Aria's POV
According to the preachers in Pennsylvania and the ladies in town, God is on our side. He wants us to win the bloody and never ending war because he wants all men to be free regardless of race. It's a nice thought don't get me wrong, but I am skeptical that God wants us northerns to win the war. If he did, why would he be killing off so many of our men?
The ladies of marrying age in Rosewood are starting to feel rather nervous. Half of the men between ages eighteen and twenty-five have already perished due to the war, and the fighting is bound to continue a great deal longer. If we keep losing men, who will us ladies marry? The thought of it scares me a great deal, but I know I need not worry.
My father is the most violent and raging alcoholic in this entire town, and I know that first hand. He's beaten Momma almost everyday since I was born, and he's threaten to strike me on a few occasions, but Momma says she won't have it. Momma always tells Daddy that the day he lays a finger on me is the day she'll get the nerve to file for a divorce. Daddy knows that a divorce would destroy his reputation, so he fights the urge to hit me like he hits Momma.
Even though my father is a terrible man, he's wealthy and influential in the north. He graduated at the top of his class at West Point, and now he's one of the leading generals of the war. Because of his social status, Daddy will be able to marry me off to one of the finest gentlemen in Pennsylvania.
Part of me wants the war to hurry up and end. Everyday I volunteer at the hospital with all of the other respectable ladies in town, and I've seen enough dead bodies and amputated limbs to last me a lifetime. When the war ends us volunteers will no longer be of use to the union, and we'll be able to return to the comfort of living and working in the domestic sphere.
There is another important reason as to why I want the war to end. This September I celebrated my seventeenth birthday, so I am now of age to start looking for a husband. Of course, I won't be doing any of the looking. Daddy will be in charge of finding me a suitable match, but I don't mind much. My momma was never able to bear a son for my father. The only thing she bore successfully was me. Consequently, I am the heir to my father's estate, so he'll have to find me a wealthy and respectable man to keep the family name honorable.
I don't know who my father will betroth me to, but I am rather excited for the events that are about to unfold. Once I marry, I'll have my own home to tend to, and I'll finally be a real woman. Not to mention I'll have several boys of my own to raise and to teach. I don't want a daughter. I know that they're not good for anything other than marrying off, so I'd prefer to have an abundance of little boys.
Even though my life will become much more interesting once the war ends, half of me wants it to keep being fought. I know that my daddy will return home as soon as the Union crushes the rebellion, and I'm terrified of what he'll do to Momma.
Momma is the kindest, and most gentle woman I know. Her parents married her to Daddy when she was sixteen years old, and according to her the first few months were a dream. Daddy was a gentleman, and she even confessed to loving him at one point in her tired life. Things changed after Momma gave birth to me.
I wasn't the son that Daddy wanted, so he was filled with disappointment and sorrow. When I was a baby, Daddy would take Momma to bed with him almost every night in hopes of her bearing a son to inherit the estate. Unfortunately Momma couldn't get pregnant again, so he became violent and angry with her.
In many ways, the war has been a good thing for Momma. Since Daddy is gone, she no longer gets hit, and her spirits have risen greatly because of it. Not to mention, Momma has many more freedoms since Daddy is off at war. For example, she can leave our estate whenever she wishes, and she never has to nap at noon if she isn't feeling tired. I myself have experienced a rise in freedom, but my joy is nothing compared to Momma's.
Freedom does not make up for the fact that I have to volunteer at the hospital everyday. There is enough blood and severed limbs to make me want to vomit, and this should not be my life. I should already be married and living the luxurious life I so deeply desire.
"Mrs. Aria, one of the boys has been crying for you. Apparently he's from town, and he's a friend of your family." Mrs. O'Hara, one of the lead nurses says as she runs over to my corner of the hospital.
A friend of my family? Who ever could it be? I follow Mrs. O'Hara to the other end of the busy one room hospital, and I scream out in terror when I see Noel Kahn laying on a dirty cot. His father is one of the finest lawyer's in Pennsylvania, and I've known him since childhood. I've always been rather fond of Noel, and part of me hopes that Daddy will marry me off to him. The wise part of me knows that will never happen. Noel is wealthy, smart, polite, and handsome, but the Kahns aren't enough like my family for Daddy to deem him a suitable match. Besides, the Kahn's tend to marry their boys off to distant cousins. Since I'm not related to Noel, I don't stand much of a chance.
