Chapter One: The stages of Depression
I step off the bus, only to remember that I've forgotten my homework. I sigh and drag my school bag down the sidewalk, making my way home; to my empty home. Hopeful, I call, "I'm home!" when I enter the house. I wait for an answer.
"I'm in the kitchen!" I hear my brother calling back. It sends a warm chill through my body. I drop my school bag and run into the kitchen. Se7en is making a sandwich for himself on the counter. I happily run at him.
"Hey, oppa," I wrap my arms around him.
Se7en chuckles, "Hey, sis. What's up?"I grin and step away from Se7en.
"Why are you home?" I ask him taking a slice of bread from the bag. I nibble on it while he answers.
"Just getting a snack before I head to the gym." Of-course. To the gym he goes.
I sigh and nod. I carefully sit myself atop the counter. Se7en looks up at me, his eyes sad.
"G-Dragon is really depressing everyone at work."
I feel my eyes burn, but hold the tears in. "Is he?"
"Yeah… he writes these terrible songs. They're all about you. He even tried to call you today. I stopped him, of course, but it's making everyone all downer. Gaho is so lonely without you…"
I growl, "I'm sorry! I didn't know things would turn out the way they did!"
"Woah… that's not what I mean. You know that."
I nod, "Yeah, I know. I'm sorry… it's hard for me."
Se7en carefully tops his sandwich with another piece of bread. "I know it's tough for you. But, you had to do it." He takes a big bite, and I continue to eat tiny bites of bread. My appetite has pretty much gone down the drain recently.
I watch Se7en as he takes giant bites of sandwich. I'm tempted to tell him that I've got homework to do, but I that would be pointless because I've forgotten my homework. So, instead, I slide of the counter and say, "I'll see you when you get back."
"Sure," he says with his mouth full, "I'll bring dinner home, alright?"
"Yup," I leave the room, "Bye, oppa."
I climb the stairs of our home and enter my room. I bite my lip when I see the picture of Jiyong and I smiling happily, showing our couple rings. I knock it down with a flick of my hand, hiding the picture. The ring, now safely in my desk, will never be worn again.
I collapse on my bed after cranking my stereo. I let Lee Hyori blast though my room, letting the 'Chitty Chitty Bang Bang' seep into my ears. Tears are pushing their way out of my eyes.
The music is almost so loud that I don't hear my phone ringing. I jump at it and don't bother to turn my music down.
"Wassup," I say into the receiver.
"-? Is that you?" It's Jiyong's sweet voice, making me keel over. Although, his normally controlled voice is struggling in a sobby way.
"Yeah, it's me." This couldn't be good. People had been trying to keep GD from contacting me for about a week.
"Good," I can hear him sighing. I hear him quietly singing along with my music, which is now Beast's 'Shock.' And I have to pull the phone away from my head to keep G-Dragon from hearing me sobbing. It doesn't work.
"-, are you crying?"
I sniffle and wipe my eyes and try to compose myself as fine," Nah." I gulp.
"You are crying. You know I hear you." He's got a voice thick with tears. It hurts us both so badly…
"Oppa!" I call, running after him, giggling.
"Follow me!" Jiyong answers. "I've got a surprise."
I swiftly follow my amazing boyfriend. He looks so cute when he's excited like this.
He finally stops, and turns towards me. I notice my surroundings. A rose garden. And now Jiyong is getting down on his knee.
I gasp and start to sob. This isn't right. "Jiyong…no, don't do it, please don't do it."
"What?"he asks, starting to stand up again.
"You're an idiot! You're throwing your whole career away for me!" I cry, throwing my hands up in the air.
"I love you though! I want to spend my whole life with you… you're the only girl who would ever help me settle down."
"No… I can't. I can't ruin your life like that…"
"You wouldn't be ruining it…"
"What would your president say, in YG? Huh? They had to cover up that we were dating. If you marry me, it's all over. Your passion for music, rapping, performing. You can't do it, I won't let you."
…
I sob into the phone, "You know how much I love you. You're just making it worse by calling. Please stop." I press the 'end' button and slam the phone on my desk. Why would my life have to be like this? I knew that I'd never love another. I lay down on my bed and cried myself to sleep.
"-? Sis, honey? Wake up, we've got company." Se7en's voice says into my ear. I brush him off and curl into a smaller ball under my covers. I hear my music in the background
"Maybe I'll make them come watch you take a nap right before it's time to go to bed."
I mumble a 'sure' and tried to fall back asleep. I hear Se7en leaving and happily relax my body. I won! My music pounds uncomfortably in my ears.
I'm almost a sleep when I hear a parade of people enter my room. Lot's of whispers. I peek, and see tons of hot guys in my room. I jolt awake and instinctively pull my covers up.
"-, this is Rain…and MBLAQ." Everyone bows to me, and I nod my head back. Se7en chuckles and shouts over 4minute's 'Superstar', "You fell asleep in your school uniform?"
