For info on how this insantinity began and why it goes on, do check out our profile page - also don't discount us purely from reading the start, it really does get better. Although due to the silly nature of how this is written, the gramma aint about to improve XP

Disclaimer for fic, start to finish: We own none of these fandoms, none of these worlds, and none but four of these characters, being Ked, the Owl and the Trees.

Before we start, a note from each of our authors:

Twintailed: Don't worry about how mad it is now. It gets worse! (But makes a bit more sense later on... tiny bit.) Brace yourselves...

Doc-Kiyoko: Every fan has thought about a crossover like this, we've just done it... and it's a mess - ENJOY!! *goes off being crazy*

Fey-of-forest: Watch out for flying teacups, crazy men and just general randomness. We accept no claims for loss of the readers sanity, nor do we need those men in white coats, hope you enjoy and reviews will only encourage us XP

Strictly-untalkative: Has nothing decent to say for herself and has written a ryme instead;

Hi there, good to see you – Welcome to our show. Pull up a chair and stay a while – it's mad, but please don't go!


In a forest there was a tree.

It was an altogether unremarkable tree, apart from the fact that the leaves were bright pink and the bark was covered in yellow. The only word it said was 'moo', though nobody within the forest ever seemed to comment on how odd it was that the tree said 'moo' at all. One day; it rained, and the tree lost half its pink leaves, and it was very worried about losing the rest. It was then that a young man called Ked appeared, with a tube of superglue and glued the leaves to his head before running off.

"Damn." Thought the tree. "I'm pro recycling and all, but moo- just moo." He then decided that he would have to chase the man so asked his friend, a tree called Bob (who said 'baa') to help him. Trees, as they have roots, can't exactly run after their leaf-stealers and so Bob and Bill enlisted the help of the shrubbery of the knights who say 'Ni'. However, this was at 3am and though the shrubs had originally said yes, they then said bugger off and get the owl who happened to speak perfect English to help instead.

"Find this crazy chap?" the owl said, in the voice of Stephen Fry. "Well, I'll have a go old chap. But I do warn you my old mucker, last time I tried to talk to a human it threw a teacup at me." The owl ruffled its feathers in agitation. "However, if you bring me a chocolate cake in exchange for my services, I think it will all turn out quite smoothly." He said pleasantly, holding out a wing to shake on the deal. The tree, whose branches were bare, shook the owl's wing before going away to find a chocolate cake, deciding to go to the local Mark's and Spencer's to get one - for the owl would never know. Then he remembered as he got to the doors of M&S that he was a tree, meaning he had no money and would probably break the building. "Damn." He thought again, and went to find an oven to bake on. Fortunately he found one. Unfortunately he caught fire and burned to the ground. "Damn." He thought again.

Meanwhile, the owl had located the man of questionable sanity.

"Why hello there old spice!" the owl said politely and the man threw a teacup at him.

"This is a private tea party and you're not invited." He scowled, deciding to throw the saucer at the owl too for good measure. "I need the leaves for my tea! It's magical!"

"Magical tea? Well old chap, that'll be the last cup of tea you have considering you broke your cup and there are no more magic trees. No, nothing short of a young warlock named Merlin will get you another cup of that particular brew."

"Bugger." Said the man. "How shall I find him?"

"Follow the signs you pompous nit wit." Said the owl, who pointed to the missing sign from the M1 motorway which had been made to say Merlin.

"En Diamo." Shouted the man, grabbing a broom and pretending to ride it like a horse. "Are you coming Patsy?" he asked the owl, who just looked at him incredulously.

"I'm not following an idiot who is pretending a broom is a horse." The owl said. "First you have to get a proper mode of transport from that field over there." Said the owl, pointing to...well, a field. The field was empty apart from the fact it was filled with grass. What I mean to say is...

"There's no other form of transport dammit!" Ked the Crazy said,

"What about that?" the owl said, pointing to a fridge with a clock soldered to the front.

"What am I gonna do with a time machine? That's the most useless piece of transport ever." His Crazyness said,

"Don't be such an idiot." Said the owl, who pushed the man into it, the fridge promptly appeared next to a T-Rex having tea. "Whoops." Said the owl. "Wrong setting." He fiddled with some of the dials whilst suspense filled music filled the air. The owl quickly turned it off, muttering "This is not a Spielberg film thank you very much!"

