Happy New Years Everybody

Tuefort

Tuefort nine were sitting around a large almost empty room waiting. Heavy was rubbing Sasha and whispering to it like he was rubbing a beloved pet. Scout was flexing. Demo was drinking. Spy was having a smoke.

Medic shook his jar that contained an evil bread monster. Engineer was playing a game of rook with Sniper. Pyro hummed a happy tune whilst puncturing a hole into a teddy bear's mouth. He imagined he was feeding it. Soldier lectured a lamp about being American.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. "Ha-ha I bet that's the pizza guy. I've got it" said Soldier. Spy stopped him.

"Did anyone actually order a pizza" said Spy. No one said anything. Pyro enthusiastically raised his hand in a wave. "So, no one" said Spy.

"It's me the pizza guy" said the voice at the door who was obviously Merasmus. Soldier's former roommate, and an evil wizard.

"Ugh. I hate magic" complained Heavy putting down Sasha.

"Who said anything about magic. That's the pizza guy" said Soldier moving to open the door.

"Soldier, do NOT open that door" demanded Engineer. Soldier walked towards the door, and put his hand on the handle.

"I am opening the door" said Soldier matter of factly. He opened the door to reveal Merasmus. "You aren't the pizza guy".

"Teleport. SPELL" shouted Merasmus. The mercs were teleported to a large yard with a bunch of assorted weirdos standing in it. They stood in two separate groups. Twenty six on one side thirty four on the other.

"Where the crap are we" said Scout. Merasmus stood in front of the group with two other wizards.

"Heroes, Champions…Mercenaries" said Merasmus. "Surely you're all confused".

"I'm not. I know exactly what's going on" boasted Scout. Everyone looked at him with disbelief.

"Shut your face and let the wizards talk" demanded a woman wearing purple, and black. She had pointy ears.

"Shut your face before I" started Scout. Heavy stopped him with a headlock.

"She would wreck you little man. Mouthy women usually will" explained Heavy. Merasmus cleared his throat.

"To answer your questions. You've all been brought here for one reason, to fight wizard created enemies" said Merasmus.

"But you're wizards. Why can't you just not make enemies" said a guy in a black robe with a skull mask.

"There are a lot of wizards around here. We make things to fight their things. Now we figure you're the best lot for fighting things. You'll get daily notices of the fights where you're needed and who's fighting with you. When the fights happen, you'll be teleported to the battlefields. When you aren't fighting you'll be staying at this estate" said Merasmus. Demo man turned around to admire the property.

"Are there drinks in there" asked Demo.

"There is anything that any of you would want in there". Said Merasmus. A dragon wearing green armor raised a claw. "Ammo, and weapons will be provided. You will all be working together". Said Merasmus. The dragon dropped his claw.

The black robed man, looked at another man in a blue jacket, and a red visor over his mouth. "N-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n. NO"! Complained skull face.

"Yes. A fight schedule will be delivered tomorrow. Your rooms are marked on maps on that table. Your names are one the maps that belong to you. If any of you are killed in the estate you will be instantly revived. Now introduce yourselves" said Merasmus. He snapped his fingers, and all the wizards disappeared. The heroes, champions, and mercs introduced themselves before walking into the estate.

Later

Roadhog, Makoa, and Demo are sitting around watching TV. Makoa sneaks a glance at Roadhog's hook. "Huh. You call that a weapon. This is a weapon" bragged Makoa. Lifting his anchor. Roadhog grunted.

"You wanna put that to the test" argued Roadhog. Demo looked at them with one eye.

"Ah dunnae. They're both not much compared to the Eyelander. Ah bet they don't complain about soap opera's as much as my daft sword" said Demo. Roadhog, and Makoa didn't listen to him.

"Bring it on" yelled Roadhog. Jumping off the couch, and twirling his hook above his head.

"YOU DARE CHALLENGE MAKOA" shouted Makoa. Tossing his anchor to meet Roadhog's hook. The hook, and the anchor got caught on each other. They fought to regain control of the fight, that had become a tug of war.

"How aboot. The two of you have a hooking competition" suggested Demo. Taking a swig of a nearby bottle of alcohol.

"Fine. You let go first" demanded Roadhog. Makoa shook his head.

"Makoa never backs down" said Makoa. Roadhog shook his head.

"Ugh. Fine" said Roadhog. He released his hook, and the two weapons became dislodged. "How about whoever hooks the most people by the end of the day wins" said Roadhog.

"How do we know that one of us isn't lying we need a judge" said Makoa. "PIP".

"Nope". Said Roadhog. "Neutral parties. We both need a mercenary to be our judge".

Pip's fox like head peeked through the door. Makoa waved him away. "Never mind Fox". Spy chose that moment to walk through the door. Makoa grabbed him in a one-armed hug. "You can be our second judge".

Spy sighed. "What is going on here". He asked.

"Well Roadhog, and Makoa" started Demo but Spy stopped him.

"Never mind I don't care" said Spy.

"May the best Hooker win" said Makoa. Roadhog face palmed.

"Don't say it like that" said Roadhog. Demo accompanied Roadhog. Whilst Spy followed Makoa.

Heavy is sitting at a table about to take a bit of his sandwich. When suddenly an anchor wraps around his midsection, and pulls him away. His sandwich dropped onto the table. "MY SANDVICH" shouted Heavy in anguish. Spy wrote down a point for Makoa.

Ying sat meditating beside of Genji. Roadhog's hook entangled them together. Genji, and Ying's eyes locked. Ying giggled awkwardly. "Um. I didn't plan this. Sorry" said Ying as Roadhog pulled them in. Demo wrote down two points for Roadhog.

After an entire day of hooking the two met in the living room with their judges. Ten points for Roadhog, and ten points for Makoa. A tie. "Round two" demanded Makoa.

"Nope" said Roadhog walking off to the kitchen.

"Hey get back here. CHALLENGE MAKOA" demanded Makoa. Chasing after Roadhog. The two mercenaries shrugged, and turned on the TV.