To my dismay, Noel left Harvard at the end of last year to enlist in the army. I have no idea why he did something so foolish, but my instincts were correct. Noel should have stayed in school, and let the poor men enlist and get themselves killed.
"Aria, Darling! It's such a blessing to see you." Noel says through his tears.
"Oh, Noel! What happened! Don't tell me you let those rebels get to you!" I say as my eyes grow wide with worry.
"They got to me all right. I was fighting in Louisiana when one of those bastard rebels shot at me from behind. I was lucky. One of my men got me off the battlefield, and I was taken to the nearest doctor. They kept me out there for a few weeks, but a few days ago they decided I was healthy enough to come home. They tried writing to my folks, but they haven't gotten any of the letters. My own momma doesn't even know that I'm alive." Noel says as he clenches his jaw in pain.
"That's such a shame! I'll send for your momma and papa right now. I'm sure they'll want to see you." I say as I run my finger's through Noel's dark hair.
"Thank you so much, darling. I knew I could count on you. We've always been close, you and me." Noel says as tears of joy and relief begin to form in his eyes.
"Of course you could count on me, Noel. Now tell me, what was it like out there?" I ask as I stare into his blue eyes.
"I couldn't bear to explain war to a fragile woman like you, Mrs. Aria. To save you the terror, I'll just say that it was awful. Boys we grew up with were dying all around me. It was the worst few months of my life." Noel says as he avoids looking into my hazel eyes.
"Noel, I am so sorry you had to witness such terrors. Thank God they sent you back home! Polished men like you aren't meant for war!" I exclaim.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Noel asks as his face falls.
"I didn't mean to offend you, Noel. It's just that you've been pampered and spoiled for your entire life. The poor and savage men should be enlisting, not gentlemen like you." I tell him passionately.
"Oh, Aria. Darling, Aria. You've always been such a fool. A beautiful little fool. I think that's why the gentlemen in town are so fond of you." Noel says with a slight smile.
A fool? I'm no fool. Surely Noel is just playing with me. It's one of the things he does best.
"Sir, I don't understand what you mean." I tell him truthfully.
"Don't worry about it, Aria. I don't want to trouble your pretty little head more than I already have. Why don't you hurry along, and send for my momma and papa?" Noel asks as he stares into my hazel eyes.
I don't want to deal with Noel's sour attitude, so I hurry away and ask for a young volunteer to deliver the news of their son's safety to Mr. and Mrs. Kahn. I look outside and sigh when I realize that it's still early afternoon. I have to spend the rest of the day in the smelly hospital, and I'm feeling rather tired. I want desperately to leave this place, but doing so would be frowned upon by the community. Everyone would see me as rebellious and disobedient, which are horrible qualities in a woman. I'll be strong like Momma is, and I'll get through the day. That would surely make her proud.
Line Break
At six o'clock sharp, Holden Strauss comes to the hospital to meet me. He's a distant cousin of mine, and my mother has asked him if he'd be so kind as to escort me home everyday after working in the hospital. It is unbecoming for a woman of my age to be seen out in town without a male escort, and Momma wants to make sure that's she bringing me up right.
"Good evening, Holden." I say as I take his arm.
"Mrs. Aria, how are you today?" He asks as he leads me to the carriage.
"I am rather distraught. I saw Noel in the hospital earlier today. He was injured in battle, so the militia sent him back home. It's such a shame that those rebels are hurting so many of Rosewood's finest men." I say as I shake my head slowly.
"Rosewood's finest men? Do you honestly believe that Mr. Kahn fits into that category?" Holden asks as his eyes grow wide with shock.
"Why, of course! Noel comes from a most respectable family, and before he enlisted he was being educated at Harvard. He is rather foolish though. Why leave such a fine institution to enlist in the army?" I ask as I furrow my brow in confusion.
"You haven't heard the gossip? Noel didn't leave Harvard willingly. He was asked to leave!" Holden exclaims.
