A/N: Okay my first Hannibal fic, I've gone dark side. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined writing for this fandom, I mean, I love the show and all. Got into it mainly because of Gillian Anderson and my fellow countryman Mads Mikkelsen, and I like it, still this is not what I normally write for or about. But my brain wanted me to, so who am I to deny it the pleasure, it's probably going to make no sense whatsoever, I blame all the hiatuses.
It involves nothing gross or anything, just some Bedelia introspection of some kind I guess.
Spoilers: for everything that has been shown so far, so up to and including 2x13 Mizumono.
Disclaimer: I own no cannibal...ehm I mean Hannibal.
As a psychiatrist she had studied the inner workings of the brain, knew which synaptic responses triggered which states of mind, was familiar with a plethora of proved and disproved theories about sociopaths and psychopaths. Yet even with this vast knowledge her own brain had betrayed her, or was it her heart? It wasn't rational, that much she knew. He did unspeakable things - that she knew of and some she probably didn't - still she found him fascinating both professionally and personally. At first she'd attributed it to some weird form of Stockholm syndrome, he was both her savior and her capturer. She felt she owed him - for the whole berserk patient, swallowed tongue ordeal - only later realizing he was the man behind the curtain. The one pulling all the strings. The main manipulator. It should have appalled her, but to her own horror she felt intrigued. In a moment of weakness she'd let the devil in. Let his persuasions become truth. And she'd liked it.
As she had told Will Graham one of the greatest temptations for a psychiatrist was to manipulate circumstances and watch the outcomes play out. And somewhere along the lines she'd been drawn into Hannibal's play. He'd let her become a part of it, her role not wholly transparent even to her, but that only served to give it all a hint of excitement, never knowing if you were the culprit or the victim, the betrayer or the betrayed, the psychiatrist or the patient.
In her own optic Bedelia's consciousness was clear, what she'd done had been self-defense, the rest, well she hadn't been the master of her own mind, and she was okay with that. Giving up control, but still following someone's preordained plan, it was freeing on a whole new level.
They had a rare understanding, her and Hannibal, one that complimented and suited each other. Born out of a mutual and professional respect and evolved into a dark bond between two likeminded individuals. She might have concluded that he was dangerous, but who didn't like a bad boy, they did have a certain pull after all and what was life without a little thrill. Boring was what it was. Hannibal had plucked her just as she ripened, she was a part of something now not just sitting on the sidelines and listening.
He had presented her with a gift not bestowed on many, clear-sightedness, a view into a world beyond the world, something that was free from all practices and pretenses, stripped of any and all human emotions. It just was. An entity that wasn't necessarily bad or good, it simply existed, it was the picture of objectivity that any psychiatrist dreamed of becoming. Hannibal had opened her eyes to an unseen truth, the world wasn't as black and white as she had thought. Sometimes the undefinable grey matter mattered more than the discrete categories into which they were forced.
A/N: This turned out weird, sorry.
But what the what was that last scene after the credits?! Season 3 can't come fast enough, would like to see how they're going play this one out. 'Cause I have no idea what's going on with those two (it's weirding me out, and I don't know how to define their "relationship", hence the title) and does the rest of them die or not, jeez... the waiting's the worst.
