Chapter One
In my short life, there are very few things that I am proud of and my behaviour over the last couple of weeks is definitely not one of them. Since the day Sydney walked away from us, in a desperate attempt to mask my pain, I had treated her with such nonchalance that if it wasn't for my aching heart, I could have almost believed I was over her. My emotions ran high between anger at myself for ruining what we had built, to utter disbelief that she chose to ignore what she was feeling. I can still remember the afternoon in my apartment, the way the sun shone through the window, illuminating her stunning face. The look of innocence when I took her face in my hands and kissed her. Time as we knew it stood still and for just a short moment, all was right in the world. But before I even had the time to bask in the glory of our first kiss, she tore away from me, her face displaying all the fear I had been feeling since the moment I realised how I felt for her. Everything that I had feared she would think, she said. She was so unwilling to even contemplate that our love could be bigger than anything else, so unwilling to even acknowledge that she felt for me what I did.. do for her.
I tried desperately not to think about her, but she was everywhere in my world. I had my apartment because of her. My car was saturated with her sweet, natural perfume. Every time I saw her delicate gold cross, which adorned my bedside table, my heart wrenched in two again. I had ended up giving to Jill to return to Sage, I couldn't bare to have it in my house anymore, taunting and plaguing me.
Jill, bless her heart. She tried to pull me from my pit of wallow but my spirit induced depression pulled her down as well. I saw her snap out of misplaced hurt at Sydney, a horrible side effect of our spirit bond. She tried in vain not to let my heartbreak affect her relationship with Sage but I knew it hurt her to see me so pained. As sensible as Jill was for a teenager, she had the bleeding heart of an old romantic.
I had tried drinking. Lots. I had tried going to Moroi bars, seeking the comfort of lose moraled Moroi women, but the idea of even indulging another girl in conversation made me sick to my stomach. The real kicker was that I knew Sage felt the same. I knew her better than she knew herself most of the time. She cared for me, she respected my opinion and valued my honesty. My touch made her question everything she had ever been told. The explosive feeling that erupted between us every time we touched was not one sided. I had put all my fears aside and laid everything on the line by telling her I loved her. For the first few days I could not figure out what the burning sensation was that I was feeling. I was hurt and angry by her rejection but this was something more. She had rebuffed my actions and bravery out of fear. She did not trust me enough to allow herself to love me and that is what is causing the constant ache I was feeling in my heart. Trust, the one thing she held in the strongest regard and she felt I hadn't earnt it or didn't deserve it.
When Rose had cheated with Dimitri, I thought I was hurt but in hindsight, it was only my ego that had taken a beating. I was not used to not getting the girl and the fact that she chose another over me, it hurt and was embarrassing. But this is so different. This wasn't rejection for another, or even for something that I had done wrong, which was usually the case. This was rejection on a whole new level. And now I have to spend the whole weekend, seeing the girl of my dreams, dressed in her finest, and pretend that my heart was not in a million pieces.
I made my way into the living room, reading over my travel documents and ensuring I had everything I would need for the wedding. Sonya had wished for all of us to be able to attend but due to the fact that Jill was still in hiding, it was only going to be me and Sage representing the west coast delegation. We even had separate travel plans so that no one would assume we were coming from the same location.
The drive to LAX was excruciating. I was counting down the hours with both excitement and trepidation. Traffic was moving faster than I would have liked, bringing me to the airport well before my scheduled departure time. I checked my baggage and took a seat by the window. I was trying my hardest to ignore the world around me but my sad eyes drifted over an elderly couple sitting across from me. The gentlemen took the ladies hands in his and placed a soft kiss upon them. She looked down at their intertwined hands and smiled blindly. They shared a private look and I couldn't stop myself from staring. The lady had looked up at that moment and caught me gaze and smiled softly at me.
"Off to a wedding?" she asked me softly, noticing the garment bag beside me. "Something like that" I muttered back, embarrassed the couple had witnessed me intruding on their moment. "We are off on our honeymoon" the man cooed back at me, unable to wipe the smile from his face, which became contagious as my face mirrored his. "Honeymoon? Congratulations. How long have you been married?" I asked politely, unable to stop myself from engaging the adorable couple in conversation.
"Only a few days, but we have been waiting for this moment all our lives" the man replied, his hands squeezing his new wives softly. She laughed heartily and rolled her eyes. "My husband is being a tad dramatic. We met as teenagers but I could not stand him. He was brash, and arrogant, assuming that I would swoon at his feet. So I married another and had a lovely life. I have three wonderful children and eight grandchildren. Unfortunately my husband passed away several years ago. And then Hector just showed up at my door one day, flowers in hand. We haven't spent a day apart since". She turned her aged face to her new husband and they shared another one of their loving looks.
