The Words "Best Friends" Become Redefined

(Goodbye Friendship, Hello Heartache)

Marco can't help but watch as his best friend tucks her hair behind an ear and bites her lip in concentration as she waves her wand. He doesn't mean to but his eyes have a will of their own and they always seem to seek her out.

Star's clothes line themselves up and begin parading into her over stuffed bag. How long did she say this trip was going to be, again? That's an awful lot of clothes. Panic grips his chest and he shifts uncomfortably on the end of his chair. He's on edge in more ways than one. Marco is completely tongue-tied and full of regret and not a small amount of frustration. Star is humming happily to herself and entirely oblivious. A small voice in the back of his mind tells him that he could just ask but lately he's just been too wary about requesting things of her. Especially information. He feels as if this is a privilege that's been revoked. And can he blame her for taking it away? There has been a gap between the two of them for almost half a year now, and it's all his fault. It is slowly killing him inside, but what else can he do? He needed to pull back, because he was afraid of getting too close. He wants too much and the only answer was to put distance between the two of them. He just doesn't trust himself.

As the princess continues to bustle about, he thinks back on the last several months. At first, Star's reaction was to push back for a little while, not with words but small looks and gestures. A soft sigh here, a grimace from the other side of the couch there. But they never directly spoke about it and soon his friend seemed to accept the way things were. He was sad, but figured he'd be able to survive like this. It hurt a whole lot, but if they were still friends, Marco could endure. Then Star starting adding her own distance and Marco began losing ground. But what could he say? She was only doing the same thing he started...he had no right to complain. So he kept his mouth shut and began to fall apart.

Marco is startled out of his reverie by the sound of his friend's exasperation. He looks up. Star's clothes have all tucked themselves away and now she's sitting on the suitcase while trying to magic the zipper closed. A small smile makes his way across his face as he watches her struggle. After a few moments of her grunting and grumbling in frustration, Marco gives in to the call to be near her and moves across the room to help.

"Here, let me get it." He moves the hand with her wand away gently, trying to ignore the shock that runs up his arm. He cannot lose his cool. Star immediately stops struggling and he thinks he hears a sharp intake of breath, but he immediately denies its existence. She's probably just startled that he's invading her space like this.

Two urges make themselves known to him and he fights to ignore both. He wants to kiss her. They are so close. He doesn't think there's been less than five feet between them the last few months and her proximity is wreaking havoc on his heart. The second urge is insisting that he bolts in order to make a safe retreat. It's too much, but he grits his teeth and forces himself to stay put. Together the two of them manage to wrangle the bag into submission. It ends with them side by side, sprawled across the suitcase. Marco grabs the zipper and slowly pulls it to the right, reaching across Star's outstretched arms to close it all the way. He pauses for a few seconds, unable to break the contact between them. They haven't been this close in forever and he's hungry for it. He's immediately ashamed and moves to extricate himself, but Star stops him in his tracks with a hand on his shoulder.

She tries to catch his eye.

"Thanks, Marco." Star's voice is soft and breakable. He's never heard her sound so vulnerable before. The young man allows his eyes to go where they want most, meeting her gaze in order to return her smile.

"You're welcome." She releases him slowly and he makes his retreat. It's difficult.

He's not entirely sure when these feelings began – a part of him thinks that they took root from the very first day when she flung her arms around him. Or maybe it was when he saw her punch a monster in the face. Aside from the first few hiccups, the two of them have been close from the very beginning and best friends shortly after. He'd become close with a lot of his family's exchange students over the years, but Star was different from the start. It wasn't that she was a magical princess from another dimension, either. Although that was part of it, because it was a big part of her. The two of them just clicked, their personalities allowing for a mutually beneficial relationship. His influence led her to become less impulsive and reckless, she was now willing to think her actions through before moving forward. She became more compassionate and thoughtful. And under her tutelage, Marco was able to learn how to relax and not worry so much. Kids at school still referred to him as the Safe Kid, but with her he was "Wild Man." With Star, Marco felt that he was able to be the best version of himself. The two of them grew together and he figured that something this good would last forever.

And then one day he was watching Ludo crawling back through his portal, cursing loudly at the bird and spider following close behind. It had been a close fight and more than once he'd thought they were going to lose. He was still breathing heavily, his heart pounding in his chest. Then he felt Star reach out, her arm curling around his side to reel him in. She pulled him into a great big hug, nestling her face between his neck and shoulder.

"We did it! Whew, that was close. Go us!" He was about to reply with the same sentiments, but found himself suddenly aware of her breath on his ear. And how he could feel her heart thudding just as hard as his. Without thinking about it, he pulled her more tightly into his embrace. He found himself suddenly off balance, viewing the world in a way he never had before. It felt as though a very heavy weight had fallen on his shoulders. He had come so close to losing her. He held her at arm's length for a moment, taking note of every scrape and bruise. Why hadn't he been able to prevent them? And why were they such a big deal? They rarely made it out of a monster battle without a few cuts or bruises as souvenirs. In fact, the two of them used to brag about their battle scars: who got the biggest ones, it was a source of pride. So what was different now? Something had shifted.

