Sweden hated it. He knew he was in love with Finland, and had been for years. But the little Finn was his best and closest friend in his mind, and one of the only people he'd consider his family. He figured at first, if he had kept his longing stored away somewhere, it would stop. But it never did.
Sometimes he wondered how it started. He remember when his love for Finland had been just a friendly crush. He thought the man was cute, adorable even. He wanted to know him more. He wanted to be closer to him. Slowly, they did, even if Finland was still scared of him.
Eventually they got to the point he considered them friends.
But, one fateful night of drinking changed everything, at least for him.
Sure, Sweden and Finland had gone drinking together before. Normally it was with the other Nordics, but they had even gone alone a few times, and it was just fine. But whatever Finland had ended up drinking that night tore down a wall they hadn't been expecting.
Sweden found himself pinned to his bed by Finland's cock that night, and when he looked into the purple eyes of the man riding him, he knew he wanted more. He wanted more than just friendship. And he sure as hell wanted more than just sex. He found himself pushing forward, trying to kiss Finland who was too drunk to really kiss him back, despite his sloppy attempt.
Sweden awoke in the morning sore and alone with a note on the bedside table in sloppy handwriting.
I'm sorry.
He groaned and rolled over in his messy bed, trying to force himself back to sleep to escape his hangover.
It took a while for Finland to come back around. But he did, and things went back to normal. Finland went back to being scared of the Swede's quiet, and Sweden went back to admiring the Finn silently. However, he found his attraction was harder to quell.
He just wanted to hold Finland so desperately he could taste it.
The other Nordics started to notice Sweden's feelings for Finland, and made some teasing comments at him. He didn't really mind though. He was sort of nervous Finland would find out, but even so, what then? He couldn't imagine it being worse than the morning after.
Eventually, a few years after their one night together, they went out drinking again. They went with the other Nordics, just for comfort.
It turns out that was a huge mistake.
Finland ended up all over Sweden, and no one had the heart to stop him. The Finn was almost in the Swede's lap, stroking his arms and chest, and just about anywhere else available to him.
It wasn't surprising to anyone when Finland went home with Sweden, clinging to him, loudly slurring his claimed attraction for the Swede.
Sweden knew it was wrong. He knew Finland was so much more drunk then he was. He knew that Finland didn't really feel anything for him. He knew that when Finland drank certain kinds of alcohol he couldn't keep it in his pants. But his desire for the Finn overrode his common sense. His pure want for his best friend drove him insane. His fantasy was right in front of him, clinging to him and whispering disgusting things in his ear.
And he wanted it all.
In the morning he awoke in Finland's bed. He found an extra blanket that he knew to be from the couch thrown over him, and once again a note beside him.
I got called in to work. Feel free to use the kitchen, okay! I'm pretty sure you know where everything is. I doubt I'll be back until very late, so I suppose I'll see you in a few days? – Finland
He knew what the note actually meant. 'Eat, get your coffee, wake up and get out, I'll see you around'. He couldn't say he wasn't expecting it. So he did just that, grabbing his stuff before heading home.
This happened so many times, looking back, Sweden couldn't count them. Slowly the awkwardness flowed away from the little escapades, but it was always the same. A sloppy note in Finland's handwriting, telling Sweden that he had fun and that there was coffee in the kitchen. Telling Sweden that he had to get home, or had to get to work. Sweden didn't really expect anything. It happened a few times a year, and it seemed to sate both their sexual needs, since he was fairly sure Finland wasn't with anyone else.
Then they suddenly picked up in frequency, and he was waking up to a freshly cooked breakfast in the mornings, but still lacking a Finn.
When Finland asked him to go drinking with him three times in a two week period, he knew something was clearly going on. Usually they barely did it three times a year, much less in such a short amount of time.
Finland asked again, only a few days after their last escapade, "Hei, Sweden? I was thinking that we should go out again! We had a lot of fun and stuff last time, so I was thinking we could try this new bar near my home? I think it's the kind of pl-"
"Have dinner with me." When Sweden heard his own voice cut in, he was slightly shocked. Finland went quiet for a long moment before saying yes.
It wasn't fancy. It was a little bar type place, but they actually sat at the tables for once. Finland went to order his normal drink of choice, before Sweden stopped him.
"Huh?"
