Eventual SxS, pre-established SqxR. A one-shot that pulled at my heartstrings and got away on me. I'll update weekly.

'Text' Is speech between GF and Squall, which is non-auditory.

Perspective is Squall, but end tidbits are either third person or someone else. These end bits were not originally included in the text and are there for readers understanding plot points better. They can be skipped if you prefer to do so. Enjoy!

I'd Prefer the Ragnarok

It had been three months since Ultimecia had been defeated. Summer was nearing its end and it was only weeks away from my 18th birthday. I gave a sigh at the thought, Rinoa wanted me to have a party, bring the gang back together to celebrate like we did after the final battle.

Other than Rinoa and Zell, everyone else in the gang had left Balamb. After the celebration party, I had Xu approve the restoration of Trabia Garden. Selphie bounced around me for hours once she found out, not letting up until I gave into her demands and let her head the operation. Irvine followed her to Trabia and I hadn't heard from them since. Galbadia Garden ended up abandoned off the coast of Centra and when we came up on it, Quistis took it on herself to manage that Garden, needing a bigger problem than me to fix.

But, I wasn't in Balamb much either. I was fortunate that Xu was taking care of the administration at Garden, but I was running around dealing with the Lunar Cry incident – through Xu, Laguna had hired SeeD to clean up the city and surrounding areas. He had asked for other SeeDs to be assigned, but no one else was available or willing to go fight Malboros, Iron Giants, and the like so here I was, getting ready for another evening alone in the Ragnarok.

"Ragnarok, do you read? I repeat, Ragnarok, do you read?"

The device at my side was going off. I didn't know how it worked, but it had something to do with radio waves. The Estharians wanted to get a hold of me whenever they wanted so their technicians installed a system on the ship that allowed messages to come through on this pager sized speaker that I hooked to a belt loop. With a stretch, I forced myself out of the bed I had put in the lower cabin of the ship, making my way up to the bridge above and the pilot's seat to respond back.

"This is Ragnarok." I stated bluntly in reply. I was tired and the display in front of me was shinning August 2nd, 10:01pm Esthar Standard Time (EST) in my face.

"Ragnarok, you have an incoming transmission from Balamb Garden. Do you accept the call?"

I gave an extra blink at that, he now had my full attention. I hadn't heard from Rinoa in a few days, so it was probably her calling. With radio waves working again communication over distance was much easier. However, people, specifically Rinoa, had forgotten that time differences still in fact, did exist. In Balamb it would have only been early afternoon.

"Yes."

"Copy that, Ragnarok."

A short few clicks followed before the excited voice of the brunette I hadn't seen for over two months came on the air.

"Squall? Hi!"

"Hi."

"I have an idea!" That. That meant trouble. Any excitement I had had before of talking to this woman that I adored completely vanished. Rinoa's ideas in the past two months ranged from me quitting SeeD to her making the trip to Esthar by foot to me going shopping for her in Esthar. None of those were things I even vaguely considered. I didn't bother responding. After a brief pause, Rinoa continued.

"So…I know you have a lot going on right now and I know you can't come see me, but you've been alone for a long time and could use some company." I put my forehead down to my hand. I could already feel the annoyance starting.

"Laguna said he had a lot to talk to you about before we fought Ultimecia, you should go talk to him." This particular idea had come up multiple times in the first couple weeks I was in Esthar before I started cutting the call and she got the hint it wasn't something I was interested in talking about. It wasn't something I was ready to entertain. Everyone spoke highly of Laguna, but just like the friends I had made through the war, I was scared of the what if's that surrounded that situation. Rinoa knew that and for a while I thought she had respected that I needed to do things at my own pace. If it wasn't for the fact that I hadn't talked to her in a few days, I would have probably dropped the call right there.

"Hear me out. Caraway reached out to me today and I really don't want to go see him either. But, whenever it comes up you always tell me that if I want you to go talk to Laguna that I should go talk to Caraway. So I'm going to go to Deling City, and I want you to go talk to Laguna!"

I had kept saying that to Rinoa because I didn't think she'd go talk to Caraway. It was a way to get her to leave me alone on the subject. I had effectively shot myself in the foot because now if I didn't go it would turn into an argument. More so than the very angry callbacks from Rinoa from dropping her call when this subject had come up. While I was good at battle strategies, Rinoa was far better at any social strategies.

"…I'll consider it."

