A.N- This is set after the fall, when Sherlock has first gone into hiding.

(This doesn't really affect the story, but just as something to share- I have a theory that John and Sherlock were together in The Hounds of Baskerville and The Reichenbach fall, for many reasons, but a couple are that there was no more denying of being gay or a couple (particularly note in THOB when John is getting the room key), and also John stops getting girlfriends. Always feel free to message me to discuss tjlc or just Sherlock chat/theories in general!)

Sherlock was in hiding; safe from Moriarty and his network, or, if you like, his web- thanks to his brother Mycroft. They would, of course, have to begin taking apart this web, person by person; it was so vast, so entangled, that this seemed almost impossible. But Sherlock knew how to start. Of course he did. However, this was not the main thing prying on the great Sherlock Holmes' mind, oh no, there was one thing he really couldn't stop thinking about...

...his boyfriend, John.

He had no idea that Sherlock was alive.

If only he could just have one moment to be with him again, one call, one text...

But Mycroft's words stayed strong in Sherlock's mind; 'You cannot tell anyone, Sherlock. Not even John. And, brother mine, don't think that I can't tell that you won't listen to me...you never did...but at least, for this once, you must. Don't put your life at risk, Sherlock. Don't put John Watson's life at risk. He will be safer if you don't tell him- you and I both know that.'

But...Sherlock found it hard to believe that John ever would tell anyone.

Not if Sherlock told him the consequences.

Yes, if John knew Sherlock was alive, if Sherlock sent just one text...

...this would be better for both of them.

And so, Sherlock picked up his phone, and went to his contacts list (John, Mycroft; Sherlock had never really seen the point in saving anyone else's numbers), selected John, opened up their conversation, and began to type;

John. It's me. I know it may not be believable but I am alive. But you cannot tell anyone. We could both die if you did. But I am telling you, and only you, because I don't want to put you through any more pain than I already have, and I love you, and always will. You know it's me, because your birth certificate is still in the drawer (unless you've moved it, of course) and I know that the man I love is called John Hamish Watson. I promise, no matter how long it takes, that I will someday get back to you. It could take months, or years, but I promise I will.

Sherlock read over the text a couple of times. Satisfied, he went to press the send button but...

...he didn't. His brothers words still going through his mind, he realised...if he really loved John, he would keep him as safe as possible. And the only way he could do that was to not send the text. John may actually have more peace of mind if he didn't tell him anything, anyway. And Mycroft was never wrong.

And so, with tears threatening to leave the corners of his eyes, which he squeezed shut in an attempt to stop them, Sherlock deleted his carefully chosen words...

...hopefully John would still believe that Sherlock was real...

...after all they'd been through together...

...hopefully John still loved him.

But, as much as Sherlock loved John, which was more than he had loved any other person ever before...

Sherlock still could barely believe his own feeble hopes.