DISCLAIMERS: 'Castle' is the property of Andrew W. Marlowe and ABC Studios Productions. The story is the property of the author and may not be archived without her permission.

SUMMARY: Things that we didn't see in episodes 7x02-7x06. The second chapter will be M-rated.

A/N #1: In my last story, 'Returning Home,' I got accused of making everything all about Beckett when Castle was the one who'd been abducted. I will try to explore where Castle's head is at, at least in the first chapter.

MOMENTS IN TIME

CHAPTER 1

At the end of 'Montreal'

It was quiet. Too quiet. Castle lay awake staring at the ceiling long after Kate had fallen asleep with her head on his chest, her fingers occasionally stretching out to make sure that he was still there. Every now and then he'd run his fingers through her now shorter hair. He didn't know at what point during those missing two months that Kate had cut her hair. There were so many things that he didn't know.

Maybe flying back to Montreal alone had been a mistake. He hadn't planned on running into Henry Jenkins. He'd simply wanted to find the place where he'd been held. Instead of answering the questions he had, it had only opened up more.

He tried to remember back to when he'd been 11 years old. He remembered what school he'd been attending at the time; he remembered his stepfather at the time. But he didn't remember Hollander's Wood. He wondered what would come up if he Googled the name.

As carefully as he could, he moved Kate from his chest onto her pillow before sitting up. "Castle?" She reached out for him. "Where are you going?"

"Go back to sleep," he threw back the covers.

"What's wrong?" She sat up, following him to the edge of the bed.

"I just can't sleep."

She bit her lip before placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Rick, I know what it's like to get too much inside of your head."

"Kate, I was 11 years old. I don't remember everything that I was doing at that age, but I can't imagine seeing or doing something so awful that I'd want to forget. And if I did see something, why wouldn't I have told my mother?"

"I don't know," Kate tugged on his hand as he turned to face her on the bed. "Maybe someone threatened her. Maybe she wasn't around. I know that it isn't going to be easy, but for right now, I think we should just get back to normal. We'll get all of the answers to whatever happened to you during those two months; just not right now."

"I so wanted to see you that day," he reached up and cupped her face, feeling her lean into his hand. "I bet you looked absolutely breathtaking."

"I'm sure that you probably looked amazing, too," she smiled.

"Well, I do have a tendency to look great in a tuxedo," he teased as Kate rolled her eyes.

"Come here," she lay back on her pillow, pulling him down with her. He rested his head on her shoulder, cuddling into her as she softly stroked his arm.

"Can I ask you something?" His voice was soft in the quiet darkness.

"What?"

"Why did you cut your hair?"

"Um . . . it was after we saw the video," Kate fought to keep her voice steady. "The one where it showed you putting the money in the dumpster. I went home that night and I felt so hopeless. I sat on my sofa in the dark and cried for what seemed like hours. I could feel you . . . I could feel the way that you tuck my hair behind my ears sometimes and I couldn't stand it. I missed you so much, and I wanted to understand what was going on. Anyway, I went the next day and got my hair cut. I wanted it shorter, but my stylist convinced me to keep it shoulder length."

"I like it," he glanced up at her.

"We should get some sleep."

"Roll onto your side," he urged her as he sat up so that she could roll onto her side. He then tucked himself behind her, his hand resting on her hip, his fingers softly stroking as they both finally succumbed to exhaustion.

Kate awoke the next morning to the tantalizing aroma of freshly brewed coffee. Since it was still dark in the room, she thought at first that her brain was playing tricks on her. But she rolled over in time to find Castle climbing back into bed with a cup of coffee in his hand. "Did you actually go to sleep or did you just wait for me to go to sleep before you got up?" She sat up, leaning back on her elbows.

"No, I slept. A little," he held the cup out to her. He saw her eyes briefly cloud over as she reached out for the cup, her fingers brushing against his. "Is something wrong? You looked a little . . . sad just now."

"Right after you disappeared, I was at my desk when this cup of coffee suddenly appeared in front of my face. For about 20 seconds I was so happy because I thought that you'd come back and was bringing me coffee."

"Who was it?" He sat on the bed beside her.

"Javi. He didn't even realize that he'd done anything wrong. I mean, he hadn't done anything wrong. He was just doing something that he'd seen you do a few hundred times. I think of everything that I missed about you being gone, I missed you bringing me coffee the most."

Castle slid up against the headboard, slipping an arm around Kate as she sipped her coffee. "If I could remember everything about those two months, do you know what I would've missed about you the most?"

"No, what?" She looked at him.

