17 Reasons Why to Kill Mike Newton
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, New Moon, or Eclipse. And I fortunately don't own Mike Newton. BLECH.
This was something, I, Tirzah (this one is mine) decided to do because I was really bored. Like, uber bored. Super bored. This is basically the same as being uber bored. Enjoy!
If it wasn't for Edward, Mike would have raped Bella at some point in Twilight. Not New Moon or Eclipse. Twilight.
Because he's not Edward. Duh.
He's not a vampire (but then again, even if he was, we Mike haters still wouldn't like him.)
Because he's a sick pervert trying to hit on Bella when she obviously doesn't like him like that. If she even likes him at all.
Because he hates Edward. And no one hates Edward. Right?
He was going to cheat on Jessica, and while we don't really give a crap if he cheats on Jessica, if Bella had said because she liked him, she'd be hurt to know he was cheating on her. See my point?
He thinks he can replace Edward. NO one can replace Edward. Unless you love Jacob. If that's the case, our stories are not for you, my friend.
He annoys the crap-spackle out of Edward.
He annoys Bella when he asks numerous times to go out with her.
He annoys the hell out of the rest of the Cullens. But we're not sure about Esme and Carlisle. We'd have to ask them ourselves.
Because he's…just…bleh.
He still persists when he knows that Bella has Edward the vampire and Jacob the Werewolf. Although he doesn't know that they're mythical creatures. But he still persists when he knows that Bella has two guys better than him.
Because he's creepy and stalker-ish and we have to get rid of him for the sake of all the other Twilight character's happiness. Who cares what Jessica thinks?!
We don't want him to marry (God forbid Bella, if Edward leaves again in B.D) and half Mike Newton Jr.'s running around. That'd be beyond horrifying.
He doesn't have a god damn Volvo.
He took advantage of Bella in this one fan fiction that I read.
He's Mike Newton.
And that concludes the "17 Reasons to Kill Mike Newton" fan fiction! I'd love to get reviews, and I'd love to know what you think. No one likes Mike Newton. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha. I hope you liked this! Reviewing isn't hard. Just drag that mouse over to the little purple button that says "Go" and make sure that you've selected, "Submit Review". Thank you!
