Spiderleg- long-limbed black tom with brown underbelly and amber eyes

Birchfall- light brown tabby tom

Whitewing- white she-cat with green eyes

Berrynose- cream-colored tom

Hazeltail- small grey-and-white she-cat

Mousewhisker- grey-and-white tom

Cinderheart- grey tabby she-cat

Lionblaze- golden tabby tom with amber eyes

Foxleap- reddish tabby tom

Icecloud- white she-cat

Toadstep- black-and-white tom

Rosepetal- dark cream she-cat

Briarlight- dark brown she-cat

Blossomfall- tortoiseshell-and-white she-cat

Bumblestripe- very pale grey tom with black stripes

APPRENTICES: Dovepaw- pale gray she-cat with blue eyes

Ivypaw- silver-and-white tabby she-cat with dark blue eyes

QUEENS: Ferncloud- pale gray (with darker flecks) she-cat with green eyes

Daisy- cream long-furred cat from the horseplace

Poppyfrost- tortoiseshell she-cat (mother to Cherrykit, a ginger she-cat, and Molekit, a brown-and-cream tom)

ELDERS: Mousefur- small dusky brown she-cat

Purdy- plump tabby former loner with a gray muzzle

KITTYPETS: Chili- dark ginger she-cat with long fur and green eyes

*Cough Daisy Cough*- self explanatory

(Finally, we can get started!)

It was a beautiful spring day in the Twolegplace, and Chili was resting contently in her owner's garden. It was what she did everyday for most of the year, except for when she was taken for shots at the vet, or locked away at an animal hotel for weeks while her owner went on vacation. Usually it was not a problem that she had nothing to do or no one to talk to, but today felt different for a reason.

Chili wondered if it was her stomach, so she pushed her way through the cat door that was her portal into the strange recesses of her twoleg's kitchen. She padded over to the dark red bowl that held her tuna in it and took a bite, chewing thoughtfully.

Chili ate all of her food and then felt satisfied in the hunger department, but something was still missing. She bounded over to the cat toy that sat a few yards away from her food bowl and wacked it with one of her paws, watching the dangling mouse swing back and forth in front of her. That was usually enough to entertain her, but it didn't even catch her attention today.

She sat back with a start as she realized what was wrong with her.

"I'm… bored!" She though, alarmed.

Chili examined her surroundings and noticed that for one in her short life that everything was so... ordinary. The bland white walls were tall and ominous, and the windows let in enough light to see clearly in the day without a problem. Her cat toy sat in the corner dejectedly, and her bowl was empty for most of the day except for when she was fed. Chili had the same routine, and all of the sudden it was driving her crazy.

She went out into the garden again and stared at the grass that she had been resting on. It was trimmed weekly, and the green strands were standing up straight and uniform, as they always were. Chili stared at the grass, and then back at the house she lived and made a decision.

"Okay, I really have to get out of here. I'm going to go into the forest and join wild cats for no apparent reason. Goodbye warm house, delicious food, kind owner, and all the other comforts of my life! The forest is calling!"

Chili leapt easily over the whitewashed picket fence that surrounded her garden and padded straight forward, heading into the Greenleaf Twolegplace (without her knowing it of course). She began to notice changes in her surrounding, and it was a new feeling for her. There were many trees and bushes surrounding her, and the leaves under her paws crunched with every step.

Chili came upon a Twoleg Path and shuddered, remembering the comfortable life she had just abandoned all but two minutes ago. She took in a deep breath, smelling the beautiful plants all around her and-

"What is that? It reeks over here!" Chili gasped as the warm scent of fresh urine flooded her nose; overpowering her mind and senses. She dry-retched and made several choking noises as she attempted to breathe through the smog of pee.

Finally she decided to hold her breath and go investigate. The closer she got to the urine, the more powerful the reek got and her eyes burned. Chili found the source of the stink and stared in confusion.

There was a- no, many dark patches of wetness on tree's bark that lined the Twoleg Path. It appeared to Chili that the forest cats had felt the need to pee on a line of trees because they felt like it. She stared across the Twoleg Path and noticed that the pines on the other side also had pee on them.