Marco broke their embrace and took a step back, desperate for physical and mental distance in order to reassess the situation. It was Marco's nature to be deliberate and steadfast, he did not rush in to things. He liked to have all the information he needed laid out and organized, easily accessible in his mind. And right now some pretty heavy facts were settling themselves in for the long haul. They weren't entirely unfamiliar to him – but they definitely offered a new implication he'd never considered before. He knew that Star was the greatest friend he'd ever had: exchange students had come and gone and slowly but surely, he'd lost touch with every one of them. But with Star, he knew he had something lasting. He would be lost without her. If anything happened to his companion, he'd be lost. Because they were best friends. They were family, so wasn't that typical?

Star let him keep her at arm's length for a moment or two, her grin slowly turning into something uncertain. "You okay there, Wild Man?" Her eyes questioned him, bright with an emotion he couldn't name. And were her hearts a little darker than normal? She definitely had more colour in her cheeks, a light dust of pink he found endearing. Without seeming to realize it, Marco felt himself lean closer, closing the gap he'd created. His hands were still on her shoulders and she lifted them away, swinging their arms between them. What had he been about to do?!

"C'mon. I want nachos. Super VICTORY nachos!" She started pulling him away from their impromptu battlefield and toward their home. Marco stumbled along, holding fast to her hand. He wanted to say something, anything – agree with her, promise to make the world's greatest nachos ever, anything to pull himself back from the edge of whatever this was. But as he caught a glimpse of her while they ran, he knew it was impossible to feel normal ever again. She was beautiful. Just in the way she was. Marco was pretty sure he was in love and he was certain that everything was ruined. They made it to the kitchen without any further incident. Star began assembling the ingredients for his nachos and Marco set about creating a plan to fix this disaster.

If Marco thought the idea of losing Star was painful, he quickly learned that being around her wasn't much easier. His feelings complicated everything. She made it difficult to breathe. Their physical relationship had always been simple and easy: Star gave away hugs as easily as she offered her smiles. During their movie nights the two of them would crowd together on the couch, with one blanket to share. He'd never given thought about it before, brushing hands when they both reached for popcorn, falling asleep on each others shoulders when the movies ran long. All simple things that never really had any meaning before now: just happy accidents. But now every incident felt tainted by a hidden agenda. He felt as though he was making Star agree to something she wasn't entirely aware of. It wasn't right. He pulled back. For her, always her. He couldn't take advantage of the easy comfort in their relationship.

They used to come home from school and retire to her room (where it's always fun!) in order to fill each other in on the day's events. The two friends would sprawl out on Star's bed, talking and laughing easily, their arms and legs tangling as they gestured wildly, rushing to get their stories out. But after what Marco considered "Doomsday" he'd slowly exiled himself from her bed. It didn't seem right – it was supposed to their safe space, a place to relax after a harrowing adventure. But with these new feelings it seemed like dangerous, hostile territory. As he began to establish a safe distance between them, conversations were a little more difficult. They were stilted and awkward, stalling. Star looked worried at first, a little off put- but she never said anything out loud. It was a a little difficult, but he believed they'd be okay. They had survived worse, hadn't they?

And now here he is, a complete mess. He holds on to the little things their relationship used to have: a contented smile sent his way, her easy going laughter, her hand brushing his. Tiny moments of happiness he cherished in order to get through the day.

"Earth to Marco!" He looks up, resurfacing from his thoughts. Star has been trying to get his attention, although he doesn't know for how long. When she seems satisfied with his attention, she tries again. "You sure you don't want to come this time? We're having a little get together, you can meet some people!"

The idea of spending more time with her is tempting: he desperately wants to say yes. It is a chance to bridge the gap and she's the one extending the offer. But he can't. Marco pastes on an approximation of a smile, his eyes regretful. "Nah, I've got some studying to do. 'Sides, you'll be busy with your princess lessons, won't you? There won't be a whole lot of time to do anything."

He's told himself that this is the right answer, the proper thing to do but Star's demeanor suggests otherwise. She's silent for a moment, something behind her eyes hardening. It's gone in a flash, replaced by the usually good cheer. "I guess you're right. It'll be boring without you, but school's important, right?" He nods, careful to stare at the floor.

He hears her take a deep breath and it really seems as though she's struggling to make her cheer sincere. "Weeellll, I guess I'll take off then! If I get there early enough, I might be able get a hold of a couple of mom's warnicorns." She offers him a weak smile and whips her pair of dimensional scissors out of her hand bag. She cuts open a portal and tosses her bag through the opening with a wave of her wand. "I'll see you soon, I guess." Star takes an uncertain step toward him and he's instantly alive, tuned to her every move. He thinks this might be it – the unraveling of everything he's struggled to keep together. He does not want to say goodbye. But instead of coming in for a hug, Star maintains the safe distance and rests her hand on his shoulder for a second. He thinks his arm has caught fire. It's too difficult to look directly at her, so he settles for the portal instead. "You take care of yourself, Star. Stay safe." He offers everything he can with his wish, and then pulls back. Star nods once, takes a step back and then she's gone. The portal closes and he's alone. Star's room suddenly feels very empty and entirely lonely. It feels as though she's always walking away from him. It's his fault, he started it. But it hurts all the same.