"I was young and stupid, thought that my good looks and money would be enough to get the girl. I was wrong so I just laid in wait. I lived my life and let her live hers but I always loved her from afar. And now here we are" Hector said with a laugh and I had to fight hard to choke back a sob. The man could have had a lifetime with his love but stood aside to be the better man, letting her experience everything she could ever want. He lived a selfless life, and he loved her from afar.
I had jumped to my feet before I could stop myself, running to the customer service desk. I looked over at the unhappy, miserable woman behind the counter and knew I was going to have to use a little compulsion in order to accomplish what I was about to do.
"Jeannie, my love. I have a big favour to ask. My lady friend Sydney Melrose is scheduled to be on another flight out of LAX as we speak. I need to move her onto my flight, actually I need you to move her right into the seat next to me. I will pay for the upgrade and any fee's but I need you to make this happen straight away". Jeannie looked at me with a confused expression, and then began typing away at the computer in front of her. Within a minute she looked up at me, her eyes glazed over. "Done, Miss Melrose has been removed from her flight and rebooked on your flight to Philadelphia. My colleague will inform her now, but you will need to move quickly Sir, as your flight is boarding now". I looked up to see everyone moving towards the gate and grabbed a wad of cash from my pocket. "Thank-you Jeannie, you may have just helped me get the girl".
I ran to my gate as I heard them announcing over the P.A. system for Sydney Melrose to proceed to customer service. The air steward smiled broadly at me and welcomed more aboard the flight, her flirty eyes roaming over my excited face. I managed to stow all of my cases and garment bags in the overhead bins and sunk into my seat in the third row. I took the window seat and began to tap nervously against the window. What if Sydney missed this flight? And what if she doesn't make it on any flight? And what if she finds out that I was the reason for the mess around. My mind was spiralling when I saw a halo of beautiful, golden hair stumble aboard the plane in a rush. The polite flight attendant was not as welcoming to Sage, when she realised she would be seated next to me. The two of them struggled with Sydney's baggage and it was almost comical to watch. After a few minutes of careful luggage placement, Sage sunk down into her chair, obviously rattled by the sudden rush and mix around. She closed her eyes softly and relaxed with a few deeps breaths. My heart was beating uncontrollably, this was the closest I had been to her since we had kissed. Her soft eyes opened and she plucked the safety instruction card from the seat in front of us. She was watching the flight attendant intently when all of a sudden her face froze and she turned her head to face me.
Her golden eyes were wide in shock and her jaw was not far from the floor. I could feel my face moving and suddenly without warning, I had a smile like I had swallowed a hanger.
"This is impossible. It's one thing for me to get moved to another flight, But to end up next to you? Do you know what the odds of that are? It's incredible" she exclaimed. Her soft cheeks are flamed red but I cannot tell if it is anger or embarrassment that she has been caught off guard.
"Some might call it fate" I said slyly whilst swirling my drink around. "Or maybe there just aren't that many flights to Philadelphia". I swilled the rest of my drink and placed the empty glass in front of me. "Nice to see you, by the way" I muttered, mostly to myself.
"Um, you too" she managed to mumble. The plane was now coming to life, the engines roaring so loudly that it was impossible to try engage in any conversation. She settled in for the flight and it took every fibre of my being to not reach over and take her hand. I had forgotten how amazing/horrible it was to be so close to her.
"So, uh how's your car?" she finally asked, without tearing her eyes away from her fidgeting hands in front of her.
"I left it out on the street. Figured it'll be fine there whilst I am gone" I joked with her but she overly was sensitive when it came to my car.
"You did what? They'll tow it if it's left there overnight" she exclaimed and I couldn't resist laughing out loud. "Chill Sage, it is safely parked in long term parking at LAX, I parked close to the security guards stations, directly under a security camera". Her cheeks flamed red again and it was tough to not reach across and stroke them.
By the time we reached cruising altitude, Connie, the smilely flight attendant had returned with another vodka on the rocks for me and a diet cola for Sydney. "You could've gotten that for free in coach" I teased her and I saw her glorious eyes roll at me, something I never thought I would miss.
"Do I have to spend five hours being harassed? If so, I'll go back in coach and let some lucky person get "upgraded" to my seat". Her voiced screamed sincerity but her face told me that she had missed our banter as well.