"What a ridiculous statement! I shall not believe that Harvard would ask Noel to leave! He's a gentleman who comes from a respectable family. You're being rather foolish, Holden." I say as I shake my head slowly.
"Obviously you don't know the story." Holden says with a mischievous grin.
"There's a story? Please, do tell!" I exclaim as my eyes grow wide with excitement.
"No, I cannot. Such things should not be spoken about in the presence of a lady." Holden says as he shakes his head vigorously.
I hate when men do this. I might be fragile and in need of protection in their eyes, but I can handle much more than they give me credit for. I can bear much more than the other ladies in this town can, and I'd like to hear what's going on with my friend.
"Holden, please do not act like this today. I'd like more than anything, to learn the truth of why Noel was asked to leave Harvard." I say as I batt my eyelashes innocently.
I'll make him tell me. If there's one thing I'm good at, it's manipulating young men without them even realizing it. I know exactly what to say and exactly how to act when I want to wrap them around my littlest finger. Holden should be easy to crack.
"Mrs. Aria, I already said no. Such matters would be inappropriate to discuss with you." Holden says as he tone turns serious.
"Oh Holden, not knowing the truth will hurt me much more than knowing it will. If there is anything I can do to convince you to tell me..." I start to ramble.
"Marry me, Mrs. Aria." Holden says, cutting me off mid-sentence.
What? Did Holden just propose marriage? This is absurd! He hasn't asked my father's permission, and he's the last person I would ever want to marry! I could never love Holden, even if I forced myself. He is so bland compared to some of the other gentlemen around here, and he lacks the passion for life that I desire in a man.
I have to handle this situation carefully though. Even though Holden isn't my cup of tea, he's still a gentlemen, so I can't disrespect him in anyway. Doing so would hurt my image, and hurt my family's reputation.
"Excuse me, Mr. Strauss?" I ask as my eyes grow wide with shock.
"Mrs. Aria, I've always been incredibly fond of you. You're absolutely beautiful, and I'm convinced that we'd make an excellent pair. I am to inherit my father's factory, and I'll make more than enough money to support you and our many children. I'll take care of you, just as a husband should, and..." Holden rambles nervously.
"Holden, darling, you must stop. I am honored by your proposal, but you haven't gotten my father's permission. I'm sure my father has already arranged a marriage for me, and I would not want to go against his wishes in any way." I say with a long sigh.
"It's such a shame that your father is away, Mrs. Aria. I presume you miss him greatly, as does the rest of the town. If I got his permission, would you be interested in marrying me?" Holden asks me curiously.
I want to say no, but I know that would be completely inappropriate! Would Daddy consent to my marrying Holden? I doubt it, but it's a risk I'm not willing to take. I'll have to lead him on, and think of a solution to this problem later.
"Why yes, of course I would be interested." I mutter as I avoid looking into Holden's eyes.
"Then it's settled! I'll write to your father and ask for his permission this evening! You won't be sorry, sweetheart. I'm going to be the best husband that this world has ever seen!" Holden exclaims before grabbing my hand, and kissing it softly.
I want to vomit. Holden kissing me in such an intimate way is rather disturbing. I can't imagine being his wife, and having his children. I must fix this before I'm doomed to live a miserable life!
"Holden, I am home. I will speak with you about the matter of marriage tomorrow when you escort me again." I say, as I hop out of the carriage.
"Okay, my darling! Sleep tight, Aria. I know you might not be ready to hear this, but I love you! I've always loved you!" Holden calls out to me as I run to the estate.
As soon as one of the servants lets me into the estate, I burst into tears. I can't marry Holden! I can't! I run into my father's office on the first story of the estate, and pull out a pen and a piece of paper. I must write to him, and convince him not to consent to a marriage between me and Holden.
Daddy won't care if Holden is rude or disrespectful to me in anyway. The only thing he'll care about is Holden's ability to care for the estate, and how his character appears to the rest of Rosewood. I have to find a way to convince Daddy that Holden will hurt our family's reputation. And so I begin to write.
Dear Daddy,
How are you? I know you've been busy crushing the rebellion, but Momma and I miss you so dearly. The estate feels empty without you, and so does Rosewood. Every time I go into town, gentlemen of all ages stop me to express their admiration and respect for you. You've worked hard and long to build a name for our family, and that in part is why I write you today.
