I am happy.
Those are the words he says to himself, his personal mantra.
I am happy.
Those are the words he whispers under his breath when he sees them, hand and hand. Elizabeta, smiling and laughing, pure bliss written across her face.
And why shouldn't she be joyful? She's won.
It's not like Antonio had a chance anyway. He'd seen the discomfort on Lovino's face. He'd seen him pull away. It was obvious that his younger classmate doesn't feel the same way about him.
So, Antonio had done what he could. It wasn't like he could just stop being around him. Once, he'd tried, and it was awkward, tortuous, painful. Like it or not, he was addicted. But he'd tried.
He joked about it, played it up. It was all a joke, his pathetic devotion to Lovino. Pretending that kept his happy little world safe, and everyone else's as well. It protected the mind sets of his friends, let them think that boys never loved boys and that girls never loved girls. As long as he laughed about it, joked about it, they could believe it was a façade and nothing more.
But sometimes it was hard, like now.
He was sitting on the floor in the school hallway, chatting with Bel and Gilbert, with his arm around Lovi's shoulders, when Elizabeta wandered up.
Gilbert immediately stood up and left the hallway, quipping about some awesome place he had to be.
Elizabeta ignored him and flopped down next to Lovino, fixing her red plaid skirt before tugging on Lovino's arm so that he was in a better position for her to lean on him. He rolled his eyes, ever contrary, but acquiesced. This position pulled him out of Antonio's arms.
He was pretty sure Elizabeta suspected it wasn't just a game. Or, maybe, she just didn't like other people touching her boyfriend.
"Morning!" Bel waved cheerfully to the other girl, and Elizabeta returned the gesture.
Antonio pulled Bel back into the conversation, the huge smile on his face slipping not one bit. He'd had practice.
It's just a game.
Most of the time, he was genuinely happy. It was just, every once in a while, something would happen, and everything would fall apart.
Times like this.
He and Bel were sitting on the couch in her basement, playing video games. She'd just won, and it was his turn to pick a character. She watched his face as he studied the screen.
"Sometimes," She said thoughtfully, "You remind me of Gilbert after Elizabeta broke his heart."
He turned to her, smile in place, ready to deny any and all heartbreak, when she continued.
"What happened to the happy Antonio I used to know?"
At her words, everything fell to pieces again, and this time, he couldn't hide it.
