Featuring Helga
Read to the lyrics of "Cleanin' Out My Closet" by Eminem
Written By Zarius
Disclaimer: Hey Arnold and all related characters are the trademarked property of Nickelodeon; "Cleanin' out my Closet" is trademarked by Marshall Mathers.
(If you think this one's good, wait 'till you read "Skyline Part 3: Friend/Enemy (delayed until November,) and "Helga's Diary", which actually is a crossover with J..(Ahh, but that'd be telling)
Setting:
Helga is in her room, she hears her parents arguing downstairs, she's committed more anarchy it seems, and again, she's been lectured for the deed, told by her mother that she should follow the example left by her sister Olga (grrr), her father couldn't care less at the moment either, he's on the phone to another stuffy up-and-up businessman.
Helga looks at the closet her Arnold shrine is contained in, she opens it, and sighs with a heavy heart, she wonders if Arnold will EVER know how much she loves him, especially since she spends most of the time pretending to HATE him, driving him farther and farther away in the process. She's also furious that she must always follow Olga's example, as if her parents were followers of a goddess that they had bore, and Helga was the demon to be vanquished. She felt as if she cannot keep this pretence up fir much longer now, she was pushing Arnold away, when she should be drawing him closer to her, and her parents had failed to show her a love and worship they had given her older sister, Olga.
Olga had also moved away, and tales of her success have always made Helga jealous, angry, and lonesome..
She felt used, she felt useless, and she felt like..
Singing AN EMINEM SONG PARODY!
Intro:
Where's my snare?
I have no snare on my head bow
There you go
Yeah
Yo yo
Verse #1
Have you ever been hated, or discriminated against? I have, I've been protested and demonstrated against
Treatment like ice for my wicked life, Arnold tries to be nice.
God, I'm so sick of these mother-fucking twists in my life.
All this commotion, emotions run deep as the burg is exploding
Jealous Tempers from me because my folks favour Olga
Not taking nothing from no one, give him hell long as I'm breathing
Keeps kicking his ass in the morning, and calling him names in the evening
Leaving with the taste of regret with lust in my heart.
See I can torture you, but I'll make sure I never tear us apart.
Look at me now, I betcha prolly sick of me now
Aren't you Arnold, I'll reluctantly make you look ridiculous now
I'm sorry Arnold,
I never meant to hurt you
I never meant to make you cry
But Tonight, I'm cleanin'n out my closet.
I'm sorry Arnold,
I never meant to hurt you
I never meant to make you cry
But Tonight, I'm cleanin'n out my closet.
Ha!
Verse #2
I've got an Arnold tribute in my closet
And I don't know if no one knows it
So before they throw me inside my coffin and close it
I'ma expose it, I'll take you back to 1984,
Before I ever had the urge to call my smarter sister a whore
I was a little girl maybe I was just a couple of years
My faggot father must've been on his phone, sacking peers.
When Olga spilt, I wonder if she even kissed me goodbye
No I don't, on second thought I just fucking wished she would die
I looked out once at Arnold, and in the split of a second I was in love
When I pretended I hated him, I grited my teeth and I try to make it work
With him, at least for my heart's sake I maybe made some mistakes
But I'm only human but I'm man enough to face them today
What I do to Him's stupid; no doubt it 's just dumb
But the smartest shit I did was keep Arnold from findin' out my family's scum
Wish I could kill em, shit It's the only good ending I see for me and Arnold both
That's my life, I'd like to welcome ya'll to the Helga Pattaki show
I'm sorry Arnold
I never meant to hurt you
I never meant to make you cry
But tonight I'm cleanin' out this closet
One More Time
I'm sorry Arnold
I never meant to hurt you
I never meant to make you cry
But tonight I'm cleanin' out this closet
(Verse #3)
Now I would never diss my own parents just to get recognition
Take a second to listen for who you think this tracks dissing
But put yourself in my position, just try to envision
Witnessing your father preachin' about business in the kitchen
An' Bitching that his wife's always going through her purse when shit's missing
Arnold's Grandma's no different; Bitch suffers from Alzheimer's syndrome
My whole life I was made to believe I was useless when I wasn't
'Till I caught on, now I grown up it makes you sick to your stomach, doesn't it?
Wasn't it the reason you kept me thinki'n I was second-fiddler, "Ma"?
So you could try to groom me the way Olga was, "Ma?"
But guess what, you're getting older now and it's cold when you're lonely
And I've grown up so quick I already know that you're phoney
And my love for Arnold's strong now, when we wed, it'll be beautiful.
But you'll never see us, we wont even be at your funeral hahaha
See what hurts me the most, is you wont admit you was wrong
Bitch, do your song; keep telling yourself that you was a mom.
(We cut to Helga clutching to a photo of Olga, song resumes)
.and how dare you leave me to be lectured about the success that you get
You selfish bitch, I hope you fucking burn in hell for this shit
Remember when you moved to New York and wanted to take me
(Laughs) Too late bitch, I've shunned you, you're just plain dead to me!
I'm sorry Arnold
I never meant to hurt you
I never meant to make you cry
But Tonight, I'm cleanin'n out my closet.
One More Time
I Said I'm sorry Arnold,
I never meant to hurt you
I never meant to make you cry But Tonight, I'm cleanin'n out my closet.
(End of Parody)