I placed my hands up in the air in defeat, "No, no. Carry on. I'll entertain myself". I grabbed the inflight magazine from the chair in front of me and got started on a cross word puzzle, something I knew Sage would not be able to resist. I felt her eyes glance over at me every so often, drinking me in, like she had forgotten what I had looked like.
After thirty minutes of silence, I had become stuck on a few of the questions and I could sense that it was killing her to not throw her two cents in. "What is it?" she said with a groan.
"Seven letter word for cotton gin pioneer" I muttered, not looking up from the puzzle. "Whitney" she responded a little too quickly for my liking. Sometimes I forget just how smart my dream girl is.
And with that, she was sucked in. It was not until at least five words later that she realised my ploy. "Hey, I'm not doing this" she said, turning away from me.
"Doing what?" I asked, looking up at her, with innocence in my eyes.
"You know what. Your luring me in. You know I can't resist-" she started.
"Me?" I suggested and she moved as far away from me that her chair would allow. "Random trivia". She grabbed a large, old book from her bag and made a show of looking busy. "I have work to do".
I moved closer to her, as close as I could without touching her and read over her shoulder. It was clearly Latin and something spell related. "Looks like Jackie's still got you working hard for her class" I said softly, treading lightly so as not to push her away again.
"This one is more like an extracurricular activity" she said dispondantly, her face creasing in concern.
"Really? I thought you were pretty against doing any more with this than you had to?" I asked. The look on her face was slightly worrying and I could tell she was uneasy.
Her slammed the book shut in frustration, "I am! But then she said-" she stopped suddenly, as if she was fighting some internal war with herself.
"Then what?". She was really starting to worry me now and I could see she fighting the urge not to get up and run away. "Okay. Last night Jackie pulled me from my bed, really late at night and drove us out to the desert. She needed someone who was a- she needed me to do a spell for her. It was a locating spell to try find her sister. Turns out that Miss T's sister practices really dark magic and she basically sucks the life from young witches and stays young forever. I needed to do the spell so Jackie's sister could not sense her performing the magic. And I found her Adrian. But now Jackie is afraid she is going to come looking for her, and that she might find me. So that's why I need to learn these spells, protective spells. Just in case it comes to it". She took a deep breath and looked over at me.
My face obviously was not disguising my anger and fear very well. Her concerned eyes looked into mine, as if she was trying to calm me down. "It's one thing for her to try get you to learn spells here and there. Buts it a totally different thing for her to drag you into something dangerous". I was gripping the arm of the chair so hard, that is felt like the flimsy plastic would crack under my grasp.
"From the way she talked though, it seemed like it wasn't her doing. She seemed pretty upset about… well, whatever all this means".
I paused, trying to gather my thoughts and composure. "And that'll help somehow?" I said whilst pointing down at the closed spell book on her lap.
"I guess. It has protection and attack spells- things that are a bit more hardcore than what I've ever done. I don't like it, and these are not even the really advanced ones. She told me to skip those". Her long, delicate fingers traced the embossed Latin on the cover and I longed to hold her hand in mine.
"You don't like magic, period. But if those can keep you safe, then maybe you shouldn't ignore them". She leaned closer into me, as if she was about to rest her head upon my shoulder and then she stopped herself suddenly. "No. No, we can't do this" she exclaimed.
"Do what? I stopped asking you for help with the crossword, didn't I?" I muttered, knowing I was treading in dangerous territory.
She closed her eyes, trying to compose herself and I leant back in my seat, knowing that what was coming was going to be serious.
"Adrian. We have to talk about what happened. Between you and me" she declared.
I took a moment to process what she had said and to choose my words carefully. "Well… last I knew, nothing was happening between you and me".
She looked over at me, as if she was scared to see my reaction. "Exactly. I'm sorry for what happened… what I said. But it was all true. We have to move past this and go on with our lives in a normal way. It's for the good of our group in Palm Springs". She was rushing her words and it was evident that she was exceptionally uncomfortable. There was not a chance that I wanted to hear anymore of her rejection, and more of her fear.
"Funny, I have moved past it. You're the one bringing it up" I said and her face flushed with a charming blush.
"But it's because of you! You've spent the last few weeks all moody and sulking, hardly ever talking to me. And when you do, there's usually some nasty barb to it". She was of course 100% correct, I had not been pleasant to be around the last few weeks.
"Your right about the attitude. And, I'm sorry" I exclaimed softly. I genuinely meant it, she did not deserve the way I had treated her.
