Chapter One: It's Hard To Say Goodbye
Let me know that you hear me
Let me know your touch
Let me know that you love me
Let that be enough
Jesse
Alyssa's funeral was starting soon. I held her letter in my hands; I'd read it at least ten times already. I just couldn't get over it. Every time I looked at it, it reminded me of Rex. And every time I thought of Rex, I got a horrible feeling in my stomach, like I was going to be sick all over myself. Whenever I felt that feeling, I started to cry. My tears fell, conveniently missing the paper so they wouldn't damage it.
Dear Jesse,
I hope you're not the one to find me because I don't want you to see me once I've ended my life. I just want you to get this letter. It is to be used as my will. And I know that if you have it, then it's in good hands.
I don't want you to hate me because of what I've done. I just know that Rex was the last good thing in my life, and he was taken from me. So by doing this, I'll finally get to be with him forever.
I want half of my money and all of my possessions to go to Jeff. He deserves everything that I can give him. I've written a separate letter to him, so please make sure that he gets it. And tell him that I'm sorry for wasting so many years of his life. He deserves to be happy and have someone who can love him as much as he loved me.
The other half of my money has been put into a special account for my dear, sweet Isabella. Use the money to take care of her because I want you to have her. I heard you promise Rex on his deathbed that you and Marco would take care of her. She needs you. You're the closest thing to a real family she could ever have now.
I'm begging you to never tell her the truth about me. That I fell in love with someone that I shouldn't have, and that I took my life to be with him. If you have to make up a story about me, please do. I just want her to know that I love her very much, and everything I did, I did for her.
I have a son too. I don't know where he is or if you'll ever meet him, but if you do, please let him know that I loved him with all of my heart, and that if I could have, I would have raised him.
Jesse, I want to thank you for everything you've ever done for me. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have had some of the best times of my life with Rex. It was unfair to make you share your love for him, and for that I am sorry. Please forgive me and take care of my little girl.
Alyssa Skye
Marco
The funeral was long and painful. There were so many people there. All of Alyssa's students, as well as many more kids that just knew who she was attended. The headmaster was there, and all of the other teachers in the school. Her family and Jeff's family were there as well. Jesse and I were in the front, and Jesse was holding Gracie, who was wearing a brand new black dress.
She was buried next to Rex.
After the whole ceremony was over, almost everyone was gone as quickly as they had come. Soon Jesse and I were the only ones left, lingering at the fresh grave much longer than anyone else. Gracie cried for hours while we just stood, hands clasped together between us. I suddenly felt like I was standing there with my father.
"Papa why did this have to happen?" I cried, trying not to be sick. My mother was not supposed to die when I was only seventeen. She just wasn't. She was supposed to be old, not this young.
"Shh Marco, it's going to be okay," my father assured me, holding onto my hand like I was a child again.
"How can it be okay? SHE'S GONE!" I screamed up at the sky. "And she's never coming back!" My tears kept flowing and wouldn't stop. I hugged my dad. It was the only thing we could do. It was the beginning of the end.
And nothing was okay.
I collapsed to the ground, overwhelmed by my emotions.
Nate
Thomas and I left the funeral quickly, returning to school, to my room.
"I know that this isn't a good day to bring this up, but we gotta talk about Craig," Thomas said.
"I don't want to talk about it Thomas. I just don't."
"That doesn't matter! Nate, how could you let him do that to you? Why didn't you tell me? I would have done something," he said.
"And what would you have done? You would have kicked his ass, right? How would that help anything?" I yelled. "I loved him. I STILL love him, no matter what. Nothing you say or do would change that. But it doesn't matter because it's too late to fix things."
"It's never too late," Thomas told me, sighing.
"Try applying that principle to the relationship you have with your father, and then get back to me!"
I shouldn't have said it. I saw his eyes fill with tears before he left, slamming the door behind him.
I just keep screwing up over and over again.
"Just what would a good time be for you Nathan?" he asked, closing the door as I walked in.
"Call me Nate."
"Okay then Nate. What did you have in mind?"
Instead of answering him, I walked forwards and straddled him, grinding my butt into his crotch. He grinned before leaning in to kiss me.
"Before you get there, you gotta do something for me first," he told me. I got off his lap and he started taking his belt off. "Get on your knees."
I was about to turn and run when the pills started to kick in. There really was no looking back. I'm done being the guy who gets shit on. I'll do what I want, not what other people want me to do.
I knelt down before him and lowered my head, about to violate the rules of the school and my own morals.
Thomas
After I left Nate's room, I called Theresa and told her I needed to talk with her. Even with the funeral and my fight with Nate, as selfish as it sounds, all I could think about was Theresa's pregnancy. What am I supposed to do? I already have a baby on the way with Kate, and now another one with her. Maybe this could be good for me. Maybe I'll start being a better person or something.
