Ad Finem
by Green1
Disclaimer: I don't own KKM (duh).
Notes: This is a Yuuram oneshot.
"To know for an hour you where mine completely -
Mine in body and soul, my own I would bear unending tortures sweetly,
With not a murmur and not a moan.
A lighter sin or lesser error Might change through hope or fear divine;
But there is no fear, and hell has no terror,
To change or alter a love like mine."
-- Ad Finem, Ella Wheeler Wilcox
The day was broiling and night only less so when Greta, the fosteringly of Yuuri Shibuya, married a wealthy half breed merchant from the Grantz territory. Hans Fintz family specialized mostly in the trade of fabrics, from silk to muslin to cotton. Most of the fabric brought in from other countries had pass through their warehouses.
The match was considered a favorable one. It was discovered four years ago the Greta was the last remaining member of the Zoracca royal family. While it was just a flea-specked (and quite conquered) country, it made up a bit for her human blood.
She loved him and that was enough for her father. He gave Lady Cheri and Lady Jolene freedom to give her the best wedding available.
Almost within a week, the castle and grounds had been transformed into a winter wonderland in June. Originally, Greta had wanted a December winter as she enjoyed the traditions from Earth but Gunter had wet and wailed over how unadventageous that would be and all parties had given in, if for no other reason than to stop the crying. Thus the theme had been set around winter and all it's glory.
Greta's after party was in full swing and the giant doors had been opened from the ballroom, allowing the guests to slosh over outside for some mildly cooler air and a chance to sit down. Yuuri felt sufficated but his daughter seemed to be having fun. She'd danced every group dance the band had played, even dragging him onto the dance floor through his protests.
She wore a sparkling winter white grown of silk that russled as she moved like wind through trees. Her hair was twisted and piled up on her head, diamonds strunge through the plates of hair. She wore large drop diamonds in her ears and a silver and diamond necklace nestled becomingly in her bossom. Yuuri couldn't believe she was so beautiful, this little girl who used to come visit him with grass stained knees.
Lady Jolene pressed against his side as he guided her away from the over crowded ballroom. She ran the back of her wrist across her forehead, decided that was too unladilike, and settled on fanning herself. "I think the party is a sucess," she said, holding out her hand to a passerby as they congradulated them on their baby.
Yuuri forced a smile and nodded absently at the couple.
"Let's find you a bench to rest on," he said into her jasmine scented hair. He pulled her away from the couple, lest they attract more people. olene was only three months pregnant but she wasn't the hardy sort of woman. The heat and the stress of helping put together the wedding was taking a toll on her. He could feel her slight trembling, though she tried to keep that from him.
A trio of playing boys almost ran smack into them. He pulled Jolene out of their path just in time. She watched their progress until they were lost to the crowd. "I hope we have a boy," she said, hand over her flat belly. She sat down and smiled up at him.
"Let me get a waiter to bring you something," he said, bending to kiss her cheek. He studied her pale complextion. A fine sheen of sweat covered her. He would have to talk to Gisela about this.
"Thank you," she said, readed out and squeezed his hand. "Go have some fun. I'll be okay out here."
Yuuri almost felt bad for straightening and turning away from his wife, but she would be more comfortable away fro mthe throngs of people. And frankly, he didn't want to risk the baby by keeping her inside. He would order her up to her room, if he could. This child meant so much to it. Above everything else, it meant he didn't have to go through the nightly ritual with his wife anymore. He knew that was perhaps the most debased reason anyone could come up with, but the feeling of elation that filled him over her announcement had been the one bright stop in years.
He searched but didn't find any waiters outside. It made a kind of sense as most of the guests were inside. He pushed his way through the crowd and stopped to look about him. A shiver ran up his spine. He whirled around, absolutely certain someone had been staring at him. He saw no one. Frowning, he swept the crowd again. Still nothing.
He pushed the thought out of his mind. He wouldn't allow himself to get his hopes up again.
Yuuri pushed through several more feet until he caught the eye of a waiter. It seemed good fortune, as the waiter was coming right towards him. The young man, sun tanned with a thatch of thick brown hair, paused to catch his breath as he came up beside the King.
"The Queen is outside," he said. "She needs some punch and a plate of dinner. I don't think she ate too much today. Nerves."
The waiter looked in the direction Yuuri pointed and nodded. He grabbed Yuuri's sleve when the King started to leave, then let go blushing crimson. "I'm sorry, Heika," he said.
Yuuri waved that away. So it wasn't just his imagination that had this man searching for him. "What is it?"
The waiter said something and Yuuri blinked. Surely, he hadn't heard right. He leaned closer, thinking it was the crowd and music that had made him mishear. The waiter said it again and Yuuri straightened, heart thudding. "Where?" Yuuri wet his lips.