"Is this some sort of… custom or ritual? Or are they trying to make a fence made completely out of their own stink? I'm beginning to think that this wasn't the best idea… these cats are really weird, and I haven't even met them yet! Oh well, this has to be better than extreme comfort."

Chili strangled in a deep breath and ran away from area, in the opposite direction of the pines. She then flopped down and hyperventilated, having lost a lot of air due to barely breathing. After recovering her breath, she shakily got to her paws and continued forward.

After a ways she came across a small stream that had dark water in it. She smiled and lapped it up, expecting it to taste cool and clean, like the water that her owner gave her. Instead she vomited up a minnow and leaves that had landed on her tongue as she tasted fish.

"Eww! This water's contaminated! How do they drink this stuff?" Chili leapt over the stream and continued, bounding this time. She had to find cats soon; they couldn't possibly live like this!

The ground was pretty even, good for running on, until it disappeared completely under her feet. She flew forward and landed directly into a thorny bramble thicket, her pelt lodged into the spikes.

"OWW! GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF!" she wailed in pain. Chili shot straight out of the brambles and jumped around spastically, attempting to get the thorns out of her. She didn't notice the massive hole in the ground in front of her that she was rapidly approaching, and for the second time that day, she found herself to be airborne.

"AHH!" Chili plummeted down into the never-ending darkness, until she landed on something soft with an oomph.

"It's a prophecy from StarClan! THE SKY IS FALLING!" A grey cat wiggled out from underneath her and ran around blindly, until it smashed into a wall and knocked itself out.

Chili groaned, dazed from the fall and found herself surrounded by hostile cats. A golden tabby tom stepped forward, his amber eyes blazing with fury.

"That was our medicine cat, he's blind you mouse-brain! What are you doing in our camp anyway kittypet?" He spat out the word with disgust, eying the newcomer.

Chili leapt to her feet and met his challenge. "You leave a big hole in the middle of the forest next to a patch of brambles, and you wonder why I fall in? It's because I didn't know that it was there! Wait, this is your camp? That must mean that I found the right place. SHOW ME YOUR LEADER!"

Another cat, a dark brown tabby this time, stepped forward and called out. "Firestar! This cat wants to see you!"

A fiery ginger tom moonwalked out of his den and into the circle of cats. "I am the cat you call Firestar, BOW DOWN BEFORE ME! Oh, hello stranger, what are you doing here?"

"Firestar? That's a very strange name! My name is Chili, and I'm here because I want to join your clan. I promise that I will be the best that I can be, and that I will fight valiantly in the heat of battle. I…"

*****Several hours of inspirational speech later*****

"Okay!"

"You mean that you'll let me join? No test or impossible tasks first for me to overcome?" Chili's eyes widened in surprise and she sat down in front of Firestar. She looked him, waiting for his answer.

Firestar nodded happily. "You see, most sane leaders and sensible Clans would have already killed you or driven you out. But, since I used to be a kittypet, ThunderClan got to be incredibly soft, so now I let in everyone, even if they're completely useless!" *Cough DAISY Cough*

"Allow me to give you your apprentice name now!" Firestar sat back and began to wave his front paws in the air like he was possessed.

"Wait, what's that?"

Firestar stopped waving his paws and explained it to her. "Your warrior name is the name that you have based off of one of your features! Since you'll be our only apprentice, your name will be a prefix with paw at the end! Do you understand now?"

Firestar peered down at Chili expectantly. She sensed that something incredibly bad was going to happen, but she gave in anyway.

"Okay then, what's my warrior name?"

Firestar looked at her, drinking in her features. Her dark ginger pelt was a fiery red color despite the darkness, and her eyes gave off their bright green shine. After a moment of deliberation, Firestar still couldn't think of a name, even though she looked remarkably like him. He shifted on his paws uncomfortably, thinking of all of the possible names that he could give this young cat. (Emberpaw, Amberpaw, Flamepaw, Crimsonpaw, Blazepaw, the list was endless!)

"What was your name again?"

