Be Tavros.

You are now Tavros Nitram. Gamzee lays sprawled on your bed, and you've somehow maneuvered your horns in just the right fashion that you could lay your head on Gamzee's lap and still watch the movie. You could tell Gamzee never really was paying attention, more just looking at you as he lay down, sometimes drawing his hand over your side. You would say it made you uncomfortable to have those eyes on you like that, but it didn't. That wasn't solely for the reason that you have gotten quite used to Gamzee's stare. It makes you feel so...alright to have Gamzee happy with simply being able to look at you. At first, you couldn't believe in Gamzee's red feelings. Not only was it so...wonderful that he harbored them, but also, well thought he was caring, Gamzee never was all that loving.

He rarely ever touches you when you hadn't quite decided if you were flushing for each other, and now, though he was more familiar with you, he never did any red movements for you. Sure, whenever Gamzee did those absolutely wonderful spontaneous romantic movements, like randomly pushing your chair, or playing with your hair, or just touching your face, he did so much. He never tried to kiss you, or "get in your pants", or even put his hand up your shirt, once. When at first you had accepted that you had flushed feelings for Gamzee, you was terrified. Gamzee seemed so much older than you, or rather, you seemed much younger than Gamzee. Gamzee cursed (a lot), he knew his boundries, he was so calm about everything he was brave, he had a low, manly voice, and he was so tall...You expected as soon as you entered into a matespritship, Gamzee would be all makeouts, touching, and sex. You were so, so scared of it.

You laugh a little to yourself. It was funny how scared of Gamzee you had been when your first got together. Not scared of Gamzee, but more...scared of sex. It wasn't something spoken of. Trolls just don't talk about sex. The sex-education books they teach in health class explain the bucket system and how it links in a more political troll society, but not actual sex. And Gamzee seemed so much older.

It was so different now, though. You just waited for Gamzee to make a move already. You would never admit it, but you were getting slightly fed up. You weren't six sweeps old anymore. You were mature now. But no. You spend so much of your time hoping and waiting for Gamzee to reach down and kiss you.

Like right now. You lay in between Gamzee's legs, pretending to watch this dumb movie that Karkat rented them. You could picture Gamzee reaching his head down, like so, and laying his lips on yours. At first the kiss would be innocent, just admiring the fact that you were kissing, the joy you got from flushing for the matespirit you had found. Then, it would get hotter, you would struggle, trying to fill in on the kisses you had not shared in the past. It would only progress from there...

But of course it didn't. Why didn't Gamzee? Why not? An entirely horrid idea fell into your mind. Gamzee did...love you, right? He was flushed? Were his stares just wondering why this thing was in love with him. Oh no, now you're getting scared, Tavros! No. No, no, no. You needed to stop. Something needed to happen. Gamzee needed to make a move.

But he didn't. He didn't! Never! What the hell was he so scared of? Or was he trying to "protect their relationship?" Their relationship has been preserved in it's own innocent self for the past sweep!

You know what? You could fix this. You were going to fix this. Yeah, get used to the idea, there's more where that came from.

You do the best job you can of turning around so you face Gamzee. You can see his eyes widen a little in question.

"Whats up, Tavbro?" He says in his drawl.

You reach up and brush the side of his face with your palm, smudging his makeup. You wrap your arms around his neck, and try to support yourself on your stubby non-legs so you can be at level with him.

You just realize what you are doing. What are you doing? What are you DOING? You probably turn a very radiant shade of red.

"Tavros, what is motherfuckin' going on?" He asks, and you open your eyes, which you had closed out of nervousness.

He looks a little confused, which is a look you rarely see on him because of his usual "chill" status. You take a second to stare into his eyes, trying to understand him. Then you understand that he's ununderstandable. There is no logic in Gamzee.

You build up your courage, and you go back, until you think that if it happens fast enough, you won't have to struggle with your thoughts anymore.

You lean in and put your lips against his. You close your eyes and focus on trying to kiss him, opening your mouth. You tangle your fingers in his matted hair. There was no going back now. What do trolls normally do when they kiss? Agh, you don't even know. Do they use their tongues? You could try that.

You cautiously reach your tongue and brush it against his lips. You feel your legs repositioning themselves, getting into a better position. Your fingers search through his hair, and you focus on getting your tognue into his mouth. Were you doing this wrong, because he wasn't opening his mouth. Was there no tongue? Your fingers brush past the base of his horns in his hair.

