There are days I wonder if I'm cursed. So much happens in my life. So much tragedy has fallen into my path that I'm stumbling through it, and I wonder if all it's leading to is my own early grave. I ask myself why I try. Why I hunt these things that have only ever hurt me, these things that could take the very life I'm fighting for away. I'm not talking about my life. I'd give that up in a second for the life I'm fighting for. Sam's the one who needs to live. He's the one who's got a shot at something. I know what I'm destined for – rocksalt stained calluses and a death in the battlefield. Glorified, some will say it'll be, but the only way my death will be glorified is if Sam gets a chance because of it. So what am I supposed to do now? The life I was fighting for was taken right from under me. I watched it happen. I had to watch it happen. I couldn't do anything to stop it. All my life, all I've ever wanted was to protect Sam, and now I can't. These things that happen, the tragedies I keep stumbling over and wading through with so much trouble have brought me to this? I'll take the early grave. As I sit here, praying not to cry because I know once I start this will all be real, and I know once I start I won't be able to stop, as I sit here I just don't understand. My mind can't wrap around this. Tragedy doesn't cover it. Why do people in my life keep dying? Why, for the love of God am I destined to be alone? Mom I could live without, barely. Dad, I could get by without, if only by a thread. Without Sam, I've lost the war. All that's left is a black abyss and I'm ready as I've ever been to dive right in. There's no point in anything else. Sam's blood is on my hands. How am I ever going to get it off? Bobby's off now, killing the bastard that did this. I wish I could be killing him, too, I wish I could be killing something. But the only dead thing I can bring myself to be aware of is my brother. My dead brother. My dead brother who meant the world to me, and is gone now. There are days I wonder if I'm cursed. Now, I know.