"I'm going to call you tomorrow and I hope you've gone and seen him by then."

I could hear the pout she was making. I was too tired to deal with this. It was 10 o'clock and I was working at light break the next morning. After taking a breath to steady myself from any visible frustration, I spoke the words that I knew I would regret the second I said them.

"That's not going to happen."

"Why? You're so frustrating! Just go see Laguna!"

To which, Rinoa promptly hung up. It was a bit surprising when she did, having only been a habit in the past month. Before, when she got angry she would stay on the call till either I hung up, and she would call me back, or she would stay on the call and keep arguing till I gave in or gave a compromise.

I looked up out at the starry sky, not seeing the ground below since the Ragnarok was in a dead still hover several thousand feet up. I considered my options. I wanted to get some rest, to let this blow over, but I knew that Rinoa was serious about calling the following day. There was a very large part of me that wanted to sink my heels in and resist this. But, I really cared for this woman. I went out to space on a dying mission to save her and broke however many Estharian laws following that to keep her from being sealed. If this would make her happy then visiting Laguna was what I would do.

The main issue was that I didn't know when Rinoa would call. I likely wouldn't have time to see Laguna the next day before Rinoa called, but the chances of him still being awake by the time the Ragnarok would make it into the capital were unlikely. It was over half an hour of flight time. Regardless, I found myself pulling the Ragnarok out of her hover and towards Esthar.

By the time I reached Esthar I could feel my body giving me resistance to stay awake. Fighting monsters gave adrenaline, but the purr of the ship's engines were far too soothing to keep a strong focus. I was thankful to have the flight over with. I drug myself across the ship to leave it, only stopping when I reached the exit. It was a bad habit, I know I didn't need to arm the ship when I was in the city, having cleared out the capital as my initial task, but I called Quezacotl to the forefront of my mind regardless.

'Quezacotl, junction to the Ragnarok.'

The outside of the Ragnarok shimmered with a yellow tint, the electricity on her outer hull becoming apparent as the bird junctioned itself to it. At first it was an experiment to see if a GF could junction itself to an inanimate object, but it seemed to be working out fine. She could still communicate to my mind if I was close enough to the ship and Quezacotl could control the electrical parts of the ship if I was willing to replace a few fuses.

With the lifts working in the capital again, I made it to the Presidential Palace in reasonable time. I checked my watch to see 10:55pm. The city itself was still bustling and I envied how these people could be out so late and be functional. The pit inside my stomach was growing as I made my way on the lift up to the inner regions of the palace. I didn't know what to say or do if I was able to get an audience with Laguna. I still hadn't decided if I wanted him in my life or not. Despite my friends' expectations and requests to let him in it was my own choice that I hadn't settled on.

The pit only grew when I came face to face with the clown, dressed proudly in an abomination of grey fluffy pajama pants with moogles on them and a tan t-shirt. If black leather had an opposite, Laguna's entire wardrobe would be it. Laguna looked tired but chipper as he offered a greeting, talking with his hands waving excitedly.

"Hey! Squall! What brings you here?"

"I need to talk to you." I offered flatly as if it wasn't the most obvious reason why I would be here. Laguna promptly broke into a dopey half smile, as if misinterpreting what I was saying.

"Y-yeah. Is there a problem?"

I scowled at the man and crossed my arms before looking away. I was starting to wonder if there should be a problem.

"No."

"Oh. Well, in that case follow me." Laguna started walking away, noticeably nervous as he limped slightly with his nervous leg cramp. I dashed a bit to catch up with him, not expecting him to have moved so quickly, and when I did he continued, now anxiously scratching the back of his head. "Can I get you anything? Tea? Hot Cocoa? Food?"

"No."

Admittedly, I wasn't giving him much to play with, but the nervous 'ahhhh' that Laguna gave off did nothing to help my nerves either. We walked a short distance to a room that looked like a living space. A leather couch and two recliner chairs were in a line near one side of the wall, with a coffee table near the foot of the couch. A screen was mounted on the opposite wall, not too far from an opening that led to a large kitchen. Various other accessories were strewn about, and it was obvious that Laguna had a designer that had done this area, most likely not Estharian.

Laguna grabbed a spot on the far side of the couch, putting his arm up on the back and getting himself comfortable. Briefly, I considered grabbing a spot in one of the chairs or just standing but I followed Laguna's suit and sat on the opposite end. There was a pause then, and the tension was enough to make Laguna wriggle around to try and get more comfortable while I looked down, contemplating on why I decided to spend my evening this way.

