I can't help but wait
Ohh uh
Can't help but wait
I got up this morning at 5:00 and moved through my seventh floor apartment on autopilot. It was silent and I had only my own thoughts to keep me company. Ella wouldn't be up until after I was gone, I knew. My presence would cause only awkwardness. So I changed into my sweats and took the stairs down to the gym.
Two hours later I took the stairs back up to the apartment, showered, changed, ate, and rode down to the control room, where I got a report before heading down to the garage at 8:00.
The Porsche hummed as I turned it on. I loved this car. Someone else I knew loved it too…which was precisely why I had had it for so long.
The ride to the bonds office was silent as well, spent in my "zone" as Steph liked to call it. The word had been adopted into my vocabulary also. God, what that woman does to me.
As I walked into the office, I held back the laughter I felt as I watched Lula and Connie fanning themselves. I knew that they thought I was hot, but honestly ladies, have some control. Still, it was amusing, so I never showed that I had taken notice of it.
"Got any skips for me, Connie?" I asked conversationally, still trying to keep from snickering.
"Your pile's right there. It's on the right. Steph's is on the left. You might want to look through them. There were a couple that I wasn't quite sure who they should go to," she replied. She sounded like she was trying not to hyperventilate.
Then, Lula burst out, "Shit, Batman. You seen skinny ass white girl lately? She's pretty down in the dumps. I think Super Cop's got something to do with it. Girl's lost weight too. Sounds like a bat signal if you ask me."
Connie reached over and hit her in the shoulder. "Girl you weren't supposed to say anything, remember? You better hope Steph doesn't find out about what you said."
"Well I think that girl's too good for that stupid ass cop. He don't treat her right. You know it, and I know it. If anyone's gonna do something it's Batman right here," Lula said. Then she turned to me suddenly very serious, "I think he might be hurtin her. I ain't sure, but still. She don't want to get you involved, but I don't know what else to do. She's my girl and I don't want to see her hurt. If you do end up goin over to see her, she's stayin with the cop."
I see you, you with him
He ain't right but you don't trip
You stand by while he lies
then turn right round and forgive
I had taken Lula very seriously. I knew all about the stories of the Morelli men. I knew Morelli was a good cop, but I knew nothing of the man behind the cop. So, I decided to go take a look-see.
I parked on Cherry Street in front of the townhouse I had dropped Steph off at a couple times before. If Joe was hurting her, I wasn't sure what I would do. I knew that I would want to go beat the shit out of him, but I wouldn't want Steph to end up hurt. I knew how the rumors would start about her, her reputation would be crushed, and she would be too independent to ask me for help.
I decided to put some surveillance on the house for a little while. Maybe a day or two. If it turned out to be something serious was going on, I would decide what to do then.
Ram picked up in the control room when I called. He put me through to Tank who I then explained the situation to. He then told me he would send someone over to take my place ASAP. Fifteen minutes passed before a big, black Bronco pulled up behind me to take over. I spared one last glance at the townhouse before pulling away, hoping to God that I wouldn't have to make a plan of action against Morelli.
That night at about 7:00 I got a call from Lester who was doing surveillance at Morelli's at the time. He said the Joe had returned home roughly fifteen minutes ago drunk as a skunk.
I knew that Morelli got off at 5:30 every day unless he was working overtime. He must have gone to a bar after work.
Lester continued to tell me that about 7 minutes after his return he could hear glass breaking inside the house. Shit.
I can't take to see your face
With those tears runnin down your cheeks
But what can I do
I gotta stay true
Cause deep down I'm still a G
I was there in 10 minutes. I hopped into the passenger seat of the Bronco with Lester at the wheel with night vision goggles clutched tightly in my hand. It was winter, so it was pitch black.
I handed Lester a pair and we both peered through the window's of the townhouse. The curtains were open and what we saw both infuriated and appalled us.
