I'll be the first to admit it: Kenneth McCormick is just a sick, fucked up game of emotions.
But not his emotions.
My emotions.
His emotions stay the same. He's fucking full of himself, that idiot. He wraps the object of his fantasies around one finger, and plays around with them as he pleases.
Unfortunately for me, I'm a frequent of his imagination.
Fortunately for him, I fall into the same traps over and over. It's like I haven't got a fucking clue as to what he'll do next. Even when I do know.
I know he'll come knocking at my door or my window on some dark lonely night.
I know he'll cry and beg for me, try his damnest to get through to me.
I know he'll say that he's sorry, and that he'll say that he's ashamed of himself for leaving again and again.
I know…
I know I'll break.
I know I'll fall to his act; to his scheme.
Because he's the only one who's ever been within these walls.
The walls I put up to keep out nasty, vile, fucking putrid vermin like him.
Yet, like a damn rat, he continues to weasel his way in and break down every barrier I had so carefully set up to keep him away.
Because I know.
I know that he'll use me, and he'll love every fucking second.
His "I love you" is poison. Each situation seeping doom in a different way.
"I love you, Craig," he says all sing-song.
After "making up," it means, "Thanks for taking me back, so I have someone to screw tomorrow."
In the morning over a text, it means, "Have a good day, because I want you to be in a good mood when you fuck me later."
In the hallway when we separate for class, it means, "I'm showing you off right now. Aren't we the talk of the school?"
In public, it means, "Thanks for buying me this."
After sex, it means, "I only wanted you here for this."
It's sickening.
But every single damn time, I respond.
I respond with a fucking, "I love you too, Kenny."
And the worst part is, I'm not a liar like he is. There is fucking truth behind every single venomous time I say that damn sentence.
I love Kenny.
Even after every time he's cheated on me and loved it, every time he's laughed at me while he broke up with me, every time he takes me for granted, every time he's drunk-kissed someone in front of me, every time he's left me alone in bed by myself after screwing…
I love Kenny.
And I fucking hate him for it.