"I don't want ya drinkin' tonight."
"What? Why?" Finland looked alarmed, and instantly begun chewing on his lip.
"Just don't."
Finland nodded, and they both just requested water and their meal, and the waiter disappeared again. It was silent between them, and Finland did his best not to look Sweden's way. He did so well he didn't notice Sweden staring.
"Finn?"
"Hmmm?"
"I want ya to stay the night tonight." Sweden mumbled so quietly, Finland almost missed it. Almost.
He looked up at Sweden, stunned. They had never ever, in there many years of being intimate with each other, talked about it when they weren't drunk. When Finland grasped his bearings, he chuckled awkwardly, "Don't I usually?"
"I want ya to stay the morning too." Sweden stared at Finland intensely, and the Finn wanted to cower, as he always did when Sweden got too intense.
"Oh…" He blushed slightly, and nodded, "I see."
"Think 'bout it." Sweden muttered as the waiter came with their food and water.
They made small talk as they ate, primarily about their work and the weather. However, as they reached the end of the meal, Finland sat with his water glass in hand, stirring the ice with a straw, eyes glued to the water.
"Somethin' wrong?" The Swede questioned, and Finland looked up at him before looking away again.
"I'm thinking about it."
"What do ya think?"
The Finn bit his lip and closed his eyes, "Can we talk about it outside? Not in here…"
Sweden nodded, and requested the bill. They each paid for their own meals before going outside, where Finland stopped and stared at the Swede.
"I don't think I can do…. It without being drunk…" Finland admitted nervously and Sweden nodded.
"I wasn't thinkin' 'bout havin' sex."
"Oh."
"Are ya stayin' with me tonight?"
There was a long pause, the only sound filling the air was passing cars and the light murmur coming from the buildings around them.
The quiet was not broken, the Finn did not open his mouth to reply. All he did was nod.
They went back to Sweden's, and it being late, Sweden headed right back to the bedroom. Finland followed hesitantly, settling on the side of the bed that he somewhat adopted as his. Sweden changed into his pajamas and threw Finland his smallest pair of sleep pants and a tank top. They were still two sizes too large, but he made them work. When Finland settled into bed, he was noticeably uncomfortable.
Sweden wrapped his arm around him, and Finland almost whined, "Sweden, what's going on? Why are we doing this?"
"I want to be closer." He mumbled, putting his face on Finland's chest.
"What? W-why?" Finland begun trembling with nerves, unable to deal with Sweden so close to him.
"Don't run away from me." Sweden whispered, his arm extending and turning off the lamp.
Finland slowly begun to settle down in the dark. Sweden pulled away for a moment to take off his glasses, but then returned to his place at Finland's side. They let out little sighs into the dark.
Finland felt Sweden's even breathing and smiled, figuring the man fell asleep. He leaned forward, planting his lips on Sweden's forehead.
He gasped in shock when there was a sudden burst of movement and suddenly lips were on his. He didn't pull away. He didn't try to separate from Sweden. He didn't run away.
Instead, his lips moved against the Swede's softly.
He felt so much more confident in the dark, and with the Swede's glasses off. He knew the man was completely blind at the moment, and for some reason that was comforting. It was like if Sweden couldn't really see him, it wasn't really him.
He wouldn't have to confess he wanted to kiss his best friend when he was completely sober. He wouldn't have to admit he wasn't as straight as he had thought himself to be. He wouldn't have to admit to Sweden, or to himself for that matter, that he had feelings for the gentle giant of a Swede.
When their lips finally pulled apart, Finland wrapped his arms around Sweden, and it didn't take too long for them both to be asleep, Sweden buried in Finland's chest and Finland with a stupid smile on his face.
Sweden awoke to the sun hitting his eyelids. He groaned quietly, and snuggled down. Then he came to the realization that his pillow was breathing and his eyes snapped open to see Finland still sleeping beside him, and it was far past his normal leaving time.
Sweden smiled and shifted slightly, squeezing Finland tightly. "I love ya Finn." Sweden mumbled to himself quietly, and was shocked when he heard a little groan come from Finland.
"I love you too now shhh let me sleep I'm tired and I hate mornings."
Sweden's face turned bright red and he stared at the sleeping Finn before grinning like a fool and hiding his face in Finland's chest.