"You…are? So… your done with all of that stuff? Done with us, feeling that way?" she asked so softly that I could barely register her words.
"Oh no" I said with a short laugh, "not at all". I plastered a smile on her face and fought back a chuckle.
"But you said…" she muttered, in utter disbelief at my cheerful expression.
"I am done with the pouting. Done with being moody- well I mean, I'm always a little moody. That's what Adrian Ivashkov's all about. But I am done with the excessive stuff. That didn't get me anywhere with Rose. It won't get me anywhere with you".
Her stunned face was priceless, "Nothing will get you anywhere with me" she exclaimed so loudly that I am surprised the attendant didn't come rushing to my aide.
"I don't know about that. You're not as much of a lost cause as she was. I mean, with her, I had to overcome her deep, epic love with a Russian warlord. You and I just have to overcome hundreds of years of deeply ingrained prejudice and taboo between our two races. Easy". I leaned back in my seat and crossed my hands behind my head, trying to come across as calm and collected as possible.
"Adrian" This isn't a joke". She was really getting mad now and if it was possible, she was even more adorable.
"I know. It's certainly not to me. And that's why I am not going to give you a hard time. I'll just love you, whether you want me to or not". Before she could respond, the attendant walked by and hand us down hot towels, and Sage just sat there bewilded.
"Whether I want you to or not? What on earth does that mean?". Her eyes were wide with fear and I realised I had come across a little over the top.
"Sorry. That came off creepier than I intended. I just mean, I don't care if you say we can't be together. I don't care if you think I am the most evil, unnatural creature walking this earth. You can think whatever you want, do whatever you want. I'm going to just go on loving you, even if it is hopeless". I was remarkably calm, considering I had just proclaimed an unending declaration of love but I could not help myself. The adorable couple earlier showed me that I was giving up to easily. I had to be selfless and give Sage the time to face her fear and realise she loved me as well.
"I… what? No. You can't" she was gasped. I had actually managed to render the magnificent Sydney Sage to a state of unintelligent ramble.
"Why? It doesn't hurt you or anything. I told you, I won't bother you if you don't want me to. And if you do, well, I am all about that. So what's it matter if I just love you from afar?"
"Because you can't" she whispered, scared of the sound of her own voice.
"Why not?" I challenged but still maintaining my calm state of mind.
"You need to move on. You need to find some else. You know I don't, I can't. You're wasting your time". She was clearly confused and unclear on how to verbalise how she was feeling and I would have loved to have eased her mind, but right now it was about more than that.
"It's my time to waste" I said, sipping my drink carefully, feeling more resolved than I had in a very long time.
"But it's crazy! Why would you do that?" she eyes were searching mine, trying to find some sort of rhyme or reason.
"Because I can't help doing" I said with a shrug. "And, hey, if I keep loving you, maybe you'll eventually crack and love me too. Hell, I am pretty sure you're already half way there". Her jaw almost hit her tray table for about the hundredth time of the flight.
"I am not. And everything you said is just ridiculous. That's terrible logic!". She was staring so intently at me that I had to look away, I reached for the crossword and pretended to focus.
"Well, you can think what you want, so long as you remember- no matter how ordinary things seems between us- I'm still here, still in love with you, and care about you more than any other guy, evil, or otherwise, ever will". And with that epic thought I went on to answer more questions in the crossword.
After a couple of silent minutes, she whispered to me ever so softly, "I don't think your evil".
"See things are already looking promising" I said with a smile and she turned away from me, still in utter shock after what had just transpired.
A sense of calm washed over me. For the last week weeks, I had been spiralling out of control but all I needed to do was take a step back to see that all was not lost. Sydney Sage was brave in so many ways but I was asking her to go against everything she had ever believed her entire life. I was asking her to throw out her whole sense of living, just because I wanted her to. She needed to find her way to me. I was just going to have to be patient and play the long game.
AND I AM BACK! I HOPE EVERYONE EJOYED THE FIRST CHAPTER. I JUST FINISHED THE INFERNAL DEVICES SERIES SO I WAS FEELING LIKE A HOPELESS ROMANTIC AGAIN SO I DECIDED TO GET CRACKING ON THE THIRD BOOK. I REALLY ENJOYED WRITING THIS CHAPTER, I THINK THIS IS A NEW ADRIAN THEN WE ARE USED TO, IT IS NICE TO SEE HIM HAVE SOME CLARITY IN HIS LIFE FOR ONCE! CANNOT WAIT TO WRITE MORE IN THIS BOOK!