"Chili, I told you before!"

Firestar's eyes lit up happily. "I know! For now on, your name shall be Frostpaw!"

The cats in the clearing looked among each other in confusion. What did Frost have to do with anything about this cat? There were whispered murmurs, and one especially loud commentary.

"I think that Firestar's going crazy Berrynose." Birchfall yowled to Berrynose; ignoring the fact that the leader was sitting right in front of him.

"I think so too! Birchfall was a bad enough name for you, and now Frostpaw? He's nuts! She obviously should have been named something with fire! Or maybe he's just jealous because her pelt's more impressive than his."

Chili looked at Firestar, dumbfounded. "WHAT?"

Firestar smiled, despite the chaos. "Isn't it the most perfect name ever? Here, I'll tell you how I thought of it!"

"This better be good." Chili mumbled angrily.

"See, your name's Chili, right?"

"Yeah."

"And its Chilly in the leaf-bare, am I right?"

"Leaf-bare? That doesn't make any sense! I'm Chili after the hot food or pepper! You can't-!"

Firestar raised his paw to silence her. "Shush, I'm explaining the epicness. Anyway, it's Chilly in leaf-bare, which means that it's cold in leaf-bare, and there's frost on the ground in leaf-bare when it's cold, so therefore your name should be Frostpaw. Isn't it amazing?"

Chili took a deep breath, but despite all of her efforts, she still couldn't keep her temper. There were columns of smoke rising out of her ears, and she was practically breathing fire.

"I think that we should call her Dumbpaw," Snickered Thornclaw. "The little kittypet got what she deserved," He thought to himself gleefully.

Firestar turned towards Thornclaw and his smile widened evilly. "Thornclaw, since you're so interested in the newcomer, why don't you be her mentor? Okay, so Frostpaw now has Thornclaw as a mentor, it's decided! Now I can go back to my den and nap- I mean do important leader-ish things! Goodbye Clan!"

Firestar turned around and moonwalked back into his den, all while humming the theme to 'Billy Jean'. Within a few heartbeats, the cats could hear loud snoring echoing out of Firestar's den, bouncing off the stone walls of ThunderClan Camp. Once he left, Thornclaw turned towards Frostpaw.

"You're lucky that Firestar is leader, or I would so protest! Why do I have to be stuck with the kittypet?"

"You're stuck with me because you're a loudmouth! Hey, that should be your warrior name! Or maybe we could call you Thorn-."

Thornclaw stuffed his tail into Frostpaw's mouth before she could finish his 'new name'. "I wouldn't advise saying that in front of the Clan; you already have a bad reputation for crushing Jayfeather. Now come on, I have to teach you the ways of the Clan."

"WAIT! Before we go, can I ask you a question?"

"What is it?" asked Thornclaw, turning towards the exit of the Clan in preparation to leave.

"Who peed on your trees?"

After huffing about 'stupid kittypets and their limited knowledge', Thornclaw taught Frostpaw about border marking and leaving scents on trees to mark territory. Frostpaw insisted that the idea was stupid and demanded to know how a stink was going to keep out a strong cat. Thornclaw just sighed and explained the border patrol; where cats went to investigate if their scents were being disturbed or changed.

"So you mean that other cats try and pee on your trees? I'd be pretty mad if that happened, if it made sense!" Frostpaw looked at Thornclaw and laughed; her ginger pelt rising and falling as she gasped for air.

Thornclaw snarled angrily and wacked Frostpaw over the head with his paw, performing the classic Gibbs-Slap. "Don't be stupid; it's a way of life! What would we do here if we didn't explore our territory all day? Exactly, nothing much as you can see. So come on and practice properly climbing out of camp; it's easier than it looks."

Frostpaw shook her head and looked at the looming walls. "How are we supposed to get out of here Thornclaw? All I see is… rock."

Thornclaw thought for a moment and then he had an idea. "Ha I know; we can follow this border patrol up the rocks. You'll go first, and I'll follow behind you in case you fall! Isn't it purrfect?"

