A/N So I'm back to writing with a vengeance. I feel confident to start posting this story as I am on Chapter 6 now. I will try to post once a week. For those of you wondering about Bus Stop and FFF, don't despair. I haven't given them up, I just have to go where my muse takes me.
This little story was inspired by the following lines which I paraphrased (with permission) from the story "The Worst Kept Secret" by theglamourfades. "After many months of dancing around their true feelings, Anna had been the one to make the first move, suggesting a date to a carol concert followed by dinner. Others followed and they made the mutual decision to make things official on January 7th - a day that would be forever etched on his soul as the day his life became complete." You should definitely read that one!
I don't own...
Anna sat in the staff lounge of Grantham Industries, fiddling with the tickets that rested on the table in front of her. She had bought them from her neighbor who sang in a choir. The proceeds from the Christmas Choral concert were going to a local charity. Anna had heard the choir before, they were rather good.
The problem currently occupying her thoughts was who she should ask to accompany her. She knew that Mary would say yes if she asked, but she also knew her rather posh friend would huff and sigh through the entire thing. She could ask Sybil or Phyllis Baxter; they would both enjoy the concert as much as Anna herself would, but the idea didn't thrill her.
What did thrill her was the idea of asking John Bates. Besides Mary, John was her best friend. The two of them were almost always found together in the staff lounge before work and during lunch and tea breaks. The rest of their colleagues wouldn't dare sit in the two chairs 'reserved' for the pair of them. Even Thomas Barrow, who took almost every other opportunity to be unpleasant, had given up trying to separate them during their breaks.
Anna knew that John would readily agree to go to the concert with her, they often spent time together outside of work, but Anna wanted this to be more than a get together between friends. She wanted this to be a date. Her feelings for John had long ago progressed from that of merely friends; she wanted more. Much more. Like a house, a dog, and children more. She hadn't quite taken to scribbling his name in a notebook, but only because she was far too old for such nonsense. She was 28 for god's sake!
And that was exactly why Anna was mustering her courage to make it clear that she wanted this to be a date. All the friendly flirting they did, and the time they spent together, were becoming torture for her. Most of the time she felt John shared her feelings, but there were times her confidence waned. It was time she made herself clear. She might be a little embarrassed, okay, a lot embarrassed, if he didn't feel what she thought he did, but she knew he would never discount her feelings or be anything but kind. She even felt sure that he would want to maintain their friendship, and she was almost sure she could.
"Is this seat taken, Miss Smith?"
Anna had been so caught up in her thoughts she hadn't even noticed John enter the staff room and stand behind his usual chair.
She flashed him a winning smile, "Of course not, Mr. Bates."
John saw Anna fidgeting with something. He took a sip of his tea and inquired, "What have you got there?"
"Tickets to a Christmas concert for charity. Do you like choir music?" She hoped her voice sounded natural, because inside her nerves were humming.
John anticipated her line of thinking and responded, "Choir music I could take or leave, but I love spending time with you. Is the other ticket already claimed?" He cocked an eyebrow and Anna practically melted. Surely he had to know what he was doing to her by speaking this way.
She swallowed and managed to speak confidently, "I was hoping you would agree to take it."
"Well that's grand," he smiled, "because I was hoping you would offer it to me. When is it?"
"Thursday. Are you free?"
He grinned again, "I'm always free for you. Maybe we could catch some dinner before or after the concert. What do you think?"
"That would be lovely."
"It's a date then!" John smiled.
Anna plunged in, "Exactly, John. It is a date."
"Yeah, that's what I just said."
He got up to get another packet of sugar but Anna put her hand on his arm to hold him in place.
"No John, I'm not sure you understand. I'm asking you on a date. A proper date."
"Oh," John mumbled as he sat carefully back into his chair, "I see."
Anna waited for him to say more, but he continued to rotate his mug back and forth in his hands, saying nothing more.
Anna took and deep breath and forged ahead, "You see, John. I've known for some time that my feelings for you go beyond friendship and I was wondering…"
"Anna," he practically whispered, looking at her seriously.
"What?" she answered defiantly, "I'm willing to remain just friends if you can look me in the eye and tell me that your feelings for me don't go beyond friendship. But I think they do. And I'm tired of dancing around the issue."
John looked away and said, "This isn't a good idea."
"That isn't what I asked and you're not looking me in the eye," she challenged him.
He did look at her now and his eyes were both pained and kind, "Anna, I'm an alcoholic with a criminal record and an almost ex wife who's one step away from being crazy."
"I know," she jutted her chin forward stubbornly.
"And I'm 12 years older than you."
"I know," she refused to look away.
"People would think it was ridiculous."
"I don't give a fig what people will think."
"Well you should. You really should."
Now it was John's turn to wait for Anna to say something. Something he could refute with his best logic. But she didn't say a word. She just kept looking at him in that determined way of hers. He knew if she were standing, she would have one arm wrapped around her body and resting on her hip. She looked beautiful, and brave, and... dammit.
His hands began to flail as he spoke, "You could do so much better than someone like me."
"I think that's for me to decide, Mr. Bates. And I don't think there is anyone better than you. So… It's up to you to tell me. Tell me you don't have feelings for me. Tell me you don't want to go on a date."
They matched each other stare for stare until finally, John looked away.
"I can't. I can't tell you that, because it's not true," he looked at her in desperation, "The truth is that I've had feelings for you since...Jesus, it's been so long that I can't even remember. But I still don't think this is a good idea."
Anna changed her tack, "Sybil and Tom's relationship didn't make any sense to most people and look at how happy they are. Do you think Sybil is braver than I am? Is that why you're hesitating?"
"God no," he insisted, "You're the bravest person I know. Certainly braver than I am."
"You don't trust me then?"
"Of course I trust you."
"Then trust me." She reached out and took his large hand in her small one, "This is right John. I know it is."
A million things were running through John's head. All his arguments had fallen on deaf ears and besides that, what Anna said was the truth. This did feel right, as much as he wanted to deny it. Her hand felt heavenly in his. The way she was looking at him made his stomach tighten in a pleasant but dangerous way. How many night's had he fallen asleep thinking of her? How many nights had he awoken after dreaming of her? It was time to quit fighting it.
"What time does the concert start?" he asked almost miserably.
Anna's face broke into the most radiant smile he had ever seen, "Seven o'clock, but we should get there by 6:30 if we want to get a good seat."
"Alright. I'll pick you up at quarter past," he suggested matter of factly.
"I can meet you there, if you'd like."
"I wouldn't like, Miss Smith. It's been awhile, I'll admit, but I seem to remember that gentlemen pick their dates up at the door." He took his last gulp of cold tea, stood, and pushed in his chair. He leaned over and brushed a knuckle over her cheek before he turned and left the room.
Anna sat for a few minutes until she was sure her legs would hold her up on her way back to her desk.