"Your smile. When I first met you, it was so hard to get a smile out of you. When I'd get one, I felt like I'd won the lottery. But once we became a couple, you'd give me these smiles that I knew were only meant for me. Those were the smiles that I know I'd miss if I remembered being gone for two months. I know that I miss them when I'm gone on book tours. Those smiles make my day better. When I woke up in that hospital bed and you weren't there with that smile—" his voice dropped off as he stared down at Kate.

The look on his face broke Kate's heart. She knew that the memory loss was particularly troubling to Castle. She knew that as a writer, he was always on the lookout for the story and this time none of them knew what the story was. But she also knew that her pulling back from him was troubling to him. She wasn't even sure that she could explain to him why she was pulling back. At first it was because she thought that he'd been lying to her about the memory loss. But that was no longer the case.

She leaned over and placed her coffee cup on the end table before moving back against Castle's side. She tilted her face up and softly kissed him, letting out a whimper when he tried to deepen the kiss. She pulled away and reached up, her fingers tracing his mouth. He noticed tears shining in her eyes. "Kate? Hey, what's wrong?"

"I have to get ready for work," she moved to her side of the bed and got up, pulling her robe on before going to the bathroom and closing the door.

Castle sighed deeply before also getting out of bed and walking to the bathroom door, knocking on it a couple of times. "Can I come in?"

"Yeah," he heard Kate's voice from the other side.

He walked in just as she was stripping out of her clothes to get into the shower. The sight of her naked never failed to affect him. Normally she'd invite him to join her instead of standing there staring at her, but this time, she just returned his stare. "Are you going to come to the precinct with me?" She asked before turning on the water.

"Maybe later this morning. I have a meeting at Black Pawn this morning. Apparently I have some stuff to make up since I missed some book tours due to my accident."

"Is Paula going to reschedule?" Kate asked, feeling somewhat panic-stricken. He'd just come back. She wasn't sure she was ready for him to leave again.

"I don't know. I guess that's what I'm going to find out this morning. I hate seeing you so broken because of what I've done. I don't know how to fix us."

Kate reached inside of the shower and turned off the water before pulling her robe back on. "Rick, I'm not broken because of anything that you've done. We're going to find our way back. We both have stuff that we have to deal with. Right now, we're both broken."

"Someday, will you tell me about those two months? Tell me how you dealt with it besides staring at my picture on the murder board and almost shooting the night janitor for taking my chair away."

"No. And it's not because I don't want you to know," she walked up to him and slipped her arms around his waist. "It's because I don't want to relive it. All that I will tell you is that it was awful and it gave me a lot of insight to how my dad felt after my mom was murdered. I have you back now and that's more important than anything else. We have each other. And I still love you. Nothing about that has changed. Like I told you last night, I'm not going anywhere."

"I should let you take a shower. How about some breakfast?" He smiled down at her.

"I'd like that since you woke me up at the crack of dawn," she returned his smile.

"Bacon and eggs okay?"

"Perfect," she lifted up on her toes, pressing a quick kiss to his lips.

When she came out of the shower, Castle was just dishing up scrambled eggs, bacon and an English muffin onto a plate, which he placed on the counter. Kate sat down and began to eat, smiling when Castle put a fresh cup of coffee in front of her. "Do you want to do something this weekend?" He asked, coming around with his own plate and sitting down beside her.

"Like what?"

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe we could walk around Central Park or go to a movie. I could get us reservations for Nobu or Drago for dinner."

Kate thought that going out to dinner sounded like a wonderful idea. They had both been talking about getting their lives back to normal and nothing spelled normal like going to dinner together. There was nothing that Kate enjoyed more than an evening out with her fiancé. She knew that he enjoyed showing her off, which had been unnerving at the beginning of their relationship, but which she had now got used to. She loved dressing up for him. It made her feel feminine and sexy, two things she didn't get to be on the job.

"I'd love to go out with you. We haven't done that in so long," she put her hand over his.

"Great. I'll make reservations when I get out of my meeting with Gina."

"I have to go," Kate hopped off of her barstool, glancing at her watch. "Call or text me when you get out of your meeting."

"I will," he followed her to the door, helping her into her light jacket. "Be careful."

"You, too," she turned and kissed him. "I'll talk to you in a couple of hours."

After closing the door, Castle walked over and took their plates into the kitchen. He was washing them when Martha came downstairs. "Good morning, darling," she walked into the kitchen, kissing him on the cheek before going to make herself a cup of coffee.

"Good morning, mother," he smiled. "I thought that you'd already left."

"No, I have a late morning class today. How is Katherine?"

"She's fine. Why do you ask?"

"Did the two of you get to talk about your little excursion?"