Frostpaw stared at Thornclaw and then turned around to start climbing after the border patrol. She noticed the almost invisible ledge that the cats were carefully scaling and she began to trail behind them slowly but with growing confidence.

In the middle of the climb, when she was sure that she could stop looking at the ground, Frostpaw called out to Thornclaw.

"Do you know that you pulled a Firestar back there? Even though I've never heard him say that, it was pretty obvious how… strange he is."

Thornclaw eyed her angrily, attempting to burn holes in her pelt with his glare. "It happens sometimes; we all have a little Firestar inside of us, considering how most of the clan is related to him! Now be quiet and concentrate, you're giving me a headache."

Frostpaw snickered and murmured something quietly so that only Thornclaw could hear.

"Still though, it was pretty- AHH!"

For the second time that day, Frostpaw found herself to be falling into the oblivion. Poor Jayfeather, who had regained consciousness and finally though that it was safe to come out, felt her presence and squealed in alarm as she almost crushed him again. He bounded into the medicine den and began scarfing down as much thyme as he could find in the herb stores, his eyes wide with fright and his chest heaving. If it hadn't been for Thornclaw, who caught Frostpaw by the scruff and heaved her over the side, he would have been fresh-kill.

"STARCLAN'S TRYING TO KILL ME!" wailed Jayfeather in between mouthfuls. "Or even worse it's an omen; that blind cats can no longer live in the Clans!"

Jayfeather then ran up the rocky ledge and hurled himself off of it; attempting to commit suicide for StarClan. The other warriors remaining in the Clan had to sedate him as he tried to drag himself to the medicine den to eat deathberries, the fall having only winded him. (Who said that misreading signs was not necessarily a bad thing?)

"Gay…" Frostpaw finished weakly as she was pulled over the side and thrown into the wall. Thornclaw snorted with laughter as Frostpaw regained her composition, her head spinning.

"Karma's a bitch, isn't she Frostpaw?"

"Shut up."

They finished climbing out of the camp in silence. Thornclaw waved her over with a flick of his tail and then bounded off into the forest.

Frostpaw blinked is surprise and scrambled after him, dodging trees and rocks as he weaved through the undergrowth. Thornclaw skidded to a stop in front of the training hollow and Frostpaw tripped over a stick lying behind him, bouncing off his pelt and skidding on the ground.

Thornclaw completely ignored her and pointed towards the ominous training hollow, which was casting an evil shadow down on them.

"This is the Training Hollow where apprentices learn how to fight. I'm going to teach you a few moves before we continue today. Follow me inside."

Frostpaw nodded and padded into the training hollow, surprised to find it full of sand. "How is this teaching us anything? I'm sure that the other cats won't attack us on a beach!"

Thornclaw gave her a strange look but continued speaking. "I don't know what a beach is, but anyway the point of this is so that you can practice your moves without getting hurt. So stand over there, and I'll demonstrate the paw swipe."

Frostpaw nodded and padded over to the area where he gestured. Thornclaw then crouched a few fox-lengths in front of her and picked up his paw. "Watch what I do," he meowed.

Thornclaw swiped at the air in front of Frostpaw's nose so that she could see the attack. She hissed is surprise and snarled at him, unsheathing her claws and leaping onto his back. She grabbed his flicking tail and bit down on it, sending a ripple of pain throughout his body.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING? GET OFF OF ME!" roared Thornclaw as he attempted to dislodge Frostpaw. "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO WACTH AND LEARN, NOT ATTACK!"

Frostpaw finally realized what they were doing and attempted to let go of Thornclaw. She attempted to let go of him, but it wasn't successful. She really tried, but her claws got stuck in his fur. As hard as she pulled, she couldn't get loose.

"I'm stuck in your pelt!" She wailed to Thornclaw. He turned and saw that Frostpaw's front claws were in his pelt, and she was just hanging on to him helplessly. He tried shaking his pelt really hard in order to get him off, but it wasn't working.

So Thornclaw had to pad all the way back to camp with Frostpaw on his back. As he clambered down the wall, all of the queens and kits were laughing at them. Daisy was particularly brave, and she blocked his way to the medicine den.

