Author's disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters and Inspector Lynley remains the property of Elizabeth George. This is written purely for entertainment, and no profit is derived nor sought.

No warning this time. At least just a mild one: It is rated T but it is surely on the brink to M later on. I mean, hey - I'm Sister Snorfl! ;-) I wish all of you a merry, merry Christmas. Here's my treat for you.


It should have become their biggest Christmas event ever but it went slightly different than originally planned.

Now enjoy...


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Santa Kisses

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They had a bad fight.

Sure, in December, all the more if you have to plan the biggest family event in last few years, times could become stressful. Only this year, when both their children with their partners and all three tiny grandchildren and also his siblings Judith and Peter plus their families and even his mother Daze with her lovely but weird carer Stevie would come around and expect a big event at Howenstow, this year Tommy and Barbara could not agree on almost anything.

Should there be only one tree or even two trees in the grand hall and in the study or in the library, should Tommy be Santa again or should they hire one this time. What gifts, where would they all sleep, what would they eat, where would they eat, and so on and so forth. They were a bit short of domestic bliss in this year's Advent season.

Their disagreement finally cumulated when Barbara, after deciding they should have a different caterer for the New Year's Eve party this year, also had wiped the usual visit of the Christmas concert in St Oswald's church in Nanrunnel from the list of events. Tommy had snapped. After all, the Ashertons always had been booking the traditional family run business as caterers, even his father already had years ago and his grandfather already had employed Estrid, the Swedish incorporator. Tommy recited all this. And Barbara could not seriously take his mother's beloved concert away.

"We've always been there!"

"And it always had bored me to death."

"Oh, I know. You've never tried to hide that!"

When she had asked for going to the jolly brass band on the market square and having their own new ones he had called her an irrational breaker of the old traditions and then the most stupid and completely unnecessarily harsh argument had spiraled.

It ended with Tommy storming through the house, slamming all doors behind him and driving off with the car.

On the 24th of December.


After she had stopped steaming Barbara sat on a chair in the kitchen and started to cry. That's how Judith found her. She had arrived early this year and as usual did not bother to knock at the already open door to her former family home. Instantly she realised there was a big problem in the House of Asherton.

Quickly she dismissed her husband and her daughter, shooing them out of the kitchen immediately with the task to fetch the luggage, then made two mugs of coffee and pulled a chair closer to Barbara.

"Okay, I know you two are the most stubborn and headstrong people I know. What happened this time?"

Barbara told her everything. They always had had a good rapport with each other.

Tommy though did not return, not in the afternoon and not in the evening. On Christmas eve and in the night Barbara was alone and in the morning when she found the space next to her still empty she realised that if there would not happen some Christmas miracle she would have to stem this day on her own. He had not even sent a message. If it was not for the children and for the coffee Judith had brought to her bed Barbara probably would have stayed in bed the entire day.


With Judith's kindness and understanding and of course with her great help they managed the morning and later lunch. Somehow in earlier years it had become a habit with their children that they would all drive to Howenstow on Christmas morning and have Santa visit them there in the afternoon. Daze had wanted to have her grandchildren at home with her and so the story was set up that Santa had listed them all as Cornish and would see them there. And because Nanrunnel and more so Howenstow was so far away from everything Santa always was arriving late. Fortunately he could take his time because Cornwall was the last place he visited.

In earlier years it had been Peter but then Tommy used to play Santa. Unfortunately not this year. He had not sent a message until two PM so with a sigh Barbara got up from the long dining table they all sat at in their Sunday clothes after lunch, reading, drawing, chatting or playing.

"I'm having a nap." she said innocently playing tired Grandma. "Santa will be late this year. I know I won't miss him." The adults winked knowing she already missed him very much but the children did not even look up from their tasks.

Only Jay cheeped from her high seating position on her cousin May's lap "We're goin' to wake you, Granny."

