Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars, only my own character, Kiirah Ontari.


At age three, I was found by my mentor, Qui-Gon Jinn, on my homeworld of Naboo and brought to the Jedi Temple on Coruscant. For years I practiced in the Jedi arts and my lightsaber techniques, and lived by the Jedi code. At eight years old, I took part in the Garthering, finding my crystal, and constructing my lightsaber. Not longer after that Master Qui-Gon attempted to take me as his padawan, but Master Yoda denied, taking me as his own student. Neither of us were ever given a direct reason, but Master Qui-Gon had his theories

"They worry we are too much alike little one. The Council and I don't always see eye to eye, I often go against their wishes. You are growing to do the same while still at a very young age. By placing you under Master Yoda's guidance, they hope you will become… less rebellious, follow the code more strictly. There's also the matter of your special abilities."

"But Master, I've heard that many who train under Master Yoda, rarely go out on assignment, and when they do, it's not often with him, but with another Master."

"At some point or another, we have all apprenticed to Master Yoda. You will learn much from from him. Just as you will learn much from the others you go on assignment with. Being personally chosen my Master Yoda to be his padawan, is a great honor little one, it's very rare that this happens, and you will learn much from him. Not to mention you are still very young, staying at the temple may not be as,

exciting, as going out on assignment, but it is where you are safest. When you are older you will go out on more assignments." I sighed and shook my head.

"What about you though Master? Who will be your padawan?" I asked.

"I have been assigned another. You may remember sparring with him a while back in your advanced training. Obi-Wan Kenobi."

Over the course of the next seven years, I trained under Master Yoda, and though I rarely left the temple for the first few years, I learned far more than I had imagined I would, just as Master Qui-Gon had told me I would. I had learned to successfully master and control my abilities with Force Lightning, and Master Yoda was confident, that within the next few years, I would be ready to face the Trials.

At sixteen, Master Yoda was giving me much more free reign, sending me on many assignments on my own, and with my old mentor while he stayed at the Temple teaching younglings. Among these assignments, was a year long protection detail during the Madalorian Civil War. During that time, I became close with Obi-Wan, despite Qui-Gon's warnings.

"You were taught not to form attachments Kiirah. I know you and Master Yoda worked on that one for a long time. Do not put your teachings behind you just because you're no longer directly under your Master's guidance, even if you may not feel as though it applies to you." Qui-Gon warned.

"I"m not trying to Master Qui-Gon. It has never been my intention to go against my Master's teachings. It just… sort of happened."

"You must distance yourself from him, little one. I know it is hard for you, it always has been. You have always been an emotional and compassionate one, you see it as your strength, but it can very easily be your greatest weakness. Do not let that weakness get out of control. Do not let it lead you to the dark side."

"I would never, Master. But I do not understand. We're supposed to be compassionate, and understanding, but we're forbidden from forming attachments. How am I supposed to do that?"

"You will learn in time little one. As we all do." He assured me.

"But

how? I've tried listening to Master Yoda's teachings. But I can't seem to keep myself from forming these attachments, I never have been able to."

"As I've watched you grow, I've come to wonder if

you really need to." I raised an eyebrow at him.

"What do you mean, Master?"

"You're very special Kiirah, I've known that from the day I found you. I have watched you grow for many years now, and you display many traits that border on the dark side, but you never cross over, you never even seem tempted. That takes great strength. Strength that very few have." I shook my head, confused

"Master Qui-Gon, I don't understand what you're trying to say."

"You will understand in time. For now, try to keep yourself distant from Obi-Wan. Do not let your feelings for him cloud your judgement and lead you astray. Until you realize who you truly are, it's just as dangerous to you as it is to any other Jedi."

After that conversation, I thought about what Qui-Gon had said, and went to find him later that day to tell him I would be removing myself from the assignment

"Master Qui-Gon." I said as I reentered the room.

"Yes little one?" He asked, not looking up from his game of holochess with Obi-Wan.

"I would like to contact the temple and arrange for transport back to Coruscant. I am removing myself from this assignment" They both stopped and stared at me.

"It's seems you have already made up your mind, I'm assuming there's no way I can convince you to change your mind?" Qui-Gon said. I shook my head.

"No, Master. I'm sorry. I think it would be best, for the mission and for myself." He nodded, accepting my answer.

