Absence
Author's Note: This fic was initially inspired by a scene in episode Faint Hearts where Tristan mentions that he spent a summer at Oxford when he was seventeen. Then I got to thinking about how Siegfried might have dealt with a whole summer without his brother pestering him and this two-shot came about...
"Siegfried, for the tenth time, I'm telling you, I haven't forgotten anything."
Siegfried Farnon smirked as he watched Tristan sit his suitcases down onto the platform. Anyone who might have watched this scene and who didn't know the Farnon brothers might have found Siegfried's fussing over Tristan excessive. After all, Tristan was seventeen years old, hardly a little boy who needed constant minding. At least in theory anyway.
Then again, Siegfried was certain that anyone who believed that theory had no idea what it was like to take care of his baby brother.
"Years of bitter experience have taught me to be cautious, little brother. Especially where you are concerned. I simply want to make sure that you won't fall prey to any of the common hazards of traveling: getting lost, being left behind at the station, showing up at your hotel only to discover that you'd booked it for the wrong week."
"But I'm not even staying at a hotel," Tristan said, rolling his eyes. "And you know that Aunt Grace is picking me up at the station. Mother said she had talked to her about it last night."
"Yes, and you will behave yourself," Siegfried replied.
"Of course."
"Because it was very generous of Aunt Grace to invite you to a holiday at her summer home."
"I shall use my best manners at all times," Tristan said with an exaggerated flourish of his hand. "But don't think that I don't know that there was something in this for you too."
A look of feigned confusion appeared on Siegfried's face. "Whatever do you mean?"
"Come off it, Siegfried, ever since you became a partner and started taking over more of the practice, you've been looking for a chance to send me off somewhere so I won't…how is it you put it? Drive you to distraction?"
"My dear Tristan, becoming a partner and running a veterinary practice is a laborious, painstaking endeavor. Something you don't know very much about. If I decide that I could use an opportunity to focus on that rather than cleaning up the messes from your numerous mishaps…well, that's not an unreasonable arrangement to ask for, is it? And Oxford is hardly a deserted wasteland. I'm sure you'll have many opportunities to enrich your mind while you're there."
Tristan let out a sigh. "That's hardly a holiday, is it?"
"I wouldn't even care to guess about the chain of sordid adventures you'd consider a holiday."
The sound of a train whistle caught their attention, and Tristan picked up his suitcases.
"Well, I should be off then," he said.
Siegfried thrust a hand into his pocket and cleared his throat. "Right, you don't want to miss your train." He pulled out some money and pushed it into the front pocket of Tristan's coat.
"Siegfried, you don't have to…."
"That's just something to ensure a pleasant journey," Siegfried interrupted. "Now come on then."
Tristan smiled at him. For once, it was not one of those laughing, factitious smiles he was entirely too fond of either. "I'll keep in touch. I promise."
"See that you do," Siegfried said. "Well goodbye. Enjoy your holiday."
"Goodbye Siegfried," Tristan said, his tone solemn. "Thank you."
Tristan stared at him for another moment before scampering off toward the train. It wasn't until Tristan had reached his car and was getting on that Siegfried finally allowed himself a fond smile.
"Goodbye, little brother," he murmured.
Then he left out a muffled laugh while watching Tristan's train leaving the station. Hardly 'little' anymore. Over the past few months, Tristan had become as tall as he was, and Siegfried suspected that he wasn't finished growing. Still, no matter how much older he became, Siegfried couldn't stop himself from thinking about the boy Tristan was when he took his brother in to live with him. Six years had gone by, but that thought was always at the back of his mind.
It had moved to the forefront of Siegfried's thoughts today as he prepared for Tristan's leaving because it finally occurred to him this was the first time since they started living together that Tristan would be gone more than a fortnight. Of course, Siegfried was confident that his brother could look after himself and that he'd have a wonderful summer at Oxford. Aunt Grace was kind, but also responsible and would surely keep an eye on Tristan when needed.
