Heya everybody,



This is the Labyrinth Christmas Carol as seen by me. I must warn you this is meant to be funny so if you have a problem with it hey come and tell me. My deep thanks to all those people who expressed an interest in my story I hope you find I write you well. I don't own Laby or A Christmas Carol. This is merely an attempt at a parody so um like hey don't sue me. Anyway I get a kick out of writing this and I thank you for that.

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Chapter One





I sat the children on my knee, a story to tell. It is one of a very unhappy man. The carols ring out there merry song behind me and it seems my voice blends into sights and sounds of Christmas eve. For you see my friends my story takes place on a Christmas eve much like this one. Only there is no tree or music. No cookies or Christmas cakes or cocoa. All there is was a very unhappy man seated pouting on a stone thrown.



Jareth was alone to begun with. It is important that you remember that or nothing that follows will seem wondrous at all. Please I ask you to keep in mind that it is indeed quite possible to be alone even when you have your own kingdom, when you have a thousand servants or even in a crowded room. Such was the story of our goblin king.



He wasn't nice, at all in fact. It seemed the meaner Jareth was being the happier his cruel little heart was. Whether it was a kick to a dumb, but well meaning goblin or a tortures dream to a listain it was all the same to him. Jareth's heart was small and cruel the reasons were kept hidden deep next to his heart. It seemed that the one who got it the worst was his faithful and silly bard, Lyris.



She was a good person quite lovely to look at as well. She did her best to keep on the king's good side but some days a deep part of her had to wonder whether or not he even had one. It seemed her only constant companion was her own deep sigh. It was Christmas after all and she longed for the wonderful Holidays of home. 'Why oh why had she allowed herself to be taken into the labyrinth?



There was a small rap as the door was burst open. Jareth looked up mid kick. He looked odd I must admit with his high-heeled leather boot posed mid thrust. He threw around a glance that would have froze the Alantic had it had been given to the ocean. Two well tumbled writers fell through the fake door. They were really worse for the wear.





Het studied them those lips twisted into a cruel smile. He watched them as they bumbled over each other falling to their knees before them. They were both petite one with chin length hair shining in reds, browns and golds. They were rather attractive he must admit that as he ran his eyes over there shapely bodies. He stared at them locking them in place for perhaps a full minute before Lyris's sigh pulled up from what ever dark path his thoughts were heading.



His voice was cold, so cold it seemed perhaps that the words froze into vapor as soon as they left his mouth. His stood back the whip he carried pointed in the girls general direction. He looked at Lyris, putting his questions to the bard rather then the people who intruded on his goblin kicking. "And just who is this?"



Lyris swallowed quickly seeming to find the scroll before her absolutely amazing. Her voice was soft as she spoke. "The girls are authors are the Labyfic list, Sir. They are here about the inspiration shortage." Those arms were crossed as he beheld the girls who beheld him. They seemed speechless that they were actually there.



Jareth wasn't stupid he knew perfectly well who they were and why they were here. The one with red hair and wearing black was Kimberly Thomas. She was a writer of some acclaim to his Manipulative Little Monster. And the other was a Laura. writer of poetry. He seemed to stand straighter as he came to stand before the girls.



"And just why do you feel I should help you?"



Laura's soft voice came out of the darkness. It fell onto the silence before them like a stone on a lake. Jareth's fleshy digits came to rest on his hip as he listened to her statement. "Well Jareth, that is your Highness. We came because it's Christmas and we thought you might give us something special to write about."



A small but hopeful smile was issued to him and he answered it with a chilly one of his own. One booted foot was raised closer to them as the door burst open. Laughter and snow immediately spun around the room. A bright bouncing presence burst into the room her laughter tinkling like bells around her.



Over in her chilly corner Lyris's eyes brightened to see her friend. A small wave was offered in to Anne-Marie's direction at the same moment as Jareth's scowl. Her voice seemed to bubble through the room, "Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays everybody!" She whistled "Jingle Bells" affectionately as she danced around the room putting tinsel and holly about on the drab cold stone.



Jareth's teeth were gritted as he looked at her. "And just what do you think you are doing here Anne-Marie? I told you never to return here again." Jareth's voice told of a cold fury as he looked at what were obviously drunk goblins bumbling in through the open throne room doors. The girl followed Jareth's gaze to the door and once again offered a merry laugh.



Light, dancing steps were taken to Jareth's side and a rather large amount of tinsel was deposited in his high fake blond hair. She meet J's frost bitten eyes with warm ones of her own a she pushed away his complaints with laugh." Come on J have a heart it's Christmas. It doesn't matter what holiday you celebrate in December because they all our magical.



