Harry Potty ,er, Potter

And the Sorcerer's Phone ,er, Stone

"Hello, I'm a man, and I keep the storyline moving." Dumbledore said as he used his magical lighter to light up the street. "Just in case you're wondering, this is a magical lighter, but you probably guessed that didn't you? Because this is a spoof of the movie, some important parts may be cut out, so don't be mad at me or the writer. Be mad at the idiots who wrote the movie. Also, you may notice some cut dialogue, but like I said before…you know what I said before."

"I'm a transforming cat!" McGonagall said, transforming into a human.

"I should've known that was you, only you would transform into a stupid cat like that." Dumbledore said.

"Now that's not nice, Albus!" McGonagall said.

"But that's the point, Minerva," Dumbledore said.

A huge motorcycle came descending from the sky.

"AHHHHH! It's the mouse from 'The Mouse and the Motorcycle' who landed into radioactive waste on his motorcycle and became a giant mouse on a giant motorcycle who will kill us all!" McGonagall said running around and panicking.

"No, it's just Hagrid, who landed and got off the motorcycle while you ran around and panicked." Dumbledore said.

"You sent HIM!"

"Don't worry, I told him not to put him in his pocket and squish him, unlike what he will do to the poor boy's 11th birthday cake."

"Hello Professor Dumbledore," Hagrid said, "I brought the boy, and he slept while we were flying over… some place. Oh, by the way, I, uh, accidentally squashed his 11th birthday cake."

"Don't worry Rubeus." Dumbledore said. "It'd go bad in 11 years anyhow so you can get a new one."

"Phew, good." Hagrid said, "But I still…made that one…with my heart and soul…" Hagrid grumbled, starting to cry.

"Oh, don't worry, you can put everything into your n-"McGonagall started.

"No, literally, look." Hagrid said, taking out the cake. A beating heart was on the cake and a screaming transparent thing that looked like Hagrid was on it as well.

"Oh my…BLEARGHHHHH!" McGonagall said, throwing up on the baby.

"…he's gonna be scarred for the rest of his life now," Dumbledore said, "and I had hoped it would just be his aunt and uncle who made him feel abused…"

"Well, bye!" Hagrid said, flying away on Sirius Black's (hinthint: this name will be important… eventually) motorcycle.

"You know…it's funny Albus. This is a parody of the movie, but it still has chapters. Why?'

"Well, let's let our writer, Cool70sfreak, explain that." Dumbledore said, pointing to Cool70sfreak.

"Thank you Albus!" Cool70sfreak exclaimed, "Well, you see, chapters make it more convenient for the reader to… ahem, read. And, more chapters make the parody more appealing to people." Cool70sfreak said, leaving.

"Thank you," Dumbledore said, "Well, I must leave. Farewell." Dumbledore turned the street lights off as he left."

"That was strangely… strange." McGonagall said. "Oops, the note." She put a note in the basket with the baby, then transformed back into the cat with a scary fa-owww! (she just hit me…)…into the amazing cat.

Petunia walked outside in the morning to get the milk and screamed, "SCREEEEAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMM!"

"Why do you yell 'scream', rather than just scream…" Vernon said, half asleep.