In her bedroom Barbara got into the ridiculous and slightly too sexy Mrs Santa costume she had been able to hire in St Ives in the last minute. She had red and white ringed tights on, funny red passion killers under a short green skirt and a tight coat in red and white with a big black belt. A red and white fur hat completed it. The stupid green shoes were replaced by her black leather riding boots. To hide her face Barbara had put on her reading glasses, glued a false elvish nose on her real one and coloured her cheeks a bit too rosy. Grabbing the big hessian sack with all the presents she stumbled down the stairs.

"How does he always do this?" Barbara panted to her reflection in the huge mirror near the entrance door. "It's so heavy!"


The young children did not suspect anything. Barbara just told them that she was Mrs Santa and Mr Santa unfortunately was stuck in a heavy traffic jam with his sleigh. He would not have made it in time so she had stepped in taking the other way here.

"Where?" Peter's son Paul curiously asked.

"On the A9."

"That's a road." the five year old boy knew better. "Santa's sleigh is flying."

"Yes, Paulie, you're right, but the clouds are numbered too. And cloud A9 always is full at this time of the year." Although she had to swallow about the double meaning of her words Barbara managed a smile and quickly started with handing out the rest of all the presents. It distracted the young ones from everything.


When she had given everybody their gifts and returned from the grand to the staircase hall she startled. At the foot of the stairs she found Mr Santa watching her fondly. From there he had looked through the door straight into the huge living room where she just had entertained the family.

"Hello, Barbara!" His honey like voice hit her to the core. She had not heard it for less than 24 hours but under those circumstances she had missed it so very much. She was relieved to have him back home again. Seeing her happy smile Tommy dared to go on. "You've done a great job, Mrs Santa."

They met halfway between the stairs and the door to the grand hall, out of sight of the family who was engrossed in unpacking their presents. Uncertain how they should go on after their fight Barbara leaned sideways against the wall under the big portrait of uncle Bradley. Tommy mirrored her behaviour. For a while they just watched each other.

"I've watched you." Tommy was the first to speak.

"Ah?" Barbara replied still uncertain how to react. His index finger cautiously caressed her cheek.

"I was so torn." he murmured. "You spread so much warm love, you've acted so sweetly as Mrs Santa, Grandma." At this he dared to bend over and give her a small kiss to keep her from objecting. She always protested when he called her so but he always meant it lovingly teasing. "On the other hand, my love, you look so unbelievably sexy in this costume."

A cheeky hand shoved up her short skirt and landed on her bum cheeks clad in the ridiculous red fashion killers. With a swift move he pulled her against his hips. In an instant the atmosphere between them sizzled.


"Santa!" Barbara nervously giggled. She had been allowed to have a glass of egg nog with the family, instead of milk and cookies, but she already had two glasses of wine for cooking and for lunch so she suddenly realised she already was quite a bit tipsy for an afternoon. But they should be careful anyway. "Behave! The kids might come here."

"Well, I might come here too." he quietly growled.

"Tommy!" Barbara hissed and suddenly found herself in a tight embrace. Tommy had pulled his false beard down and nuzzled into her neck.

"I'm so sorry, Barbara!" he murmured leaving wet kisses and small gentle bites on her skin. "I could be such a pinhead sometimes."

"I know." A deep sigh accompanied her words. When he did not go on she asked where the hell he had been.

"London. I was driving so fast I was there in no time. Then I was lonely." He returned his face into the open. "But it already was too late to return here straight away so I stayed for the night."

"Well, I can't speak of loneliness here." Barbara lightly chuckled but her expression quickly turned serious. "Except for our bedroom."


"Barbara, I can't swear we'll never have an argument again." It made his wife give another short laugh. She knew very well they will always turn loud when the disagree. "But I swear I'll never run away again. Not for those small stupid arguments nor for the big ones and especially not in times like this. Christmas. I had not wanted to let you have all the explanations on your own, all the work, and the problems I've caused by being absent. Can you forgive me?"

"Of course I can, Tommy." Barbara gave him a brief kiss. "I mean, I have a huge part in causing that misery. Can you forgive me?" Tommy nodded. "I'm only glad I've found this stupid costume. Only..." here she pouted a bit. "You really should at least have given me a call when you knew you would come back in time."