Steph was standing against the living room wall with a dark bruise surrounding her blue eye. Her face was turned toward the floor and her body was racked with sobs that neither of us could hear. Joe was standing there screaming, but when she failed to look up at him he grabbed her chin and wrenched her face up to look at him. It was finally too much for her and she fell to the floor. He spit on her and walked away.
I was shaking with the suppressed rage and nearly catapulted myself out of the car to get to him. Morelli was a dead man. But when I saw him stumble out the front door and into his car, I came up with a plan.
"Santos," I said, "follow that son of a bitch. Get to wherever he's going and keep an eye out. Under no circumstances are you to touch him. If he puts one toe out of line call the police. Try to keep out of sight and if you do end up making the call, make it anonymous. Keep on him until I call and tell you otherwise. Clear?"
He nodded tightly and I jumped out, watching him follow closely. No headlights. Smart guy.
And I don't want to come between you and your man
Even though I know I treat you better than he can
As soon as Santos and Morelli were out of sight I sprinted to the house, flung the door open, and ran to the living room. Steph was there and cowering against the wall, curling more and more into herself, thinking that I was Joe.
My steps slowed as I approached her, not wanting to frighten her more than she already was.
She was very alert and perceptive, a defense mechanism I knew all too well. Her head shot up and she looked me in the eye. Almost looking for the pity she didn't want to see there. I didn't pity her. I was angry, angrier than I had been in a very long time. I was ready to tear Morelli to pieces again and again. My face shut down, turning into my "blank face" as Steph called it. My babe…
"What are you doing here?" she whispered. I could tell that she too was trying to shut out the emotions I knew were overwhelming her. She wanted nothing more than to hide away and never be found again.
"He can't do that to you, Babe. I won't let him," I replied. I didn't know what else to say.
"Who, Joe? Joe would never do anything to me, Ranger. Never. I know him. What makes you think otherwise?" she said. Either she didn't want me to pity her, or she was in denial, or both. I would bet on the latter.
"Babe, I saw. I saw everything. You don't have to hide it from me. I know. I don't pity you, I just want to help you."
"You saw? No, no you couldn't have. You didn't see anything, Ranger. Nothing happened. Nothing at all. You can go back to your office now. If Joe comes back and finds you here he's not going to be happy."
Her voice had been getting quieter and quieter until she mentioned Joe's return. It was almost as if she could feel each blow again, hear him screaming at her. If made me even angrier that even though he wasn't there, he could affect her every movement, decision, and thought.
"Babe…"
"Don't 'babe' me, Ranger. Nothing happened. I don't want your pity, your help, or your anything. You lost your right to me when you walked out of my apartment that morning so long ago. And I lost everything that same morning. This is all I have left. I won't let you take that away from me too," she said. Her voice was soft and full of hurt. Her eyes were filling up with tears but I knew I would never see one tear from her. Not if she could help it.
I didn't want to hurt her more. So, I enveloped her in my arms, hugged her, and walked out the door again. Leaving behind my better judgment. Leaving behind the one person who I couldn't live without. Leaving behind my everything. All because of my stupidity. And anything else would have been selfish. So I gave her what she wanted, and hoped that she would eventually see sense.
Girl I can't help but wait
Till you get back with him it don't change
Can't help but wait
Till you see that with me it ain't the same
Can't help but wait
Till you see you for what you really are
Baby girl you are a star
And I can't help but wait
A week passed. Then two. As soon as I left Steph's house I called Santos and told him to give it up. I was giving her what she wanted, even if I knew it wasn't what she needed.
I knew that he was sleeping around. As the days flew by I heard more and more about Morelli's infidelity and dishonesty. But I sat by and watched and listened, continuously thinking that it was what she wanted.
At the end of the third week Connie told me that Steph had quit. That she was unable to handle being both a housewife and a bounty hunter. Even thought she and Morelli were not engaged she was expected to act like they were already married.
My informants at the Trenton Police Department had filled me in the Morelli had slacked off and that he had been demoted to being in uniform again. His income had gone down drastically due to the demotion, and his excessive drinking and possible gambling had made the income he had go right down the drain.