We decided to meet up around the corner from the school. It didn't take her long to get there.
"Before you say anything, let me just say this," I said, grasping onto her hand.
She nodded and didn't say a word.
"I have loved you since the day I met you. I want you to have this baby and I want to help you raise it. I know that this can all be so scary, but we have each other and we can do this," I said.
"Thomas…"
"Don't be scared Theresa. I love you," I reassured her.
"The baby…"
"What about the baby? Did something happen?" I asked, getting a little worried. The look on her face was almost horrifying.
"The baby isn't yours."
Lindsey
I was lying on my bed, staring at the ceiling, thinking about the trial. It's next weekend. I already talked to Thomas and he agreed to lie too. So as long as everyone plays their part, it should be fine. But if we get caught lying…
I don't even want to think about that. But I know that once it's all over, I'll never be able to see Sarah again. I fought back tears as I heard a knock at my door.
"Who is it?" I yelled out.
"Your brother, now open up!" someone yelled. I stood up, slowly approaching the door.
How could my brother be here? I don't even have a brother. I pulled the door open and nearly crapped myself.
"Let me in!" the person hissed. I did as I was told, and locked the door behind me.
"This is bad," I said. She pulled her baseball cap off and let her hair flow out, then tore off the baggy hoodie she was waering.
"I didn't think you'd be this disappointed to see me," Sarah said, sitting on my bed.
"I'm not!" I disagreed. "But what if we get caught? It'll be all over!" I said, sitting next to her.
"It's going to be all over no matter what. And I had to see you. Besides, I'm not stupid. I have all my tracks covered and no one saw me come in here. I just talked to some secretary lady and she gave me a pass for the night. She didn't even suspect a thing. I'm your brother Steven and I'm visiting from school in Los Angeles," she explained.
I couldn't hold back my smile any longer.
"Well then, I can't help it. I'll just have to kiss my brother, even though some people frown upon it," I said before softly grazing her lips with mine. She pulled me down on top of her and we kissed for a few minutes.
"I love you," she blurted out in between kisses.
"I love you too," I murmured into her lips, pulling her shirt off.
Rory
God, I can't believe I feel like this. When I first saw Rex at school after I had been adopted, I didn't feel anything. I think I broke his heart when I left. I never said goodbye that day. And now I regret it more than ever.
Aside from that, I regret not talking to him. I never got to know him outside of that homeless whore situation we were in. So I don't even know if we would have been happy together without that setting. We were lonely back then.
Not that I'm not lonely right now.
I just can't believe he's gone.
"I just can't believe I found you," Rex whispered in my ear. Ever since that first night I met him, I'd been sleeping in his bed.
By a month into our friendship, we were in love—at least, it felt like we were. All I knew was that I couldn't imagine life without him. Those meaningless guys were nothing compared to Rex.
"I believe it," I told him, rolling over to face him. "We're here. And we're happy," I said, smiling before I kissed him.
"Yeah," was all he said. He kissed me this time, then wrapped an arm around my waist and laid his head on my shoulder.
"Why don't we just leave?" I asked. "We can get all our money together, and find somewhere to go, and…"
"Where would we go? I don't understand why you're even thinking about this…don't you like what we have right now?" he was starting to get angry. He even pulled away.
"I just thought it might be a good idea. You know, to get away from all of this. I'm scared Rex," I said, looking into his eyes.
"What is there to be afraid of?" he asked. "You know I'll always protect you."
"I'm scared that this will be what the rest of my life is like. I don't want this to be it. I just want…a family," I confessed, sighing.
"And we're not family enough for you? We can't leave these guys alone. They need us."
"Then we'll all go. More money will make it easier to find something at least a little decent…"
"This conversation is over." He rolled over, turning his back to me.
Instead of just ignoring what I felt, or starting the fight all over again, I simply curled up behind him and fell asleep.
A/N: This chapter takes place on Friday, January 6th, just so I can keep track of certain months and whatnot. Sorry if the flashbacks were random, but I had to put them in there…especially Nate's since I wanted to show what happened with him and Kelly. There'll probably be more flashbacks of Rory and Rex…just to show what completely happened with them and all. That and I have nothing to happen with Rory at the moment. Let me know how the first chapter was!
I'll only be updating once a week, so I guess it'll be on Thursdays. I've only written up to halfway through chapter six, so I have to get some more done! Sorry I took so long! Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi or any of its characters. However, I do own the story line and the following characters: Rex, Alyssa, Thomas, Nate, Rory, Remy, Andrew, Theresa, Jesse, and Lindsey. Do not use them in any stories or take my story. I've worked very hard on this and I'll find out if you take anything from me.