"Yeah, we talked about it," he sighed, grabbing a dishcloth to wipe down the countertop.

"Is something wrong, Richard?"

"I just feel like I've messed everything up," he hung the dishcloth on the oven handle. "I hate not knowing what happened during those two months. I hate not remembering something that happened when I was a kid."

"Richard, please don't punish yourself. Yes, those two months devastated all of us. Kate still loves you. I still love you. Alexis still loves you. We're all willing to do whatever it takes to put the pieces of the puzzle together. But right now, I think that you and Katherine need to try to get your lives back on track. I know that you still love each other very much. I know that she still wants to marry you."

"We talked about that last night. I told her that I wanted to marry her right now, today. She suggested that we wait."

"That sounds like good advice. How long are you going to wait?"

"She said that we'll talk about it again in a month."

"A fall wedding sounds wonderful. Very romantic," Martha smiled. "I have to go."

"I'll see you later, mother."

***CCC***

"How's Castle?" Espo rolled his chair up beside Kate's.

"He's fine," Kate's voice was terse, indicating that she didn't want to talk about it.

"Are you still planning on getting married?"

"Of course, we're still planning on getting married. It's just everything is so out of whack right now," Kate ran her hands through her hair. "He took another trip to Montreal yesterday. Alone."

"Why in the hell did he do that?"

"He saw something on the video that couple gave us. He found the building where they were holding him. He also ran into the fake Henry Jenkins."

"Is he okay?" Espo asked, his voice full of concern.

"Yeah. He told us last night that Jenkins told him that they gave him something to make him forget. Apparently, something happened when Castle was 11 years old. These people got the story out of him for whatever reason. I don't know if it's so they can blackmail him later or what. Whatever happened must've been so horrific that Rick asked them to make him forget."

"Did Jenkins say anything about the other people who were holding him?"

"No. Right now, I think it's best if we all just let it go. Castle needs to try to move past it. I need to try to move past it. He wanted me to marry him today. I managed to convince him that we're not ready. We're going to wait a month and then we're going to set another date."

"That's good," he smiled.

"Yeah, I can't wait," she bit her lip.

***CCC***

Walking out of the publishing offices of Black Pawn, Castle walked over to the Town Car he'd called that morning and dismissed the driver, choosing to walk back to the loft, even though it was more than 20 blocks. Like most New Yorkers, walking long distances didn't faze him. Normally he'd observe the people walking around him, making up stories in his head about where they were going and what they were doing.

Today was different though. Today he was lost in his own thoughts, much as he had been for the past two weeks since his return home. He didn't sleep well. He knew that Kate was aware of that, but it was just one more thing that they didn't talk about. Just as they didn't talk about their ruined wedding or his lost memory. Now there was one more thing for them to not talk about. His upcoming book tour. For the first time since becoming a published author, he didn't want to go.

He was safe at home. Although he didn't remember anything about those two months, he now knew that he was safe. He was safe surrounded by his mother, Alexis, and especially Kate. Kate would never let anything happen to him. She was his solid ground. Right now he felt the need to stay anchored to her. The thought of leaving her for even one day was suddenly frightening to him.

He'd tried explaining that to Gina and Paula, but all his agent and publisher could see was dollar signs. He was a best-selling author and they were dependent on him to keep sales high. He felt his phone vibrate in his back pocket. He walked over to an awning and pulled it from his pocket. He had a message from Kate. 'Castle, are you still coming to the precinct?'

He thought for a few minutes before sending her a message back. 'Meetings took longer than expected. I'll see you at home l8er. ILY.'

***CCC***

Kate frowned when she read the message on her phone. "Is something wrong?" Ryan asked, as the three of them sat in the break room eating lunch.

"No. I thought Castle was going to come up here this afternoon, but he said his meetings took longer than he expected."

"That's not unusual," Espo pointed out. "His meetings have gone on a long time before."

"Are things okay between the two of you? Espo told me about Castle going back to Montreal," Ryan said with a mouthful of Kung Pao chicken.

"I think the whole memory loss thing is really bothering him a lot. He's not sleeping well. I don't think he's too anxious to leave on his next book tour."

"That's understandable," Ryan told her. "He was gone for two months. He probably worries about leaving you and his family again. How are Martha and Alexis?"

"They're fine. They're both catering to Castle quite a bit, but I guess that's to be expected. They want to make up for lost time. Actually, they're starting to spoil him rotten," she made a face as the boys laughed.

"Well, he is like a big kid," Espo reminded her as Kate nodded and grinned.