Jareth's voice rang out quickly. "Bah Humbug. If I had my way every fool who went around with a Merry Christmas would be boiled in his own pudding with a steak of holy through her warm little heart." At this point the girls before him seemed to tremble at his feet. Who ever would have thought Jareth to be a Scrooge?



A quick hurl was made of the tinsel on his head and he glared at the giggling Lyris all the while looking ridiculous with odd strands of silver hanging cockeyed over his ears. He pulled himself up as high as his heeled boots would allow and stared at the giggling girls around him. To his great surprise his tinsel spattered person was no longer the center of attention.



Lyris and Anne-Marie were standing close together in a conspiracy kind of way. With a slight sneer he looked at the small square of expensive paper that each held in their hands. Quite calmly he snatched it from the silly bard's grasp and read it. Inserted in gold on that holly edged square were what could only be a party invitation. It read:

You are cordially invited to attend

The First Annual Winter Holiday Labyrinth List Party

To be held on the

twenty fifth day of December

in the earth year of 2000

All Listians are cordially invited to attend

Please respond to

Kim, The Manipulative Little Monster

By December the 20th

Happy Holidays



Jareth's face turned a quite unlovely shade of crimson at this point. "That little brat is throwing a party and she didn't even invite me?" Unhappily Lyris nodded.



"Well Your Highness she knows how little you think of Christmas and Holidays but I was wondering if in fact.."



Jareth cut her off quickly. "You wish to go to this party she is giving? Sadly you have work to attend to. There are things to be written and more children to catalog for goblin training. I cannot afford to let everyone go and make merry on Christmas"



At this point Anne-Marie broke in her pale skin flushed with anger. "Look J this happens once a year you can let her go. Just cause you want to miserable doesn't mean you have to make everyone else miserable to." She pulled herself up to full high fulling meaning to get into Jareth's face at this point. She was certainly not allowing Jareth to deny Lyris to joys of Christmas.



Lyris's more calmer voice broke in quickly a steading hand placed on her friend's arm. "Jareth, my lord. No one is going to wish children away on Christmas day. They would be to scared that Santa would take away toys. All of the other realms will be holding their winter celebrations there will be no one for you do to anything with.



His face was screwed up in a most unflattering manner as he looked at Lyris. " It seems a poor reason to disrupt a person's life every December the twenty-fourth but being as I am the only one who knows that you may go..." At this point Lyris's face broke into her trademark smile and she almost looked ready to hop around. But she noticed the look on Jareth's face and suddenly realized that Jareth wasn't done speaking yet.



"Provided that you take that baggage" He pointed angry to Anne-Marie. "And never allow her in my sight again. Oh and Lyris you only have thirteen hours in which to make merry on earth. I shall expect you back here bright eyed and ready to start work all the earlier the next morning."



Anne-Marie left quickly she didn't want to jinx Lyris's being able to go to the ball. Jareth barely noticed her speedy exit as he turned and looked at the two little beggars before him. A haughty glare was given to them before he stalked once again in their direction. Perhaps he had even forgotten the girl's presence or he forgot that he put a spell on them so they would not be able to speak as he had his conversation with that brat.



He addressed the girls coldly using magic to bring them to their feet. "Now as for you. Perhaps you have now noticed how very little making merry means to me. I am giving you to the count of five to remove yourselves from my presence or I'll stick you in the Bog of Eternal Stench before you can even blink. And I'll leave you there forever!"



He watched the two girls scramble away with a look of pure malevolence. He had succeeded at making them afraid of him. That was something at least for the man of today. Lyris was gone and now there were very few people on which he could use to vent his anger about this Christmas. A passing goblin was hailed and a sharp kick was given, sending the poor creature skidding into a far corner. "Merry Christmas! Ha! Bah Humbug."



It was sometime later when our pouting goblin king retreated to the safety of his bedchamber. He stepped closer to his small fire trying to deny himself even the smallest of comforts warmth. But alas the goblins had lighted it anyway. He looked around quickly with that unnerving feeling that he was being watched. Quick glances were tossed about the room looking for whomever would be doing such a thing. Jareth thought quickly to himself "Who ever it is shall pay dearly for such an insult."



As he stepped closer to the window a form seemed to be reflected in the chilled glass. No it was two reflections. No that could not be right! Could it? His reflection couldn't possibly have changed that much. He couldn't have become two very thin blond girls wearing matching white sweaters and jeans now could it. As Jareth started to step closer a chill down his neck the two girls raised their arms and sent an ungodly "Heh!" His way.



His hand was outstretched quickly a crystal forming in his own defense. He stepped close to the glass for another look and was met with... nothing only his own reflection. He stepped away the crystal staying, hovering quietly above his left hand. He looked around the room the girls in the window making him very nervous indeed. As he came near his closet he was sure he had seen something move out of the corner of his eye.