The waiter gestured.
"Thank you," he said, but he had already launched himself off into that direction. He didn't bother stopping to see if the man had heard him.
Oh Shinou, was it true?
Yuuri stopped at the edge of the dance floor, eyes eating into the sight of Wolfram. How had he known about the wedding? Yuuri was pretty sure the blonde had cut all his contacts at Blood Pledge. None of his people could find a trace of him. All that slipped away from him at the sight of him. At once, Wolfram seemed unchanged and yet more beautiful, more gloreous than anything Yuuri had ever known.
He swallowed the well of spit in his mouth and strode to him. Wolfram was trying to leave the ball by way of a back exit. A couple people had surrounded him, asking about his life away from the castle. Yuuri blessed those people with all his heart.
"Dance with me, Wolf," Yuuri said, holding out his hand.
Wolfram whirled around like a scared rabbit. The people surrounding him seemed to melt into the shadows, a better vantage to gossap from. "You should dance with your wife," he said, and then added, "Heika," after a long pause. Yuuri couldn't help but notice the hungry look in those green eyes.
He reached out and grasped the cool fingers. "Dance with me," he murmured. The musicians had started plucking the first cords of a couples set. Reluctantly, Wolfram came. Yuuri remembered the midnight dances in this great hall, alone with only Wolfram as company. Oh, how the blond had tried to help him learn even the simplest steps and how he'd despaired at Yuuri's apparent lack of skill. He remembered how well Wolfram's head fit on his shoulder the most.
The set ended too soon and Wolfram pulled away without a word, weaving into the throng of people. Yuuri searched but no one seemed to have seen him leave the ball nor could any remember mingling with the fiery blond. He knew a thousand tongues waggled at their dance. Yuuri Shibuya, who despaired dancing with anyone, who hadn't even danced at his own wedding, had asked someone to dance. His ex-fiance, no less!
Yuuri wasn't able to leave until the offical end of the ball, some three hours later. It was thought a general sucess by those attending it and filled any plates with gossap for the next year.
Gretta and Hans would leave for honeymoon in the morning. They would leave early, Gretta informed him. "Please don't wake up for me," she said, clasping his hands and pressing a kiss to his cheek. She hugged him and he handed her over to her husband a bit unwillingly.
Yuuri helped his Queen to her private room, then took a bath to remove the sweat and dirt from the throng of people that pressed around him. He dressed quickly, his mind only on Wolfram, and walked down the halls of his palace. Stragglers of the party stumbled to their respective rooms, too drunk or involved with their partner to notice him walking by.
He came to the room and knocked. Wolfram answered, looking as wide awake as himself.
"Yuuri," he breathed. "I --"
Oh Shinou, Yuuri thought. How he'd hungered to taste his name on Wolfram's lips again. He hadn't known, hadn't guessed, how hungry he'd been for that small morsel.
Wolfram let him into the darkened room without protest and accepted him with open arms. The kisses and cool fingers against naked flesh banished all the things he wanted to tell Wolfram, all the questions that had burned in the back of his throat since the day his fianc had broken the engagement and fled town. Maybe, he thought, Wolfram planned it that way. Maybe he didn't want to hear what Yuuri wanted to say.
And, at the moment, Yuuri didn't care. He was content to leave things to kissing. There would be time after.
Much later, Wolfram lay curled naked against him, snoring softly. He shifted, the start of his nightmares becoming evident. Yuuri pulled him closer, whispering into his ear and stoked the bridge of his nose. Wolfram settled down with a great sigh. It was funny that the same tricks worked now as they did years ago.
For the first time in five years, Yuuri felt whole and at peace. How was it possible that within one person lied home and all his feelings of happiness? He clasped him tighter and allowed himself to drift asleep.
Yuuri blinked awake as he felt the gentle weight shift off him and the dip of the bed as Wolfram sat up. It was predawn, the room still clothed in shadows and darkness. He sat up, not wanting to break the illusion of peace but not wanting Wolfram to slip away even more. He scooted to the edge of the bed, dangled his feet off. His hand tentatively sought out the cool, graceful fingers and laced them with his, his head resting on his shoulder.
This was the moment Yuuri would remember years down the road. The feel of their fingers entwined, together as they were made to be, in the still, silent morning. He would remember the love making with a slight shake of his head and rueful smile as the feel of Wolfram's skin, the taste of the shared breaths, and the joining faded into a pleasant remembrance only vaguely felt. This strange moment when his heart was so full at once and breaking so thoroughly at the same time.
"I love you," Yuuri said. It was the only truth he still had about this world.
