Joseph Pulitzer College Preparation School's In-School Detention Survey
Question 1: Why are you here?
Jack: I was caught having sex under the bleachers. What? Are you actually surprised?
David: I let Skittery cheat off my math final.
Spot: I broke a window when I was slingshotting rocks.
Oscar: …no comment. Damn. Mr. Denton says I have to answer. Stupid survey. Whatever Jack said. Only I can explain…
Mush: I'm actually not too sure, though it might have to do with filling Mr. Weasle's desk with opened condoms. Hee hee.
Blink: Because my parents love each other very much. Ha ha ha just kidding. I tried to kill a kid with a saw in woods class… Just kidding again. I graffitied the bathroom stalls.
Skittery: I cheated offa David's math final. And for once, I think he's more freaked out and jittery than me.
Question 2: What incouraged you to do this action?
Jack: I'm horney. Always.
David: I felt really bad for Skittery because he's not very good at math but he tried really hard.
Spot: Cause I was bored.
Oscar: You can't leave me alone, can you?
Mush: It was a brilliant flash of an idea. And condoms were on sale at Walgreens.
Blink: This school sucks and I thought I needed to tell all the little freshmen and the nerds who love this hell hole.
Skittery: I forgot to study.
Question 3: Do you plan on repeating your action?
Jack: What kind of a question is that? Duh I'll do it again.
David: No.
Spot: If Fate says that my slingshot goes haywire and makes the rock go not where it's supposed to then yes.
Oscar: YES. There! I fucking said I like having sex with Jack Kelly!!!!!! Can you leave me alone now?!?!?!?
Mush: No. I'll find something else to do, though.
Blink: Probably, to be honest. It was fun.
Skittery: I sure hope not.
Question 4: Do you think your parents understand you?
Jack: Parents? What parents? I could kill myself in my own living room and they wouldn't notice for a year. They leave me to die of the plague! Or hypothermia! (whatever the hell that is)
David: Well, uh, I guess so. They don't not understand me.
Spot: Like I talk to them.
Oscar: Who needs parents? All they do is nag at you.
Mush: Where did that some from?
Blink: My dad's a drunk shithead. Do you think he cares?
Skittery: Parents are so old fashioned. They don't even know what a light bulb is.
Question 5: What is your opinion on Christmas?
Jack: Well now this is getting random.
David: I wouldn't know, seeing as how I'm JEWISH.
Spot: It's an over commercialized holiday where stores overprice everything and little rich kids get especially greedy
Oscar: I hate Christmas.
Mush: I love Christmas! Everyone's so happy and singing and smiling. It's so nice!
Blink: Snow is fun. We have killer snowball fights.
Skittery: It's cold. And there's always icicles falling from the sky and bashing innocent depressed teenagers in the head.
Question 6: What is your biggest fear?
Jack: Snakes. "Snakes on a Plane" almost gave me a heart attack.
David: Geese. I was attacked by a goose when I was little, so I've never liked them since them.
Spot: Hershey Kisses. Don't ask me why, I have no clue.
Oscar: I'm not scared of anything…Except people finding out I'm a pansy.
Mush: Tropical Fish. I saw this special on Discovery Channel once where this giant tropical fish ate all these people…or maybe it was the sci fi channel…
Blink: Clowns. They're freaking scary. They go around killing little kids and eating their parents and they're just too happy looking. It's creepy.
Skittery: Planes. I don't wanna die.
Question 7: Who is your least favorite teacher at this school?
Jack: Mr. Weasle
David: Mr. Weasle
Spot: Mr. Weasle
Oscar: Mr. Denton
Mush: Mr. Weasle
Blink: Mr. Weasle
Skittery: Mr. Weasle
Question 8: Name the most important thing you learned in any class this week.
Jack: You can make your own beer. How cool is that?
David: We were learning algarythems in math. They were really interesting.
Spot: That Racetrack is gay. I always knew he was a closet case…a very hot closet case.
Oscar: As if I pay enough attention to remember.
Mush: As an actor, you need to emote. Without that, there is no character.
Blink: There have been a lot of cross dressers throughout history. It's true. I swear.
Skittery: My toe bones are called Phalanges. Is that the coolest word ever or what?
Question 9: Have you been enjoying your day so far?
Jack: Yeah. I've had a lot of mental sex.
David: No. I feel miserable.
Spot: Kinda. It's boring, but it's fun making faces at Skittery. He's kinda cute too.
Oscar: Not at all. I could be cutting school but no. Here I am.
Mush: My butt hurts. THERE IS PAAAAAAIIIIIIIIN!!!!!!!
Blink: I've plotted my next graffiti spot. And the one after that. And after that. And after that. Be afraid! Very very afraid!
Skittery: No. Life sucks.
Question 10: Have you found this survey helpful in any way?
Jack: No, but I got to tell you about my sex life (kinda).
David: It made me realize I will never, ever, EVER, break rules again…EVER.
Spot: No, but I'm supposed to be in gym right now and I'm laughing at all the people in my class.
Oscar: This better be confidential.
Mush: How? I mean, you asked me about Christmas and what I'm scared of. I already knew that.
Blink: See question 9.
Skittery: No. It just made my hand hurt.
Question 11: Any final comments?
Jack: This survey sucks. I'd rather be fucking my sexy boyfriend Oscar Delancey under the bleacher right now.
David: None.
Spot: HA HA THE REST OF MY GYM CLASS HAS TO PLAY FRISBY RIGHT NOW!!!!!! HA HA HA!!!!!!!
Oscar: This better be confidential.
Mush: Have you ever had eye sex? It's fun!
Blink: There's a post-it note on the ceiling… And who the hell's gonna read these things anyways?
Skittery: I'm bored. Hey! School's out! Skittery has left the building.
Fin
Okay that was completely random. I was soooooo bored I have no clue where that came from…
Feel free to review it, though. But be nice. I've had a crappy day and I'm not afraid to be mean…
Plus, I'll really like you if you're nice to me :0D
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