She hadn't heard from Rick by the time she left the precinct, which worried her. It was rare that his meetings with Gina and Paula took all afternoon. Before she left the precinct parking garage to head for the loft, she called Gina. "Hello?" She answered after her secretary forwarded the call.

"Gina, this is Kate Beckett. I was wondering if Rick was still there. He texted me earlier that his meeting with you went longer than he'd expected."

"Kate, our meeting broke up at around 11 this morning. I assumed that Rick was going home. I know he wasn't happy about the upcoming book tour. In fact, he acted like a two-year-old about it. I half-expected him to throw himself on the floor kicking his arms and legs."

"Yeah, well he's facing a lot of stuff right now," Kate felt like slapping Castle's ex-wife. "Maybe I'll find him at home." She ended the call before Gina could say anything else. She then called Castle's cell phone, which went straight to voicemail. "Hey, babe. It's me. Are you okay? Please call me. I love you and I'm worried about you."

Forty-five minutes later, she entered the quiet loft. "Castle? Rick? Is anybody home?"

She was about to call Castle's cell again when she heard footsteps coming down the stairs. "Hello, Katherine. I thought I heard you call out," Martha's voice called out cheerfully. "Richard isn't with you?"

"No. He texted me earlier and told me that his meeting at Black Pawn went longer than he'd expected. But I talked to Gina when I left the precinct and she said that their meeting let out this morning. I've tried calling Rick's cell, but it goes straight to voicemail. Martha, you don't think he went back to Montreal, do you?"

"Oh darling, I doubt it. He knew how much his little road trip upset you and Alexis. He seemed very down this morning after you left. He feels so badly thinking that he somehow ruined your special day."

"Nothing that happened that day was his fault. I've told him that," Kate walked over and sat down on the sofa. "Gina said that he's upset about the book tour. She said that he practically had a meltdown about it."

"I'm sure that he's worried about leaving you again."

"I don't want him to go either, but I know that's part of his world. If I could go with him, I would."

"Is there any reason why you couldn't take some time off and go for a portion of it? I'm sure that would make Richard feel so much more secure."

"I could, I guess. Especially since I didn't take the time that we were going to use for our honeymoon. He wanted to take me today and marry me. I convinced him that we're not ready. We haven't exactly . . . connected since he came home."

"Kate, Richard's only been home a little over two weeks. You're going to get back to being that couple that you were before this awful thing happened."

"I know. Rick wants to go out Saturday to do some of those things that we did together before this happened. It's a good first step."

"Yes, it is. Maybe he went for a long walk. He used to take these long walks when he was a kid. Sometimes he'd find himself miles from home. I'm sure that's what he's out there doing right now."

"I think I know where he might've gone," Kate jumped up and went to the closet to grab her light jacket. "Thank you, Martha!"

"You're welcome, kiddo," Martha called after her, giving her a light wave.

Kate had told him about her walls at their swings; Castle had proposed to her at the same swings. She walked across the park, smiling when she spotted him sitting on his swing, barely moving, scuffing the ground with the toe of his shoe. "Castle, you had me worried. I've been calling you for the last hour. Are you okay?"

"I have to leave on my book tour in January."

"I know. Gina told me that you were upset."

"You called Gina?" He looked at her in surprise.

"I was worried about you. You didn't answer my calls. So yes, I called your ex-wife."

"Kate, I don't want to go. I want to be married to you. I want to stay here with you," he sounded like a lost little boy, much as he had when Jerry Tyson had framed him for murder almost two years earlier.

"Rick, I know that you don't want to go," she knelt down in front of his swing and took his hands. "I don't want you to go, but book tours are part of your job just like catching murderers is a big part of my job. I'm going to miss you terribly, but what if I'm able to come with you for part of the tour?"

"You'd do that?"

"Of course I'd do that," she smiled brightly, earning a return smile from him. "How long is the tour going to be?"

"Almost three months."

"Tonight we'll sit down with the schedule and work out a way for me to meet you somewhere on the tour. I can talk to Capt. Gates in the morning. I have no intention of letting you out of my sight for another three months, even if I do know where you're going to be this time."

"I didn't mean to worry you. I just needed to think," he got up from his swing, pulling Kate into his side as they walked across the park. "How did you know where I was?"

"Your mother said something about how you sometimes liked to walk to clear your head. She said there were times when you'd end up miles from home. That's how I knew that I'd find you here," she smiled at him as he tucked her tighter against him.

"Do you think we can take a cab home?"

"Yeah, we can take a cab," she pressed up and kissed him on the cheek. "We're going to be okay, Rick."

A/N #2: It took me forever to finish this chapter. That's what I get for playing Farmville 2 when I should be writing.

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