"Look what the cat dragged in!" She shrieked, causing everyone in the camp to yowl in pain at her horrible mew.

"I wouldn't be talking you stupid horse!" (Was that the word that I meant to use?) Thornclaw shouldered past the useless queen and squeezed his way into the medicine den. There Jayfeather was quietly rocking back and forth, his tail wrapped tightly around his paws. Thornclaw padded into the den and tapped him.

Jayfeather stopped rocking and looked in the completely opposite direction blindly. He took a deep breath and scented the two cats in front of him, his fur fluffing up in alarm.

"What do you want Thornclaw? I have no cure for the devil that clings to your pelt as a bramble in your fur."

Thornclaw sighed and explained the situation to the back of Jayfeather's head. "You see, I was training… the devil… when she got stuck to me. Is there any way that you can remove Frostpaw, because she's starting to get very heavy oh most honorable medicine cat."

"Please make it quick, my claws are starting to feel as if they're falling off!"

Jayfeather snarled in fear more than anger and backed up onto his supplies, hissing angrily. He dug around for something wildly, and then in triumph he pulled out a small wooden cross, brandishing it as if it were a weapon.

"The creature speaks? Back away you heathen! You expect me to tangle with a demon? You're mad! Get out of my den, just leave!" Jayfeather pushed his entire medicine store toward Thornclaw and backed into the wall.

Thornclaw bowed respectfully to the crazy cat and picked up the thickest leaves that he could find. He wriggled out of the medicine den backwards and accidently stepped on one of Daisy's many kits. He didn't remember which one it was, only that it was only one out of the fifteen kits in her abundant litter.

"Why does your shaman hate me?" Asked Frostpaw as Thornclaw pulled the small cream-colored blob off of his paw with disgust.

"He's the Medicine Cat, and it's probably because you almost killed him a few times. I don't know why he keeps making religious comparisons towards you though; we don't believe in god, just StarClan. It must be the catmint, it's probably old."

Frostpaw nodded as Thornclaw chewed up the leaves that he got and handed the polituce to her. Frostpaw took it into her mouth and smiled in delight as she recognized the taste of her mouse at her old home. She then faintly heard Jayfeather mutter about cleaning up his mess, but she wasn't very sure about that.

"So you guys use catnip for something out here?" Frostpaw asked giddily as she inhaled the precious juices. They were making her light-headed, and she loved the feeling.

Thornclaw glanced over his shoulder as she smeared the leaf pulp onto her claws. "It's called catmint you know."

"CatNIP!"

"CatMINT!"

"NIP."

"MINT!"

"If you say that to a kittypet, they're going to get pretty confused at your terminology. Whatever it is, it's so wonderful, isn't it Thornclaw? I love eating it when I'm bored; it gives you the greatest buzz!"

Thornclaw looked troubled as Frostpaw gradually slid down his back. "Did we just use the catmint as the lubricant?"

"Yeah, and I just finished eating the rest of it, was that a problem?"

Thornclaw smacked himself with his paw and looked over to the medicine den, where Jayfeather was using the cross to scoop the herbs back inside while shooting glares at what was supposed to be them, but was really at the nursery. "Catmint is one of the rarest herbs in the forest! It cures whitecough and greencough, which are super deadly. Now some other cats that are not us has to look for more, before we have none for the winter and it kills us all! Do you know where to find any?"

Frostpaw though for a moment and then smiled. "We could always raid my owner's den, there's plenty of catnip there! However, I think that he put up and electrical fence or something, and unless this fourth cat of the prophecy has elemental powers, then you're not getting through."

Lionblaze happened to be passing by at that exact moment, and when he heard the prophecy mentioned, he bounded up to Frostpaw, grabbed her by the scruff, and hurled her into the clearing.

"HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THE POWER OF THREE OR FOUR AT THIS POINT?" Lionblaze roared loudly, crushing her under his large forepaw.

Frostpaw gasped for air. "I… read… the Warriors series, please don't kill me!" She cried, attempting to get his off of her lungs.