Wolfram stirred, tugged to free his fingers but relented. His breath rasped into the room at odds with the silence.
Yuuri smiled, nuzzled his cheek against his shoulder. "I love you," he said again. He loved the taste of those words on his lips. They made him feel happy and full and at peace with everything. But the nagging fears came back. All those doubts he'd whispered to himself over these five long, lonely years. He had to know. His fingers tightened on Wolfram's, smile gone. "Why did you leave me? Why did you break up?"
Wolfram moisoned his lips. "I ..." A pause to catch his breath. "I love you too, Yuuri."
Yuuri waited. Morning was approaching. He would see the dark outline of Wolfram's features, dim and fuzzy. He was so beautiful. Yuuri wondered how someone so beautiful could even love him. Those doubts were back on the edges of his mind, whispering that he was a fool. Wolfram had never loved him, could never love such a fool as he.
"I didn't know." Silence wove around them, tightening them together until Yuuri felt like he would sufficate. "I thought you didn't love me and I couldn't stand to see you with another person. I was trying to give you the only thing I could."
"I've always loved you. I was just young." And foolish and stupid and horrible not to understand that nothing is permanent, not to understand that you must reach out with both hands when the Gods give you a gift and embrace it fully, else it's liable to slip away in the night and take your heart along with it. "I was just a fool." Yuuri's laugh sounded more like a coughing sob.
"I was too scared to ask," Wolfram said in the same small voice. "No one's ever, well ..."
"If you'd said you wanted to marry ..."
Wolfram shook his head furious. Yuuri's head lifted from his shoulder until he'd calmed down again. "Never! It would always be in my mind that you only married me because you had to."
Rueful. "I thought I had time." They shared a painful laugh.
After a while, Wolfram asked, "why didn't you protest?"
"I should've demanded that you marry me then," he admitted. "It ran through my mind. But you were so unhappy. I was it in your eyes. You seemed whither away each day ... I just never knew you'd run." Yuuri seemed to think, to turn over a concept he hadn't dared voice before. "You knew I had to marry soon. You knew about the law. That's why you..." A thoughtful silence and the strange confirmation of a suspicion he'd carried for a long time mixed and tasted close to bitter in his mouth.
Wolfram started to pull away. "I have to go," he said when Yuuri's grip on him tightened. "Yuuri, please."
Yuuri tried to let him go, to unclench his fingers, to set him away from him and fade back into his role as King. He couldn't do it. It was ending too soon, this wonderful feeling he'd found after such a long time alone. He leaned over and stroked Wolfram's face with his free hand, guiding the resisting face down to his lips. He would prove to Wolfram that love would conquer all, that love was worth any sacrifice. The wild idea flittered through his mind when Wolfram's lips met his own and became unresisting and sweet.
"Marry me!" There was enough light now to see the shock on Wolfram's face, the stillness in his body. Yuuri slid off the bed and got on one knee. He grasped the hand in both of his own and pressed them to his chest. "I need you, Wolf. I'm just a shell without you. You stole my heart when you left."
Wolfram looked away, his brows furrowing and throat working. "You're married, Yuuri."
He gripped the hand tighter, brought it to his lips and pressed kissed onto the finger tips. "I can get divorced." He rubbed the soft hand against his cheek, uncaring of his tears. "I miss you so much."
Wolfram turned to stare down at him. The stark hunger in those green eyes gave him the hope he hadn't dared to hold. He seemed on the brink of speech but shook himself. "Lady Jolene is pregnant." Yuuri opened his mouth but Wolfram used his other hand to cover it. "Please don't beg anymore. I can't refuse you. It isn't fair. I promised myself I wouldn't be a home wrecker. Don't make me become one."
He was on his feet them, reaching down to help Yuuri to his feet. They kissed at the door, Wolfram gently pushing Yuuri away from him. Their fingers entwined away, as if all of heaven and hell wouldn't separate them.
"Do you regret this?" Wolfram against Yuuri's lips in between a kiss.
Yuuri's lashed fluttered down. "Yes," he breathed. "But I would do it again and again. I would give everything I have to share just one hour with you. I love you." He paused, chewing over a thought. And then he said, softly as if to himself, "I wish I was ruthless enough to force you to stay with me"
Wolfram's eyes searched him. "I love you too," he said. "One day, maybe..."
One last kiss and Wolfram pushed him from the room. Yuuri pulled his jacket tighter about himself. He shivered as he walked back to his apartments, wondering how this world could possibly be so cold and grand and horrible.
The End~
I wrote and rewrote and rewrote and rewrote this. T__T This is just a one shot. There's no more to this. xD! Thank gawds.