"What did you want to talk about?"

That broke me off from my thoughts and I looked Laguna in the eye. I noticed I swallowed hard at that. I could tell that he knew what I wanted to talk about, but it seemed he had the same amount of hesitation towards it as I did and giving the subject the authenticity of saying it out loud was going to bring the uneasiness to life. I did what I could to steady myself, looking away while keeping myself as stoic as possible.

"You said you had a lot of things to talk to me about."

Laguna began to scratch the back of his head again before getting a sense of unknown confidence from who knows where to start talking.

"Y-yeah. You know Raine and I, uh, we were married, kind of. When I sent Elle back to Winhill I should have gone back with her. When Raine passed I didn't know why, no one in Winhill was going to let me know, but Elle told me. She died from childbirth and the people in the village voted and decided to send both Elle and our child to an orphanage. They filled out the birth certificate with Raine's maiden name to try to hide it from me."

Laguna was talking fast enough that I didn't interrupt, even if I already knew most of these things. What I didn't know I had mostly pieced together. It seemed talking helped calm Laguna down, so not interrupting probably wasn't the worst thing. I started to relax as he was going over things. As much as I wasn't fond of Laguna's attitude, he was good at making others feel comfortable.

"I was in contact with Cid and Edea for a bit, making sure Elle was okay. My job kept me here, and it sounded like she would be a lot happier and get what she needed from Cid and Edea more than if she was here, I didn't have any spare time. If I had any I would have went and seen her. That and with Odine here it wasn't an option.

Cid and Edea had told me that a baby had come with Ellone to the orphanage, one that had Raine's maiden name, Leonhart. I put two and two together, I'm sure you have. But they said Elle was so attached and with everything going on in Esthar, I couldn't leave. I didn't have time or the resources for either of you so I did what I could and I sent gift packages and funds to the orphanage. I heard it helped with building the ship Elle was on."

I stopped dead for a second before the entirety of that statement had computed and a scowl appeared on my face. I could feel my mind recoiling at the information, that Laguna knew years ago, probably not long after I got to the orphanage, that I was his. He knew and decided to leave me in the orphanage. Alone.

I was sure that the pause Laguna was leaving was to see if I was going to respond but instead I kept staring, not knowing what to say or do. This conversation was slowly slipping away from anything I thought it would be. My expectations were an overexcited man going full dad mode trying to make up for years, but it was starting to sound more like an explanation for not wanting to be there. And not just for me, but for Sis, Ellone, too. Without me interjecting, Laguna eventually continued with a sigh.

"I understand if you're angry. I'm not going to make excuses or act like what I did was necessarily right. It's what I chose to do to try and give the two of you the best life. I wanted to go see you, you and Elle, but before I knew it years had passed and you both showed up in Esthar."

Laguna suddenly got nervous again and rubbed at his cramping leg. I worked on steadying my breathing, still not sure what to say, if I was going to say anything at all. There was only a slight bit of humor trickling into my mind on the words Laguna was saying. As much as I liked both Matron and Cid, being raised to be a child soldier wouldn't be the choice I'd choose given a second opportunity. And for a long time, Seifer and I were alone. We didn't know how to behave let alone how to support one another and process how our lives were unfolding. Any adults in our lives were authority figures and the other students at Garden treated us like delicate set pieces when we were little instead of giving any support. With only a hint of nerves in his voice, Laguna pressed on.

"And now our jobs are conflicting. Any sort of conflict of interest and we're both in trouble. The commander of the world's most elite fighting force and the president of Esthar having any attachment is going to cause a political nightmare. It's why I requested different SeeDs. I think it would be best if we just keep this quiet and I can give you whatever you want."

I didn't really know what was going on anymore. I understood the logic and reasoning behind what Laguna was saying, it was part of the many reasons why I was on the fence to initiating this conversation. But to have been told that I was very strongly not wanted and being given a proposition to compensation, it was more than I had accounted for. For one of the first times in my life I felt entirely steam rolled in a conversation, even Rinoa's seemingly random outbursts and accusations had never been this much of a shock. My body was numb, and I hesitantly nodded with a short and quiet "yeah", not sure what I was agreeing to but not having the will to ask what.