Lionblaze crouched lower, his eyes narrowing into slits. "That's not a good enough answer, cats can't read! We only have up to the New Prophecy series in our library anyway! Now WHO TOLD YOU?"

Frostpaw's vision began to dim as she looked around the clearing desperately for a cat to blame. She saw an annoying cream pelt coming towards her and she inhaled the sickly-sweet scent, remembering who this cat was. She gasped and forced out the name.

"It… was… Daisy!"

Lionblaze lifted his paw off of Frostpaw and she gasped for air. He then unsheathed his massive claws and started stalking angrily towards Daisy, who saw him coming and began edging away in fright.

"I didn't try to tell her, I promise! How could I have, they were out of camp all day! Please don't kill me Lionblaze! Oh Great StarClan!"

Lionblaze leapt at Daisy, who cowered in fright. Since she made a point of being the only cat who didn't know how to fight in ThunderClan, she was easily knocked aside by Lionblaze's furious attack. He then proceeded to rip her to shreds, thankful that in this parody cats never died, but then wondering how he would possibly be able to get rid of Firestar so that Brambleclaw would have a chance to become leader. Oh well.

Thornclaw saw his chance and he dragged Frostpaw away from the pummeling. He left her over at the fresh-kill pile, which he circled in order to find a squirrel. Frostpaw eyed it, noticing all of the little dead bodies on it with disgust. Finally Thornclaw found what he was looking for and he dropped down and tugged the squirrel out of the pile happily. He looked up at Frostpaw and pointed at the fresh-kill.

"Eat a piece; it's really good for you. I know it's not human food, but trust me, it's delicious!"

Frostpaw blanched as she saw a particularly scary piece of prey. It was a little mouse that looked as if it had been stepped on unsuspectingly, and its dead eyes were staring at her frightfully. Its body was snapped almost fully in half, and it was hanging together by a piece of red sinew, blood dripping slowly out of it and making a crimson pool onto other pieces. Frostpaw's stomach growled as she remembered the last meal that she had eaten earlier before, but the pile of dead bodies was very unappetizing to say the least.

So she padded away as quickly as possible and sat down next to Thornclaw, who was digging in heartily, snapping squirrel bones and ripping off meat. Frostpaw avoided staring at the squirrel as she spoke to him cautiously.

"So you forest cats eat small defenseless animals as your food source? That's pretty nasty, to say the least. I only eat tuna; do you have any of that?"

Thornclaw looked at her as if she were an annoying tick. "Who do you think we are, RiverClan? No, the forest cats only eat cute woodland creatures! Trust me, they're really fun to catch; I'll teach you how after we share tongues."

"Fine then, I'm going to just eat herbs then," she declared arrogantly.

Purdy had been watching them; amused at the conversation. He slowly padded over to Frostpaw and smiled at her, while limping and wincing with every step due to cat arthritis. He sat down stiffly next to her and began his elder rant.

"When I was a young' in, we was always told that meat was good for us! It gave you healthy bones, ya'll know? Anyway, there was this one little ol' she-cat who didn't believe a word that any cat said, and she hated prey. So she decided that she's become one of them vegiteruins, you know that Twoleg word for plant-eater?"

Frostpaw nodded and grinned back at the old cat, genuinely interested in what he had to say. "So what happened to the she cat…"

"Purdy," whispered Thornclaw behind her.

"Oh right, Purdy."

Purdy itched his head in what could have been either in thought or because of fleas. His old eyes lit up as he remembered how his story ended.

"Well, she wandered around munchin on plants for a few days and then died, ya'll know? You can't be livin' off of leaves! So eat your prey, it's better than that mouse-dung that them Twolegs have."

Purdy stood up at and awkward angle and hobbled back into the elder's den, without the prey that he had been looking for originally. Frostpaw sat down and pondered the story, defeat flashing in her eyes."That wasn't very helpful, does he know that? I'll eat a piece later, when I'm too hungry to care what it is. Hey Thornclaw, are you even listening to me? You're mother is a stupid mouse-brain, and she smells like mouse bile and ShadowClan!"

