Last Line of Defence
By Kyizi
Disclaimer: Stargate: SG1 and all related items do not belong to me. Only the Story and its related original ideas and characters are mine. No copyright infringement intended.
Rating: I think this one is likely to end up R rated.
Spoilers: This is set around season 4/5. I started writing it ages ago and, with everything that's been happening of late (I haven't seen season 8 yet, but seasons 6 and 7 don't work with this one), its best is stays set around then.
Distribution: Please ask, the answer will likely be yes.
Feedback: is a gift. It's nice to give.
Dedication: For Jill, who lets me torture her with fic and lets me watch her as she reads it!
Notes: I had huge plans for this one, but my fingers are turning it into something it wasn't meant to be. Not that I've changed the plot, or that it's a bad thing, per se, it's just not what I had in mind. Therefore, any and all comments would be greatly appreciated.
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Part One: All I have
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I've never really been one for silence, at least not silence like this. It's almost permeable. Big word, I know, but that's exactly what it is, permeable. I could reach out and touch it and it would shatter; like hitting a piece of glass with a hammer.
No one's looking at me but her and I can't meet her gaze, because if I do I know I won't have the strength to say what I need to say. I don't think she's ever really understood that she can do that to me; make me hers with a single glance, make me want to do whatever it takes to make her happy.
"It's the only way," I say. My voice should be shaking, but I won't let it. I won't let her see that I'm scared, I can't let her see that I'm scared because then she could stop me; she'd look at me and her eyes would make me change my mind.
"Are you sure about this, Colonel?"
Am I sure about this? God, no, I'm not sure. Do I want to do this? This isn't about want, it's about need…this needs to be done and I'm the only one that can do it. I know that, Hammond knows that, Teal'c knows that and, deep down, so does she.
"I'm sure, General." My voice shouldn't be allowed to be this steady. "We've exhausted all other options. There's nothing else, there's no other way out. Apophis has to be stopped."
I let my words hang in the air around me, filling that silence for a brief moment. We all know it's the truth, but that sure as hell doesn't make this any easier. But this isn't about easy.
Apophis. God, I hate that name. How many times have we killed this guy already? And yet he keeps on coming back for more. This time was different, though, this time he wasn't alone. God, I'm not even convinced it is Apophis, but that doesn't really matter, does it? This still has to be done.
The guy turned up again not even a month ago and I'm still not sure how he got so powerful. Tok'Ra losses are still coming in from the last battle, our resources are so far beyond their limits that the Stargate project is becoming more than simply rumour and, God, she almost died last time we bumped into him off world. She really could die next time. This is the only way to do it. I have to keep reminding myself of that or I'll crumble under her gaze.
"Okay." I start at General Hammond's voice. He clears his throat and nods resignedly. I know this is hard for him. I'm a part of his family, I get that, I really do. He's a part of mine as well. "Then I guess it's settled. We'll debrief at 0600 tomorrow. You'll leave at 1000 hours."
I nod, but I'm not really looking at him; I'm looking past him. This is my last night on earth. Tomorrow will be the last time I sit in this room; the last time I see my house; the last time I use the coffee machine; …the last time I see her.
I can't stop myself this time. I turn to her. Sam. I don't think I can bear the way she's looking at me; her face is a mask, but her eyes are filled with pain, they're brimming with tears. This is my last night on earth, that's something I can deal with…well, almost. This is my last night with her, that's...hell.
"General, I…" I falter. What the hell am I meant to say? How the hell can I possibly put it into words? God, they all know what I want, they have to know, but I don't know how to ask for it.
I might not know how to ask, but I need to. "General, if I'm going to die tomorrow, then there's one thing I'd like to…there's something I need to-"
"Consider yourself retired until 0600 tomorrow, Jack." I take a deep breath. I guess they do know. "Dismissed."
I can hear Hammond moving, can almost see him in my peripheral vision as he leaves the room, but that's a goodbye I can leave 'til tomorrow; when I'm ready to accept it.
"O'Neill."
I force my gaze away from her; my 2IC. No, my former 2IC, I'm retired until tomorrow and then…well, then nothing. I look at Teal'c and offer him a small smile.
"O'Neill, I do not believe we have exhausted all options, I think-"
"Come on, Teal'c. We both know that's not true. If there was any other way, I'd jump at the chance, but there isn't."
"But Doctor Jackson-"
"-is off world." I swallow the lump in my throat as I realise I'll never get the chance to say goodbye to Daniel. "And maybe it's better that way."
"I do not believe that Doctor Jackson will feel that way."
"Perhaps not, Teal'c, but I think we all know Daniel would end up doing something stupid to stop this and we can't afford to miss this chance." I don't add that he's another of those few people who could stand a chance of talking me out of this. I'll write him a letter; its better that way, I know it is. I just wish I could believe that.
Teal'c looks as if he wants to say more, but he doesn't. I watch as he turns his eyes to Sam, but he doesn't say anything to her. He inclines his head in my direction and I know that this isn't finished with him, but he won't push anymore tonight.
"I will continue this discussion at 0600. Perhaps meditation can help me with a solution."
"You do that, Teal'c."
He nods once more and, in a rare moment, places his hand on Sam's shoulder as he passes, giving it a brief squeeze. As the door closed behind him, I turn to look at her again. She's not bothering to stop her tears anymore. I don't think I can do this.
"Why?" she whispers. "Why you?"
I try to smile, but I'm not sure it's working. "Because I'm the most expendable."
"Don't say that!" she yells. "You are not expendable."
I can't stand that she's in pain, but I know there's not much I can do. I stand and walk to her side of the table, perching on the end of it. "Because I'll make sure it gets done."
"If I can just figure out the force field on the Gate, I can get us all in. Give me a day or two and Teal'c and I can go with you and-"
"There's no time and we both know it. The marker Jolinar left in your blood and Teal'c's symbiant won't go away and this needs to be done now, while we have the upper hand. You know what the information your father sent us said. That alarm will go off if you or Teal'c go anywhere near that planet."
"I know!" she cries. "I know, but-"
"No buts. Not this time, Sam."
I'm not sure what it is that caught her off guard, maybe my tone of voice, maybe her first name, but I don't care; she's looking at me like 'that' and that's all that matters. She gazes at me, wide eyed as I reach out my hand and trace her jaw. God, I've wanted to do that for so long, I guess this is fate's only way of giving it to me: on the condition that I have to give it back tomorrow at 0600 hours.
"Colonel, we-"
"Jack." I smile." I'm retired at the moment. It's just Jack."
Her tears began to fall harder and I brush them away before pulling her to her feet. I can't do this if she falls apart. I need her to be strong. I need her to understand. I need her to…I just need her.
"Come on."
I lead her from the room. This is all I have left; she is all I have left and I intend to make the most of it. Because tomorrow I have to give her back.
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End of Part One
Well? Is this a 'keep going', or a 'leave it at that'? I have the whole plot ready, but I'm not sure I can keep it up in first person. I want it to be written that way, but I'm not entirely sure it's…well, Jack. I intend to change POV throughout, but it would remain in first person, present tense. What do you think?