Worst of all, Steph had ceased to participate in anything outside of the little townhouse on Cherry Street. Her friends had lost almost any contact with her. Her family hadn't had her over for dinner in weeks. The Burg girl with attitude was gone, as was the Bombshell Bounty Hunter. My babe was gone, the twinkle in my dark life had disappeared, and I couldn't help but feel like the biggest dumb ass on the planet because it was all my fault.
It aint fresh to just let him call the shots
You're a queen you should be
Gettin all that someone's got
You should be rockin the latest in purses
bracelets and watches
You're worth much more than that occasional
"I love you, I'm thinking of you"
I just had to stand there and watch as my babe's whole life went down the drain. I had to listen to everything come apart in the life she had picked for herself. No I mentally reminded myself she didn't pick this life. He picked it for her and she let him. All because I gave her no choice but to run to him. To go back to him.
I didn't want to ruin anything for her, despite feeling that if I took him away from her or vice versa, nothing would be ruined. But, that's not what she wanted. So I stood back and let everything fall into place. No matter how wrong it felt, I couldn't bring myself to do anything to change it.
And I don't wanna come between you and your man no
Even though I know I treat you better than he can
It took Tank, Lester, and Bobby to finally convince me that what I was doing was wrong. They confronted me in my office one day.
Tank was the first to speak, "Man, you need to get it together and go get that girl. He's screwin it all up. You know it as well as any of the rest of us, probably better. She's throwing everything away for him, but he's not giving her a life that she wants or needs. I don't think anyone but you can change her views."
Lester was next. "He's right, Boss. One of these days he's gonna end up putting her in the ICU or the morgue. She's lost, dude. You can't just leave her there to end up like that. It just isn't right."
Bobby made the closing. "We all know you are just trying to do what she wants you to. But, you just don't get it. It's not what she wants. It's not what she needs. Even she knows that, but she refuses to call it quits with him because she has no one left to turn to. Plus, if she ended it, it would be like running. She wants to prove to everyone, including herself, that she can stick it out, can win this battle of wills. You need to show her that everyone knows she's strong and that she has tons of people to fall back on. Morelli doesn't deserve someone like her. She doesn't deserve how he treats her. It's up to you to prove that to her."
Honestly, I think Bobby's statement really snapped me out of it the most. He was a medic in the army and still does a lot of psychological work on people within the company. Most of them are ex-convicts, mercenaries, or criminals of some kind. Almost everyone has had something traumatic happen to them and they all need help.
But honestly, it doesn't matter who put the most sense into me, because I still had my eyes opened for me, and I didn't like what I saw. So I set out to fix it.
Girl I can't help but wait
Till you get back with him it don't change
Can't help but wait
Till you see that with me it ain't the same
Can't help but wait
Till you see you for what you really are
Baby girl you are a star
And I can't help but wait
About 2 days after I was cornered in my office by the Three Musketeers I received information that Joe had left town for a while. Something about a job for the department. It was be the perfect time to go try to talk to Steph.
When I saw the townhouse I couldn't help but feel a sense of dread. What if she rejected me again, sent me away? I wouldn't let that happen, though. My babe was not going to be stuck in this hell hole any longer with this heartless bastard.
Get it together
You can do better
Seein's believin
And I see what you need so
I'm going to play my position
Let you catch what you've been missing
I'm calling out
It took everything I had to keep from gasping at the image of the woman who answered the door. What I had seen through the window almost 5 weeks ago had obviously become a daily ritual and had intensified. Her face was a mass of blue and black bruising, her lip was spilt in two different places. She had lost so much weight that her hands were extremely boney. She was shaking probably from the cold and from being so weak. Her eyes were bugged, as thought she was expecting me to jump on her the moment she opened the door. This was no longer Stephanie Plum. This woman was frightened and dying from the inside.
This woman was broken.
"My God, Babe. How could I have let this happen?" I was thinking aloud.
"You've let nothing happen Ranger. Nothing has happened. Now what do you want, I'm busy?"
