Disclaimer: I own nothing. Zilch. Nada. Not even my sanity. Prof. J.R.R. Tolkien's kith and kin could probably tell you who owns LOTR and the Sil.

Actually I do own a computer and Rian-Celine Woodlands. And The Other One Ring. But that's it.

Further disclaimer: Do NOT, I repeat, Do NOT take this story seriously. At this point I'm confused as to whether I'm trying to create the worst Mary- Sue ever or the best. Worst would probably be easier. Don't hesitate to give me tips on how to make it better or worse!

Enjoy the story. snerk

CH.1

Rian-Celine Woodlands set to work braiding her luxurious, silky, straight, ankle length hair. If she didn't she was likely to be smothered by her own beautifully curling red-gold tresses while she slept. She donned a green negligee that became her slender, straight, yet strong figure and flawless creamy-white skin and brushed her perfect white teeth carefully. Then from the balcony just outside her room she called down in a sweet but imperative tone,

"Secure the house, John, Mr. Woodlands will not be home tonight."

"Yes, Miss Woodlands." the butler replied respectfully.

O, didn't she just wish that it were all true! Rian-Celine thought, as she closed the final volume of The Lord of the Rings sadly and placed it next to her hardcover edition of The Silmarillion. It DID seem so real, and yet how could it be? And then she thought bitterly of why she wished it were true. Mother was dead. The only person who really seemed to understand her troubles at all, dead. Father...when father was home he worshipped his daughter. But he was almost never home. And he never understood. Rian- Celine sighed and turned out her light. She was sixteen, and done with college. When she had been in school only the boys wanted to be her friends; all the girls had fits of envy everytime she passed. Why? Demanded Rian-Celine of the wall. It's not my fault I'm smart and good-looking and rich!

Once in bed, Rian-Celine realized she didn't feel like sleeping. Which was perfectly usual; the girl often stayed wide awake for days in a row without suffering any adverse affects. Instead, she went to make certain all the doors and windows were locked. John was a good man, but he was apt to be a little careless. There had already been two attempted robberies this year, and it was only May.

Armed with a gold-colored kimono and a pair of slippers, Rian-Celine made her rounds. John seemed to have done a good job tonight, and Miss Woodlands was thinking of skipping the side door that opened on the kitchen, until she saw the light on in the pantry. Thinking John or Julie, the cook, was doing some midnight foraging, Rian-Celine still had a premonition of evil as she opened the door.

After having grown accustomed to the darkness, the unnaturally bright light that greeted her when she opened the door dazzled even her eyes; Rian- Celine was forced to blink several times. All at once she heard a great CRACK!