"I shall contact Master Yoda for you right away then. I will have a transport sent here for you in the morning." I bowed and thanked him, then left, heading back to my chambers.

"Kiirah, wait." Obi-Wan said, running to catch up with me. I stopped outside my chamber doors.

"Yes, Obi-Wan?"

"You're taking yourself off the assignment?" I nodded. "Why?"

"I feel that my judgement may become clouded, should I stay, which could jeopardize the assignment, and the safety of the Duchess."

"Clouded? How?" He asked, surprised. I sighed and shook my head.

"I've always struggled with attachment, I care for people, more than I should.. I feel it best to return to the temple, and distance myself from this assignment, as well as you and Qui-Gon." I explained. "Qui-Gon has always been like a father to me. That's why the Council wouldn't let him take me as his padawan. And over these past few years, working with you on assignments, studying and training with you at the Temple, I've grown to care for you as well, much more than I should."

"Kiirah, I care for you as well, you're my closest friend. That shouldn't mean that you need to remove yourself from our assignment." I laughed lightly and shook my head.

"I care for you as much more than a friend Obi-Wan. Which is why I must distance myself. The Jedi Code forbids such attachments and feelings. And if Qui-Gon has noticed, it will not be long before the Council and my Master do as well. They would never approve, especially given the effects those feelings have had on my judgement on a few occasions. So I will be requesting that Master Yoda no longer send me on assignments with you and Qui-Gon unless absolutely necessary."

"Nothing will change your mind, will it?" Obi-Wan asked. I shook my head and Obi-Wan frowned. "Well, if we're no longer to be on assignments together, this is as good of a time as any."

"What are you-" He cut me off with a short but sweet kiss and I immediately backed away.

"No, that can't happen again." I said, and headed into my room. "Goodnight Obi-Wan."

My transport back to Coruscant was delayed by two weeks, due to an increase of violence in the war. When I got back to Coruscant, I immediately sought out Master Yoda.

"Learning more about yourself, you are. Hmm? From Master Qui-Gon, I assume?" My master asked.

"I'm not sure. Master Qui-Gon was rather unclear as to what he was trying to say." I said, shaking my head in frustration.

"Heard of the Gray, you have? In your teachings as a youngling, mentioned briefly they were." I thought back, and nodded.

"Yes, they're neither Sith, nor Jedi. They stand somewhere between the light and dark sides of the force."

"Qualities of the Gray, you possess. Border dangerously close to the dark side, you have at times. But traits of the Jedi, you greatly possess as well."

"But what does that mean, Master?" I asked, just as frustrated with his answer as I was with Qui-Gon's.

"In time, you will learn. Right now, continue your Jedi training, you shall. Best for you, I think it will be. Learn more of the Gray, you will, but as a Jedi Knight, not as a padawan."

Two years later, at the age of 18, I completed my Trials, and was granted the status of Jedi Knight.

"Congratulations, Master Ontari." Obi-Wan said with a warm smile.

"Thank you Obi-Wan." I laughed.

"You've come a long way little one, I'm very proud of you." Qui-Gon said as he joined us.

"Thank you Master" I said, bowing. "But I would not be where I am today without your guidance, and the guidance of many others."

"Speak with you, we must, Master Ontari. About your future in the Order." Master Yoda said as he walked by me.

"Obi-Wan, you're free to go work on your studies." Qui-Gon said. Obi wan looked confused, but bowed and left.

"A Jedi Knight, you have become. But a choice to make, you have." Master Yoda said.

"I'm not sure I understand what you mean, Master."

"Talked to you about your true self, we did, a few years ago." He said.

"I remember we talked about the Gray, but-"

"You have a choice to make now little one." Master Qui-Gon said. "You may stay here, as part of the Order, or you may leave, if you so choose, to find out more of who you are."

"Recommend leaving, we do. For the best, we think it will be." I frowned and shook my head.

"With all due respect Masters, I disagree. My place is with the Order, and no where else. Especially now. I sense dark times ahead, I do not think it would be wise for me to leave. Nor do I really want to."

"As you wish, Kiirah." Qui-Gon said respectfully.

"Change your mind, should you, be there, the option will be. As will the option of coming back." Master Yoda told me.