DISCLAIMER: Nope not mine.
SUMMARY: Emmett's bored so he decides to mess with the humans.
A/N: Crack fic! Song fic. I really don't know where this idea came from but here you go.
Emmett sat alone in the house. Jasper had gone hunting. Carlisle was working at the hospital. Edward and Bella had gone to a dance club. Esme, Rosalie and Alice had taken Nessie into Vancouver for a weekend of shopping and girl fun.
'What am I supposed to do here in the house alone? I don't want to play video games because there's no one here to beat. I went hunting not too long ago.'
Just then, Emmett's mind flashed to a song he'd heard on Bella's radio about three days ago.
That's just Bobbi with an I
He isn't just one of the guys
In his pink party dress
You never would guess
He benches 335
You better watch how much you drink
He might look better than you think
If it's a big bold girl
With platinum curls
You might be surprised.
He smiled. This could be fun.
****
Edward and Bella were sitting in the club when a large platinum blonde walked into the club in a bright pink dress.
Bella looked at the blonde and then turned to her husband. "Edward, is there something seriously familiar about that blonde? The one in the bright pink dress?"
Edward looked at her carefully for a moment and then started laughing. "It's Emmett. Apparently, he got bored at home by himself. He decided to come out dressed like that and see just how many guys would hit on him."
Bella rolled her eyes and laughed. "I have to see this. I can't wait to tell Rose all about this."
****
By the time last call was made, Edward had counted almost thirty guys coming on to Emmett. Bella had counted another fifteen or so. Not to mention all the lesbian women that had come up to him. Bella couldn't stop laughing.
Edward laughed at the looks the guys were giving Emmett when he told them that he was a guy. The lesbians shoved at him and told him that he was disgusting.
All but one. One of them told him it was a shame that he had the wrong equipment; she thought he made such a beautiful woman.
Not long after last call, Emmett left the club and headed home.
****
Sunday evening, when Rose walked into the house carrying Nessie, she was greeted with Edward, Bella, Emmett, Jasper, and Carlisle laughing over the pictures that Edward and Bella had taken of the guys that had hit on Emmett in his pink dress.
"What's going on here?" she demanded.
Everyone looked at her and just started laughing even harder, waking up the sleeping Nessie. The little girl looked at her mom and smiled.
"Once we get Nessie put to bed, we'll explain exactly how bored Emmett got over the weekend." Bella walked over and gathered her daughter in her arms. "Time for you to go to sleep in your bed, baby."
Nessie giggled and put her hand against Bella's cheek, using her preferred method of communicating with her mom.
When Bella came back down, she found Rose staring at the pictures on the table and then looking at Emmett. "So how many did he get?"
"At least forty-five guys and a bunch of women. One even thought it was a shame he had the wrong equipment. She thought he made a damn fine woman," Edward laughed heartily.
Rose thought for a moment. She shook her head and turned to her sometimes husband. "Impressive. Of course, that's just because I wasn't there."
Emmett smiled at her before bursting into a roaring laugh that quickly had everyone else laughing too.
