Summary: There's more than one kind of pain, and he's experienced them all. Of the losses of Remus's life, a picture of how hard life can be. Slash – R/S.
Disclaimer: Forgot on my to other fics, so this one counts for all: I do not own any person or place in these ff's, just as I don't own the word 'horcruxes'. It's all Jo's; I've just torn them apart and put them together in my own kind of way. Clear?
Remus turns around in his bed, to watch the shining moon outside his window. A tear glitters in his eye, but only the moon sees it, and only the moon knows. Knows about the pain he feels every full moon, and knows what he has lost. Soon his mum and dad will know about Sirius too, and they will tell each other, that it was lucky they got rid of him, their own son, before he got under the bad influence of his boyfriend: The murderer Sirius Black. So few knows what he has lost. The only ones who knew the secret about him and Sirius are gone. James and Lily – dead. Peter – dead when trying to revenge the same couple. And Sirius… He doesn't count. His heart is cold. He has left his lover alone in the world, when killing their closest friends. Sirius who knows how much he has already suffered. Who knows about him, Remus, being a werewolf, and who knows that the reason his parents don't want to see him is; that he's gay. Sirius who kept his secrets, and James and Lily's too. The Secret Keeper. Remus doesn't know if to cry or yell when he thinks about the boy he loves. "Loved," he corrects himself, but he knows it isn't true. And the pain tries to drown him with its sticky fingers, reminding him that his best friends are dead, betrayed by his boyfriends – killed by his boyfriend.
And it all reminds him of the Christmas where he brought Sirius with him home. Sirius who had told them that the reason he ran away from home was his awful Voldemort-supporting family. Remus raises in his bed, yelling at the moon which will soon be full, tears streaming down his cheeks: "Bloody traitor!" And it isn't just Sirius he thinks of. It's his parents too. The parents who threw him out right after Christmas, right after they'd discovered him and Sirius kissing. He remembers how Sirius had comforted him, made the pain smaller. Now there's no one to comfort him, no one to talk to and he don't know how to escape the pain. If the full moon has taught him anything; it is that pain is impossible to escape. Pain is meant to be. It has to be, or the world wouldn't be in balance, but in this night where his hearts spills its bitter tears, Remus curses the pain, as we all do when it reaches our lives, and screams to the moon, prays it to help him, tells it how unfair he thinks the goods of the world is distributed.
As the night passes by, sleep overtakes his world, buries him in its clouds and lifts his thoughts away. But in a day's time, sleep will not safe him. The moon will be full, his curse will set in and he will howl to the bright moon once more, pleading it to set him free.
A/N: Here you go. Hope you enjoyed:-D I actually don't think that Remus's parents are such a couple of idiots, but it fits in this fic, I think. Please review and you'll make my day!
(This fic might be inspired by Aeli Kindara's "All of Our Own", which is VERY good, if it is; it wasn't on purpose. But now credit is given!)