The crystal was thrown quickly and it dissolved loudly into a shower of sharp glitter. He nearly ran (Well as much as Jareth possibly would.) To the object that was lying there being attacked by frenzied glitter. He pick it up and shook it offering a sigh of relief. He spoke aloud in need of a reassuring voice. "Why tis only my favorite leather jacket. Tis this and nothing more"



Assured of his safety, though he still had doubts about his sanity. (Hey wouldn't you?) Jareth changed quickly into his favorite silk pajamas. The richness of his best blue velvet room was wrapped quickly around him and as always Jareth admired the golden crest and initials embroidered on his left breast. He sat ungracefully on the grand wooden chair before the vast fireplace and picked up his knife and slowly began to eat the late supper which was prepared for him.



Suddenly out of seeming darkness a light appeared. It was accompanied by what could only be young girls giggling. Shaken by what had happened before Jareth sat in his chair and awaited the end of this illusion. The light and the girls drew closer and Jareth wondered if he was going to have to lock himself in the mental hospital after all. Suddenly the girls appeared before him.





Rather amazingly they were floating rather then walking towards him. Slowly he tried to assess them in his mind. Granted they did look familiar but those girls had stopped believing in him long ago. It couldn't possibly be those two. Very slowly he came to realize that they were talking about him.



"Dude do you think that could possibly be him. I always thought he'd be so much taller and um sexier in person." Said one of the girls to the other seeing as that Jareth hadn't decided to see them yet. A nod was in was sent to the other in an almost twin speak.



"Well dood, she said that this was were he would like be or something. So maybe this like bunghole is him." She ran disapproving eyes over the picture before her before casting a quick glance to her escrapulation twin.



"Well I have to tell you Rach that this stupid junk is like the bane of my anus. Why the heck we were like chosen."



"Aud, dude, Cause like they beez needing someone like us to do this. Don't you remember what they like told us to uh do?" A nod was given before they came to realize that Jareth was almost blubbering.



"W-w-w- what are you to doing here? W-w-w-who sent you. You to stop laughing at me you were always laughing at you." An accusing finger was pointed to them and in response they did in fact laugh.



"Uh heya J? We like never laughed at you. We only laughed at how you like um sometimes acted. You are just all like beez made cause we always acted random. Well dude I hate to tell you we are like really good at acting random." A sly glance was given to the Rach and a she offered laugh in reply.



"Yeah, we are like beez good at being all random. Anyway dude let's like do this so we can tie him to the bed and have mad monkey sex with him."



"Dude we can't like have mad monkey sex with him we have do be like dooz that thingy remember?" Jareth watched the exchange between the two girls confused. Not that it mattered all that much. All he knew was that mad monkey sex sounded pretty smagging good at the moment but then it hit him. They were here to do something.



"Ladies, ladies please. What were you sent here to do exactly? They'll be plenty of time for monkey sex after." Rach offered a small snort as she looked at her cohort.



"Sure NOW he wants to have sex with us dude. He only like ignored us for like 212432456156 years."



"Heh, I like know dude that like smagging sucks but anyway let's do this so we can get to Kim's party. She like always has kick ass parties."





"You two are going to the party?" Jareth looked at them in disbelief was every person going to the Monster's party. He was governing an absurd urge to shout something at them before they continued.



"Ummmhey dude, Jareth you have been like bad and stuff. So like we are here to tell you that you have like one chance left and if you blow it you're like screwed and junk."



"Blow what? What the hell are you two talking about? What is gonna happen to me?"



Aud held up an impatient hand. " Dude are you like always this bossy cause if you like are it's no wonder that Kim does mean junk to you. Anyway dude as we were saying before you rudely interrupted us. This is your like one last chance so don't smagging blow it or something."



Rach cut in quickly almost finishing Aud's sentence. " Yeah or something. Anyway you will be visited by uh three ghosts tonight. Wait dude that like voice isn't scary enough or something. Anyway let's try this again." Rachel's voice's timber sunk lower and she made rather odd movements with her hands.



" Tonight you shall be visited by three spirits. They are your only chance of happiness. Expect the first ghost when the clock strikes thirteen." She casts a beaming look at Aud and spoke again in her normal voice. " Dude how was that?"



Aud responded quickly. "Dude that like rocked. How f****** cool are we? Oh wait can't say that bad c word. How much do we rock?"



"We rock f******* hard!" They cast a quick smile at each other before they vanished into the night. Jareth was left alone staring into the cold ashes of his fire. In a loud voice to chase away the silence of the night he said quickly.



"Bull I was only dreaming nothing more." He crawled into his bed and stared at the canopy. He listened to the slow chimes of the clock as they clicked to the hour 13.

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~Kim, The Manipulative Little Monster