Odds and Ends

By: neen


Yeah, not much of a Lily/James interaction thing. That's for Bits and Pieces, which I've really enjoyed writing! However, many issues will be dealt with here that are about her. It's supposed to be funny, but I dunno. This is more of a Marauders snapshot thing. Personally, I think Bits and Pieces is a bit better. AHEM. That is very blatant advertising to go read the thing. BITS AND PIECES! It currently has two parts to it…but I'm definitely adding more. Haha, thanks for suffering through that! Enjoy!


James stormed into the Gryffindor Common Room, looking extremely livid. His right hand was curled into a fist, knuckles tight with fury, and his currently dark brown eyes scanned the nearly empty room for his unsuspecting victim of the moment. The right eye was nearly bulging out when he finally saw his target.

Sirius grinned at the sight of James and motioned for him to come over, oblivious to the murderous aura James was giving off.

Ohh, James did go over, mind you.

He landed a hard blow, knocking Sirius's head sideways. "YEEEEEEOWWWWW!"

"Oy! What the bloody hell was that for, James?" Sirius protested wildly, trying to hide himself beneath the forest green pillow cushion he was using as a shield. "What are you on? I'm Sirius!"

James continued to throw punches at a highly perplexed Sirius, not bothering to talk to him.

"You ruddy stag! I'm your best friend, mate! What are you trying to do, kill me?" Sirius asked angrily, trying to block James's blows.

"You."

"YES, IT'S ME! Stop, James! C'mon, be reasonable! Ow!"

"Like."

"Really now, are Caramel Centered Chocolates really worth fighting over? I'll give you some ruddy chocolates, just stop! Damn, that hurt!"

"Lily."

"Like the bloody hell I do—wait, what?" Sirius looked amazed, and James finally stopped punching him. "What did you just say?"

"You like Lily. You know, the girl that might be the ideal one for me? The girl that I've crushed on—been infatuated with—obsessed with for nearly four years? My best friend! I can't believe this is happening!" James exploded with anger, his frame shaking crazily.

Sirius looked simply bewildered. "What the bloody hell are you talking about, James? I have no idea that I liked Lily! Wait! I mean—I don't! I don't fancy her a bit. Well, she's hot, yes, and if you didn't like her, I would probably have a go at her, but no, I don't fancy her as of now."

James stared at Sirius, who was looking particularly vulnerable and honest (for once).

He stood Sirius up and landed a hard thump to Sirius's stomach.

"Ooooooffff!"

James let go of Sirius and allowed him to sink into the squishy armchair.

"Merlin! What was that for? I DON'T LIKE THE BLOODY GIRL!" Sirius whined loudly, rubbing his various forming bruises and sores.

James shrugged, then looked truly apologetic. "I had to release the rest of my anger. Sorry, mate."

Sirius grumbled a bit before grudgingly accepting James's apology. "S'all right. Just don't do that again. That bloody hurt! It was like really, really dry poo that's been sitting inside for like four days coming out of your an—"

"—You can stop right there, Padfoot. Too much information," James bluntly interrupted, looking highly harassed.

"Just saying, Prongs," Sirius pouted, still rubbing at his sore spots. "Had to make things clear as pee in case you decide to use me as a punching bag again."

An awkward silence passed between the two.

"So," Sirius began eloquently, "Why'd you think that I liked Evans in the first place?"

"I dunno."

"So, you just basically started randomly picking me out and punching the hell out of me?"

"Basically."

"Ah, I see."

"Yep."

"So."

"Mmm hmm."

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL WERE YOU THINKING WHEN YOU HIT ME, PRONGS? WHAT IS MY FAN CLUB—SIRIUSLY IN LOVE—GOING TO DO WHEN THEY FIND OUT I'VE BEEN ATTACKED BY SOME MADMAN OF A FRIEND?" Sirius bellowed out in a panicked tone.

James shrugged again. "Oh. I dunno."

Sirius threw James a sour look. "I can't believe I got beat up for no good reason."

"Well," James said, trying to defend himself, "you did look awfully close to Evans this morning!"

"I was sitting sixteen seats down from her at breakfast this morn! How is that close?" Sirius said indignantly.

"No, no. I meant when you were walking into the Great Hall. You were nearly touching shoulders with her," James clarified.

Sirius scratched his bum rather loudly, a habit he had acquired over the years that, oddly enough, helped him think and remember things. "Hmm. I don't recall that—oh, yes! I was attempting to sniff her hair because you asked what type of shampoo she had used since there was this unexplained fragrance emitting from her, if you will! As if! I couldn't smell this indescribable, ecstatically lovely fragrance you so passionately tried to describe. It seemed quite like apples to me."

