Leprechaun Invasion
It was a regular day in the Volturi castle.
Jane had tortured eighty-seven people, and Aro had killed six.
Felix found out that his favourite stuffed toy, a bunny rabbit, had gone missing.
Demetri tracked it down and found it in Jane's room. It was pinned to the wall and Jane was trying very hard to attack it and make it feel pain.
Kate of the Denali clan flew in from nowhere and ran around the castle randomly shocking people. She shocked Caius and he turned nice.
Marcus was bored. He sat on his throne like a statue, and Chelsea tried to make him laugh, the way tourists do to the guards at Buckingham Palace.
Jane finally used her power on Marcus and he jumped out the window and fled, then stole a pair of women's underwear and tried to eat human food.
Renesmee fell in through the ceiling and covered Aro in glue and glitter.
Alec cut off Carlisle's senses and then stopped. He kept doing that until Esme and Jane beat him up, Esme using a frying pan and bucket of paint while Jane used her torture gift.
Esme tried to bake cookies for Aro, Caius and Marcus.
Jane used her gift to set fire to the receptionist and Esme had to bite the human to save her. Esme nearly exploded from the contact with the fire.
Carlisle ran in to try and save Esme and tripped, sending a bucket of water flying over her. He smashed the bucket to pieces, crying and screaming about how HE should have saved his wife.
The Cullens decided to try getting drunk.
Rosalie drank half a cup of green tea and then became human again.
Emmett cried.
Bella ate Rosalie. Then she managed to eat Emmett.
Alice and Esme decided to play dress-up with the skirts and dresses in Aro's wardrobe and hold a fashion show.
Jacob got a PhD in five minutes and became an anthropologist.
The rest of the wolves ran in and ate Caius.
Aro cried.
Marcus' head exploded.
Felix read Pride and Prejudice.
Demetri and Bella stole cars and began drag-racing around the inside of the castle.
Renesmee ate the cars. Edward read it in her thoughts and told her not to do it again.
Heidi and Jasper began to re-enact scenes from the Civil War.
Tanya and Irina stormed in and bitch-slapped Alec. Alec died.
Jane tried to torture them. Kate ran in and shocked Jane for a full hour. Jane's eyes were spinning and she was hypnotized.
Jane began following Kate, Tanya or Irina like a puppy. She bowed to them when they passed, licked the floor, or barked like a dog if they clapped.
Kate taught Jane to beg like a dog and quack like a duck.
Jane morphed into a little green leprechaun. Irina put Jane into her pocket.
Aro caught the scent of the Jane leprechaun. Rosalie returned from the dead and ate Jane.
Emmett cried again.
Esme, Carlisle, Bella, Jasper and Jacob all became super-strong vampires and tore down the castle.
Every vampire in the world that wasn't in Volterra became a leprechaun and stormed the castle.
Carlisle tried to research them and their genetics. He gave a brief (eight hour long) lecture about In The Olden Days When I Was a Boy.
Then he began raving about going to school with Galileo and Newton. He then gave a lecture as to why he was infinitely superior to them.
Esme threw a leprechaun at him. Carlisle cried.
SUDDENLY…
All the remaining vampires morphed into leprechauns. Humans stormed the rubble of the castle and began picking up the leprechauns and taking them home.
They did not know the leprechauns were immortal.
The Carlisle-leprechaun tried to eat sushi.
The other leprechauns tried to bite the humans.
They had no teeth.
One of the leprechauns moved into the White House.
Lady Gaga took it for lab testing.
In the lab, it bred another three hundred leprechauns.
And THAT is how the new breed of vampire, known to humans as the leprevamp, came to exist.
THE END.
