Du-Punzel Uncut

[ Rapunzel isn't mine blah blah. Neither is Gundam Wing, Blah blah..We know the story. Good, right, on we go!]

And the characters are...

Narrator 1...Wufei
Narrator 2...Drunken Heero
Mother...Lady Une
Father...Treiz
Witch...Relena Peacecraft
Rapunzel...Duo Maxwell
Prince...Hilde[The retarded monkey]
Townsperson 1 and two...Quatre and Trowa

Setting...A colony far, far away...

CHAPTER ONE-
Wufei: Once upon a time in a colony far, far away, there lived a good man and his wife.
Drunken Heero: Whoah! Wait a minuite!
Wufei: What?
Drunken Heero: Is that the best you can do? I mean no offencse, but all fairy tales start out with "Once upon a time." Where's the sport in that?
Wufei: Im trying to tell the story of Du-Punzel. Do you mind?
Drunken Heero: No not really, besides they got that story all wrong.
Wufei: Well, maybe you would like to tell it?
Drunken Heero: No, you just keep on going and i'll tell you where you make a mistake.
Wufei: Great. Anyways, as I was saying, once upon a time in a colony far, far away lived a good man and his wife. They lived in a quaint little house in the ghetto. It was a nice house except there was a problem.

[ Trowa and Quatre walk in ]

Trowa: Did you hear about the Witch, Relena?
Quatre: No, what?
Trowa: Well, it seems that she's moved right next door to the quaint little house in the ghetto.
Wufei: That's right. The witch, Relena had moved right in next door.
Quatre: No, next to those two dear people?
Trowa: Yes
Quatre: Do you think we should warn them?
Trowa: Im sure they already know.
Drunken Heero: See, like that. Why do people always think witches are bad?
Wufei: It's a fairy tale, all witches are bad. Especially Relena. Now pay attention you sad drunk.
Drunken Heero: Sorry, Nachos.
Quatre: Oh look, here comes Treiz on his trusty Tallgeese.

[ Treiz enters ]

Trowa: Excuse me, sir, but did you know that the Which Relena just moved in next door to you?
Treiz: Which witch is that witch?
Quatre: The witch, Relena next door, she grows radishes.
Treiz: Oh her, well that explains the reeking smell. And I don't think it's the Radishishes.
Trowa: Yes, that witch!
Treiz: Oh crikey, I better get home and tell my wife. She loves Radishes, which is a problem because of the witch I mean..oh never mind.
Drunken Heero: Man, who writes this stuff?!
Trowa: So--he rushes home where he found his preciouse, split-personalized wife who at the time was pregnant with their first child.

Treiz: I--witch...moved..witch.
Lady Une: What are you saying? I sent you out to get some chicken wings. Now where are they?!
Treiz: Forgot..witch...help...
Lady Une: You FORGOT?! Do I look like I can get up and get them myself? I'm having a baby here! I knew I should have written it on your forhead. Men with four eyebrows. Humph.
Treiz: We have to move! A witch moved in next door!
Lady Une: A witch?
Treiz: A Relena witch. With Radishes.
Lady Une: So that's what reeks! I thought it was just a heaping pile of cow dung under my pillow! That too but, it was---wait, did you say Radishes?!
Wufei: At that sound of the word radishes, the woman's lips began to water, her stomach growled, and her lips quivered.
Drunken Heero: Just say nuuu, honey, you can do it!
Lady Une: I looove radishes!
Treiz: Yes, I know. But we can't eat hers or else she'll put an evil spell on us!
Lady Une: Look, im hungry and pregnant, and both of those are your fault. Now since I don't have any chicken, thank you very much, I expect some radishes, NOW!
Treiz: But dear..
Lady Une: NOW! If I don't get one of those radishes I'm gonna die.
Treiz: But sweetie.
Lady Une: I see the light..
Treiz: Please don't.
Lady Une: Im fadin', fadin' fast..good-bye world. Not that it was all that thrilling anyways..
Treiz: Now come on..
Lady Une: You'll have to help my mother plan the funeral.
Treiz: Okay! I'll get you some radishes, just don't mention your mother.
Lady Une: Fine by me, she's dead for all I know. But now that I have your word--go do my bidding! Still, not as good as chicken..