Still, it did occur to Siegfried that it would take time to adjust to not having Tristan underfoot all the time. However, he was determined to not let that bother him. Becoming a partner in the small country practice he was in now was the first step in his true ambition to build a practice of his own so he would make use of this time to further his plans. He had a new assistant to train and he wanted to turn one of the rooms of the cottage he and Tristan were currently living in into an extra working space for the practice. Then, of course, there were the usual jobs that would need to be done. There would be plenty to occupy Siegfried's mind and time even without the usual chaos Tristan brought into his life.
Yes, by the time Tristan got back, Siegfried would have things running so smoothly not even his little brother's antics would be able to disrupt the routines. So there was no point in dwelling on Tristan's absence.
At least, that's what Siegfried kept telling himself as he drove away from the station.
The first few days went on much as Siegfried imagined they would.
After spending three long, tedious days cleaning the unused room in the cottage, he was able to begin its transformation into a storage area for his own supply of instruments and medicines as well as a place to perform basic emergency care for small animals. Siegfried was certain that it would take at least a month to finish, but hoped that his new assistant Alan McLaren would help speed up the process.
McLaren was a young vet who had just become qualified two months ago. He was a short, lean man with a pug nose and a head of vibrant red hair. He came with a record of high marks during his college years and a couple of solid recommendations from the practices that he had worked at during the summers.
Along with hiring him to work in the practice, Siegfried had given McLaren the guest room to live in until he found a place of his own to stay. He was sure that they'd get along fine although Siegfried did note that McLaren was a very quiet fellow and did not appear to have much of a sense of humor. Not that being sociable or amusing were prerequisites for being a valuable member of a practice.
Monday morning of second week found Siegfried sitting at the table, studying the list of jobs he had lined up for the day. Soon, McLaren came over to join him for breakfast.
"Good morning," McLaren said as he sat down. "Sausage and toast again, I see."
"Yes, I'm afraid so," Siegfried sighed. "It seems our latest domestic is rather limited in the number of dishes she is capable of preparing. I fear her probationary period might not work out after all."
"That's too bad," McLaren nodded. "I rather liked her. Made some splendid roast beef dinners."
"Yes, but one can hardly live on roast beef alone," Siegfried said. "Now then, I have some visits lined up for you. Nothing too strenuous. But before you get started on those, I thought the two of us would go up to visit the Williams farm."
"All right," McLaren said between bites of toast.
"One of their horses will probably need its leg operated on. I could use the help and it will give you an opportunity to gain some additional experience with horses."
"Sounds good," McLaren said before taking a sip of coffee.
"Yes," Siegfried said. He frowned at the rather burnt piece of toast in front of him and decided to have a little more coffee instead. "Oh and make sure to tell Tristan that the stable needs mucking out again. Preferably by tomorrow."
"But Mr. Farnon, young Farnon is away at Oxford," McLaren reminded him. "You said you received a postcard from him yesterday."
Siegfried started, but made sure to hide his surprise by grabbing a different piece of toast and flicking the one on his plate to the side.
"Quite right, quite right. Yes, he said that he was going to take up punting. What a daft idea. Says he's doing it for the exercise, but I'm sure it's to impress some girl who's caught his fancy. That's just like Tristan. Good thing I taught him how to swim a few summers ago."
McLaren listened attentively, or at least, Siegfried thought it was attentively, to his ramblings, but did not comment. Soon, Siegfried found himself growing uncomfortable with this show of familiarity. Even though McLaren was hardly a stranger given how they were currently living together.
"Yes, well then, make sure to ring up Edwards and have him send a boy around for the stable. Oh and while we are out today, I thought we would stop by Duggleby's farm. Lovely man, always has cricket stories to tell."
McLaren nodded again, and breakfast continued in calm silence. It was so unlike most mornings with Tristan chattering away about some village gossip he'd heard and Siegfried finding things to lecture him about. Now, breakfast was a tranquil affair, a period of uninterrupted peace before diving into the bustle of busy workdays. It should have been a welcome respite.
Problem was, Siegfried wasn't sure he enjoyed it much at all.
"There. Now that is more like it."
