Not Your Friendly Neighborhood Uzumaki
By Dark Patrician
(Hi everybody and welcome to my first ever attempt at writing Naruto fan-fiction. Anyway, in the original cannon, Jiraiya trained Naruto between fifteen days and three weeks before throwing him into a canyon. Naruto managed to contact the Kyuubi and received the chakra/yokai necessary to summon Gamabunta and escape. This is not the original canon, I don't own the original canon Kishimoto does like it or not, for better or for worse, etc, etc. I also do not own Spiderman and all associated titles as these belong to Marvel, and the idea belongs to the irreplaceable Stan Lee. Does anybody else wish he was their grandpa, because he seems like he'd make an awesome grandparent. Our story starts lets say…Day 15 of training and change how things might have gone, shall we?)
Chapter One: Down the Bottomless Chasm
Hello, my name is Naruto Uzumaki. Thirteen years ago, for some reason, the Kyuubi no Kitsune attacked the village of Konoha. Shortly after its appearance, the Fourth Hokage gave up his life to seal that nine tailed fox demon into a baby. That baby was me. Why me I don't know, but if I ever see that bastard the very least I'm going to do to him is punch him in the face.
Hours after the sealing, the Third Hokage announced the truth about the Kyuubi's defeat to the village. Seconds later, their hatred of me began. Fast forward twelve years…twelve long, glare filled, villager cursing under their breath years later and I finally became a ninja. Sure it took three tries, being tricked by Mizuki into stealing the Sacred Scroll of Sealing, learning the A ranked technique Kage Bushin no Jutsu, and beating the ever loving crap out of Mizuki, but hey at the end of the night, I'm a ninja.
Over the course of the next nine months, my "team" would follow a pretty standard routine, Sakura, Sasuke, and I would arrive at the training ground around 7 AM and wait for Kakashi to arrive; three hours later he'd arrive making some lame excuse for his lateness followed by a couple hours of D-rank missions (i.e. 'lets do somebody's chores for them'), lunch, then 'training' (i.e. "Naruto, do some chakra control exercises. Sasuke, let's do some taijutsu training. Sakura, fawn of Sasuke and praise him for just breathing correctly,") and then we go home and start over tomorrow. Same shit, different day.
Mission wise, things have been interesting. I saved Wave Country, watched a missing-nin kill an evil business-midget, lost the first person I probably could have considered a friend (Rest in Peace, Haku), and sometime between the forming of the team and now, completed about a billion forgettable D-rank missions, (Seriously is it that hard to rake leaves or paint a fence?).
Then comes the Chunnin Exam: first, show off the vital ninja skill of taking a test; then we had a timed survival test under the eye of an exhibitionist ninja, can't blame her though, it'd be a shame to hide a body like that; get into a fight with a sannin, watch my 'teammate' get a tattoo and then get knocked out by a punch to the gut, survive the battle, wake up in time to watch Sasuke's tattoo spread and turn him into a psycho; get to the tower; watch some good matches, some one-sided matches, plus a few disappointing matches (Kind of sad how the girl on girl fights were the least interesting, isn't it?), along the way kick Kiba's ass, and then swear to beat Neji for Hinata on my nindo (Why'd I do that anyway? I barely know her. Maybe I got a concussion after the whole 'snake punch to the gut' thing).
So now we're up to two weeks plus ago, I ask Kakashi to teach me to fight Neji; instead, he pawned me off onto Ebisu, Konohamaru's trainer. A few hours later, Ebisu gets his ass handed to him by Jiraiya who became my new sensei after some persuasion. For the next two weeks Jiraiya tried to teach me how to summon toads. Key word "tried", here's his training method in a nutshell: I perform the summoning technique just as he explained it (the only time he did so), a tadpole/small toad appears, he insults me and tells me to do it again, rinse, and repeat. That's it, no help, no words of encouragement, no hints, hell he doesn't even pay any attention to me until the toad shows up. He may be a great ninja, but he sucks as badly as Kakashi as a teacher.
Anyway why am I telling you all this? Well fifteen seconds ago, Jiraiya threw me off of a cliff to determine if he would keep training me, after making me run out of chakra with his stupid toad summoning.
Flashback
I regained consciousness after making summon attempt 37,192, a frog with a tadpole tail minus the fin part and red comma things on the back if you care, after Jiraiya dropped me on my face. I staggered to my feet and came face to face with the Toad Sage, and for once he actually looked serious. "The training ends today," he began in his gruff voice, "If you don't want to die figure it out yourself." He then pokes me in the forehead with a finger, which sends me flying out of the woods and off the edge of this cliff with sharp rocks jutting off the sides.
End Flashback
What kind of training is this? What is he trying to do, kill me? Wait…that's it…oh my god he's trying to kill me…really trying to kill me…that bastard! Oh that's it, if Orochimaru didn't kill me then there's no way in hell I'm letting this toad bastard beat me!
Wait, there's a ledge coming up fast below me…if I focus my chakra to my arms and legs maybe I can stick to it. Thirty feet…twenty feet…ten…five…one…got it!
CRACK!
Don't got it, my palm hit the ledge straight on causing me to swing slightly before the crack happened and I lost my grip. I think my right arm is broken, is that bone? Oh I hope that's not bone. Okay, don't panic you're just plummeting to your death with a broken arm. I close my eyes for a second to focus…
DRIP
…and reopen them to find that I have somehow been transported to a sewer somewhere, perfectly normal happening right? Before I have time to focus on where I'm at and how I've gotten here, a loud growl echoes through the tunnels as if calling me to find it, and find it I must.
