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Between the shadows and the soul
Soneto XVII
No te amo como si fueras rosa de sal, topacio
o flecha de claveles que propagan el fuego:
te amo como se aman ciertas cosas oscuras,
secretamente, entre la sombra y el alma.
Te amo como la planta que no florece y lleva
dentro de sí, escondida, la luz de aquellas flores,
y gracias a tu amor vive oscuro en mi cuerpo
el apretado aroma que ascendió de la tierra.
Te amo sin saber cómo, ni cuándo, ni de dónde,
te amo directamente sin problemas ni orgullo:
así te amo porque no sé amar de otra manera,
sino así de este modo en que no soy ni eres,
tan cerca que tu mano sobre mi pecho es mía,
tan cerca que se cierran tus ojos con mi sueño.
Pablo Neruda
Sonnet XVII
I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.
I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way
than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.
Pablo Neruda
The light filtered through the shoji rice paper softly illuminated the room and the young woman inside it. The yards of red silk of her kimono made her skin appear almost snow white and contrasted with her jet-black hair beautifully. Another woman stud behind hair finishing decorating said hair with a jewelled dragonfly.
-"You look beautiful, Kaoru-chan"- it was not every day that Megumi used such a sweet way of addressing to her. It only showed how important the day was, for Kaoru, and for everyone else. Yes, today was a special day for all the Kenshin-gumi, and everyone was present, even Sano had preferred to risk being captured by the police than to miss this day. Himura Kenshin and Kamiya Kaoru's wedding was that important: the perfect ending. The happily ever after that all in their strange group of friends have been waiting for. But the princess of this particular fairy tale was not following the scrip. No smile illuminated her face. No happy spark shinned in her bluer than blue eyes. No roses tinted her cheeks.
No one particularly noticed these signs. Human nature is such that we tend to see only what we want to see. So the wedding's preparations continued—flowers, incense, the frantic search for a particular sandal or ribbon—with no regard to a particular sigh that escaped the strawberry mouth of the bride. It sounded... almost sad. No one heard it, or pretended not to.
-"Arigato, Megumi-san"-another sigh left her, and an unfathomable look came into her eyes.-"You love him"-it wasn't a question.
-"I'll always feel great tenderness and respect for Ken-san"-Megumi's voice was soft and sincere-" But I knew, we all knew, from the beginning that you two belong together"- a soft smile graced the doctor's face-"you're soul mates"
-"You once told me that I could never replace Tomoe-san"-Kaoru continued, her eyes with that strange look fixed at something just outside Megumi's view.
-"And you can't"-her hand came to rest on a deceivingly delicate-looking shoulder-"You are not supposed to. You are not his past, but his present and future. That's what I meant Tanuki"
-"Yes, his future, his soul mate. Sometimes I wonder ..."-Kaoru's voice took over that bizarre distant quality that made her sound as she wasn't in the same room with her anymore-"I wonder what life would have been for all of us if Tomoe-san had lived"
-"Well, for starters you wouldn't be marring him today"-Megumi answered with a raised eyebrow. For the life of her, she could never predict the Takuni's mood changes or logic.
-"He would have been happy today"-and almost as an afterthought she added in a whisper-"Enishi's life would have been different"-If Megumi heard that last part she didn't acknowledge it
-"Kenshin loves you, you silly Tanuki. You make him happy"-The fox-lady thought she was getting close to the source of this estrange conversation, Kaoru's old fear of abandonment or not being enough for Kenshin. She couldn't have been farther from the truth.
-"I known"-that's the problem she finished the sentence in her head.
–"Oi, Megumi-san. The rooster just hurt his hand again fixing the stairs"- come the dulcet tones of one Yahiko Myojin
-"That Tori-atama is a moron. I'll be back in a while, don't move or you'll ruin your makeup and hair"
-"Sure"
After Megumi left, Kaoru went towards the wall that served her as a closet and graved a large box. Inside there was a beautiful white kimono with blue flowers. From inside the folds she took away a small shinning object. A gold earring with a dark violet jewel.
-"You know, I was looking for that"- the new voice was low and dangerous. For the first time that day Kaoru showed some of her old self at violently turning around to face the newcomer. Her eyes reflected a whole range of feelings too fast for anyone to figure them out.
-"Enishi"-the ragged whisper encompassed all that she felt for the handsome tall white-haired man. Lust, anger, tenderness and a hint of obsession shinned in his eyes. His steps were sure and soundless as he walked towards her. He didn't stop until their chest where almost touching and she could feel his breath on her skin.