I glance down and to my embarrassment find my school uniform wrinkled and crumpled. I groan and push my covers off, swinging my legs off the bed. 'Superstar' is still blasting and I find myself singing along quietly as I get up.
"I brought ramen home," Se7en tells me, looking me over. He can tell that I was crying, that's for sure. He seems to sense that the guys need to go downstairs. He says something to them that I can't hear, and they leave. I go to my computer and turn the music off.
"He called, didn't he?" Se7en asks, going to my closet and grabbing the hanger for my school uniform. I nod and run my fingers through my tangled hair.
"Here…" Se7en approaches and starts to tug at my school uniform.
"Excuse me!" I cry, "I take it off on my own! OUT!" I tell him, pushing him from the room. He's laughing. I stick my tongue out and slam the door in his face.
I remove my uniform and hang it, wrinkled, on the hanger. I pull on some jean shorts and a camisole. I brush through my hair quickly. I open the door and scurry downstairs. Everyone is sitting in the living room, because our dining room table is too small for 8 people. They're waiting.
"Here she is, my sister, -, looking more presentable." I raise my eyebrows at Se7en and tackle him. I laugh and he laughs, today is a good day for him. Normally, he's a grump.
I sit down on the couch beside Se7en. "-, this is Rain." Se7en motions towards a very goodlooking older man. I bow deeply to him. "And G.O," he says next. This guy has an ugly mustache. I don't bow as low. "That's Thunder… Dara's little brother," I jolt backwards and hardly bow at all. "Seungho," tiny bow. "Joon," deep bow. "Mir," small bow.
'Mir' laughs and says, "She's bowing deeper for the people she likes more." The whole room erupts with laughter. I feel myself getting hot, and I glare at Mir. I'm starting to hate him.
"Let's dig in!" Se7en says, leaning towards the ramen. I'm not hungry, so I let the boys get their share.
"Aren't you eating?" Mir asks me, while we're the only two sitting up, everyone else getting their ramen.
"Not hungry," I say, and mopily sit back on the couch. Mir shrugs and get's his dish. Everyone slurps for a bit, and when I'm sick of hearing hot boys slurp their noodles I turn the T.V. on. It does straight to the concert channel. It's G-Dragon's 'Shine a Light Concert,' my hand flies to my mouth to muffle the sob. I quickly pound the power button and run.
I run to the bathroom and lock myself inside. How could I care so much about one guy? We're over.
I hear people talking outside. I listen carefully, but can't identify any voices except for Se7en's.
"…she got a problem?"
"You haven't heard about the whole YG dating feud?"
"I'm really sorry. It's been tough on everyone," that was se7en.
"It's really fine. Break-ups are able to kill a person, mentally or whatever."
"I know…"
"So, who was it?"
"Kwon Jiyong," Se7en answers quietly, but I can still hear him.
"Crap, that sounds terrible…"
"Jiyong knows Dara-noona right? Is that why she seemed to hate me? Did my noona do something stupid?"
"She kinda stopped being friends with -," Se7en again. Telling all my secrets to strangers.
"I feel terrible for her. She was proposed to?"
No answer…maybe nodding? I hear footsteps near the bathroom, then Se7en's knocking on the door. "-! Please come out!"
"My heart isn't finished being stomped on though!" I call back, "And I still need to flush it down the toilet."
Se7en's voice gets stern. "-, stop it. You need to get out here right now."
"Shut up," I cry, letting me sound hopeless. I'll let all those boys think I'm a helpless girl.
"Come on, cutie."
"Oppaaa.."I whine, "No!"
Se7en lets out an exasperated sigh. Then, I hear more footsteps. And another voice, "It's Rain, -. May I come in?"
"Are you sure you wanna see my heart like this? It's all bloody," I sigh and open the door a crack. I see Rain and Se7en looking at me. The MBLAQ boys pretending to watch T.V. although you can tell they are 'secretly' listening and watching.
I yell, so that everyone can hear, "Nothing will help me unless I can forget about Jiyong. And that won't happen when I've got all his music and pictures of him, and a ring from him, and he's always on the T.V." I pull away, hit the light switch and swiftly make it past everyone, slipping up to my room. I make sure to lock the door before I change into my sweats and getting into bed. I easily fall asleep, but end up having a nightmare.
I see Mir, he's in the sky…everywhere. It makes me feel strange and like I'm being stalked. Suddenly, I find myself in the YG building and G-Dragon is all around me in mirrors. I reach out for him, but my hands just end up hitting the mirrors each time. I start to cry and when I wipe my eyes I discover that it's blood. I see the blood on my fingers are look towards Jiyong for comfort, but he's no longer in the mirrors and I just end up seeing myself, with bleeding eyes. I bang on the mirrors, only to find that I'm now trapped, blind and heartbroken.