"Denial isn't going to help you any anymore Steph, stop trying to lie to me and to yourself. One day you'll end up in the hospital or dead. How can you look me in the eye and tell me nothing's wrong, when you look like this?"
"What concern is it of yours what's going on, what's happened. You TOLD me to come back here, remember? Five goddamn weeks I've waited for someone to stop gossiping about me and come help me, but no one ever did. No one called or came over here. Apparently this is what I deserve."
"How can you say that Stephanie? How can you accuse people of not caring for you, when you know as well as I do that if anyone had offered you would have shot them down anyway?"
She took a step back, the fear reentering her eyes. "Dear God. I'm so so sorry. Please don't be angry with me. I swear I didn't mean it. Just don't be angry."
"Babe."
She was backing away from me, shaking her head and trembling from fear. Her eyes were wide and alert.
"Babe, look at me. Please Stephanie. Please…"
She stopped and looked at me. Then she did something I couldn't believe. She sunk to her knees, bowed her head and hunched over, sobbing on the floor. What had I done? How could she end up like this. Bowing to someone. Bowing to me.
I too sunk to my knees and gently lifted her chin to look at me. "Never again, babe. I never want to see you in this position again. You will never ever bow to someone, you're too good for that."
I gathered her in my arms and rocked her back and forth, both of us still on the floor. My t-shirt was soaking through, her tears flowing out of her eyes endlessly, releasing the pain, loneliness, fear, and anger of the past month and a half.
Girl cuz I can't help but wait
Till you get back with him it don't change
Can't help but wait
Till you see that with me it ain't the same
Can't help but wait
Till you see you for what you really are
Baby girl you are a star
And I can't help but wait
When her tears subsided, we sat there for a bit longer, my big arms circling her fragile and weak body.
"Babe?"
"Yeah, Ranger?"
"Come back with me? Please?"
She hesitated for a moment, as though weighing her options. Then she sighed, "I can't do that to you, Ranger. Your life doesn't lend itself to relationships and I really don't want to be alone."
I shook my head. "Babe, I can't leave you here. You have no idea how much it's hurt to leave you here, knowing what's been going on. I won't leave you here. That's final."
She let out a small laugh and her eyes twinkled for a moment before she nodded, "Well, when you put it that way, how can I refuse you?"
I smiled the full 1000 watts before picking her up off the floor.
Till you get back with him
It don't change
Can't help but wait
Till you see that with me it ain't the same
Can't help but wait
Till you see you for what you really are
Baby girl you are a star
And I can't help but wait
It's been two years since I picked her up and helped put the pieces back together. Joe ended up coming home to an empty house. About 5 of the Merry Men came to visit that night and beat the shit out of him. I went to visit him during his visit to the hospital. The only words I said were, "Stephanie sends her regards, and I send my warning. Touch her again, and the only thing you'll be feeling will be the heat of the flames as you burn in Hell. Watch your back, because no one else will be."
His face as I walked out was priceless. If only I had enough sense to take a picture.
As for Steph, she's gained back almost all the weight she lost over the two months that Joe was beating her. The difference now is that a vast majority of it is muscle. I'd hate to be on her bad side. That girl has a mean right hook.
This summer we'll go to Miami for our wedding. Steph's still not sure if she ever will want kids, and I just want what she wants. Tank and Lula will be joining us and will also wed during our stay down south. It'll be a different day just the same place.
As far as I know Joe moved to Washington State. He's had no contact with Stephanie since my warning, but I still have kept one eye on him.
I have a ton of faith now. I know that I can protect Steph no matter what and that I'll never let her go again. We love each other, and know that we can make anything work no matter how hard it will be. I've waited for so long, but I'm done waiting and now I know that it was all worth it in the end.
Can't help but wait
I can't help but wait
Ohohoh
Can't help wait
No oh no oh no oh
Boy that took forever to write! Hope You liked it! The song is "Can't Help But Wait" by Trey Songz.
Review pretty please! They make my day!