He gasps, putting his hands on your hips. Oh, no. You were expecting this...but then you weren't. Maybe you weren't ready for this.

But he lifts you up, right of his lap, and puts you down next to him, about a foot away on the bed. He broke the kiss. Why did he break the kiss.

You look up at him. He is lightly touching his lips, and under all his makeup, his eyebrows are furrowed and he is looking down into nothing. He looked deep in thought, and Gamzee barely ever thought.

Be Gamzee.

Oh, fuck. Oh, FuCk.

Little Tavbro, little innocent Tavbro just...

FUCK.

No, no, no, no. This couldn't be happening.

You need to motherfuckin' CaLm tHe fUcK DoWn.

But you don't. Chill, chill, chill.

How can you up and get your chill on, when Tavros just...he just, he just motherfuckin' kissed you, and touched your horns?!

"G-Gamzee, are you okay?" You look down at Tavbro and he looks so scared, and well, like he did, and not some sexualized version...

Be Tavbro.

Did...did Gazee just shiver?

You repeat: "Gamzee are you okay?" after waiting a few seconds.

He looked strange, totally strange, not like himself at all, and well, damn, you loved that self! He looked, oh no, he looked a little sober.

"Gamzee, if there's anything that I did wrong, then..." You say as you back into the headboard of the bed, eyeing your wheelchair on the other end, wondering how you could get there.

He snaps his neck towards you so quickly, you jump. You didn't know he could move that fast, the precise, it was scary.

Then, his face softened, and his eyes fell back to their half lidded gaze. He layed back against the wall of against the bed, and pulled you by your shoulder so you could rest on his chest, flat, so your horns wouldn't be stabbing him. "Nah, little bro, chill your motherfuckin' thinkpan. Ain't nothing wrong."

"But, G-Gamzee-"

"No, no stuttering, motherfucker." He lifted his arms up openly. "Nothing to be scared of here."

But, there was everything to be scared of.

Be Gamzee.

Aw, what happened to that little motherfucker, you wonder? What happened to his adorable little face? What happened to his nervousness?

He leans tensely against you, looking read to jump to his chair at any sudden movement.

You both sit there for a while.

You've got nothing to say. You can look at that adorable face for as long as he's willing to let you.

You feel Tav sigh at your side and look up at you, but his horns crash into your chest, so he has to sit up, and no longer be against you. And he was so warm.

"Gamzee, why didn't you-"

"Because there are better motherfuckin' parts of a matespritship."

"What? We're not morails, Gamzee, this is what we've suppose to do."

"Tav, you need to motherfuckin' calm down, bro, you're-"

"Don't tell me to calm down! I have feelings, as much as you might not!" He screams, and you swear you've never heard him this angry, or this outgoing, and Tavbro...what's gotten to him? What's motherfuckin making him act like this.

Be Tavros.

Why did you say that? You want to take it back. Gamzee has made you too open around him, and that's what happens when you don't think about what you're saying, you say things like that, things you've never meant.

"G-Gamzee I didn't mean-"

"Nah, its chill, bro." He said.

And you wanted to blow up on him. It's "chill" that you just said he didn't have feelings? That's "chill"? No. No, that's...

That's the way Gamzee is.

That's the Gamzee you somehow fell in love with. That's you matesprit.

You curl up in his lap again, fitting perfectly, and then get up.

He doesn't want physical contact.

"I-I think I'm going to go home. I've got things to do, and..."

"Alright, Tavros, whatever you motherfuckin' say." He says, as he lifts you up princess-style and sets you down in your chair. He then turns away and focuses on something extremely interesting on the opposite wall.

You look at him. You slowly wheel yourself backwards, and towards his door. You put your hand on the doorknob. That's odd, Gamzee normally get's the door for you. He could be such a...gentleman sometimes, if that makes any sense. You can be such an idiot sometimes.

"You really think I don't have any feelings?" Gamzee said, in barely a whisper from the other side of the room.

"I didn't mean it like that, Gamzee, I really didn't. It's just that-"

Gamzee walked over towards you, and put his hand on top of yours on the doorknob. He paused, then opened the door.

You knew that was a signal to leave. You knew it. You wheel yourself out.

Just as you had past the doorway, he leaned down, and whispered into your ear, "You do know, I love you, Tavros. You do know that." And closed the door behind him.