Disclaimer: I do, or shall I ever own gravitation. Ok this IS NOT my first fanfic, just the first I've put on here. I would say don't read if you don't like yuoi. But then why would you have clicked on gravitation?

Oh and to my editor: GET OFF MY BACK WOMAN! I WILL GET IT DONE WHEN IT'S DONE! I DON'T NEED YOU STUIPD DEADLINES!! (now I know how Yuki feels.Sigh)

Now! On with the story!

Shuichi sat at the end of the bed. He just stared at the wall for what seemed like hours. It was the middle of June and he was wearing long sleeves. Shuichi had a problem not even his beloved Yuki could fix. In fact part of it was Yuki's fault. It all started about a month ago. Shuichi had been a fuzz ball of happiness.

That's when he ran been running down the hall and got cough by some psycho who put a knife to his neck and pull it strait though. He knew what had happened and if he didn't get to hospital fast he would die.

He ran all the way only making it worse. But s he had gotten lucky. The knife didn't cut deep enough it kill him. The doctor told him no singing till it gets better as not to pop the stitches out. He knew if he told Ng he would probably get fired. Or worse. They would hire another crazy America to "protect" him. And he could barley handle K.

So he told Hiro. Hiro went in and told Tohma that Shuichi would be gone for a wile he and had a death in the family and need to go see and consoled the rest.

Tohma simply smiled and said " tell him come back when this thought is better." Hiro cursed to him self and left the room.

When Shuichi had come home he was about to tell Yuki about it. Yuki was sitting on the couch Shuichi was about to tell him when he said

"Shut up brat. I don't want to here you whining to day." There was something about his tone that made Shuichi stopped where he was. He turned and went in to the back bathroom.

He carefully looked at the stitches in his neck. He thought people would ask what happened and he didn't and an excuse that anyone would believe. A turtleneck would solve this problem.

But what he wanted was Yuki to tell him he didn't have to. Yuki had been so cold to him lately. And nothing could make Shuichi feel better right now but Yuki. He turned to leave not realizing that Yuki's razor was on the counter. He cut him self on the wrist on accident. He looked down at the blood coming out. He walked over and closed the door.

At first it hurt but then he felt all the pain he kept in side about Kitazawa, work, Yuki being so cold, his mom, dad, and sister dying in a car crash. Shuichi had stopped crying after his mom, dad and sister where dead, he just kept it all inside. Of course people wonder is he was really ok. The only one who didn't seem to care was Yuki.

He was cold as ever. Like he didn't give a shit about Shuichi.

Shuichi slowly picked up the razor and put it to his skin once more. He dragged the razor across his tan skin. After making the cut he felt the blood slowly leak out. A bubble of blood popped and more blood rushed out. Just the he heard a knock on the door to the bathroom.

"Brat. You've been in there for over and hour. You better not have died." Shuichi came out of his unreal state to look down and see that he had four more cuts.

Not even trying to stop the bleeding he put a large turtleneck on. He slowly opened the door.

"Sorry Yuki. I was…um…busy." He didn't look at Yuki. "Yeah I'm going for a walk. I'll be home later." Yuki look at him as though he was someone different some whom he didn't know.

"Whatever." Was all he said and walked into the bathroom. Yuki heard the front door open and close. He looked down at the sink. There was blood every were.

"What the hell?" Yuki looked down to see his razor covered with blood. It was then when he realized what Shuichi was most likely doing. Yuki grabbed a coat and ran out the door to find Shuichi.

Shuichi's walk

Shuichi walked as fast as he could until he couldn't take it anymore and bust in to a full speed run. Soon he found him self at an unfamiliar park.

He wanted to keep running but simply couldn't any more. He found a seat on a near by bench. He sat there looking at the cuts on his arm that where now covered in dried blood.

He looked at the bottom of his sleeve it was covered in blood too. "Crap" Shuichi thought to himself at seeing the red-brow seepage (a/n "yes its is seepage. It's spelled right) come thought his sleeve. He got up and found a water fountain not really caring about it he stuck his sleeve in the now rushing water.

After all the blood rushed off his sleeve he took a drink. He felt much better. He could run again. And he did.

He took of at full speed down the street back to the place where he didn't really exist. The place where it had cause so much pain to him that he never how to get rid of. He remembered when he uses to cry. He never liked it. Not once. When he was small his parents thought he was stranger for not crying even when hurt.