"I had wanted to make it a surprise," Tommy gave her another kiss, lasting a bit longer this time. "but then I was pleased all the more when I've seen you being Mrs Santa. And this costume is all but stupid, my love. It accentuates your beautiful curves. And it is very much for my liking."

Again his hands shoved up her skirt and they squeezed her hip pads.

"Stop that!" Mrs Santa whispered blushing when she suddenly felt turned. But Mr Santa only pushed her back against the wall with his hips. Her eyes grew wider. Tommy took the reading glasses from her nose and let it vanish in the huge pocket on his red and white coat.

"You know, I prefer your real nose." Carefully he pulled the ridiculous thing loose until it went off. It went where the glasses had gone too. "Oh, Mrs Santa, I almost forgot how sexy you are in riding boots."

Then they forgot the world around them.


Tommy bent down to her and gave her a whole bunch of small kisses, one softer and even more tempting than the other. He had propped his arms against the wall and nothing but his lips and accidentally his nose touched her. Eventually Barbara grabbed into his red coat and followed his lips whenever they left hers until she properly pulled him into her.

"Stop that, Tommy!" she breathed, rather meaning the opposite and not keeping him from nothing. "The kids... oh..."

Her husband for 26 years had pushed his hip forward so she was slightly shoved up the wall. Her feet of course stayed on the ground. Nonetheless she opened her mouth with a sigh and let his tongue invade her mouth. Gently both fought for dominance. She moaned into his lungs when his passion swept over her. Eventually they stopped to get some air. She saw the cheekiest smile on his face.

"Let's get upstairs!" he suggested in a lascivious tone. "As much as I love to see you in this we should change our clothes."

The way he said it Barbara understood he was not talking at all about changing their clothes but getting out of them but she agreed anyway. It had been a while that she felt this tickling sizzle of excitement so deep in her system.


"Yeee!" a tiny voice was heard when they had ascended half the stairs. The girl in the doorway clapped her hands almost losing her balance. "Sanna!"

Tommy quickly pulled his beard back into the correct position before he turned to their youngest grandchild. His son appeared behind the little girl.

"Hello, Julie." Tommy senior said with a deep false voice. "I've seen Mrs Santa here had already done my job very well. I'm just picking her up and we'll drive on to the other children. We're parking on the roof so don't bother when you hear strange sounds." After briefly winking towards Tommy junior he turned.

Barbara could not suppress her silly giggling when Tommy took her hand and pulled her further up the stairs. She just had time to catch a glimpse from her eldest son. He was rolling his eyes about her index finger placed on her lips in a silencing gesture. Then he shook his head in amused disbelief when he directed his daughter back to the family gathering. He knew his parents never had hidden how deeply in love they still were but they seldomly, if ever, had shown such a juvenile behaviour like this in the presence of others.


Already at the door of their bedroom, straight after they had closed it, Tommy could not help but push Barbara against the wood and bombard her with kisses and gentle but cheekily impatient caresses. Helping each other getting them off they left a trace of red and white clothes on their way to the bed. When they both landed on it they had undressed most of the pieces of their Santa costumes. At least Tommy was completely naked.

Barbara had kept her fur hat on.

It may have started quite passionately but now they took their time with everything. They took their time with languid kissing and lazy caressing each other's well known body. They knew every wrinkle and every grey hair, every dip and hollow, every curve, every mound, every soft pad and every scar. They knew what they wanted and they knew what they liked. The lovestruck couple concentrated on all those sweet spots they knew were the ones that pleased the other, that touched the other the deepest.

Tommy's strong arms rolled them around, Barbara's skilled legs let them twist their limbs deliciously tender. They took care of old knees and aching backs. They were careful with not so young bones while they let themselves drift deeper and deeper because even after all those years they still knew how to please each other to the utmost.

They made love for the rest of the afternoon and this way caused a big turmoil in the schedule for dinner. Good to know that downstairs there was a family full of love and understanding.

On Boxing Day they went to the Christmas concert in the church and to the jolly brass band on the market square.


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Sister's last snorfl: Dear readers, happy happy holidays full of ease, tolerance, love and understanding! May peace and reconciliation reign these days!