Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds or any character associated with it, no copyright infringement is intended.

A/N: As I was watching old CM episodes to get over my writer's block, I saw the episode "Damaged". I've had in my head for a while to write a AU story where Hotch & Haley don't get divorced in Season 3, but find a way to work through things. Since I can't seem to get anywhere with my other stories, I might as well write this one.(what's one more fic in progress?) I'm hoping as I work on this fic, my creative juices will break through my writer's block and I'll be able to finish my other stories. My intent is to have this fic start at the episode "Damaged" through the end of Season 5. It might not be one chapter per episode, and I may skip a few episodes. We'll see how it goes.

One request on reviews: I would appreciate people's input as to whether or nor Haley should survive her encounter with the Reaper.


I cannot and will not recant anything, for to go against conscience is neither right nor safe. Here I stand, I can do no other, so help me God. Amen.
- Martin Luther

As Aaron Hotchner drove the car, he thought that things could have gone better. He and Dr. Spencer Reid just finished conducting a custodial interview with convicted rapist and murderer Chester Hardwick.

The problem wasn't that it hadn't gone well so much as Aaron had created a dangerous situation. From the very beginning of the interview, he had the guard leave Chester locked in the room unrestrained with them. When Hotch had enough of Chester, it was during shift change. Chester was going to attack them, he had just told them he was going to kill them, and they both knew he wasn't bluffing.

Hotch tried to face off with him, when Reid distracted Chester by laying out a theory of why became a killer and wasn't just like anybody else. It was just long enough for the guards to get there and prevent any problems.

"You were good in there," Hotch told Reid, suddenly feeling a need to break the silence.

"I do some of my best work in a state of pure panic," Reid said finding a way to be light-hearted and humble at the same time. It made Hotch feel worse about the situation he had gotten both of them into.

"I'm sorry," Hotch said.

"For what?" Reid seemed genuinely puzzled.

"I didn't help matters."

Reid considered that. "I suppose not," Reid said without any hint of recrimination.

It was Reid's lack of blame that made Hotch feel compelled to explain why he had acted so recklessly. "So Haley sent the divorce papers."

"Oh?"

"She just wants me to sign the papers to get everything over with, so no one wastes money on lawyers."

"What do you want?"

"I'm not going to get what I want," Hotch said with a feeling of despair.

"Why? What do you want?"

Hotch sighed. "I don't want to get divorced."

"Oh." Reid's response was just slightly louder than a whisper. Uncomfortable silence filled the car, and it stayed there for several minutes.

"So you're just going to give up?" Reid asked at last.

"There's nothing else to do."

"Yes there is."

"She's made it clear she has no interest is staying together."

"Hotch, do you love her?"

"It's not that simple."

"I think it's an extremely simple question. Do you love her?"

"Reid," Hotch said in a tone that he hoped would induce the awkward silence that filled the car before.

"No Hotch, we came very close to a bad situation that could have ended up with one, or both us, in intensive care. You all but challenged Chester to a fist fight, so let's talk about this for a moment. Do you love Haley?"

Hotch was quiet for a moment. Reid was right about the precarious situation they barely managed to avoid, and it was because of Reid's quick thinking that defused the situation that Hotch created. Reid deserved answers to any question he cared to ask.

"Very much."

"Do you really want things to go on like they are? Not seeing her or Jack very often?"

"No. Not really."

"Then I think you should try to work through your problems."

"She doesn't want to."

"Did you ask her? Or are you just letting her leave because you feel guilty?"

"Guilty?"

"The only reason I can think of that you wouldn't be fighting to stay together is that you feel guilty about something. You've been working harder since Gideon left, is that the problem."

Hotch was silent for a few moments.

"No. It happened before Gideon left. I was supposed to transfer to another unit, one with more regular hours."

"But you didn't."

"Staying with BAU meant Strauss would stay away and leave it alone."

"Is that really why you stayed?"

Hotch looked at Reid for a moment, not so longer as to affect his driving, but just long enough to see if Reid was asking the question for information or because he already knew the answer.

"Are you trying to make a point, Reid?"

"I think you stayed because this is where you want to be. The problem is that you think Haley and the BAU is an either/or proposition."

"She seems to think so."

"It matters more if you think so."

"Why?"

"Because," Reid said,"if you think it isn't then you should convince her. That's if you really want to stay married to her."

"It would be better for her and Jack if"

"No it wouldn't." Hotch could hear the irritation if Reid's voice. "It would not be better for either one of them if you left. If you want this to be over, that's once thing Hotch. But don't say it's Haley and don't act like your make a sacrifice. And I think you need to figure you this out, if for no other reason because I might not be with you the next time you try to commit suicide by unsub."

Hotch didn't say a word, but instead pulled the car off on the shoulder. He turned the car off and looked at Reid, his gaze was partially baleful. Reid, surprisingly, didn't even blink.

"If you want to fight, that's fine Hotch," Reid said,"you'll probably win but it won't change the fact that I'm right. You and I both know that's what you did in there. And maybe you won't do it again, but we can't be sure of that. You antagonized Chester from the moment we stepped into that room, after leaving the restraints off. Either you wanted to hurt him or you were hoping he would kill you."

Hotch unbuckled his seat belt, and got out of the car. "You drive,"he said.

A few minutes later, Reid was driving and Hotch just sat there in the passenger seat. He was trying to get his thoughts in order, and it was a struggle.


A/N: Yes, I know it's a little evil to end the chapter there. But it felt like a good stopping point.