I wander up and down the various tunnels of the sewer until eventually I find myself in front of a cage door held shut by a piece of paper with the word 'Seal' written on it and a pair of glowing red eyes and a frowning mouth full of teeth behind it.
"Why are you here, human?" the eyes ask.
"Who…what are you?" I ask back.
"I'm hurt human, we've been together your entire life and you don't recognize me?" the voice replies mockingly.
"Kyuubi," I realize out loud. "All right, if you're inside my body then you need to pay me rent. So how about giving me some of your chakra to get us out of this mess!"
"Prisoners don't pay rent," the Kyuubi replied mockingly.
"Listen fox, if I don't get out of this mess then I'll die, and if I die…"
"Then I'll die," Kyuubi finished as its harsh stare turning into one of acceptance. "No thanks, unlike you I'm ready to die." Of all the responses the demon fox could have come up with, this was one I wasn't expecting.
"You want to die?"
"Yes," the Kyuubi replied simply.
"Why?"
"I am far older than you can even comprehend human. I have seen far too many friends and family members die. Demonkind has been on the decline for the past few millennia," the Kyuubi replied solemnly. "They've been killed by each other for land or food, assassinated by your kind because they exist and look different then you, or just disappeared." The beast behind those eyes paused as if remembering things long past. "Hell, I haven't seen a kitsune in over a century so I'm probably the last of them. And there's no way in hell that I'm going to be the last of the kitsune and the last of the demons! This is why I allowed my self to be sealed, so that when my host died, I could be reunited with my kin."
"What about me?" I roared back. "I'm not ready to die, what did I do to deserve this fate!"
"Perhaps some member of your family committed a sin against Kami," the Kyuubi offered. "I neither know nor care why we were brought together. Now if you'll excuse me, I'd like to spend our last moments of life preparing for our death." I don't know how the fox did it; by a thin and quick tendril of red…something struck me forcing my eyes shut on instinct. I opened my eyes ready to fight the red thing only to find myself back where I started, falling to my death.
"*EXPLITIVE DELETED*"
Okay, think, think, think, think, think…what am I good at that could get me out of this? Ramen eating…no ramen here. Henge…I'd still weigh the same and fall so that's out. Kawaimi…nothing to swap places with. That leaves…Kage Bushin! Here's hoping this works, I use my left arm to grab my right and move it into position to say the name of my best jutsu.
"Kage Bushin no Jutsu!" I shout forcing as much chakra into the technique as I can possibly scrape together. I'm surrounded by a burst of smoke revealing half a dozen clones of myself within arms distance. "Sorry to do this guys but I need something to break my fall." Wordlessly, my copies maneuver themselves beneath me using a combo of grabbing onto one another and pointing their bodies straight down to speed up, ultimately forming a two clone thick layer wall to clutch onto which would hit the ground first.
"Thank you," I whisper as the first layer makes contact with the ground. Seems funny doesn't it? I mean thanking yourself for protecting yourself. But hey they have a few seconds difference in memory from me so…why abandon courtesy. The first layer of clones dispel instantly on contact with the jagged ground causing an unexpected reaction. Since they didn't dispel at once the second layer of clones shifted if just slightly before they too hit the ground and dispel. The end result of this is me landing on my already broken arm and breaking even more bones in my body somehow…I don't know things are kind of jumbled and disconnected. I must have cracked my skull if the look the clone above me had given….wait I was on top of the pile, so how can I remember…hey; I remember what my clone remembers.
"Great," I have to say out loud, just to confirm I can still talk. "I learn a cool side effects of my jutsu and its helping me remember being in even more pain." The rush of memories from all my crushed clones finally hits me in my already throbbing head and I black out from the pain. Although I must have been conscious enough to hallucinate because I could swear that metal ropes are touching me.
I don't know how much time has passed since I blacked out, but I do know that when you wake up unable to move due to restraints, you've probably been captured. Standard procedure dictates that you refrain from showing any signs of consciousness until you can ascertain: where you were, who was around you, whether they were friend or foe, and possible ways of escape. I was not one for standard procedure.
"Whoever the hell is out there let me out of this thing!" I shouted. The room I was in was very dark except for a light directly above my head which illuminated only a small section of the area, showing just that everything around me was made oddly enough of metal.
After a few moments of silence, I closed my eyes again to take stock of all the damage that had been done. I was brought out of my self inventory by the sound of two sets of footsteps walking toward me seconds before two men walked into the light.
The first man was fairly non-descript wearing just a light green polo shirt and grey slacks. His face was average looking with the only true difference from the norm being his brown hair cut in the flat-top style. His associate on the other hand was anything but average looking. The second man wore a green body suit with yellow boots, gloves, a belt and a chest plate. His eyes were covered by a dark pair of laboratory goggles in the style of sun glasses and his brown hair was cut in the style of a bowl cut. But the most noticeable about the man were the four tentacle-like arms which emerged from his back.
"Are we awake?" the second man asked with a slight accent, causing the 'w' to sound more live a 'v,'
"We're not sure. Do we…have metal arms in our back?"
"We do."
"Then we're awake…but we're very puzzled."
"Considering the circumstances I'm not surprised," the first man remarked. "But where are our manners. Allow me to introduce myself I am Alistair Smythe."
"And I," the second man stated, "am Doctor Otto Octavius, more crudely referred to as Doctor Octopus."
Authors Note: How did Alistair Smythe and Doc Ock end up in Naruto's world? What will they do to him? Don't worry true believers (had to say it) all these questions will be answered in the next chapter.
