Author's Notes: The formatting will not stay on this damn thing, no matter how I try. Try to imagine creative spacing for drama's sake. In dedication to Feffervesce bringing the Unaril/Sarion/Nyela storyline back to life with her new story, Freedom, I am posting this here for your perusal, not just on deviantArt. This is in the voice of Nyela, and everyone who has read Reawakening knows who she is talking to. This contains spoilers for Reawakening if you have not read it.


I saw you today.

You were there, just in the curve of your son's smile.

He had discovered a moth on the ground, and grabbed for it,

pulling it into his vision and trying to put it into his mouth.

I reached for it, intending to save it from eminent destruction,

and then it fluttered its wings, and he broke into giggles

and suddenly you were there.

Bright as the lit sun at noontide

Curious and clever, bold and strong

Golden eyes like fiery buttercups

and large comforting hands.

And my breath was stolen right up into the sky where you now reside.

It didn't use to be like this.

You used to be every where to me.

You were in the dark shadow of the forest.

You were in the haunting gaze of your brother's eyes

and in the soft bubbling of the stream.

You laid in wait just beyond my vision

Perhaps under the blankets of the bed

Or just around the corner, waiting to surprise me.

The anticipation that you would be there was painful and beautiful.

A desperate hope wrapped up in a terrible logic.

Those days the thought of you was not surprising.

You permeated my entire existence

until there was nothing without the pain of your leaving.

Catching a glimpse of black fur in the trees

did not bring me to the brink of tears like it would now.

There was never a reprieve, and the pain was constant and steady.

Now though, there is love and hope.

There is fulfillment and a quiet wonder

and a peace in my chest that eases over your loss.

In some ways though, it is worse.

In the brief moments that your presence explodes into my vision I am undone.

I am just as broken as I was when your heart stopped

beating in time to mine.

I am a shell of a woman, a facade of a mate,

a false front of calm in a tempest of fire and emotion.

It is in those moments that I cling to our sons

and I weep over their innocent faces

and their snowy white hair

and their likeness to you.

I push away from my mate who wears your face in lines of sobriety instead of laughter

and ignore the pain that is also in him.

He grieves still, as do I.

He knows the loss of your heartbeat even more than I do.

But for a moment I am selfish, wrapped up

in my own misery.

I weep over the wound that has been ripped open

and wonder if it will ever scar over

and I will be whole again.

I cry until there is nothing left,

until our children have long fallen asleep in my arms

and I pick myself up, and I go on.

That is, after all, the only thing left to do.