Holden Strauss, our beloved cousin, has expressed a great interest in marrying me. I know that he is waiting for an appropriate time to ask for your consent, so I figured I should write this letter before it's too late. Although Holden appears to treat me well at first glance, he is behaving in ways that gentlemen do not, and it's caused me to question his character.
A man like Holden is unfit to marry a gentlemen like you's daughter. If he asks for my hand in marriage, I would advise you to refuse. Granting him permission to marry me would be detrimental to our family's name, and I know how important reputation is around here.
My darling father and protector, please do not share the content of this letter with anyone. I will explain my reasons for writing you when I see you in person. I love you, and I cannot wait for your return home.
-Your Aria
After I finish writing the letter, I give it to a servant and ask him to deliver it to the men in town. They'll find a way to get it to my father, and after reading the letter he'll refuse to let Holden marry me!
As soon as the servant walks out of the estate, my grandfather approaches me. What in the world is he doing here? Grandfather hasn't been around since my father left for war and I'm surprised to see him.
"Grandfather, what are you doing here?" I ask as my eyes grow wide with shock.
"Oh, Aria. I take it nobody's told you the news?" Grandfather asks with a breathy sigh.
This doesn't seem good. My grandfather looks like he's about to cry, and I've never seen him so distraught before. Oh my! What if my father is dead? I know it's rare for general's to be killed, but it's definitely possible! How grand! He'll never come home, and Momma will never have to deal with his wrath again.
"Heavens! What on Earth is the matter? Tell me it's not Daddy!" I say as I try to appear sad.
"Don't fret, child. It's not your father. It's your mother. She was found dead in her bed chamber a few hours ago, and there was knife buried deep in her chest. The doctors say it was a suicide." Grandfather says with little to no emotion.
Momma... She can't be dead! It shouldn't be her! It should be Daddy! Why would she do something like this? Has she forgotten about me?
"Oh, Momma! Please tell me it's not true?" I ask before I burst into tears.
"It's true, but you must keep quiet. A suicide in the family would tarnish your father's reputation. I've arranged for the male servants to carry her body to the stables later this evening. They'll make it look like the horses trampled her to death." Grandfather says as he stares into my hazel eyes.
"But the doctors..." I start to say.
"Are good friends of mine. They've agreed to keep quiet, and so must you. As far as anyone in Rosewood is concerned, your mother was killed by horses." Grandfather says as his tone turns serious.
I don't say anything. I just continue to sob. Momma is my best friend, and I've lost her. What am I to do? How will I go on? I do not think I can bear this much grief and misery.
"Your mother wrote you a letter. I have not read it, but I trust that you will burn it as soon as you finish deciphering the content. We don't need this getting into the wrong hands." Grandfather says as he hands me the letter.
As soon as Grandfather leaves, I rip open the letter and begin to read. I have to know what inclined Momma to do this, or else the curiosity and confusion will consume me.
Aria,
If you're reading this letter, that means I'm already gone. I want to start off by saying that I love you. I've loved you ever since the day you were born. I'm sorry that I have to say goodbye this way, but I don't want to suffer anymore than I already have.
The war is drawing to a close, and that means your father will be returning home soon. I cannot stand him, Aria, and I will not be mistreated by him anymore. I'd rather die than be subjected to his never ending abuse.
Do me a favor, and get out of our house as soon as you can. Marry a young gentlemen, and never look back. I know your father will want to arrange a marriage for you, but I beg you not to let him. Knowing your father, he's going to set you up with a respectable general like himself.
No matter how kind or charming the man might seem, do not marry him. I'm convinced that all generals are just like you father; drunk bastards who think they can get away with beating their women. Do whatever it takes. Just don't let him marry you off to one of them. Please. I'll rest much easier knowing that you're with a man who will take care of you.
-Momma
AN: That's chapter one! What do you think of this story so far? Do you like or dislike Aria? How will Holden and Noel play roles in this story? What about Ella's suicide? How will that affect Aria and her development? The next chapter will be told from Ezra's POV, and you'll see how the war is treating Ezra. Please review and tell me what you think! Is this story worth continuing? Let me know, and thanks for reading :)