Wufei: So Treiz climbed the wall of the witch Relena's garden ever so quietly so as not to waken her.
Treiz: Crikey, calm down. The smell isn't that bad, just hold your breath and grab a couple radishes and get back home. Grab and run, grab and run, run, run, run.
Drunken Heero: To the nearest srhink, this guy's life is more messed up then the presidential election.
Wufei: When suddenly the Witch Relena jumped out and grabbed him!
Relena: What are you doing?
Treiz: Please, I um..my wife, she's pregnant. And erm-don't put a spell on me!!
Relena: Why would I want to put a spell on you? I know you. Your my neighbor. Your wife is pregnant right?
Treiz: Yeah, and she's smacking for your radishes..she'll diee without them!
Relena: Well you should just ask me. I would of given them to you.
Treiz: Well, may I have some then?
Relena: On one condition--you must give me your first child.
Wufei: So the man agreed--
Drunken Heero: Hold up that is not right.
Wufei: Well, that's what she said.
Drunken Heero: Yeah, but everyone always cuts off her speech. There was more to that statement.
Relena: As a voice student, ive always wanted to teach someone to sing.
Drunken Heero: See.

Wufei: Good god man. So the man agreed with the witch and brought the radishes back home to his wife. When his wife had their butiful baby and named it Du-Punzel.
Drunken Heero: And as promised, her father took her to the witch for singing lessons.
Wufei: Oh really, then how do you explain the parents never seeing Du-Punzel again?
Drunken Heero: I was getting to that. Well, on the way home Du-Punzels mother decided to stop off for fsome chicken. Unfortunatly she choked on some chicken and died... The father went insande and became a hermit, living only with chickens on a farm in Kansas until he died.
Wufei: Kansas..?
Drunken Heero: That's right, way over the rainbow. So, Relena- the witch, decided to take her under her stinky wing. But the colonypeople never heard the whole story, so they assumed Du-Punzel was kidnapped.
Wufei: And why forever in a tower?
Drunken Heero: Better singing acoustics.
Wufei: In the middle of a dumpyard?
Drunken Heero: No distractions. The years went by and Du-punzels voice could be heard far and wide.

Quatre: Whats is that nose?
Trowa: It's the cry of Du-Punzel.
Quatre: Well, can he shut his trap?
Trowa: He will, if you shut your pie-hole.
Quatre: Look here comes The retarded monkey prince, Hilde.
Hilde: Ah, morning my good peasesnts.
Trowa and Quatre: Peasents? At least im not retarted.
Hilde: What is that enchanting sound I hear?
Trowa: You mean that horrible noise?
Hilde: I do?
Quatre: It is the cry of Du-Punzel.
Hilde: Hot-Damn! God find me-self this Du-Punzel kid!
Wufei: Well the prince was so intrigued with Du-punzel she vowed to free the poor guy and marry him.
Hilde: I vow to free the poor guy and marry him.
Wufei: So he set off in search of him.
Hilde: So I set off in search of him.
Drunken Heero: Y'know you have to move to find him.
Hilde: I do? Well then! Off I go..to find uh..
Quatre: Du-Punzel.
Hilde: Right-O, off I go to find Du-Punzel.

Wufei: Meanwhile, in the forest Du-Punzel and Relena where working on their daily voice lesson.
Relena: Now try it again.
Du-Punzel: LAAERAKFFN
Relena: No! Your not LISTENING.
Du-Punzel: I can't listen, Im having a bad day.
Relena: And why is that.
Du-Punzel: Because, you reek. And, I need another mirror.
Relena: But you have thirty-seven in your room.
Du-Punzel: Im a sexy bitch! I need more! Someone as handsome as me should be able to admore themselves. Not look at ugly people.
Relena: But, im the only one you ever see.
Du-Punzel: I know.
Relena: Sheesh! That does it. Im fet up with your bad attitude. I took you into my stinky wing and gave you a butload of mirrors but I get sqat. So-your grounded, sing scales all day because your dumb and im dumber.


Wufei: So Du-Punzel was left in the tower alone, singing her scales.