Shuichi never liked that look. So he cried all the time. And now when his mom, dad and sister were gone he couldn't even if he wanted to. The old Shuichi was being to fade way.

Within an hour in a half he was back at 'home' he walked in to the house trying not to make a sound. He wanted to just go clean and banged his cuts then go to bed-without Yuki knowing.

He almost made it to the bathroom. As soon as he passed the living room he was pinned to the wall bye none other than his lover-Yuki-it was all he could do not to look into Yuki's eyes. Shuichi pray to any- and every -god he could think of. "Please don't let him grabbed my wrist."

None of his prayers had been heard by anyone, because Yuki hand infact grabbed him bye the wrist. Shuichi bit his lip to keep from screaming out in pain. Yuki saw him doing this. "Do you have any idea what time it is? Why my bathroom was covered in blood and why my RAZOR is covered in it too?"

Shuichi looked away. "Um, 9:30, I accidentally cut my self, and you left it out on the counter and It's what accidentally got cut on. Now will you let me go? I need to get some sleep."

"That's the biggest lie I've heard and it 3 in the F'ing morning. Where the hell did you go? And why didn't you tell me you were going to out so late damnit!"

"You have any proof I'm lying? And last time I checked I was over 18 and no longer had a curfew. And you always tell everyone you're not my keeper so why start now?" Yuki couldn't believe what his little Shuichi was saying to him. To him of all people. This was not like his Shuichi.

"I have none. You don't have a curfew, and I'm not your keeper. But I do have a few more questions and I'm not letting you go till you answer me truthfully." Yuki said trying not to shake the boy violently.

"Just make it quick." Shuichi trying not to show Yuki how much pain he was in really in, but he knew anyway.

"First the sweater off. Now." Yuki let go of Shuichi but still kept him from running away.

"I don't feel like it." Shuichi sassed back.

"Either you take it off. Or I do for you." Yuki told him reaching for the bottom of the sweater.

Shuichi tried to run but Yuki was too quick for him. "No. Shuichi. I'm not letting you get away. Not Till I get my Shuichi back." Yuki said pulling off the sweater. He nosiest that the bottom of the left sleeve was wet.

The he saw it. He saw Shuichi's arm. What the hell? Why is he doing this to him self? Was what was running thought Yuki's mind at full speed.

"Shuichi why?"

"I told you I accidentally cut my self on you stupid razor. If you don't believe me look at the way the cuts are. The all go the same way not to far from each other at though I was scratching my arm. Now let me go."

Shuichi had been extra careful not to let Yuki see his neck. But as he turned and Yuki saw one of the stitches. Quickly Yuki grabbed Shuichi. He lifted Shuichi's chin to get a better look at his neck.

"Shuichi." Yuki voice was cold, or at lest he meant it to be. Is truth his voice was filled with worried. " Why, When…. how. Shuichi " Yuki could hardly utter a sound of seeing Shuichi's neck.

"Chill. I didn't do my arm, and I didn't do my neck." Shuichi said avoiding Yuki's amber eyes.

"Then what?" two simple words. But they seemed to hold so much power to them.

"It was some crazy fan. Nothing to worrier about. Tohma said I wouldn't lose my job over it.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" Yuki was about to snap. Until Shuichi did first.

"I DID! 'SHUT UP BRAT I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOU VOICE.' ABOUT A WEEK AGO WAS WHAT YOU SAID!" Shuichi screamed at him.

"It happened a week ago? That close to now. Shuichi I'm sorry. But why didn't you tell me about it?"

"I didn't feel like telling anyone."

"Then how dose Tohma know?"

"Can't sing. Needed off work. He's the boss." Yuki had it with this sass

"You know you been different ever since your mom and dad died! I tried not to bug you about it. I knew you would have come to me when you were ready! Damnit! Brat what's wrong with you?" Yuki could no longer take it. It wasn't that he wanted or missed the old Shuichi; he plainly needed him to live. He tenderly took Shuichi's lips. It was no nice that for a second the old Shuichi, no, the real Shuichi's light was back.

But the new Shuichi wouldn't give up that easily.

Shuichi pushed away from Yuki. He stood there with his back to Yuki saying nothing but

"I will never come to you. Yuki. As you've said before you have better things to do." And walked out of the room. Yuki heard the front door slam.

Yes I know. Very long. This is just the first chapter. I don't like cliffhangers (and my editor would let me get away with a lot of short chapters.) I will update later.

ps. i cant find how you make chapters. help!