Thornclaw had been noisily sucking the marrow out of a squirrel bone. "Oh yeah, I was totally listening, and I agree with everything that you just said! Now go away and share-tongues with someone, I look for a mate at this time." He hungrily eyed Rosepetal hungrily; who was one of the younger available she-cats in the Clan. He padded over to her and sat next to her, purring sexily.

"Someone call StarClan, because an angel fell out of heaven!"

Rosepetal edged away from him, clearly creped out. "Okay…"

"If you were a tick, I'd kill you first!" purred Thornclaw suggestively.

Rosepetal finally understood that Thornclaw was hitting on her. Unimaginable rage flew across her features and she pulled a large frying pan out from behind a rock and proceeded to bang Thornclaw over the head with it.

"You CREEP! You're old enough to be my GRANDFATHER!" Rosepetal continued to bash Thornclaw until he was flatter than a pancake. Frostpaw was watching the entire process and was laughing her head off, gasping for breath.

When Rosepetal was satisfied, she angrily stalked away and ducked down into the nursery, most likely to tell the queens about Thornclaw desperate attempt. Frostpaw bounded over to her mentor while gasping happily. (We all wonder why Thornclaw has never had a mate, so now you know. Horrible ThunderClan pick-up lines are to blame.)

"Rejected again Thornclaw? That was priceless!" She grabbed him by the scruff and pulled him up off the ground and back into his original state. Thornclaw snarled at her and proceeded to lick his coat, smoothing it down to its original state.

"Go share tongues with someone while I repair my ego."

Frostpaw suddenly grinned and tilted her head towards Thornclaw. "Can I share tongues with anyone?"

Thornclaw nodded impatiently and shooed her away. "Yes now go away!"

Frostpaw scanned the clearing for a random male. She saw Brambleclaw, the dark ThunderClan deputy pad past and she bounded up to him. "Hey Brambleclaw, do you want to share tongues with me?"

Brambleclaw turned his handsome head towards Frostpaw and nodded. "Okay, let's sit over here." He padded over to a shady area and sat down, wrapping his tail around his paws. Frostpaw sat down next to him watching his every move.

"So what's- mph!" Brambleclaw had been trying to ask Frostpaw how her day was when she suddenly shoved her tongue down his throat.

"Am I doing it right? I've seen Twolegs do this on the big magical box, and they seemed to enjoy it!" questioned Frostpaw as she awkwardly licked Brambleclaw.

Brambleclaw pulled his head away from Frostpaw and gasped, swallowing air hungrily. After breathing in deeply and hacking up bile, he turned towards Frostpaw and hissed.

"Never, ever, do that again. Twolegs are the dumbest creatures out there, and you're trying to copy them? Sharing tongues is supposed to be a time when cats TALK to one another, not attempt to choke each other! Didn't Thornclaw teach you anything?"

Frostpaw ducked her head, embarrassed at her stupidity. "No, Thornclaw has been too busy to explain that to me."

"Well then, how about you try to learn something before I personally have you kicked out of this clan? You've been acting like a little screw-up all day, and it's getting to be quite annoying." Brambleclaw snarled, hoping to scare the apprentice.

Instead of flinching, Frostpaw looked up at Brambleclaw with sudden determination.

"We'll see about that."

Okay everyone; that was Part 1 of this story! It was starting to get a little long, so I decided to cut it off at here for suspense and for my reader's eyes. I'm not even close to describing all of the weird terms that the cats use, and there probably will be a Part 2 to this. I hope you liked it so far, and I'm sorry to the people who were expecting for this to be another one of The Misadventures of the Clan Kits stories, I'm still trying to find the time for those through all of my schoolwork! :(

Anyway, if you really want a Part 2 to this story, all you have to do is review! The second part of this story will take place throughout the rest of the same day, so if you want to submit a funny idea, just leave in your review! Or, if you want to point out a flaw that I can edit, or if you just feel the need to flame me, go ahead and review it, I don't mind if the criticism make sense.

Thank you for taking the time to read this!

~ LaoevanSVU