Siegfried took a couple of steps toward the center of the room and beamed with satisfaction. It had taken a lot of work and a somewhat distressing outlay of money, but he had finally managed to renovate the extra room and add in all the supplies he needed to make the cottage into an extension of the main building of the practice.
Of course, he kept some of his older instruments and medicines around. Never knew when they might come in handy. But Siegfried was determined to add some much needed modern touches to the practice so that his corner of the Dales could benefit from the progress being made in veterinary science.
Siegfried walked around the room, a smile still fixed on his face. McLaren had helped with the actual moving and straightening when he had time between calls, and he was grateful for that assistance.
Although, Siegfried still couldn't help but contemplate how it probably would have been faster if Tristan had been there to help. Not only did his little brother have more spare time on his hands, but he could also be a surprisingly industrious worker when he wanted to be. Also, he had a useful familiarity both with veterinary materials and with how Siegfried preferred to work.
Thoughts of Tristan made Siegfried pause in his pacing around the room. It's been over a month since his baby brother had gone on holiday, and he still hasn't quite gotten used to his absence. He only received about one postcard a week from Tristan which indicated to Siegfried that he was having a right jolly time on his own without big brother supervising him.
Then, for some reason he didn't entirely understand, he wished Tristan was here to share this moment with him. Granted, Tristan had had no training in the veterinary field beyond what he had casually observed whenever he accompanied Siegfried on his jobs. So his brother wouldn't be able to fully grasp the nuances of what he had achieved.
Nevertheless, Siegfried believed that Tristan could at least appreciate this expansion of the practice on a surface level and would understand what it meant to his elder brother personally. For all their differences due to age and temperament, Siegfried often felt that Tristan understood him better than almost anyone else in the world.
And at that moment, Siegfried regretted sending his little brother off to Oxford.
A frown appeared on Siegfried's face. This fall, Tristan would be entering his last year of public school education. After that came professional studies. There had been no doubt in Siegfried's mind that Tristan would attend some sort of university level institution after he finished with his basic education. But so far, Tristan had given no indication of the sort of vocation he wished to pursue.
Thankfully, there would be plenty of options. The money that Father had left in a trust for Tristan's education had been enough to make sure his little brother went to a good school. With a little extra help from Siegfried's own income. Also, his brother's school record might not have been exceptional, but it was in very good standing. Thanks in part to the hours Siegfried had spent tutoring his brother in his studies as well as consistently prodding him to put in the needed work.
Granted, there were times when Siegfried felt as if he had to drag every bit of excellence he could from Tristan, but the rewards had pleased him greatly. His brother simply needed to select the education path that interested him. From there, Siegfried would make sure he had the means to succeed in it.
"Mr. Farnon?"
Siegfried turned to see McLaren peering at him. For some reason, McLaren refused to transition to a first-name basis with him.
"Mr. Caruthers said you would see him this afternoon about that foal you warned him about."
"Oh yes, of course," Siegfried said. "And Alan, I know you helped me set this up, but later this evening, I'd like to go over some procedures I have in mind for the office here. I want to expand our business to small animals as much as possible and this room will be part of that expansion."
"All right, Mr. Farnon, I'll make sure to be here," McLaren said before walking out.
Siegfried gazed with pride at the room one more time. Yes, he was looking forward to putting this room to use and expanding the practice beyond horses and farm animals. He would bring as many modern methods as possible to his current practice, and, when he finally had a practice that was completely his own, he would continue this mission on an even grander scale.
As he walked to his car, he thought again about the future and made a mental note to have a serious discussion with his little brother about his education when he finally came home. He also started to think about how maybe he'd like to get a second dog to have around the house. Just so his other dog wouldn't get lonely, of course.
It was past midnight. It had to be, Siegfried reasoned. Especially with the luck he had had this week.
The phone rang again and Siegfried let out a sigh. It was his turn to handle the late night call outs, so it made perfect sense to him that the telephone would be ringing in the middle of the night after remaining silent for the past two nights.