"No, I swear it on my life! It wasn't just apples. It was something different. Something so sweet and exotic and mixed with the best scents in the world…I smelt it again in Potions, but I didn't sit near her today since dear Professor Slughorn made me seat near the Potions today. Drat that old man," James muttered, slightly ticked off.

"Whatever you say, Prongsie dearest," Sirius said in a sing-song voice. "I think you have a strong case of dementia."

"What's that?" James shot Sirius a confused look.

"Oh, just insanity," Sirius offered cheerfully.

"Thanks," James said sourly.

Another awkward silence ensued.

"I can't take this anymore. Write this bloke, all right?" Sirius said to James, scribbling on a piece of parchment with a quill that just suddenly appeared. "Francesca Palooni. It'll do you some good."

James stared at Sirius. "Bloke? Francesca?"

Sirius nodded eagerly. "Well, yeah. What's so bad about it?"

"Francesca's a girl's name."

"Oh, but Francesca is definitely a guy," Sirius declared.

James looked at him suspiciously. "And you would know, because?"

"Because, Prongsie, I've talked to him before," Sirius explained as if it were a natural thing to say.

"Wait, isn't Francesca some type of psychiatrist shrink thingie that I somehow know about even though I'm not muggle?" James asked, perplexed.

"Yep."

"So you went to see someone about mental problems of yours?"

"Yep."

"Oh. That's good, I s'ppose."

"Yep. Where'd you think I got the term 'dementia' from?"

"Oh."

"Yep."

"So, you're basically saying that I have dementia too."

"Yep."

"Is it contagious? I have a feeling I got it from you…"

"I dunno. Better ask Frannie about it," Sirius said, looking rather grave.

"Can he teach me how to make Lily like me?" James asked, looking hopeful.

"Er. Give it a try, ol' Prongs," Sirius said, and encouraged him with a slap on the back.

"Okay. Hey, where'd you get that parchment anyways?"

"Close your eyes. Count to five, and say "I need some happy bunnies" under your breath," Sirius instructed.

James obediently closed his eyes, and muttered "I need some happy bunnies" and counted to five. He opened his eyes to find—nothing.

"What the bloody hell?"

Sirius chuckled. "Sorry. I lied! Couldn't resist myself. Here, Prongsie!"

Sirius handed an exasperated James a stack of parchment.

"Thanks, Pad. That was simply hilarious," James said sarcastically, and lunged for the parchment.

Taking Sirius's quill, he began the letter, "Francesca Pahlooney—"

"No, no," Sirius interrupted, as he was looking over James's shoulder. "Francesca likes being called Frannie. He'll get pissed off if you write Francesca out. And, you spelled his last name wrong. It's Palooni. Like macaroni."

"Fine."

"Frannie Palooni—"

"No, no. Frannie doesn't like people using his last name. Take off 'Palooni,' Sirius ordered.

"Oh."

"Frannie—"

"No, no. Actually, Frannie doesn't like to be called 'Frannie' at all. Frannie likes to be addressed as 'Bembles'," Sirius said, intervening for the third time.

"Bembles?"

"Yes, Bembles, Prongsie dearest."

"Bembles—"

"No, no. Since today's not a weekday, Bembles likes to be called Francesca Palooni."

"PADFOOT, JUST WRITE IT FOR ME," James shouted, finally fed up.

"You great pillock. This is what I get for trying to help you. Ungrateful prat," Sirius said lovingly and grabbed a piece of parchment.

"Francesco Palooni—"

"I thought you said his name was Francesca?" James inquired, squinting at the messy scrawl Sirius had plastered onto the parchment.

"It does say Francesa," Sirius insisted. Then looking around, quickly shouted, "Oh, look! A great bodger!"

"Eh, what?" James looked around wildly, trying to find this 'bodger'.

Sirius hastily put a tail onto the 'o', and made it an 'a'. "Nah, you just missed it, Prongs. Tough luck."

"Oh. But like I was saying, that does not look like an 'a'—" James said, pointing at the parchment, only to find a distinct 'a'.

He paused and then rubbed his eyes. "This Evans business is really getting to me."

"S'all right. Bembles will help," Sirius said, trying to cheer up James.

"You mean Francesca Palooni, right?"

"Right."


Author's Note:

Sorry for the abrupt cutting off, but this was getting a tad long. Actually, it's not really that long, but I felt like saving the letter for another part.

And if this didn't satisfy you, go read Bits and Pieces.

It's loads better. Funnier, anyways.

I think.

Oh, good news. I don't think I failed my chem exam.

Bad news. I think I failed my precal exam. Joy.

Cheer me up?

Review please!