Author's Note: Hi, SeddieBenett here again. Just thought I'd re-upload this, because people enjoyed it so much the first time round. Also, I made it a bit easier to read too. Enjoy!
-A Mothers' Lament-
"My daughter..." Pam started to say.
"You daughter? My son!" Marrissa scoffed. "If you weren't such a delinquent..."
"At least I'm not a stuck up neat freak," replied Mrs Puckett. "No wonder your husband left you for that other woman."
"Well... at least my husband isn't in Mexico, locked up in some prison somewhere!"
"He can escape anytime he wants..."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah! In fact, he's been out so many times, you couldn't even consider him to be in prison!"
"Well...well...well..."
"That's what I thought," scoffed Sam's mom. "Can't think of a retort can ya? You're as lame as Sam says you are."
"You're obnoxious just like your bitch of a daughter!" Marrissa blurts out suddenly, and then claps her hand over her mouth.
"Like your son is any better..."
"My Freddie-bear is..."
"Homosexual? Yeah, I know."
"What?"
"Didn't he tell you?"
"No."
"Sorry to break it to you."
"Did... did Samantha tell you that she's dating girls?"
"Why no, she's never mentioned that."
"Well she is... "
"Oh my God!"
"Shall we drink to messed up kids?"
"We shall," said Mrs Benson. "I'll get some glasses."
A few minutes later, a dishevelled, half dressed Freddie and Sam stumble into the kitchen. Freddie has lipstick marks all over his face and Sam has 'love bites' trailing down her neck.
"Homosexual, huh?"
"Well, that's what Sam told me... but what about her dating girls?"
"Freddie told me the same thing,"
They both turned to their children, who were backing out of the room.
"Samantha Puckett!"
"Fredward Benson!"
"S'up mom," said Sam, with a little wave.
"Mom, please don't give me a tick bath..."
Both Pam and Sam snickered, but Sam stopped when seeing the glare she was getting from Freddie.
"You lied to both of us," Marrissa adressed both of them.
"Homosexuality is no joke!" Pam said. "Why, back in college..."
"Mom please! No stories!" Sam exclaimed.
"Fine,"
"Are both of you using protection?"
"Mom!" Freddie says, highly embarrassed. "...yes..."
"You're free to go," said Pam, waving them away.
"No, they're not!" Marrissa shouted and turned to Mrs Puckett. "You don't just 'dismiss' them from this discussion!"
"I just did,"
"You're a terrible mother!"
"Not as horrible as you! Who in the hell gives their sixteen year old son 'weekly inspections'?"
"A very cautious and health contious one."
"I'm outta here!" Pam says. "Before you decide I need a tick bath."
She walks towards the door and Marrissa sticks her head around the corner. "They're precautionary!"
"We're just gonna..." Freddie starts to say as he and Sam start to walk away.
"Hold it, right there!"
"Mrs Benson, we promise not to do anything unsafely,"
"Mom, please trust us..."
"How can I trust you after you lied to me?"
"Come on, mom, was I really gonna tell you that I've been sleeping with Sam?"
"Well no... but..."
"Do you really think I'd tell my mom that I've been sleeping with Freddie?"
"No... that's not..."
"So what's the big chiz?" Sam asked her. "Come on Fredward, let's go."
Both of them walk out of the apartment, Freddie slammed the door behind him. Marissa Benson picked up the wine bottle and sculled a whole heap.
"That," she says, swaying slightly on the spot. "...is some good wine!"
