DISCLAIMER: JK Rowling owns everything you recognize.

...Tawnie is ASBURD.


She was a terrifyingly aggressive dueler.

Once she got going, she was firing spell after spell, faster than she could even think as she shot out every spell she could think of. Once she found one to stagger an opponent effectively, she fired the same spell over and over. It was a ruthless attack, leaving no room for cowardice. Unconsciously, she'd creep closer to get a tighter aim on her victim until she was right in front of them, physically slapping away their meager shields with her bare hands. It stung, forcing her back, but after a few swipes, the shield would fade. If she got really pissed and crazed, on top of the close distance, she would yank the wand right out of her opponent's grip; on a few rare occasions, this would result in a sissy-fight in the middle of the heated duel, and they would slap each other and pinch until one ended up empty handed.

It was all fine and dandy... until someone shot a spell back. She was cautious at the beginning, but once she got going, she was too busy attacking to put up a proper shield.

She stared up at the ceiling dizzily through dimming eyes, blinking quickly to help keep her consciousness as pain shot through her back like knives. Ugh. She'd been stunned, dang it! She succeeded in staying awake, but she couldn't tell if that was a good thing as the dull roar in her ears faded out and she could hear the commotion around her, and she saw Sirius Black walk into her line of vision... and smirked at her.

Prat! She wanted to scream. Prat, prat, prat, prat, PRAT!

Her classmates were still dueling steadily, but Professor Perdue of course could not let her humiliating defeat slide. Honestly, defeated by a stunning spell that a first year could do! "Ms. Hall, for the thousandth time, honestly!" Professor Perdue stalked over, her features pinched into her usual disappointed frown. "All you needed was a protego! You cannot afford to let your guard slip! Rennervate!" She distractedly waved her wand at her, and she immediately scrambled to her feet, "accidentally" crushing Sirius's ribcage with her elbow as she did so. She leered at him, and he glared back, his smirk falling.

"Oi, watch it!" He growled.

"It's not my fault!" She defended herself petulantly, ignoring Sirius and speaking to her disappointed professor. "And did you see how close I was to getting past his guard?" Literally close. She'd just been about to punch his wimpy shields when he'd landed the stunner on her. "You should revere me as a champion!" Tawnie waved her hands dramatically. "No one ever gets that close to disarming Sirius." Except for me, she noted with satisfaction. The few times Sirius had been disarmed in class, it had been by brute force and aggression on Tawnie's part.

She frowned at her. "Ms. Hall, this is not a Quidditch match. Getting physically close to your opponent wins you no award, and tackling them certainly wins you no points. Had you been farther back, you would have had time to dodge, or, heaven forbid, think!"

Tawnie bristled. Quidditch match? Honestly? What did this have to do with Quidditch? "I think!" Tawnie argued.

"Ms. Hall, it's actually quite dangerous the way that in the middle of a duel, you start seeing red and you go all out on the offensive. It leaves you terribly open to counterattacks. What if someone where to come up behind you? And just look at what Mr. Black demonstrated! A skilled wizard is not always going to panic under a shower of spells!"

Professor Perdue practically ignored Tawnie's weak defense. Instead, she approached the real issue: that Tawnie's obvious magical skill was utterly useless if she kept losing her head during duels. It was no secret, after all, that Tawnie wanted to be an Auror upon graduating so she could make a profession of her fierce anger towards anyone who had the audacity to stand on the other end of her wand. All of the teachers, especially the Defense teachers, felt it their duty to prepare her well, or else have her death hanging on their consciences.

Sirius smirked at the compliment, and Tawnie turned to stick her tongue out at him. When it occurred to her that this action wasn't quite as as angry or disturbing as she wanted it to be, she wagged her tongue out at him, and he stuck his tongue right back out. Tawnie recoiled in disgust, and he grinned at her vulgarly.

"Let me do it again, I swear I can knock him down this time," Tawnie spoke, shooting Sirius a significantly dark look.

Professor Perdue gave her a hard look. "There are no second chances on the battlefield, Ms. Hall."

Tawnie gaped. "But—"

"5 points to Gryffindor for Mr. Black's composure and his ability to best one of the best duelers in the school," Professor Perdue turned around and walked back to her desk, presumably to watch the rest of the classroom's duels.

Tawnie's eyes bugged out of her skull. "Prat!" She shrieked, whirling around to scowl at her arch nemesis. House mate as he was, she still hated every point he earned and generally considered them nonexistant. In her mind, they lost the House Cup last year to Hufflepuff by 40 points.

But then again, perhaps she could accept those five points as he had cost Gryffindor a great deal more than that this morning with his stupid friends for the prank they pulled on Slughorn. The idiots actually got caught.

"Did you even hear that?" Sirius rolled his eyes. "She called you one of the best duelers in the school."

"I don't need flattery," Tawnie spat, disgusted. "I need to conquer you, you scrawny, pale piece of crap."

Sirius looked at her like she was truly insane. "Since when is crap pale?"

"You tell me, you freak of nature!" Tawnie snarled. "What the heck is wrong with you?"