With a frustrated grunt, Siegfried flung his blankets aside and grabbed his robe as he went out to answer the phone. When he did answer it, it wasn't long before his brow crinkled with worry. A calf that had just been born three days ago had become listless and the mother was showing similar symptoms.
It didn't sound life-threatening on the surface, but something about the farmer's description of the animals made him feel uneasy. Rather than wait until morning, Siegfried assured him he'd be out there shortly.
After hanging up, he'd almost made it back to his bedroom to get dressed when he was suddenly seized with a desire to check in on Tristan. It took until he had gingerly opened the door to Tristan's room and had just started to work up some indignation over the bed being empty before he remembered yet again. Little brother was on holiday at Oxford not getting into some mischief in the middle of the night.
However, that reminder provided little comfort to Siegfried. The truth was, he would have liked to have found Tristan sleeping peacefully in bed. Siegfried knew that this was an odd streak of parental feeling. One that manifested itself in behaviors like looking in on his baby brother at night sometimes just to see that he was secure and slumbering soundly. It was an old habit that started from when Tristan had first moved in with him and had been suffering from fitful sleep that was worryingly punctuated by nightmares. Even though these sleep disturbances pretty much disappeared within a few months, Siegfried found himself unable to let go of this habit.
Siegfried let out a sigh and shook his head as he sat down on Tristan's bed. During moments like this, he was forced to admit that he missed his little brother dearly. It had been two months since Tristan had left, and they had been the longest two months that he experienced in years.
Then he wondered how the last six years could have passed so quickly by comparison. One day, he was driving out on calls with Tristan sitting in the backseat, sucking on penny candy and reading his school primers. Then, in what felt like the blink of an eye, Tristan was getting ready to finish his basic education and to choose a career, and a life, for himself as a man.
It was then that Siegfried finally understood why he was missing his brother so much: because this was only the beginning of what was to come. Soon, Tristan would be away for weeks and often months at a time at university or some other professional school. Then there would be finding a place to embark on his new career, most likely in one of the larger cities. After all, there were far more opportunities in the cities, and Tristan always seemed to enjoy taking trips to them whenever he got the opportunity. Thus, it was more than likely that he would not be staying in the Dales or perhaps even Yorkshire.
Soon, Tristan would be leaving his current life behind, and Siegfried found himself more than a little melancholic over the idea.
Suddenly frustrated, Siegfried shook himself before getting up and marching out of Tristan's room so he could go back to his own room to get dressed. Of course this time had to come eventually. It had been his intention all along to help Tristan gain the skills and opportunities he needed to ensure a bright future for himself. It was stupidly paradoxical to be unhappy that he was succeeding in his mission. Children grew up and moved on, that was the way of things. It was selfish to expect anything else from his little brother.
As he gathered up the instruments he needed, Siegfried pushed all thoughts of Tristan to the back of his mind. Right now, there were animals that needed his help and several possibilities that could explain their issues. He needed to keep his focus on the work at hand and prepare his mind to narrow down the diagnoses to the correct one.
By the time he was driving down the road, Siegfried had succeeded in preparing his brain for work.
The sun had already risen by the time Siegfried got back home. Unfortunately, the calf had not survived, but he was certain that he had saved the mother. It was far from the best outcome, but half a victory was better than none at all.
As he trudged back toward the house, he found some mail waiting for him at the door. Most of it was the usual bills and business correspondence. At the bottom of the stack was a postcard from Tristan, the third one that week.
Siegfried
How are you? Has McLaren finally settled in? I'm punting like a pro now. Or least that's what my teacher tells me. I might even take someone out with me here soon. I hope you have found a domestic. The dinners here are excellent and I shall miss them when I come home. How did Peterson's stallion come along? Were you able to get it running again?
Tristan
Siegfried smiled. He hadn't expected Tristan to remember about the stallion even though he had mentioned it in the last letter he'd written. In fact, now that he thought about it, Siegfried realized that the postcards from his little brother had been increasing for the last two weeks and were becoming more conversational as well.
Was it possible that Tristan was becoming homesick and was looking forward to his return as much as Siegfried was?
