The Resolution Disillusion

Author's Note: First fanfic in a long time, and first ever for the Big Bang Theory. This is set after "The Justice League Recombination" and may contain spoilers. I'm just borrowing the characters; I own nothing. More planned. Reviews fuel this author.

Penny watched the door of the laundry room. She bit her lip as she folded her laundry, extending the time she could spend staring at the empty hallway through the doorway. Leonard's schedule was usually pretty rigid, set by Sheldon's obsessive compulsive love of order. Maybe he had another schedule change at Caltech, working nights again with the laser thingie? He wouldn't have changed his schedules to avoid her, would he?

She un-balled and re-balled up a pair of socks, throwing them into the basket with vague irritation. She whirled and picked up the basket when she heard the outside door open and someone enter. This time it had to be Leonard. Not like the last four times when she'd found someone else there instead, and had to pretend to forget something in the laundry room, returning to her folding. Penny casually balanced the basket on her hip, and paused a moment as she exited the laundry room, 'accidentally' running into Leonard.

"Oh, hi," Penny said, stepping back a bit. She gave him a smile.

"Hi," Leonard answered with a grin of his own as he balanced the takeout bag in one hand to grab his mail. "Haven't seen you all year," he couldn't resist using the cheesy line. It was only a few days past New Years and he hadn't seen Penny since the night of the party.

Penny rolled her eyes, but her smile didn't fade. "Whatever."

"New Years resolution?" Leonard guessed, a wide grin on his face as he tilted his chin up, looking from the abnormally folded laundry in Penny's basket to her face. He fell into step a little behind her on the stairs, giving her space for the laundry basket and his take-out containers.

"Yeah something like that. What's new?" She asked casually as they walked upstairs.

"Not to much, trying to finish this one paper that I've been putting off. I want to see if I can get a 2011 publication before Sheldon. The offices are pretty quiet this week, none of the grad students are back yet."

"Oh," Penny nodded. She walked a few steps in silence. "Leonard, can we talk?"

Leonard looked up, startled. "Yeah," he replied cautiously. "Of course..."

Penny felt her heart sink a bit. All his smiles were suddenly gone, replaced with a guarded blank expression. She suddenly felt unnerved, and all her courage to begin this conversation was fading. She had to say this quick, before she lost her nerve.

"Look, about New Years..." she began.

Leonard looked at the stairs, the ceiling, the laundry, and then down at his own feet. He was obviously trying hard to be cheerful when he said "Yeah, it was really fun to have you two at the party. Sheldon's still thrilled with the trophy."

"I just wanted you to know that Zack didn't spend the night... I made him go home. We're not together like that. I just... wanted someone to party with. Platonically. And Zack was the kind of guy that would enjoy a bar – like where I was thinking of going before... you know..."

Leonard looked up once, to see the second floor. He sped up. "Yeah?" He asked, remaining non-committal as he struggled to keep his voice from rising. "Look, it's really none of my business..." he muttered, making a big show of looking for his keys.

Penny's heart felt like it would crack in sympathy for the pain in Leonard's voice. She suddenly wished she didn't have the laundry with her; she needed to touch him, to comfort him. She wanted to soothe that hurt away.

"I just wanted you to know..." Penny whispered. She'd rehearsed this a thousand times in her head after seeing his face as the clock struck midnight. There'd been no alcohol-fueled haze to drive that look from her memories. It still stung. She'd had something in mind that was going to fix this. He was supposed to be eager, happy to hear that Zack wasn't really a fixture in her life. Her next lines were based on that assumption. This threw her a curve.

Leonard turned to face her finally on the third floor landing. His body still slumped. "Look, I just can't... I can't do this. I thought that however hard it was to see you... after... it would be better to still have you in my life."

"And now?" Penny choked out, almost in shock.

"It's just too hard." Leonard turned, heading up the last level.

Penny was shocked. She stood still a moment, looking at Leonard's retreating back before running up the stairs after him. She caught up to him before she had figured out what she wanted to say. It took her a few steps "But I didn't sleep with him!"

There was a touch of familiar condescension in Leonard's sad smile when he paused at their landing and turned to Penny. It was that look, a mix of fondness and surety that she didn't really understand the question that had driven her crazy when they were dating. "It really doesn't matter," he said gently, before turning to his door.

Penny stood rigidly, watching Leonard's back and trying to read his thoughts as he fought with the lock.

They'd walked home together after the party. It had been like old times. Everything was supposed to be fine.

He got his door open and looked over his shoulder, giving a shy wave goodnight with the keys. The door shut firmly behind him.

Penny was at a loss for words. How could her plans have gone so wrong?