"Hmm..." the crazy man said. "Raptors can't open doors can they?"

"Don't be stupid. They don't have opposable thumbs!" said the owl.

"Neither do you." Said the man

"I'm The-Owl-Who-Sounds-Like-Stephen-Fry." Said the owl, as if that explained everything.

"Cool." Said the man - apparently it did.

Messing with the dial, the man and owl quickly arrived in the middle of a forest filled with pink leaved trees and the man who liked his magical tree punched the air with joy.

"Ow!" yelped the owl who quickly flew out of the way. It was at that moment as the man started picking leaves from the trees that said 'moo' they heard voices.

"..Bumbling idiot!"

"But sire, it was a talking owl!"

"Of course it's not Merlin, that's plain stupid." The first voice came again. "Now pass me my teacup. We're going to have a break."

Just as Merlin was about to get a teacup, he stood up and dropped it on the floor.

"What are you doing?!" the pompous prince demanded. Merlin simply pointed to the crazy man who was hanging upside down from the tree whilst picking leaves.

"Boo!" The prince jumped and moved behind his servant, as if to use him as a human shield.

"What the heck? What sort of magical creature are you?"

"Enchanted to meet you." The man chirped, holding out an upside down hand to Merlin, who shook it tentatively, but then Arthur snatched his servant away.

"Don't touch him Merlin." The blonde ordered. "Didn't you hear him say he was enchanted?"

"He doesn't look dangerous." Merlin said, going back towards the man. "He's just hanging upside down from a tree-"

" Exactly." Before they could say anything more, the owl reappeared and landed on Arthur's head.

"Good morning!" it said, even though it was afternoon. Arthur jumped once more.

"Argh! Get it off me!"

"But..."

"It's a talking owl, help me!"

"You said talking owls were just plain stupid."

"Hmph!" the owl said, folding its wings. "I'll have you know I'm one of the smartest minds in the kingdom - I could have played the Doctor you know!" the owl said proudly, puffing out its chest.

"Who the hell is this Doctor?!" Arthur shouted, flapping his hands up and down to try and get the owl off his head.

"Actually, I came to see Merlin." The owl said. "We have a favour to ask." Arthur looked shocked that they wanted to talk to his servant over him.

"Merlin?" the Prince asked sceptically. "What on Earth do you want with my idiotic servant?"

"I think you mean the greatest warlock that ever lived." The owl-who-had-the-voice-of-Stephen-Fry corrected. "We need a tea tree fixing."

"WHAT?!" Arthur yelled. "Merlin??? Magic???"

"Umm..." Merlin said, blinking. "THE OWL! IT LIES! It's a monster called a Kalfrigg Wiggle, it lies..." Merlin whined and the owl tutted.

"How rude." It said and his craziness nodded. "In that case, we'll have to take our business elsewhere." The owl said, fixing them both with a glare. "And we'll tell everyone you're COWARDS!!!"

"What?!" Arthur shouted, again. "Who'll believe an...an owl and a random man?" the owl ignored him.

"We best ask Master Ansem." He said sullenly, flying onto Merlin's head. "Since you won't help."

"We never said that!" Merlin objected. "Now, where is this tea tree that needs fixing?"

"it's um... Somewhere." Said the man rather unhelpfully.

"So we're looking for a tree... in a forest?"

"Yes we are!" he said cheerfully. "The pink one." They all stared at him, shaking their heads despondently

"I'll ask some of the other trees." The owl said at length. "It'll be more stimulating conversation than I'm getting with you cretins." Arthur blinked, before realising the owl had already flown off so he couldn't counter.

"That bloody owl." He muttered. He looked around for Merlin, but only found his crazyness- Merlin had gone with the owl. "Don't touch me." He said, as his craziness eyed his sword.

Meanwhile, Merlin and the owl were stood talking to the trees. What the owl and the man had failed to mention was that the tree they were looking for was actually a few centuries in the future. It didn't really matter though now that they had Merlin. All they had to do now was find the time machine which was parked well, erm... Somewhere.