-"So this is how you look on your wedding day"-His lips where hard on hers, everything about him was hard and sharp angles. His arms felt as steel on her waist. His hands, calloused and bruising on her breasts and bottom burn her skin so deliciously. She never felt freer than in his arms. Free to be as imperfect as she wanted. There was no role written down for her to follow, not ultimate expectations of a perfect fairy tale life to fulfil. There was only Kaoru. Only them, feeling what they felt, being who they were, no excuses. A shame that it couldn't last. –"How did you get here?"- she asked trying to make sense of the myriad of feelings assaulting her senses.
-"I walked"- he gave her a smirk and pulled her even closer so every part of their bodies was touching. She could feel the heat of his skin even through all the layers of clothes.
-"Mou, that's not what I meant Enishi!"- he laughed at her hissed reprimand
-"You really think that the Battoussai and his league of idiotic friends would keep me away?"
-"No"-No, she knew that if he really wanted to do something, it would take close to an army to stop him, and even then, he'll still try. They were very much alike in that respect.-"but it doesn't matter. You have to go"
-"No, we have to go"- he kissed her again and she felt like her heart was on her throat –"You may want to take off the dress though. As pretty as you look with it, I reckon you'll find it hard to climb walls in"
-"Enishi, I ca-
-"No, listen to me!"- He cut her off and grabbed her face on his hands-"I never planned to fall in love with you. You were supposed to be only a pawn of my revenge, but somehow between you cooking those awful meals for me-
-"Hey! Mou!"
-"and arguing over all and nothing I fell. I fell hard"- He continued with a smile-"I should have know the first time I saw through you that mist and when you challenged me"-He was giving her that look now, full of tenderness and something akin awe-"you were like nothing I could ever imagine"
-"Enishi"- what do you say to something like that? The truth: -"you were nothing like I imagine either"
He barked a laugh-"you drove me insane. I couldn't understand what Battousai saw on you. You were nothing like my sister. You were loud, violent, and opinionated. Where were your calm and lady-like qualities?"-his thumb went to her brow trying to soften her deep frown-"but I couldn't stop thinking about you. You were honest, beautiful, brave and strong. And suddenly I started to hate Battoussai for the faith you had on him, hell, I wanted to be him so you would love me"
She could feel the tears on her eyes about to fall. This man turned her world upside down. He was everything she wasn't supposed to want, but, God, she wanted him more than anything. He was unstable, possessive to the point of obsession, and tab insane, but he was also passionate, loyal and dazzling.
-"The first time I kissed you I was so mad. You were looking out at the sea, thinking of him and I just snapped"
-"I remember, I punched you on the nose"-she caressed the slight bump-"and then I kissed you three days after"- that pretty much summed up their relationship; they couldn't stay away from each other. If he hadn't been so in shock about his revelation about his sister, he would have never allow her to leave him that day on the beach, of that she was sure. And if she hadn't been surrounded by her friends that just spent months thinking her death and that needed her she would have stayed.
-"Those days after that second kiss were... they felt-
-"Like breathing again after a long time of no air"
-"Come with me"- another kiss that left them gasping-"you don't really want to spend your life pleasing a bunch people by marrying that shrimp"
-"They are my friends, I love them. And Kenshin is no shrimp! He is a good, honourable man."- his eyes flashed. Yes, Kenshin was a good man, but so was Aoshi, Sano and hundreds of other men. Honour and goodness couldn't be the whole base of a marriage.
-"You are not in love with him! It would kill something inside you to stay here while he goes wandering to repent of his sins. You know he'll do it too! If he is so good and honourable he would have never had put you in danger by staying!"
-"ha, and life with you would be oh, so safe"-as always her first response when being attacked, defence attack. Life would be so much simpler if she could just follow the script that her life seemed to throw at her. But no, she had to fall for the evil sorcerer.
-"No, but I won't leave you, ever. I would never take the chance to leave you defenceless while I went to help complete strangers."-He grabbed her chin between thumb and index –"I don't give a damn about anyone else but you"-her eyes met his and she was trapped. She knows it's true, Enishi would never leave her. The only reason that it took him two months to get here it's that he had to go to visit Tomoe's tomb to lie down some ghosts, all the while avoiding the police. –"Come with me. You know it's what you really want"- what she really wanted, God, she hasn't done what she really wanted in so long.
A half an hour later and many bandages and curse words after, Megumi opened the shoji to Kaoru's room.-"Ok, Tanuki. Let's make sure the makeup it's still up"- still reeling over the moronic antics of the Tori-atama, it took Megumi a moment to realize that the room was empty and another to notice the wedding kimono neatly folded resting on the floor with a note on top. A carefree laugh could be heard from far away.