"What's wrong with you? Why do you always try to tackle me in the middle of a duel?" Sirius demanded.

Because it's intimidating, and Tawnie loved intimidation. Instead of saying this, she was overcome with a burst of animalistic rage—she wanted to pummel him. Once she was in the zone, it was oh-so cruel to taste defeat because she was drowned in the bloodlust without being allowed to gorge on the defeat of her opponent.

But there was still a chance, wasn't there?

Tawnie made for a lunge, but Sirius sidestepped. "Jeez, Hall, you look like a friggin animal," He spat. "Don't make us lose the House Points I fought so hard to win."

"Those House Points should have been mine," She hissed. She didn't know how, but she had the general understanding with herself that Sirius Black wasn't meant to exist, and all things that belonged to him should somehow belong to her.

Sirius clamped his hands on her small shoulders, forcing her back at arm's length while she snapped her teeth at him. He had the oddest look on his face. "Do you seriously want to bite me?"

That was right. She did want to bite him, now that he called attention to it. "Let me bite you, and I'll leave you alone," Tawnie quickly bargained.

He was horrified. "No!"

"If you don't, I will harass sit in back of you in History of Magic and kick the back of your seat until you cry."

"Oh, please. I don't cry," He rolled his eyes. "I'm a man."

"Oh, you'll be crying after weeks of kicking the back of your seat—I promise you," Her eyes glinted. She'd meant what she'd said earlier; she needed to conquer him. Subduing him into allowing her to bite him would be the ultimate win on her part, and then, maybe she'd be satisfied until her next duel.

Sirius looked down at her, repulsed. She was repulsed as well; why the heck was he so tall, and her so small? He was bigger than her in ever respect, and it was bloody annoying because she couldn't use brute force as intimidation. Instead, she often had to rely on her quick, darting speed to cause panic, but that wasn't nearly as fun as tackling a human being.

"Fine, bite me." His arms went limp, and no sooner had they relaxed that Tawnie lurched forward and sank her white, sharp teeth into his neck.

Sirius cried out in pain, his arms immediately snapping down around her and caging her there where she immediately struggled, the taste of him in her mouth striking her as strangely familiar. It bothered her.

"Bloody Merlin, I'm going to—AUGH!" He yelled in pain as she kneed him in the groin unexpectedly.

However, instead of releasing her and stumbling back harmlessly, he ruthlessly tightened his arms around her and fell back onto the matted ground, groaning loudly.

"I hate you, Hall. Bloody hate you." He hissed.

"Lemme go!" Tawnie struggled in his steely grip, but instead of releasing her, he wrapped his legs around her waist. She screamed, repulsed by the contact, and he chuckled, low.

"You said you wanted to conquer me, didn't you?" He whispered in a harsh, mocking imitation of seduction, and she cried out in disgust, elbowing him ferally, but he didn't even seem to feel her blows anymore.

She struggled for another good minute before she gave up, panting, leering down into his gorgeous grey eyes while she hissed through her teeth. Why was he so freaking pretty? Abruptly inspired, she spit into his eyes, and he jerked his head back, recoiling.

"You're horrible!" He growled.

"And you're going to pay for this, Black! Mark my words," Tawnie promised. "And I will conquer you. One day, I will leave you literally bawling like a baby, feeling like the piece of crap I know you are."

"Pale piece of crap, right?" He snorted. "Do yourself a favor and shut up, Hall."

"Why are you so freaking pale anyway?" Tawnie demanded. "Unnatural vampire!"

"Uh, hate to break it to you, but vampires are quite natural. You're a wizard now, Tawnie." His condescension infuriated her.

"Diseased!" She hissed. "And I'm onto you now, bub! I'm going to stake you in your sleep if you're not careful."

"I'd like to see you try to break into my dormitory," He scoffed. "And we all studied together in the sun yesterday, remember? Sorry, not a diseased vampire." Admittedly, their own friends were each other's friends; Tawnie had passed yesterday afternoon irritatedly holding the edges of the pages down so that they wouldn't turn on their own in the wind and kicking Sirius every time he got too comfortable. He returned the favor by throwing her book in the Black Lake. Lily had dried it off, of course, and rewarded him with a very nasty look, but Sirius was too busy glaring at Tawnie to notice.

"Disgusting pale creature," Tawnie was barely listening. "Vampiric unnatural filth!" She elbowed his chest again.

But something about this elbowing was different. The red tinge seemed to finally fade from her vision, and Tawnie blinked. Why was his body so hard, his torso so taut with muscle? Why was his face so pretty, his hair so soft, his eyes so engimatic—? It was simply humiliating. Sirius was an exquisite creature, but Tawnie was too annoyed by his existence to appreciate his finer qualities.

Just a shame.

Nonetheless, Sirius seemed to sense the shift in atmosphere, and he looked up at her with those hard, intense eyes that she could never quite read, meeting her gaze with a ruthless honesty that betrayed no fear. He really wasn't intimidated by her.

