August 3, 2011 Dear Friend,
I am writing to you because she said you would listen and that you would understand and didn't try to sleep with that person at that party even though you could have. I need to know that there is someone out there who listens and understand and doesn't sleep with people even if they could have. I need to know that these people exist.
I don't want you to try to figure out who I am, or who the girl is. So I'll call people generic names. And that's why I didn't write a return adress. I mean nothing bad by this. Honest. I just need you to understand.
So this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.
I try to find a reason to blame for me being the way I am. But as hard as I look I just can't seem to find a valid reason. My parents don't beat me, I was never abused sexually and I'm not necessarily poor. I just notice people's pain, they try their best to hide it. I think they're brave. It still hurts me inside to witness so much pain. Sometimes it's unbearable.
Like for instance, last year my best friend April was dating the tall boy with freckles, and who had decided to shave off half of his eyebrow. I don't know why he would want to do that. He was yelling at April for something she had said when she was angry. I saw her choking back her tears. It took all of my strength to keep myself from punching him in the face then and there. I'm not one for violence, but I can't stand when people treat her like that.
Apparently after their fight, she got really depressed. One morning her parents found her body hanging from the ceiling fan. She didn't even leave a note; maybe she had and her parents didn't let anyone see it. But I think a note would help me miss her more clearly.
Anyway, that Friday, the principal made an announcement about her memorial service. I can't remember it clearly now, but I remember something along the lines of "Memorial service Monday." I know it's vague, but I tend to block that part of my year out. I couldn't stop crying. I'm not done crying. Missing someone terribly can eat at you.
I don't now why I decided to write this much. The reason I wrote this letter is because I start high school tomorrow and I am really afraid of going.
Love Always,
Marissa.