Laguna let out a breath, seemingly of relief. While my thoughts were spinning, he seemed to be much more relaxed and content with my response. He stood up from the couch while I took an extra minute to process. He spoke to me with a chipper tone to his voice, looking like he lost the tiredness that was on his face before.

"Great! I had some paperwork drafted up since I thought you'd agree. I'm pretty nifty getting this all done beforehand! I'll transfer you some funds and if there's anything else you'd like you let me know!"

'What?' What I'd like is to have had this conversation gone completely differently, to have what I expected and what I hoped was going to happen, happen. Ironic how I used to be the one to say not to get your hopes up. I knew better, but with all the hype and the wondrous raving opinions others had on Laguna, I let myself get carried away. I ended up putting a large part of my heart and emotion on the line only to end up having my expectations shattered.

People were not the same to others as they are to their family. This sounded like a business deal, like some bad nightmare I was in, like I was being traded off my rights to any sort of family for money and -whatever else I wanted-. With the upset this conversation was causing, my brows furrowed together, and I could sense that I was going to need to regain my neutrality before I said something stupid. Unfortunately, just like the hope for this conversation, that idea had been quickly dashed.

"I'd prefer the Ragnarok." I deadpanned in the snarkiest tone I could muster, which considering my range of visible emotion, wasn't much. Somewhere in the furthest depth of my being, I had attempted humor to cope with this unreal scenario. The Ragnarok was the one thing Esthar officials had made extremely clear was not up for debate. I could tell the point and ridiculousness of the statement was lost on Laguna when he chirped back at me with a smile.

"I can make that happen."

I felt myself blinking repeatedly in exasperation. The GFs junctioned to me were also reeling. Of those, Diablos and Bahamut were sneering into my mind, whispering back and forth to one another about how humans treated each other. It had been clear that the Ragnarok was Esthar property and after my mission was complete that it would fall out of Garden hands and back to Esthar, and just like that allegedly she was mine. I felt sick to my stomach, I needed to get out of this place.

"I'm going to grab some rest."

"Oh! It's late! Do you want me to escort you out?"

I shook my head as I got up to stand and start walking out. I didn't even look at Laguna as I made my way to the door and he piped up again.

"Goodnight, Squall. Stay docked in the Airstation tonight, I'll have the paperwork to you by morning."

By the time I had made it out of there my Guardian Forces had started to intervene. I started to feel cold, and as I was walking back to the Ragnarok I could notice people getting ice burns as they bumped into me. It was keeping me present in the moment, and I could hear Shiva in the back of my mind muttering that people needed to get out of the way. I didn't unjunction Quezacotl from the Ragnarok once I got to her. If Quezacotl wanted to electrocute Laguna in the morning, I wasn't going to stop her.


Laguna let out a sigh as Squall left. That conversation was exhausting for both parties, though in Laguna's perspective it had gone much better than he had ever hoped for. He had figured that Squall would want to be left alone, everything he had heard about the stoic teen had implied he wanted nothing to do with anyone other than himself and he seemed no different with the short, cold answers that evening.

With the idea of going to bed himself, Laguna made his way from the living space into the kitchen, where access to a hallway was where bedrooms and other areas were located. It was only when he heard a noise that Laguna jumped and grabbed the closest spatula to defend himself with.

"You didn't really let him speak." A smooth, velvety voice piped up.

"Ehh, he didn't seem to be up for much speaking." Laguna quipped back to his friend. Kiros sat unimpressed at the island in the kitchen, unable to be seen from the room the president had just come from. Eavesdropping may have been rude, but Kiros took it on himself to monitor Laguna whether his friend liked it or not, never knowing what threats would come to the other man in the political position he was in.

"Laguna, as your friend, I will tell you you're being unfair. You kept talking, offered him a proposition, and then jumped on it when he didn't interrupt you. When I fetched you to tell you Squall was here you said you'll leave what happens up to him. If you wanted to know what he wanted, you should have asked him."

"Was it that bad?"

A guilty look was in Laguna's eyes when he looked at Kiros. There had never been any malice intended, and both men knew that Laguna was a terrible communicator to begin with let alone when he was nervous. Kiros sighed at Laguna's question.

"Have a two-sided conversation with him when you bring him those papers in the morning."

"Will do!"

The high-spirited reply came with a look of skepticism from Kiros. As much as the man wanted to believe Laguna would have a real conversation, it was highly improbable.