"Ms. Hall, Mr. Black, that is enough!" Profesor Perdue finally stepped in, probably frightened with the way they'd gone quiet. The two didn't seem to hear her, just looked at each other. "Get up on your feet before I give you both detention!"

Sirius immediately let go of her, and Tawnie slid back till she was on her knees between his legs, and Sirius scooted backwards and got to his feet. He held out a hand to her, his face an unreadable mask, and she took it without really thinking about it. They had sunk into Tawnie-and-Sirius, uneasy allies in that they were in the same House and had the same friends. The alternative, Hall-and-Black, was reserved for times of total bloodshed (or so Tawnie wished).

James Potter immediately made his way over. He was still breathing heavily from an intense match with Lily; Defense Against the Dark Arts duels had become somewhat of a bonding experience for them. Lily could finally unleash the violent emotions she felt towards him, and James got to spend time with the "Real Lily", as he put it.

"Well, that was lovely. You two looked like you were about to kiss."

Both of them recoiled, practically hissing, as if they were vampires staggering back from the light. "Disgusting," Tawnie eyed her foe with great disdain.

"Never," Sirius stated solemnly. "Who won on your end?"

"I did," James puffed out his chest. "First time in months. She's bloody amazing, isn't she?" He ran a hand through his hair, grinning exuberantly.

Tawnie looked past the boys to one of her dear friends. Lily was skulking next to Alice and Marlene. Marlene was, of course, joined at the hip with her hunk of a boyfriend, Gideon Prewett. Total hottie, and a real prize for the Quidditch team.

"I smashed Tawnie into the ground with a simple stunning spell," Sirius rolled his eyes, his voice bringing her back to the present, and Tawnie's eyes bugged out of her skull.

"Shut up! That spell could have stunned anyone," She hissed.

"But it didn't," He smirked. "It stunned you," He reached forward and lazily poked her nose, grinning at the way she staggered back.

"Don't touch me!" Tawnie gasped, rubbing her nose furiously, and James laughed heartily.

"You guys are adorable," James cooed.

"What?" Tawnie rounded on her friend, wide-eyed and repulsed. "We are not cute!"

"Watch this, James," Sirius said.

"What are you—" Tawnie began, but she froze in place when Sirius brushed her hair behind her ear, his fingertips grazing her cheek and sending flames of heat through her face and a shiver of pleasure down her spine. "PRAT!" She screeched, jumping back and clutching at her face, horrified by her body's traitorous reaction.

"Aw, you made her blush!" James grinned.

"That proves nothing," Tawnie pointed at them accusingly. "I am a teenage girl with hormones. It's only natural for me to—"

"You know, earlier she was talking about conquering me," Sirius said casually. Now that he had succeeded in finally disturbing her, he seemed much more relaxed. James guffawed, and Tawnie blushed furiously.

"I meant destroy you," She explained impatiently.

"But you didn't say destroy, did you?" Sirius smirked wickedly. "You said conquer."

"Because I'm a conquering human being—honestly," Tawnie huffed. "You're both disgusting. And I was serious—I'm going to destroy you."

"She also called me a pale piece of crap," Sirius reflected, "so maybe we are jumping the gun."

"Oh, that's just Tawnie's awkward form of flirting," James waved it off.

Tawnie kicked James's shins. "I do not flirt awkwardly."

James arched an eyebrow at her, completely ignoring the splitting, shooting pain that consumed his leg.

"I don't! I'm quite an effective flirter," She said defensively. "See?" She turned around and spotted a handsome Ravenclaw a few feet away—something Clayworth. Or maybe his name was Clay Worthington. You never really knew with Tawnie's memory—it tended to be extremely unreliable, so she was used to acting without relying on it.

"Oi—you with the gorgeous blue eyes," She called as she stalked across the classroom.

"Insane," Sirius shook his head. "But, on the upside, I got five points for Gryffindor for beating her... 'Ey, James, what's the matter?" Sirius looked at his friend in confusion as James gaped. Sirius followed his line of sight and found himself gasping himself.

Tawnie's small, lithe body was nestled inside of Allan Clayworth's arms, her arms stretching and looping around his neck as she kissed him passionately, standing on her tip toes to make up for their height difference.

"That is the most awkward flirting I've ever seen in my life," James gaped. "But I guess flirting isn't necessary for someone like Tawnie, aye, mate?"

Sirius looked immensely uncomfortable. "Sometimes, James, I think she's literally going to eat me alive." Especially since she bit him earlier. ...On the neck, too! What was she doing, calling him the vampire?

"And why not? I think you'd taste delicious," James remarked cheerfully.

Sirius elbowed his friend reflexively, laughing as the tension broke. "Let's go ask Perdue for a pass to go to the Hospital Wing to see Remus," He suggested cheerfully. "He's got to be bored out of his mind."

"Good idea," James said good-naturedly.

As Sirius talked and laughed with his friend, he tried his best to forget the sight of Tawnie, wrapped around that Ravenclaw, and the way that it had made him feel.


Yay for absurdity and aggression!